Spanking For Couples
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Spanking For Couples
A Very Useful Guide to Sexy Spanking
Spanking is fun and sexy, but you’re still hitting someone. Here’s how to do it right.
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Spanking must have a terrific PR person. Though frowned upon as a punishment for children, spanking is currently a super-popular, super-sexy method of “punishment” between two consenting adults. The spanking spectrum covers a lot of ground. At one end are the playful taps you do every now and then, and at the other end is “impact play” (when one person—the top/dominant—strikes another—the bottom/submissive—for sexual gratification). But whether you’re a beginner spanker or a powerful dominant who wants to leave a handprint on your submissive, let’s be real: While spanking is totally normal and fun, it’s still hitting someone. Here’s how to do it respectfully...and sexily.
It’s safe to spank someone in your bedroom, but unsafe to spank someone at Buffalo Wild Wings because you’ll freak out the other diners. But where on the body is it safe to spank someone? Anywhere with muscle and fat, like the booty, is safe. David Ortmann, a San Francisco– and Manhattan-based psychotherapist and sex therapist, says his trick is to have the woman he’s spanking put on her sexiest pair of panties (that covers the butt—not a thong). Then, he says, you spank just the clothed area—you can take off her panties later. Stay away from the sides of the body, because it’s more painful. You should also avoid spanking areas that are not protected by fat or muscle. That includes the kidney area, neck, joints, and the tailbone and hip bones.
Along with spanking, common forms of impact play are slapping, paddling, caning, and whipping. (Please note that single-tailed whips are ill-advised for newbies because they can wrap around the body like a python.) Before adding any of the above to your sex life, pick a safe word. “Safe words are mandatory for anything that involves striking or hitting. You should come up with one that’s not ‘No, please stop,’ ” says Ortmann. With BDSM play such as spanking, begging and whining can be dirty talk that’s part of the action, so Ortmann recommends selecting a word that’s completely out of context. Pick something that you know will snap you out of an Inception -ish sex fugue, like “hedgehog,” “Ralph Lauren,” or “La Croix.”
While choosing a safe word is super-fun (like naming a puppy!), with impact play you also need to communicate with your partner before, during, and afterward. Use touch to get a feel for the spankee's preferred intensity. Ask your partner, “So what’s your pain threshold like? How hard do you like to be spanked?” while running your hand down their back. Move your hand down to their ass and try a few practice rounds to learn what their comfort level is. And even after you’ve laid out ground rules and established a safe word, pay attention: “Consent can change. If I’m spanking someone and we agreed on a certain level of intensity, but they change their mind, I have to know. It’s okay for them to change their mind,” Ortmann says.
If you’re new to impact play, start with your hands, because they’re easily accessible/attached to you and won’t hurt your wallet. “They also allow for skin-to-skin contact, which is a great way to connect to each other,” says Goddess Aviva, a New York City–based dominatrix. But if you do want to level up and spank someone with an object, simply waltz through your kitchen. If you don’t want to spend on expensive kink toys , Aviva recommends a wooden spoon. Unless you’re an impact-play expert, stick with tools that make a “thuddy” sound, like a paddle. I’m a snob, so when I want to be spanked with something other than a hand, I love a BDSM-black paddle .
Impact play can be both emotionally and physically intense, due to the spikes of adrenaline and endorphins released. Sometimes, after spanking or any BDSM experience, you and your partner can have a come-down. BDSM aficionados talk a lot about “aftercare,” which simply means checking in with each other after you’ve gotten off, just to make sure all parties feel good about what went down. At BDSM events or sex parties , you’ll often see chocolate set out, which is meant to help replenish guests’ oxytocin. You can give your partner a nice massage, and make sure to simply ask how they’re feeling and if they enjoyed themselves.
It’s easy to spank safely: Just stick with the ass, start with your hands, talk to your partner during the sesh, and maybe have a cookie on hand.
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These posts are all about spanking. Spanking is something we do quite a bit and really enjoy and this is a collection of real life play, informational pieces and fiction – it’s all about the spanking.
