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Everything You Need To Know About Swinging

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Everything You Need To Know About Swinging

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It’s Friday night, you’re going on your usual date night with your partner. She’s wearing that black dress that makes you want to rip it off as soon as you see her, and she hints in your eat that’s maybe not wearing any underwear. You order a bottle of wine, wait for your appetizers and flirt with one another seductively under the table. After the meal is complete, you head to a bar where you meet another attractive couple.
The female half of the relationship is beautiful, like your girlfriend, but she’s different: Where your lady is petite and fit, this woman has long leg and red hair, a trait you normally wouldn’t go for, but hey, sometimes it can be sexy. As you both chat and catch-up, the conversation turns a bit R-rated. Yep, you're both flirting — and before you know it, you’re giving the signal to your girlfriend that it’s time to go home… and take the other two with you.
When you’re in a swinging relationship, this might be a normal weekend tradition that adds a bit of spice, character and non-monogamous touches to your relationship. While it requires an active participation from both you and your partner, when there is consent going in each direction, you can explore, engage and learn so much more about your sexual preferences and desires by sleeping with other people.
“Swinging, which is sometimes referred to as ‘the lifestyle,’ is a form of ethical non-monogamy where both partners consent to a non-monogamous relationship with agreed upon rules to keep the primary relationship healthy, sex and relationship therapist Courtney Geter , LMFT says. “Swingers are typically heterosexual couples and individuals with a variety of forms of ‘swapping’ or exchanging partners.”
If you’re curious about giving swinging a chance — and possibly talking your partner into the idea of it — the experts share everything (and yes, we mean everything!) you need to know about this type of romantic lifestyle arrangement:
Just as Geter explained above, swinging is a form of polyamory where your sexual inhibitions extend way past the bedroom and from your committed partner and include bouts of sexual play with other willing partners. Sex expert, psychologist and author, Dr. Jess O’Reily is the host of PlayboyTV’s show, Swing where each episode follows the story of a newbie couple that is considering the possibility of swinging for the very first time.
She introduces them to a group of experienced swingers and walk them through their very first experience. Although she leave before the real fun goes down, she returns the morning after to check in and support them through a debriefing. With her vast experience talking to swinging couples, she says that there is no universal definition of "swinging" because each couple sets their own rules. However, it is different from polyamory .
“The exchange is primarily sexual — not emotional. This doesn’t mean that swingers don’t engage in meaningful friendships which come with some emotional connections and reactions, but simply that the connection isn’t primarily focused on love,” she says.
"Swinging" is often a pretty outdated term, O’Reilly says. Because swinging has been in practice for a long time, and thus more widely accepted (at least a bit anyway), the new term is ‘The Lifestyle’ or ‘Lifestylers.’ “The term swinging is considered outdated by some younger couples, for whom it conjures up images of key parties and velour tracksuits” she explains.
Just like with any sexual practice — from anal sex to orgies — there’s always various ways to try out the lifestyle. As Geter explains, before you try swinging, you want to make sure you know exactly what you’re getting yourself and your partner into. Some basic terminology to remember include:
When you’re first getting started in the Lifestyle, a good first go is participating in a soft swap. Especially for couples who have been together for many years or are potentially married, opening up your bedroom and bodies to other people for the first time can be overwhelming and ignite jealousy you though you didn’t know you’ve harbored long-time.
Geter explains that a soft swap does involve sexual play like oral sex , kissing, touching, fingering or hand-jobs, but does not involve “going all the way.” Do make sure the other couple is onboard with this arrangement so no one is disappointed, confused or uncomfortable during the swap.
You could probably guess what a hard swap means: Everything that’s included in the soft swap is on the table, as well as sexual intercourse. This may be a type of swap that you have to build yourself up to, and that’s okay! Taking it slow in the beginning will help you figure out firsthand if this type of relationship will work for you and your partner. Not every couple is going to be up
To be part of the swinging community, or Lifestyle, can mean many things, depending on your preferences, and of course, your partner’s, too. “Some couples swap with another couples, some couples bring a third female into the sexual play, some couples only swap together or some allow swapping when the other partner is not present, such as out of town or long-distance relationships ,” Geter explains. “Rarely will swapping involve two males engaging in sexual play together. Swinging can also involve partner-only play or group sexual activity, like an orgy.”
