Spanked For Having Sex

Spanked For Having Sex
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Alisa Hrustic is the deputy editor at Prevention, where she leads the brand’s digital editorial strategy.

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Here’s why it will turn both of you on
Want to get rough in bed? Spanking might be one of the best places to start, according to recent survey by sex toy company Lovehoney.
After polling more than 4,500 people about their favorite kinks, they found that 70 percent of women and 61 percent of men are turned on by spanking during sex .
She might be into it because she just likes the way it make her feel both physically and emotionally, Carol Queen, Ph.D., author of Exhibitionism for the Shy explained to us in the past. (Here’s why kinky sex may benefit your mental health .)
Spanking can stimulate nerve endings in her vagina—you just have to make contact with the right spot. “You want to be over flesh or muscle, not bone,” Queen explains . “Aim for the lower part of the butt; that engages more nerves and makes it more enjoyable.”
And if you’re up for it, letting her spank you might feel just as good. (It’s not clear whether men are turned on by being spanked or doing the spanking. We’re going to go ahead and assume both are very possible.)
About 60 percent of both men and women also reported that they’ve tried BDSM with a partner, the survey found. Nearly 60 percent of women also said they regularly engage in nipple play, bondage, biting, and blindfolds. (Here are nine secret erogenous zones she’s dying for you to touch .)
If you and your partner have both expressed interest in getting a little rough between the sheets, ease into it to figure out what you both like. Here are four great ways to try rough sex tonight. Combine those tips with the techniques you’ll find in How to Pleasure a Woman —the ultimate sex manual from Men’s Health —and we guarantee you’ll blow her mind.
Additional reporting by Carolyn Kylstra

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It doesn’t *have* to be a punishment. ;)
Back in the day, spanking might have been something your mom did to you when you were in trouble—aka when you refused to come home after playing outside with the neighbs or started throwing around cuss words because you thought you were cool. Those times were... not fun.
But as an adult, spanking can actually be a reward—and not necessarily a punishment (unless you’re into that sort of thing...wink, wink). “Erotic spanking is a form of consensual impact play that uses hands or tools to strike the butt, thighs, breasts, or other fleshy parts of the body,” says pleasure coach Tyomi Morgan .
Did we get your attention yet? Below, Morgan shares anything and everything there is to know about getting your spank on, even if you’re not sure if it’s for you quite yet.
According to Morgan, spanking releases a cocktail of “feel good chemicals” in your brain to reverse the initial feeling of pain. “Dopamine, adrenaline, oxytocin and endorphins are released, transmuting the impact into a pleasurable experience,” she explains—adding that even the sound of it can be arousing for some people. Rarr.
Morgan recommends using visuals to get your point across. “You can send your partner a text with a GIF or a video of someone being spanked and ask their opinion on it. Or you can send the same content and say, ‘I’d like this. Are you open to it?’”
Visuals can help your partner understand exactly what you’re asking for without your having to elaborate, Morgan says. “Spanking is often equated with abuse, so using visuals of erotic spanking can help your partner change their mind about it and see it as an arousing experience.”
Before you get started, come up with a safe word with your partner so the two of you know when to stop the action, Morgan strongly advises. Try something easy that can be said quickly and without forgetting—like, “red” or “apple.”
Once you’ve come up with a safe word, it’s time to get spanking! First, start with your hands. “The palm of the hand is fleshier, creates a thudded impact, and generates a loud noise. Impacting with the fingers creates more of a sting and can be used to tap different regions of the butt,” says Morgan.
Also, before you go to spank, take note of how big your hand is—obvi, a bigger hand might have a heavier impact than a smaller hand. “The spanking should start out soft and intensify at the request of the receiver,” Morgan says.
“Rubbing the location of impact after a few spanks is a good way to extend the session and monitor bruising. It’s highly important to be aware of the color changes of the skin as blood rushes to the place of impact.”
There are four zones of the butt you want to impact: The top near your back, the sides by your hips, the underside of your cheeks, and the middle, squishy part. In particular, Morgan suggests spanking from the bottom because it “sends vibrations into the genitals that can bring more stimulation and lubrication.”
Who said you need a partner to enjoy a good ol’ spanking sesh? “There is most definitely a way to incorporate spanking into solo play, and it’s all about using positions that grant access to both the butt and genitals simultaneously,” Morgan says.
“Your free hand that isn’t stimulating the genitals can be used to spank your ass, and there can be a switch off. Paddles can be used to reach different parts of your cheek, and using a standing position can work well—especially when bending at the waist.”
So now that we’ve gotten to the bottom (LOL) of spanking, you may be better able to figure out if it is, or isn’t, your thing. If you’re down, give it a try, and then work your way up to using toys once you’ve graduated from using your hands.

