Spanking 1
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Spanking 1
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Chapter Titles Chapter 1: The Spanking Master Chapter 2: The First Spanking Chapter 3: Pleasure to the Eye Chapter 4: The Benefits of Spanking Chapter 5: All Spankings Are Not Created Equal Chapter 6: The Undressing Chapter 7: The Spanker Spanked Chapter 8: Applied Exercises
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Start small. Don't immediately spank your child if you see them doing something you dislike. Talk to them first, and try a nonviolent method of discipline if needed. If you decide to spank a child, it should only be as a last resort, after other methods have failed.
Conditional spanking (a mild spanking after a 2-to-6-year-old child has defied a less extreme form of discipline ) is less risky than spanking as a first resort, according to some studies. [1]
X
Trustworthy Source
American Psychological Association
Leading scientific and professional organization of licensed psychologists
Go to source
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Ask the child calmly why they did what they did. The child may not have realized that what they did was wrong, or maybe you misunderstood what happened. Talking can help clarify the situation: either helping the child realize why their decision was a bad one or helping you realize that your child didn't misbehave after all.
If you're too upset to be calm , say "I'm upset, I need a break to calm down." Walk out of the room and take some deep breaths. Then come back.
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Talk to the child about the consequences of their actions. Older children are able to self-reflect and realize why something is wrong. Ask them how they think other people feel about what they did, or what their actions caused. You can use nonviolent communication and "I" phrasing for scripts like "When you ____, I feel ____." For example:
"How do you think your sister will feel about you breaking her toy?"
"When I didn't see you in the store, I felt really scared. I need you to stay close by so I know you're safe and not lost."
"How do you think Dad felt when he had to clean poop out of the bathtub?"
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Consider whether the child needs to be punished at all. Not every learning opportunity needs to involve punishment.
For example, if your child resolves to do things differently after a conversation, then there's no need to punish them: they learned on their own.
Sometimes, it's you who needs the learning opportunity. Perhaps you expected too much of your child, or put them in a stressful situation that they weren't able to handle calmly. Kids don't always have the emotional tools to handle stress in a mature way. Try letting it go this time, and keeping your child's limits closer in mind next time.
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Look at non-physical consequences if needed. Firmly and patiently tell them what needs to happen. Spanking should never be a first resort, and there are other ways to handle misbehavior. [2]
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Firmly say no. Give a short, clear response to them in a stern voice. For example, "we do not throw snowballs at people's faces."
Clap-growl. For a young child, clap your hands loudly enough to startle them. Then give a firm "no". But don't startle your child too much or else they might start a temper tantrum or argue back.
Logical consequences. Tell the child to clean up a mess they made, fix something they broke, or pay for a broken thing they can't fix. This teaches them to fix their own mistakes. (If they are too young to clean or pay for it, you can do it together with them.)
Give a choice. Let the child choose between two or three options that you are okay with. For example, if your child is resisting getting dressed, say "You can put on your shirt first or your pants first."
Making up. Have the child make amends if they wronged someone. For example, if your son said something mean to his sister, ask him how he could make it up to her by doing something nice for her. Offer suggestions if your child is struggling to think of something (e.g. "you could make her a card").
Time outs. A time out should last roughly 1 minute for each year of age (e.g. 2-minute time outs for a 2-year-old).
Removal of privileges. For example, if your child keeps pushing people while playing, take the toy away for now and tell them why.
Natural consequences. For example, if your child did not put their team uniform in the laundry hamper and it is not ready for the game as a result, that is a natural consequence.
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Give yourself a time out if you get angry with your child. Parenting is hard, and it's normal to get frustrated or mad sometimes. If you feel like you're going to explode, step out of the room to calm down. You can discipline your child once you are level-headed.
Tell your child, "I am so mad, I don't know what to do! I am going to take a break to deal with my emotions."
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Help a child who is struggling to do what you ask. Sometimes, if a child isn't following a rule often, it's because they're having a hard time (not because they want to be disobedient). Ask "Why is it hard for you to _____?" and listen to them explain why they struggle to follow the rule. Then, work together as a team to help them work on doing what they need to do.
If your child struggles with cleaning their room, it might help if you do it with them.
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Talk to a child about how to behave better next time. Sometimes, kids misbehave because they just don't know better. Try asking the child "What would be a better way to handle that?" or suggesting some ways that they could handle a similar situation next time. Talking it out may help the child understand what to do instead in the future.
If the child agrees to do things better next time, then you may not need to punish them at all. Or, implement some reasonable logical consequences, like having them clean up their mess or apologize to someone they treated unfairly. What matters is that they learn, and punishment often isn't necessary for learning .
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Praise the child for good behavior. Let them know that you appreciate it when they behave well and help them feel good about it. This motivates them to do it more often. Here are some examples of good praise:
"I saw you being so patient waiting for your turn on the swings! You did a really good job."
"I noticed you playing so nicely with your brother. I saw that you aren't hitting him anymore because you know better now. You are growing up into such a kind person."
"Thank you for putting on your shoes so quickly! Now we will have even more time at the park because you are ready early."
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Be a good role model. Your child learns how to behave by watching you. Act the way you want your child to act, even if you aren't sure that your child is paying attention. Over time, your child will pick up on your habits.
Avoid hypocrisy. For example, if you spank your child, but then you tell your child that hitting is wrong, your child may be skeptical and/or confused.
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Consider spanking only if you have tried all other options. Spanking should be a last resort, after issuing non-physical punishments like timeouts, grounding or denial of privileges. Before you announce the spanking, be 100% positive that you want to spank your child.
Spanking, even by parents, is illegal in many countries. Even if it's legal in your country, your city/municipality or region may have banned it.
Recognize that some people consider spanking to be abusive, especially if you hit hard. Never hit hard, use a tool, or leave bruises on a child. Child protective services may be called if people are concerned about you hitting your child, or your child tells somebody.
Read up on alternatives to spanking. [6]
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Don't spank a child with learning disabilities such as autism or ADHD . This can permanently scar them, (and any child, for that matter) especially if they couldn't control their behavior. [7]
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Recognize the contemporary research on the consequences of spanking. Many modern long-term studies have shown that spanking worsens behavior instead of improving it. After a spanking, children can often feel rejected, resentful, and unloved. Instead of learning not to misbehave, they learn not to get caught while doing it. [8]
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Children who are spanked, or subjected to other forms of corporal punishment, are more likely to: [9]
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[10]
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American Psychological Association
Leading scientific and professional organization of licensed psychologists
Go to source
[11]
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Have less gray matter in the brain.
Develop learning disabilities.
Develop mental health problems like anxiety and depression.
Abuse drugs or alcohol.
Distrust other people.
Abuse their spouses and children.
Engage in criminal behavior as they age.
Die young.
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