Spending Valentine Day Alone
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Spending Valentine Day Alone
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Rose Hahn
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This year, for the first time since I was sixteen, I will be alone on Valentine’s Day. So naturally, with the date fast approaching, I’ve been thinking about how I’m going to spend it. I know I don’t want to wallow in self-pity, slurping a pint of ice-cream while binge-watching TV, like some sad cliché out of a rom-com movie.
Nor do I want to ignore this one day of the year when we collectively agree to celebrate LOVE. Because love is pretty much the best thing about being human. And I deserve to be honored in a loving way on Valentine’s Day, regardless of my relationship status. So do you!
Enjoying a romantic night with a partner, or a fun time with friends or family, celebrates the joy and connection we find in our relationships with others . But there’s another kind of relationship that’s just as important to honor on the holiday of love. And that’s what I’ll be focusing on in today’s post.
What I’m sharing today are 5 self-loving ideas you can do alone on Valentine’s Day to connect you to the greatest love of all. (Thank you, Whitney Houston.) That is, of course, the love we nurture and give generously to ourselves .
This Valentine’s Day, whether or not you plan to do something special with your loved ones, I invite you to make it a priority to give your SELF some love. Because when you set aside time to do one (or more) of the ideas in this post, you’ll be sending a powerful message to your psyche that says:
I value my relationship with myself. And I know that loving myself opens my heart more fully to loving others .
The following gestures of self-love can fill your loving cup to overflowing from within .
We’re never truly alone when we’re out in nature. With all the lifeforms around us – from the trees to the birds to the bugs – spending time in nature reminds us of our interconnectedness to all life. And that connectivity is innate . We don’t have to understand it, accommodate it, or navigate complexities like emotions and expectations in order to facilitate it. Communing with nature is quite simple. All we have to do is show up and BE with it.
If you’re spending Valentine’s Day alone, this idea can be especially self-loving. Particularly if being alone tends to leave you feeling lonely. That’s because spending time in nature helps us feel less lonely . In fact, time spent in nature can lift our mood and support overall wellbeing so much it’s sometimes referred to as nature therapy . It’s good self-care, which means it’s a form of self-love.
But moreover, when we connect to nature, we’re witnessing our own essence reflected back at us. The natural cycles that form us, sustain us, and one day will transition us into something new are all on exquisite display. Whether we’re consciously aware of it or not, when we’re absorbed in a natural environment, we’re energetically connecting to the elements of earth, water, fire (sun), and wind – the same elements that make up our physical form and give us life energy via metabolism and our breath.
Which means, when we appreciate nature, we’re appreciating our self. We’re honoring what we’re truly made of.
Even the most simplistic recognition of our interconnectedness with nature can remind us we are never alone. We’re part of something magnificent and wondrous. To contemplate this even just a little, as we sit or walk in nature, honors our inherent and indelible worth .
If you’re dreading the thought of being alone on Valentine’s Day, and for whatever reason you can’t make plans with friends or family, this idea’s for you. Why not take a fun, inspiring class? Not only does this ensure you’ll have the company of other people, but it offers the gift of a new (or refined) skill.
Anytime we do something to increase our knowledge or skills, or to give our self the joy of a unique experience, we’re showing our self some love. Such activities deliver positive messages to our psyche. They tell us self-loving things like, I’m worth it. I’m capable. Life is good. We don’t even have to think these thoughts. We just internalize the concepts directly as we embody them through our actions.
If you’re not sure what kind of class you’d want to take alone on Valentine’s Day, the suggestions below might get your creative thinking flowing. I’ve shared some links to online versions, so you can get an idea what each class might be like. Also, so you can get a taste of the online options that are out there if you look for them. We’re still in the middle of a pandemic, so an at-home class may feel preferable.
But if you want to find an in-person, local class, just enter the type you want to take with “near me” in your search engine.
Here are some ideas to get you started:
Whether you’re alone this Valentine’s Day or not, I can’t think of a better way to nurture self-love than to pamper yourself with some luxurious self-care. I’m talking about a trip to the spa for a facial, massage, manicure or pedicure. (If you have the time and money, maybe all of the above!)
Or, if you’re like me, you may prefer DIY spa services at home. Why not make it extra-special for Valentine’s Day and set a spa-like mood? You can:
(By the way, you can give yourself a massage. In fact, it can be a wonderful act of self-love to do so. Check out my Instagram post on how to do it here .)
These acts of self-care are small pieces of an overall healthy and balanced relationship with our self. Really, they’re just the tip of the iceberg. But on a day like Valentine’s – especially if we’re spending it alone – the physical touch and intentional effort they involve can make the love we feel for our self come alive in a powerfully demonstrative way.
You absolutely deserve a fabulous dinner – whether you’re eating alone or with someone else – on Valentine’s Day. What better way to say “I love you” than with some delicious, good-for-you food? Nourishing the people we love – including our own self – is one of the most primal ways to communicate love. It goes back to mother’s milk and back in time to hunting, gathering and harvesting for family and community.
Of course, the relationship between food and emotions is complex . To be clear, I’m not suggesting you feast on a bunch of comfort food to alleviate feelings of loneliness or any other uncomfortable emotions. Or, simply to feel the pleasure that comes with a sugar high or some other food-induced chemical release. On the contrary, I’m talking about savoring healthy food – packed with nutrients your body and brain need to function at their best – that someone (maybe you) has taken the time to prepare in a delightfully tasty way.