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50 Shades got you curious about getting cheeky in the bedroom? Here's how to introduce it to your bedroom routine.
Christian Grey made you curious about spanking? But you feel ridiculous whipping out a paddle—or asking him to get slap happy? We asked Sadie Allison, PhD, author of Tickle My Tush and founder of ticklekitty.com , for tips on getting your ass in gear.
Try introducing spanking during a hot sexcapade. Just come right out and slap his bottom, or playfully say, "I've been naughty and need a spanking"—most men love when women take the initiative. He's more of a vanilla guy? Over drinks, start a conversation about what you each like in bed...
Massage is a nice way to prime his (or your) butt pre-spank. Start by gently caressing his cheeks, and after a few minutes, begin kneading them as though you were making dough. Every so often, give him a firm pinch to prep him for more intense action later on.
Now take things up a notch by rubbing your nude body all over his butt. Stroke him with your breasts, and then straddle him and swivel your hips. Feeling your hot, wet V-zone on his skin will drive him crazy with desire.
When you're ready for the big shebang, keep a few pointers in mind (and share these with him, too): 1) Mix things up—try a series of quick little slaps, followed by one big whack. 2) Alternate between smacking with an open palm and a cupped hand; each feels and sounds different. 3) Stick to the fatty lower part of his butt or his cheeks, and avoid his tailbone.
Try this game: Collect a bunch of household objects that would make fun DIY floggers—a wooden spoon, spatula, paperback book, etc. Spank him with one of the items and have him guess what it is.
Glide the toy back and forth across his butt before actually spanking him. It gets him worked up because it emphasizes that you're in control—he doesn't know when the smack is coming or how hard it will be.
Another fun idea to try: Put a soft cashmere glove on one hand, and a leather glove on the other. Switch between caressing and hitting him with one and then the other.
Excuse us, but butt cracks are incredibly sensitive, and because venturing there also has a forbidden vibe, it feels even more highly charged and erotic. If you're using a flogger (Sportsheets makes good ones ), drag it up and over his backdoor in-between smacks.
A cute way to send the message that you're in the mood for a spanking: Use permanent marker to write something sexy on the backside of your panties, like Spank Me or I've Been Naughty . Or just buy mesh panties with a see-through butt. Since men are visually oriented, it's a huge turn-on for him.
Soak a dish towel in hot water, wring it out, and then twirl it up so he can use it like a whip on you. If he's doing the spanking, ask him to occasionally squeeze the cloth, letting warm water drizzle over your butt.
Dirty talk makes spanking even hotter. Tell him, "Honey, every time I spank you I want you to say, 'Again, please,' like a good boy." It might spark some sexy role play. Just make sure you decide on a safe word first—something totally disconnected from sex like "popcorn" or "sunshine."
Consider spanking other parts of each other's bodies, too: Thighs, bottoms of his feet, nipples, whatever. The sensation yields an enticing pleasure/pain blend no matter where it's targeting. (But steer clear of his penis and balls. That's a little too much pain!)
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This content is created and maintained by a third party, and imported onto this page to help users provide their email addresses. You may be able to find more information about this and similar content at piano.io

