Spanking Therapy

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I 'd be lying if I said I didn't love a good spanking. I'm sure you've quickly surmised this thorny little detail, but I do mean spanking in a sexual way. Just a flat palm and a willingness to explore (opens in new tab) is all you need for this sado-masochistic activity (opens in new tab) —unless you're into paddles and floggers (and if so, good on you, soldier).
It feels like being dropped into an ice bath and then wrapped in a warm towel: Shocking at first, unpleasant even, but overall quite soothing.
But what is it about spanking that people enjoy so much? Is it the raw nerves after a hand meets your butt? The flood of feel-good chemicals into the body?
Spanking is for some, and for me certainly, the beginning of an exploration into the world of kink. It feels like being dropped into an ice bath and then wrapped in a warm towel: Shocking at first, unpleasant AF even, but overall quite soothing. It's a reminder that you are, no matter how crazy life gets, tethered to this earth.
And if you do a quick Google of the terms "spanking therapy" or "BDSM therapy," you'll see that people are using spanking (opens in new tab) as more than just a way to get off. This channeling of pain into pleasure also becomes a therapeutic way for practitioners to lose themselves in the moment and can actually help people cope with serious trauma. Below, we talked to experts and researchers about how spanking therapy works and why it's been so effective for the kink community.
But first, some history. Up until the 1980s (opens in new tab) , S&M (sadomasochism) was classified as an actual mental illness by the American Psychiatric Association. Which is pretty disconcerting considering studies have found that 36 percent of American adults (opens in new tab) admitted to using bondage tools during sex.
When we're enjoying a certain sex act, whatever that sex act may be, our brains are flooded with feel good chemicals, most notably the neurotransmitter dopamine . How pain plays into this game is pretty rad. According to an article from the journal Nature Reviews Neuroscience (opens in new tab) , there are far more similarities between how our brains process pleasure and pain than we ever knew before.
"Spanking can enhance excitement and physical sensations; increase adrenalin, endorphins, and oxytocin; explore and maybe push the line between pleasure and pain; increase intimacy and bonding," explains Dulcinea Pitagora , a psychotherapist, sex therapist, and founder of the series, KinkDoctor .
Dr. Nikki Goldstein , a sexologist and author of Single But Dating (opens in new tab) , says that we are inherently excited by anything that seems naughty and different. "It's not rocket science when we consider this is how we also get enjoyment out of life. We like to push the boundaries and especially when sexual boredom could be at play, any sexual act that is even a bit different excites us."
The sadomasochistic practice of sexual spanking is about more than just the brain converting feelings of physical pain into a rush of delightful dopamine. There's also the psychological release of power. According to Psychology Today (opens in new tab) , "The essential component is not the pain or bondage itself, but rather the knowledge that one person has complete control over the other, deciding what that person will hear, do, taste, touch, smell, and feel."
"It feels good to be totally in control, and sometimes it's nice to be totally submissive. Power play is a way to break free from the roles we're trapped in during our everyday lives, and it can be a powerful release," says Sandra LaMorgese (opens in new tab) , PhD.
A submissive finds therapy, stress-relief, and a sense of calm through the relinquishment of their power (opens in new tab) . Giving someone total control over you transfers your worries and psychological burdens onto the other person. "Still others describe the stress release as an escape from self-awareness and compulsive thinking and processing of emotions," says Pitagora.
She adds that practitioners of spanking describe it as an opportunity to enter into a consensual, time-bound interaction with someone they trust and feel close to, where they are free to let go and stop thinking about other things for a bit. "When body chemistry changes in a rush of pleasure and adrenaline, and then comes back down to baseline and levels out, that trajectory can result in a very calm and zen-like feeling."
There are conflicting thoughts among experts and researchers on whether or not spanking can be used as a true form of therapy, but it *can* be a coping mechanism for those dealing with trauma. Sure, it's a surreal concept for those who have never flirted with BDSM before, but La Morgese says it's more common than you might think. "Just Google 'spanking therapy'—it's all focused on positivity, healing, and working through issues in a safe, supportive space. Think of it as a form of massage."
It's about remembering how intertwined our physical and mental sensations are, too. Forget yoga: "For some, spanking is a way to let go, relax, and surrender to physical sensation so they can have a clearer and calmer mind."
The kink community can be a place to grow and learn about yourself. It isn't all scary dungeons and the stuff of nightmares, but a faction of like-minded individuals exploring sexuality. So long as people's rules, boundaries, and consent are being respected, says Dr. Goldstein, "It's a world where people's emotions and well-being is paramount."
She uses aftercare as an example, where a dominant will nurture a submissive after a sexual act and bring them back to reality by holding them and comforting them. "There is so much care there that someone with trust issues and problems with personal boundaries could benefit from."
Follow Marie Claire on F (opens in new tab) acebook (opens in new tab) for the latest celeb news, beauty tips, fascinating reads, livestream video, and more.
Gigi Engle is a writer, certified sexologist, sex coach, and sex educator. Her work regularly appears in many publications including Brides, Marie Claire, Elle Magazine, Teen Vogue, Glamour and Women's Health.