When you want to learn how to cook, you take a class. When you want to get involved with your local politics, you might join an interest group to rally together. Just like you’re intrigued by other things, within the swinging community, the social aspect can be an essential part of the enjoyment. “Swinging is not always just about ‘hooking up’ with other people. For some individuals and couples, the social aspect is also very important,” Geter explains. “Some individuals or couples will create friendships and socialize in non-sexual activities.”
In addition to the obvious fun of being able to sleep with more than one person at a time and have it be an approved practice with the person you love, there are other big benefits of having a swinging lifestyle. As the experts note, adventuring into an unknown practice might awaken your fantasies and improve your sex life, but before you get started, make sure everyone is ready to take on the challenge of something new. Here are some important, sexy benefits:
To be able to express your desire to try swinging, you’re already inviting a new healthy dialogue into your relationship. While it might be a tough thing to say at the beginning, over time, and as you invest more in the swinging community, you’ll learn how to communicate more effectively and candidly.
“Any form of ethical non monogamy needs healthy and strong communication to ensure that each partner and the relationship stays healthy. Partners become comfortable stating his/her needs and hearing the needs of others. Keeping in mind that swingers have rules for the relationship or self. Not all couples or individuals have the same rules,” Geter explains.
“Therefore, before sexual play occurs, conversation begins about these rules and working out what works best for that particular swap. This skill can also transfer into other relationships including friendships or work relationships.
Typically during a swinging agreement, it is two couples agreeing to swap partners. But the person you go home with? Your girlfriend or wife. So above everything else that happens — your sexual performance or pleasure or your new partner’s — you have your main squeeze at the top of the priority list. You both want to ensure the other feel safe and is enjoying themselves.
“The culture of swinging also creates and enforces respect and boundaries, which connects back to communication. For instance, if one partner or participant reports a hard limit, or an activity off-limits, then other partners will not engage in that activity. If an activity is reported as a soft limit or an activity where consent is provided though with restrictions, then communication occurs to understand the boundaries during play,” Geter says.
“Also, it can happen where sexual play begins and one partner becomes uncomfortable. When this is communicated to others involved, everyone respects that person’s wishes to cease play with no shame or guilt. Instead, conversation may occur to understand what that person needs to feel comfortable and self-care.”
One of the greatest benefits of an open-type of relationship is that you no longer have to have all of your needs met by one single person. That’s why many swingers report feeling happier and more fulfilled than they did with simply sleeping with the same person over and over again. Not only is the swinging sex fun, but it can actually improve your sex life with your partner in between swap sessions.
“Most swingers will report enjoyment with swaps and play though they report amazing sexual activity with each other immediately after the swap and for days or weeks later,” Geter says. “Some studies have also shown a decrease in infidelity and divorce in swinging couples.”
Though it might seem counterintuitive, being in a swinging relationship might make you feel more connected to your partner because you’re open about everything you dream about and want, without worrying about being judged. This not only improves your sex life, but builds your chemistry and intimacy, too.
“Some preliminary research suggests that swinger have more frequent sex and more satisfying sex lives. They attribute this to the fact that they’ve re-injected passion, mystery and anticipation into their relationships,” O’Reily says.
“The act of ‘sharing’ your partner, defying cultural norms, embracing taboos and trying something new and risky is bound to deepen your intimate connection if it goes well. Many of the couples I work with report that they feel closer to their partner after a consensually non-monogamous encounter.”
“The downfalls of swinging can include a change in preference for one partner resulting in a potential change in rules. Depending on what changes, this could also impact the relationship remaining intact or dissolving,” Geter says.
This is why it’s important to communicate in the beginning and be very vulnerable and truthful about what you’re comfortable with and what you can’t accept or tolerate. “Discussion about each person's desire for non monogamy and creating a plan for what happens if one person changes his/her mind. Although we can't always plan for the future, a conversation can help keep things amicable,” Geter says.
She also notes that for some couples who decide to give swinging a try, finding likeminded couples might be a barrier. After all, you must seek a twosome that both you and your girlfriend find attractive enough to sleep with.
“At times, finding consenting partner is not always easy or achievable every time you go to a party or club. Swinging is very much like dating, where communication occurs to assess if we go to the next step. Unlike dating, two or more people are involved and must provide consent,” Geter says.
