Spanking Submissive

Spanking Submissive

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I 'd be lying if I said I didn't love a good spanking. I'm sure you've quickly surmised this thorny little detail, but I do mean spanking in a sexual way. Just a flat palm and a willingness to explore (opens in new tab) is all you need for this sado-masochistic activity (opens in new tab) —unless you're into paddles and floggers (and if so, good on you, soldier).
It feels like being dropped into an ice bath and then wrapped in a warm towel: Shocking at first, unpleasant even, but overall quite soothing.
But what is it about spanking that people enjoy so much? Is it the raw nerves after a hand meets your butt? The flood of feel-good chemicals into the body?
Spanking is for some, and for me certainly, the beginning of an exploration into the world of kink. It feels like being dropped into an ice bath and then wrapped in a warm towel: Shocking at first, unpleasant AF even, but overall quite soothing. It's a reminder that you are, no matter how crazy life gets, tethered to this earth.
And if you do a quick Google of the terms "spanking therapy" or "BDSM therapy," you'll see that people are using spanking (opens in new tab) as more than just a way to get off. This channeling of pain into pleasure also becomes a therapeutic way for practitioners to lose themselves in the moment and can actually help people cope with serious trauma. Below, we talked to experts and researchers about how spanking therapy works and why it's been so effective for the kink community.
But first, some history. Up until the 1980s (opens in new tab) , S&M (sadomasochism) was classified as an actual mental illness by the American Psychiatric Association. Which is pretty disconcerting considering studies have found that 36 percent of American adults (opens in new tab) admitted to using bondage tools during sex.
When we're enjoying a certain sex act, whatever that sex act may be, our brains are flooded with feel good chemicals, most notably the neurotransmitter dopamine . How pain plays into this game is pretty rad. According to an article from the journal Nature Reviews Neuroscience (opens in new tab) , there are far more similarities between how our brains process pleasure and pain than we ever knew before.
"Spanking can enhance excitement and physical sensations; increase adrenalin, endorphins, and oxytocin; explore and maybe push the line between pleasure and pain; increase intimacy and bonding," explains Dulcinea Pitagora , a psychotherapist, sex therapist, and founder of the series, KinkDoctor .
Dr. Nikki Goldstein , a sexologist and author of Single But Dating (opens in new tab) , says that we are inherently excited by anything that seems naughty and different. "It's not rocket science when we consider this is how we also get enjoyment out of life. We like to push the boundaries and especially when sexual boredom could be at play, any sexual act that is even a bit different excites us."
The sadomasochistic practice of sexual spanking is about more than just the brain converting feelings of physical pain into a rush of delightful dopamine. There's also the psychological release of power. According to Psychology Today (opens in new tab) , "The essential component is not the pain or bondage itself, but rather the knowledge that one person has complete control over the other, deciding what that person will hear, do, taste, touch, smell, and feel."
"It feels good to be totally in control, and sometimes it's nice to be totally submissive. Power play is a way to break free from the roles we're trapped in during our everyday lives, and it can be a powerful release," says Sandra LaMorgese (opens in new tab) , PhD.
A submissive finds therapy, stress-relief, and a sense of calm through the relinquishment of their power (opens in new tab) . Giving someone total control over you transfers your worries and psychological burdens onto the other person. "Still others describe the stress release as an escape from self-awareness and compulsive thinking and processing of emotions," says Pitagora.
She adds that practitioners of spanking describe it as an opportunity to enter into a consensual, time-bound interaction with someone they trust and feel close to, where they are free to let go and stop thinking about other things for a bit. "When body chemistry changes in a rush of pleasure and adrenaline, and then comes back down to baseline and levels out, that trajectory can result in a very calm and zen-like feeling."
There are conflicting thoughts among experts and researchers on whether or not spanking can be used as a true form of therapy, but it *can* be a coping mechanism for those dealing with trauma. Sure, it's a surreal concept for those who have never flirted with BDSM before, but La Morgese says it's more common than you might think. "Just Google 'spanking therapy'—it's all focused on positivity, healing, and working through issues in a safe, supportive space. Think of it as a form of massage."
It's about remembering how intertwined our physical and mental sensations are, too. Forget yoga: "For some, spanking is a way to let go, relax, and surrender to physical sensation so they can have a clearer and calmer mind."
The kink community can be a place to grow and learn about yourself. It isn't all scary dungeons and the stuff of nightmares, but a faction of like-minded individuals exploring sexuality. So long as people's rules, boundaries, and consent are being respected, says Dr. Goldstein, "It's a world where people's emotions and well-being is paramount."
She uses aftercare as an example, where a dominant will nurture a submissive after a sexual act and bring them back to reality by holding them and comforting them. "There is so much care there that someone with trust issues and problems with personal boundaries could benefit from."
Follow Marie Claire on F (opens in new tab) acebook (opens in new tab) for the latest celeb news, beauty tips, fascinating reads, livestream video, and more.
Gigi Engle is a writer, certified sexologist, sex coach, and sex educator. Her work regularly appears in many publications including Brides, Marie Claire, Elle Magazine, Teen Vogue, Glamour and Women's Health.