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Had my first spanking therapy session today!

On 9/9/2012 at 10:02 PM, MissBam said:

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MsCutiePie ,
September 6, 2012 in General Spanking Discussion

Well, today was the day I have anticipated and wondered about for probably 20 years and was always afraid to carry it out - a discipline spanking! I woke up this morning after a restless night - thinking all kinds of crazy thoughts - like oh it's gonna be fine to wow are you nuts, and what if she is some psycho, am I really going to do this, and even maybe I should leave extra cat food out for my kitties . . . just in case it takes a while for people to discover I am MIA! Ha ha, my mind can really get carried away! Major Fear Factor! So I just comforted myself with telling myself I can back out at any time. So the spanking therapist I chose was Ms Aria, who happens to be known by a lot of people here - in fact, in my initial emails with her, she told me about this website. And several people here gave me a good reference for her, which did ease my fears somewhat, so thank you. And it turned out that Ms Aria only lives about 10 minutes away from me!
So we met up at a local restaurant this morning and sat outside at a table to chat for awhile over a cup of coffee. I immediately felt at ease; however, the first thing I did was to check in with my safe call person to give her the address of where I would be, and line up her safe call to me mid-way through my session - we had a code word I was to say in case I needed the police to be called. Ms Aria is very professional, and a very genuine, down-to-earth, caring type of person - not the dominatrix style BDSM stereotype I have seen on the internet and totally feared! Over coffee, she listened intently to what I was trying to accomplish with needing accountability for certain "strongholds" in my life - procrastination, etc., and she even offered me some insights into my behavior! She also made eye contact during our chat, which is another good sign! So this let me know that she was listening and interested in helping me and not just after another bottom to spank!
Ok, so I felt comfortable after our chat, so I followed her to her house, which is located in a nice family neighborhood, and went into her office (very impressive office, but I won't go into details in case you might want to go there I wouldn't want to ruin the total effect!), and now it was the moment of truth! Big gulp . . . as I took down my pants . . . and laid face down on the table with a pillow under my pelvis . . . I couldn't believe I was actually laying there so vulnerable, but I felt at peace about it. So she briefly explained that the first session would be introductory and not as long and severe so she could get a feel for what I could take and what instruments would work best on me, etc. . . . so the spanking commenced with her hand (which felt like a hard paddle, OMG!), and as the spanks got harder and firmer and faster, and she switched instruments to those that stung like hell, I decided I was not going to say much unless it became unbearable, because I had asked to be punished for some things I have done recently that really bothered me, and I was going to take whatever punishment she decided. So I laid there and eventually had to clench my fist due to the pain, and occasionally my bottom flinched at this one particular loud instrument every time it landed on my butt, but I did not cry. Once I did say that it was getting to be unbearable, and she immediately lightened up the smacks, thank God. She knew exactly how far to take me without going past my tolerance. Afterwards, she told me I was very "stoic" and she did pay attention to my clenched fist! She rubbed some kind of herbal oil on my bottom that she said helps prevent bruising. I was actually amazed at how much I could take, as I had tried an experiment of spanking myself several days prior, and my bottom had gotten very red very fast! So obviously Ms Aria knew what she was doing to be able to spank me pretty continuously for about 25 minutes without my bottom getting much beyond very pink! Oh, and my safe call person called me at our agreed time, and I told her everything was good.
When it was finished, before pulling my pants back up, I asked her for a mirror to assess the damage! It looked bright pink but okay - I was amazed it wasn't bruised, as long as she had spanked me! So we talked for a few minutes and she was very nice, and she gave me a big hug. So driving home, I felt a little tired like I wanted to take a nap, which I had heard people say, but after getting home and eating a nice hearty lunch, I was not so tired any more. So now it is 4 hours after the spanking, and my bottom feels slightly burning and it is still bright pink . . . a "gentle" reminder to be a good girl:)