“Go upstairs, take your clothes off and lie on the bed. I want to use the paddle on you.” I do as I am told and wait for him. When he comes in he gets the paddle out of the drawer and I see is not the leather and fur […]
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I mentioned in my post about limits and boundaries that we had been away with friends and had pushed some of the boundaries we previously had with regard to playing with, and in front of, others. Choosing to do this was not a conscious thought; it was more that we […]
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“I want to spank you.” Giggling, she collapsed onto the bed. “I am serious,” he said, watching her from his chair across the room. She felt her face flush slightly as a wave of heat seemed to crawl upwards from her feet, snaking its way up her body. His words […]
Ceit struggled along the path, careful not to trip on the fallen branches. It was deserted along here which was what she wanted. She was fed up. With them, with him, with everything. She was indignant too. How dare they do this to her? How could they mess things up […]
Ready for some electromagnetic spanking? Draped across your knee, pulled into your magnetic field, I feel your charge. Skirt lifted, knickers lowered, you bring my skin slowly to life as you rub and stroke and nip. You ignite me with your words, rewiring my brain and connecting it, through my […]
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I have written about spanking before as it is something that I enjoy and is a big part of our dynamic so thought that I would try to put another post together. Hand spanking is my favourite type of impact play and I love nothing more than being bared over […]
I wrote in Spanking Uncovered that sometimes we used spanking for a re-set. By a re-set I mean that we will use it to re-set the dynamic when things have slipped sometimes. This can happen for a variety of reasons from one of us coming out of the correct mindset, to things […]
I posted about The Howler in my post Pleasure from Pain. Looking back I see that was written on the 24th May which seems quite some time ago now. We had a quick try of The Howler once it had been assembled, you may remember that the rubber was a gift […]
There can be a variety of ways to start a schoolgirl scene but on this occasion I am simply instructed to have a bath, prepare myself, and then get changed into the clothes that he will leave outside the bathroom. I love this part of a scene, getting ready; it […]
One of the good things about being 47 is that 47 is a good number for birthday spankings – as I discovered. Of course mine were actually birthday canings (house full of teens as per usual) but I am sure that the overall impact is the same. There is nothing […]
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An introductory/exploratory spanking session is typically designed for someone brand new to receiving a spanking, or for someone looking to try a technique they haven't experienced before. Miss Kelley will walk you through the process, and help you discover what it is that you like and what you want from a spanking. It can be as simple (and perfectly classic) as being bare bottomed over her knee with her hand, or as complicated as learning what each strap in her bag feels like. It's about learning and playing.
Are you looking for help achieving certain goals or sticking to your rules? Are you looking to atone for past mistakes, and to feel you've been held accountable for your wrong doings? Then real discipline might be for you. These sessions can vary from the very minor and fun to the most extreme and severe. But regardless of the infraction(s) or the severity, you will learn your lesson.
Miss Kelley can provide ongoing discipline for those looking for more accountability, and can also provide one off experiences or releases. Miss Kelley is very strict, and she takes real life discipline very seriously. If you come to her for a proper punishment spanking, you will be leaving very sore and very contrite.
Everything from the classics (a naughty young man gets spanked by his Mommy for not doing chores, or an unruly employee is strapped by his boss in her office), to the absurd, role play is where things can get exciting! What scene have you always wanted to do? What is your deepest fantasy? Miss Kelley has tremendous experience in a variety of roles, and can either help you craft the just-right scene, or dive in to your elaborate creation.
A few examples to get your creative juices flowing:
Past experience is not required for roleplay. Even if you think you won't be good at it, you might surprise yourself! You don't need to be an actor, or have any special skills. Just a desire to have an amazing experience, and a willingness to commit to it.
Miss Kelley adores working with couples, and offers a variety of session options.
For those who aren't able to meet in person for whatever reason, Miss Kelley offers virtual sessions, both as a means of ongoing discipline or as a one off session. These sessions can involve directed self administered punishment, a thorough lecture with scolding and/or non corporal punishments (corner time, lines, etc.), spanking story time, or discussions about spanking, the spanking scene, and how to cultivate spanking relationships
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