As first-time swingers, there are a few steps to make sure you’re ready to open your relationship, your current sexual boundaries and truly engage in something out of the ordinary for your relationship. Here’s what she recommends before you get started:
“Before you and your partner agree to open the relationship. I also suggest seeking support from a trained professional (such as a sex therapist) to explore your interest in swinging and how to create conversation with your partner. A sex therapist can help you explore if your interest will be a healthy addition to your relationship and if there are other factors needing to be addressed before opening the relationship. A sex therapist will also help you explore your own sexual development and biases that may be impacted from ethical non monogamy,” Geter says.
“Finally, being able to tell your partner why you're interested in an open relationship is important. Be prepared that your partner may take this personal or that you are not satisfied with the sexual relationship. Having the skills to articulate and communicate your desires without creating blame is important. Show your partner the research you've done and what you've learned about yourself. Once there is an agreement to open the relationship, creating a set of rules to follow is key. This builds trust, respect, and boundaries. It also shows unity in the relationship."
"Your research may give you an idea of where to begin with creating rules or your therapist can help guide this process. Remember that your rules can always be adjusted as needed. The plan is never a final plan. In fact, I strongly recommend that all plans are reviewed on a regular basis whether it is once a month, two times a year, once a year, etc. This is based on your own unique relationship.”

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KEEPING UP I named my kid the same as a Kardashian and regret it, but not why you'd think
TIED IN I have big boobs - the top style which supports your girls unlike any other
CLOTHES-MINDED I’m body shamed but it spurs me to show off my tummy & legs MORE
A MUM and daughter have revealed that they both sleep with the same man - and they don’t see anything wrong with it.
Madi Brooks lives with her husband in the US, but as she explains in her TikTok videos, if she’s not in the mood, she’s quite happy for her mum to sleep with him.
This is because both Madi, her mum and her husband are swingers, meaning they are in open relationships, swapping sexual partners at swinging parties and events.
Speaking in a video, she says: “Me and my mom are both swingers and it’s great, you know why? Because when I’m not in the mood I can just let my husband have her.
“I let my husband have her a couple of times a week.”
But it isn’t just her mum that Madi shares her husband with, admitting that her sister sometimes ‘plays’ with her husband.
She says: “You wanna know how I keep my man happy? I let him play with my little sister.”
Her videos have since gone viral receiving up to seven million views each, with many left baffled by the family’s unusual dynamic.
Commenting, one said: “That’s enough TikTok for one year, I’m out!”
“How did that conversation ever initiate?” asked another, while a third wrote, “I don’t know how anybody could share but it’s your life.”
In other relationship news, we told you how millions of Brits are racking up huge debts to pay for their weddings.
And women are posing for kinky festive £300 photoshoots to make their other halves blush this Christmas.
We also revealed how a Tory MP, 26, starred in a TV show with lover who is 35 years her senior.
I’m a cleaning pro – my $8.99 item gets your home sparkling better than ever
I named my kid the same as a Kardashian and regret it, but not why you'd think
I have big boobs - the top style which supports your girls unlike any other
I’m body shamed but it spurs me to show off my tummy & legs MORE
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A group of swingers have given a rare and honest insight into the inner workings of the taboo lifestyle, revealing the truth behind people’s common misconceptions.
The Australian Broadcasting Corporation’s “You Can’t Ask That” features different groups of Australians and asks them questions that people want to know the answer to but wouldn’t bring up in a regular situation.
Some of the past participants include former cult members, drag queens, transgender people, strippers and, in the latest episode, swingers.
The participants start off by addressing some of the myths around swinging and swingers parties.
There’s a common misconception that at these parties partners get chosen by everyone putting their car keys in a bowl. Whoever’s keys you pick out is then your partner for the night.
But according to the participants, this rarely, if ever, happens. More often than not partners are chosen on a preferential basis.
“I would much rather have sex with a couple that we have talked with over drinks for an hour than be forced into a bedroom with another person,” Sally from Melbourne said.
Megan, a single woman who is involved in the Brisbane swinger scene, said: “That would terrify me because you don’t really have a choice about who you’re going home with or who you’re hooking up with.”
Megan is known as a “unicorn” in the swinging community because of her single status and said that a lot of couples often look to incorporate another woman in their sex lives.
She said that many people believe women are forced into the swinging scene by their husbands or boyfriends and that the community is just full of “sleazy, old, fat men.”
“The thing is that can be true sometimes because all types of people like to swing,” Megan said. “(It’s) people wanting to explore their sexuality with each other in a couple situation.”
For the people being interviewed the decision to get into swinging was very much a mutual decision between both partner
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