Because the truth is, after we eat a lot of comfort food, we don’t tend to feel good. It might give us a brief boost in mood and pleasure. But soon enough that turns to feeling bloated, lethargic, and possibly guilty or disappointed with our self. How different it feels after we’ve given our self food we know is truly good for us. Food that leaves us satiated and pleased, without the feeling of heaviness or being stuffed . Food that energizes us instead of sending us into a food coma .
The difference between comfort food and healthy food is much like the significant gap that lies between desire and love. The latter truly serves our wellbeing in a lasting way.
Whether you’re eating-out, taking-out, or cooking at home, let the act of eating (and maybe preparing) good-for-you food be an expression of self-love.
This last one’s my favorite. And if for any reason you’re feeling disheartened about being alone on Valentine’s Day, it’s a MUST. Because we all have an innate need to feel loved.
On a day when the whole world seems to be celebrating romantic love, not being in a romantic relationship can feel like we – or our lives – are somehow incomplete or not enough . Writing a love letter to yourself empowers another message. One that says, you are absolutely complete and enough…and here’s why.
Many years ago, I offered this activity as an optional homework assignment at the end of a workshop I presented. Over the following weeks, I had several participants reach out to me to let me know how healing and life-changing it was for them. They said it felt uncomfortable sitting down to do it, but once they got started – and especially after they came back to read what they’d written days later – they felt deeply connected to themselves.
It may sound strange to write a love letter to yourself. But if you can get past that strangeness and truly dive into it, this act can open your heart to a deeply felt honoring of your self.
Supplies needed: paper, pen, and an envelope
Once you’ve completed this inward journey, open your eyes and start handwriting your love letter. You can choose to write it to or from any of these versions of yourself you just connected with. Or, you can simply write to yourself in general – the whole you which spans all that time. Regardless, be sure to use your name in the greeting.
Let your intention be to communicate all that you see in you, all that you admire and understand about you. Be vulnerable and raw and real, because you’re the only one who’s going to read it.
When you’re done, place your letter in the envelope and seal it. Tuck it away somewhere no one else might find it. Then, sometime later – maybe a couple days, a week or even a month – pull out your love letter and read it. (This stretch of time helps you receive your words with fresh eyes.)
You can keep the letter and come back to it whenever you feel the need to reconnect with self-love. Or, you can discard it.
Being alone on Valentine’s Day doesn’t have to feel lonely. It can present an opportunity for you to see yourself in a new light – as the truest source of love you may ever experience. After all, you know yourself better than anyone else on this planet can. When YOU love yourself, it means you know every nook and cranny of yourself is worthy of love.
It can also be a day in which you get to show yourself that love in an intentional way. Because when life gets busy (pulling us in different directions) or it gets difficult (making us question our self), we can lose sight of self-love. And when that happens…well…life loses its luster. Our inner light dims, and the whole world seems a little darker.
May you glow from the inside-out with the light of your own love. And may that light radiate out into the world, warming and uplifting everyone who comes in contact with you. Namaste.
I’d love to hear which ideas you’re planning to do this Valentine’s Day. Let me know in the comments!
Rose Hahn's passion for inspiring intentional wellness has evolved over the past 20 years from a personal practice, to working as a yoga teacher and yoga therapist, to founding the first neuroscience and mindfulness-based addiction treatment center in Texas with her husband. Currently, her energy is focused on her wellness blog, an upcoming book, and her yoga/music/arts event production company.
View all posts by Rose Hahn
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More stories to check out before you go
February 14. The day single people's hopes and dreams fade away into the abyss. We're kidding. When it comes to Valentine's Day there are more than enough stereotypes about single women crying into their ice-cream, so we may as well have a little fun with it. But if you’re genuinely looking for advice on how to spend Valentine's Day alone this year, you've come to the right place.
WATCH: Jess Mauboy on her "journey" to self-worth
Valentine's Day can be a bit of a headache. Even if you're the kind of single person who likes it that way, the sappy social media posts and gigantic flower deliveries are a lot to absorb. Not to mention the fact that every restaurant seems to surcharge? There should be a box you can tick that says "I'm not in love, I won't be paying extra for my pizza."
And if you're one of the single people who wishes they had someone to be with, it can be even tougher. So please, be nice to yourself. This year, let's try to find a way to make it about celebrating the love of your life: you.
Scroll through for our guide to spending Valentine's Day alone.
If you've recently gotten out of a relationship or find the day can be a bit emotionally triggering, sort out some plans with friends or family for February 14. It's just a day, after all. If you know that you're going to be feeling down about being alone, making plans will help you feel surrounded by love.
Getting outdoors is one of the best ways to reset yourself, a hike or scenic walk with a friend is sure to get your mind off any love hang-ups. Or if that's not your thing, schedule some cocktails with friends after work or make a dinner reservation somewhere you've always wanted to go.
Gather your girlfriends for some cocktails.
Nice dinners and boxes of chocolates are not just for the people who managed to find someone to talk about podcasts with. Congratulations to them, but the people spending a day alone also deserve to treat themselves for no other reason than it being a Monday in February.
Order your favourite take-out, bake a cake, or go cheap and just devour an entire block of Mint Aero Chocolate. Think about the foods you love that will bring you joy and add them to your eatin' list for the day.
If you were in a relationship, you'd buy your partner a present. Why should it be any different if you're single? We're not saying drop all your cash on something silly, but take the time to indulge in a little retail therapy and buy yourself
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