Keep those cheekbones lookin' sharp.

Who said game nights need to be wholesome?

Good sex should always go smoothly.

For Melanie LaForce, pandemic-induced social distancing guidelines meant she could no longer see men outside of her marriage. But monogamy didn't just change her relationship with her husband—it changed her relationship with herself.

Dim the lights and hit play on this sex songs — the perfect playlist of songs to have sex to.

These actors aren't faking anything.

"It makes me feel like the sexiest woman on earth."

Marie Claire is part of Future plc, an international media group and leading digital publisher. Visit our corporate site .
©
Future US, Inc. Full 7th Floor, 130 West 42nd Street,
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(opens in new tab)

(opens in new tab)

(opens in new tab)

(Image credit: Design by Monica Park)

Contact me with news and offers from other Future brands

Receive email from us on behalf of our trusted partners or sponsors

More stories to check out before you go
Marie Claire is supported by its audience. When you purchase through links on our site, we may earn an affiliate commission. Here’s why you can trust us .
Celebrity news, beauty, fashion advice, and fascinating features, delivered straight to your inbox!
Thank you for signing up to . You will receive a verification email shortly.
There was a problem. Please refresh the page and try again.
I 'd be lying if I said I didn't love a good spanking. I'm sure you've quickly surmised this thorny little detail, but I do mean spanking in a sexual way. Just a flat palm and a willingness to explore (opens in new tab) is all you need for this sado-masochistic activity (opens in new tab) —unless you're into paddles and floggers (and if so, good on you, soldier).
It feels like being dropped into an ice bath and then wrapped in a warm towel: Shocking at first, unpleasant even, but overall quite soothing.
But what is it about spanking that people enjoy so much? Is it the raw nerves after a hand meets your butt? The flood of feel-good chemicals into the body?
Spanking is for some, and for me certainly, the beginning of an exploration into the world of kink. It feels like being dropped into an ice bath and then wrapped in a warm towel: Shocking at first, unpleasant AF even, but overall quite soothing. It's a reminder that you are, no matter how crazy life gets, tethered to this earth.
And if you do a quick Google of the terms "spanking therapy" or "BDSM therapy," you'll see that people are using spanking (opens in new tab) as more than just a way to get off. This channeling of pain into pleasure also becomes a therapeutic way for practitioners to lose themselves in the moment and can actually help people cope with serious trauma. Below, we talked to experts and researchers about how spanking therapy works and why it's been so effective for the kink community.
But first, some history. Up until the 1980s (opens in new tab) , S&M (sadomasochism) was classified as an actual mental illness by the American Psychiatric Association. Which is pretty disconcerting considering studies have found that 36 percent of American adults (opens in new tab) admitted to using bondage tools during sex.
When we're enjoying a certain sex act, whatever that sex act may be, our brains are flooded with feel good chemicals, most notably the neurotransmitter dopamine . How pain plays into this game is pretty rad. According to an article from the journal Nature Reviews Neuroscience (opens in new tab) , there are far more similarities between how our brains process pleasure and pain than we ever knew before.
"Spanking can enhance excitement and physical sensations; increase adrenalin, endorphins, and oxytocin; explore and maybe push the line between pleasure and pain; increase intimacy and bonding," explains Dulcinea Pitagora , a psychotherapist, sex therapist, and founder of the series, KinkDoctor .
Dr. Nikki Goldstein , a sexologist and author of Single But Dating (opens in new tab) , says that we are inherently excited by anything that seems naughty and different. "It's not rocket science when we consider this is how we also get enjoyment out of life. We like to push the boundaries and especially when sexual boredom could be at play, any sexual act that is even a bit different excites us."
The sadomasochistic practice of sexual spanking is about more than just the brain converting feelings of physical pain into a rush of delightful dopamine. There's also the psychological release of power. According to Psychology Today (opens in new tab) , "The essential component is not the pain or bondage itself, but rather the knowledge that one person has complete control over the other, deciding what that person will hear, do, taste, touch, smell, and feel."
"It feels good to be totally in control, and sometimes it's nice to be totally submissive. Power play is a way to break free from the roles we're trapped in during our everyday lives, and it can be a powerful release," says Sandra LaMorgese (opens in new tab) , PhD.
A submissive finds therapy, stress-relief, and a sense of calm through the relinquishment of their power (opens in new tab) . Giving someone total control over you transfers your worries and psychological burdens onto the other person. "Still others describe the stress release as an escape from self-awareness and compulsive thinking and processing of emotions," says Pitagora.
She adds that practitioners of spanking describe it as an opportunity to enter into a consensual, time-bound interaction with someone they trust and feel close to, where they are free to let go and stop thinking about other things for a bit. "When body chemistry changes in a rush of pleasure and adrenaline, and then comes back down to baseline and levels out, that trajectory can result in a very calm and zen-like feeling."
There are conflicting thoughts among experts and researchers on whether or not spanking can be used as a true form of therapy, but it *can* be a coping mechanism for those dealing with trauma. Sure, it's a surreal concept for those who have never flirted with BDSM before, but La Morgese says it's more common than you might think. "Just Google 'spanking therapy'—it's all focused on positivity, healing, and working through issues in a safe, supportive space. Think of it as a form of massage."
It's about remembering how intertwined our physical and mental sensations are, too. Forget yoga: "For some, spanking is a way to let go, relax, and surrender to physical sensation so they can have a clearer and calmer mind."
The kink community can be a place to grow and learn about yourself. It isn't all scary dungeons and the stuff of nightmares, but a faction of like-minded individuals exploring sexuality. So long as people's rules, boundaries, and consent are being respected, says Dr. Goldstein, "It's a world where people's emotions and well-being is paramount."
She uses aftercare as an example, where a dominant will nurture a submissive after a sexual act and bring them back to reality by holding them and comforting them. "There is so much care there that someone with trust issues and problems with personal boundaries could benefit from."
Follow Marie Claire on F (opens in new tab) acebook (opens in new tab) for the latest celeb news, beauty tips, fascinating reads, livestream video, and more.
Gigi Engle is a writer, certified sexologist, sex coach, and sex educator. Her work regularly appears in many publications including Brides, Marie Claire, Elle Magazine, Teen Vogue, Glamour and Women's Health.