And how do I feel now - emotionally? I am glad it's over, and I am glad I went through with it - and while it's not something I look forward to, I will definitely be going back to experience the "full treatment" if my behavior does not improve! Something in me feels like I need to be physically punished to jolt me to my senses - and the after-effects of burning remind me that if I don't want it to sting worse, I will need to get myself together - so I think spanking therapy works:) I wasn't sure if it was going to work for me or not, but I think it will. Oh, and another thing - I had intially wondered if I would be sexually turned on by this experience, because through the years I have had occasional sexual fantasies about being spanked by a stranger, and so interestingly, today the primary experience was probably more humbling than sexual (not to mention painful, which for me kind of overrides feeling turned on sexually!).
I am glad you had a good experience! As far as your spankers hand feeling like a paddle. I know how that is. Mine has a very hard hand. His always feels like a paddle. It hurts! I think most spankers hand hurt big time. LOL.
Glad your safe call was available for you and it worked out OK.
The "gulp" you got when you had to take your pants off is normal. I got it the first time I was spanked, and still get it to this day, only when I know I am getting paddled.
Hope you will continue to have Ms. Aria spank you when you need it!
Great post ms cutiepie. Very happy for you that everything went so well. Hope all of your sessions goes well. I thought about contacting Ms. Aria myself unfortunately I live to far away. But very happy for you.
I am so glad that I was able to be your safe call today, and that you had a good experience.
I completely understand your comment about your spankers' hand feeling like a paddle. When my fiance spanks me with his hand, I am amazed at how much a hand can hurt! LOL
Nice account, very generous of you - congrats on a great 1st experience! I have heard good things about Ms Aria from others who have seen her.
Glad that it went well for you, and happy that this is something that might work for you!
And how do I feel now - emotionally? I am glad it's over, and I am glad I went through with it - and while it's not something I look forward to, I will definitely be going back to experience the "full treatment" if my behavior does not improve! Something in me feels like I need to be physically punished to jolt me to my senses - and the after-effects of burning remind me that if I don't want it to sting worse, I will need to get myself together - so I think spanking therapy works:)
Thank you everyone for your support and comments - glad you enjoyed reading about my experience.
To MissBam - Re: "(Fun to talk about, huh?)" - Gosh, did you notice, ha ha? Yes, I had fun writing it (surprisingly). I thought I would be embarrassed, but everyone here lets it all hang out, so I thought ok, why not! And I enjoyed reading everyone elses' candid details, so the least I could do was to give back, ha ha!
We spend most of our lives keeping this spanking "thing" to ourselves. We are afraid of how others might judge us as 'freaks' because of it. Our own internet searches may lead us to sites that we ourselves judge as 'freaky'.
Then...one day...we stumble across a site like SN or ST and Voila!... we find kindred spirits and a safe place to talk about something that is such an intimate and secret part of our lives.
Once you have made that gigantic step to actually receive that spanking you both desire and dread, it's only natural to want to talk about it with like minded folks. You definitely get a clap on the back for being brave and have earned the right to yell out "Yippee...I did it! Woohoo!" (Confetti falls and party horns blare!)
Through sharing, you are also helping those who struggling with the same questions you had just a few days ago. Spank on, Ms.CutiPie!

Very responsible to know when / and ask for discipline to better yourself. I particularly liked your saftey measures with having a friend call. Well done.

An excellent, thoughtful, non-hysterical and well-crafted exposé dealing with an often-misunderstood subject.

I would have no hesitation in referring 'newbies' who feel as the author did to this posting.

Best wishes for the future, MsCutiePie.

I know this is an older post, but I just saw it. What site is ST? It sounds interesting if it is like this site. A 25 minute spanking. My arm would fall off after 10 minutes working on myself.

We spend most of our lives keeping this spanking "thing" to ourselves. We are afraid of how others might judge us as 'freaks' because of it. Our own internet searches may lead us to sites that we ourselves judge as 'freaky'.

Then...one day...we stumble across a site like SN or ST and Voila!... we find kindred spirits and a safe place to talk about something that is such an intimate and secret part of our lives.

Once you have made that gigantic step to actually receive that spanking you both desire and dread, it's only natural to want to talk about it with like minded folks. You definitely get a clap on the back for being brave and have earned the right to yell out "Yippee...I did it! Woohoo!" (Confetti falls and party horns blare!)

Through sharing, you are also helping those who struggling with the same questions you had just a few days ago. Spank on, Ms.CutiPie!

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