Keep those cheekbones lookin' sharp.

Who said game nights need to be wholesome?

Good sex should always go smoothly.

For Melanie LaForce, pandemic-induced social distancing guidelines meant she could no longer see men outside of her marriage. But monogamy didn't just change her relationship with her husband—it changed her relationship with herself.

Dim the lights and hit play on this sex songs — the perfect playlist of songs to have sex to.

These actors aren't faking anything.

"It makes me feel like the sexiest woman on earth."

Marie Claire is part of Future plc, an international media group and leading digital publisher. Visit our corporate site .
©
Future US, Inc. Full 7th Floor, 130 West 42nd Street,
New York,
NY 10036.

Well, I must admit I am pleased that it’s almost been two weeks and until today, I haven’t witnessed my wife break a rule. She has been on her best behaviour.
Tonight, there was a mishap that I still felt had to be addressed if my word is to mean anything. While I was watching the inauguration, my wife was preparing dinner, and I heard a loud bang followed a very loud, FUCK! Not once, not twice but I think five times.
I went into the kitchen to see a huge salad spilt all over the floor.
Not to toot my own horn, but I was very calm and asked her if she said what I thought she said, and she looked like she saw a ghost. I calmly told her to stand in the corner, the corner I showed which is the designated punishment corner.
She apologized and said she should never speak that way. I told her I appreciated her apology, but she needed to stand in the corner immediately. I lightly took her by the arm, and brought her to the corner, positioned her and told her to think about the language she used and not to turn around.
Whew! The first step accomplished, and I had some time to prepare for the spanking. I decided to have her spend 20 minutes in the corner. I decided since it was her first spanking that I would use mostly my hand and then maybe 10 with the paddle.
After 20 minutes, I insisted she strip and stand in front of me.
I told her I was going to give her a spanking and I asked her why. She answered because I swore.
I put her over my knee and spanked her for about five minutes with my hand. She was quiet, but her behind turned pink.
I then grabbed my paddle, which I had next to the chair and gave her 10 fairly hard spanks. She was no longer quiet and begged me to stop. It was very hard for me, but I carried on and told her this would happen every time she swears. She started crying, and finally, I could tell by her sobbing, and the very red colour of her behind I had spanked her sufficiently. I sent her back to the corner and told her to think about her behaviour. She was crying still.
I made her stand in the corner for another 20 minutes. At the 15 minute mark, I made her turn to me, and I put a bar of soap in her mouth and told her to spend 5 minutes with it in her mouth.
She gagged a little and then I turned her back to face the corner.
I spent these five minutes lecturing her on how inappropriate it is for a lady of her beauty and intelligence to use such words. It will not be tolerated, and I hope that your behind will remind you not to. I could tell she wanted to speak but couldn’t because of the soap. When her corner time was finished, I let her spit out the soap and had her watch me put in a sealable bag reminding her that it’s her for future use.
I had her hang my paddle back up and put the soap in the medicine cabinet.
I then hugged her and told her she handled her punishment well. I told her to continue cleaning up and make dinner but to remain nude. And that is what she is doing now. I think I will let her put her clothes on after dinner and cleanup.
Well, for the first spanking, I think it went well. I remained calm, was very firm and gave her a good spanking. She was pretty submissive and very embarrassed. I think nude corner time with soap made her feel humiliated, which I feel was deserved.
I can’t deny that it was challenging to really spank her, but I am determined to steer her right and improve my marriage.
Domestic Discipline Lifestyle For Consenting Adults

Part of HuffPost Women. ©2022 BuzzFeed, Inc. All rights reserved.
Spanking can be used as a form of foreplay or it can be a stand-alone event. I have found that spanking during coitus can bring on the most powerful orgasms, I am talking seriousthat you will be talking about for weeks.
Actress. Author. Freelance Journalist. Sex-Columnist.
Oct 7, 2015, 04:01 PM EDT | Updated Dec 6, 2017
This post was published on the now-closed HuffPost Contributor platform. Contributors control their own work and posted freely to our site. If you need to flag this entry as abusive, send us an email.
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