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From Vanity Fair ’s “Bifurcated Girls” special issue, June 6, 1903.
Courtesy of Vanity Fair /Wikimedia Commons
Once again, I’ve been accused of pedophilia. Well, to be technical, my sexual identity was called “somewhat pedophilic.” But we’re talking about one of the most loathsome things a person can be accused of, so why split hairs? I’m also regularly told that my sexuality is “repulsive,” “damaged,” and “abusive.” But all of those feel like Valentines compared with “pedophilic.”
People say this to me so often because I’m kinky, and I’ve written about it . I have a spanking fetish. In my case, that means I like to be spanked, usually with a hand, belt, hairbrush, wooden spoon, switch, or paddle. It sexually gratifies me. I’ve had submissive fantasies for as long as I can remember, and it’s part of my identity. I consider my kink to be my sexual orientation .
To be clear—because apparently I have to be—I am an adult. My husband, who is not kinky, is an adult. My first boyfriend (the only other sexual partner I’ve had) was an adult, too. Everyone is an adult. Everyone consents.
So I have a question: If it’s “somewhat pedophilic” when my adult husband consensually spanks me in a simulated “punishment,” what should we call it when parents do the same physical thing to actual children in an actual punishment?
I realize that many well-meaning parents will disagree with me, but spanking kids is gross. There are a lot of reasons why—it’s counterproductive and ineffective , for starters—but there’s another reason that nobody talks about. Butts are sexual. That’s why the area is one of the few “private” parts that, along with breasts and genitals, we feel the need to cover with a swimsuit. If a parent saw a teacher patting a child’s shoulder, it’d be no big deal. But if a parent saw a teacher patting a child’s butt, she would (rightly) be very alarmed.
Spanking is a sex act. It has been for a very long time—probably even longer than it’s been a parenting choice. A fresco at the Etruscan Tomb of the Whipping , which dates back to approximately 490 B.C., depicts an erotic spanking. In Francum , a 1599 epigram by John Davies, includes one of the most explicit descriptions of sexual masochism in Renaissance poetry. In Victorian England—well, there are way too many examples to list them all, so suffice it to say that spanking was a constant focus of Victorian erotica.
And butts aren’t just culturally sexualized; they’re biologically sexual, too. Nerve tracts that pass through the lower spine carry sensory information to and from both the butt and genitals. Some scientists speculate that these nerves can stimulate one region when the other is provoked. There’s also a blood vessel in the pelvic region called the common iliac artery . When blood rushes to a child’s butt—because, say, you’re spanking him—blood rushes down that artery. But the artery splits. Some of it directs blood to the genitals. So when you cause blood to rush to a child’s butt, you’re also causing it to rush to his or her other sex organs. The other time this kind of genital blood engorgement happens is during erection or arousal.
Oxytocin, a hormone that is released during arousal, can increase pain tolerance by as much as 75 percent. So I wasn’t surprised to read that some kids who are regularly spanked experience a surge of oxytocin when they sense danger. It makes sense. If a kid expects a parent to cause physical pain, why wouldn’t her brain trigger an unconscious state of arousal to release the hormone that helps mitigate that pain? Does the possibility that parental spankings trigger sexual arousal hormones along with tears make anyone else a little uncomfortable?
It’s weird that no one worries about the implications of hitting children on a body part that is culturally and biologically sexual. After all, the spankings I so “repulsively” enjoy are physically identical to the spankings that 81 percent of American parents and hundreds of U.S. school districts inflict or condone.
Most of my friends, like most people in the United States, were spanked as children. They turned out great. (I was spanked as a child, and I turned out kinky, but I’m not convinced there’s a connection. While there might be a relationship between childhood spankings and adult sexual sadomasochism in some cases, there are also lots of kinky people who were never hit as kids.) I also have friends who are loving parents who choose to include spankings in their disciplinary arsenals. So please resist the impulse—which must be overwhelming, I’m sure—to email me and say that your parents spanked you and you “turned out fine.” I believe you. Two-thirds of heavy smokers don’t get cancer , either.
Corporal punishment has always existed, of course, and people have been turning out “fine” (or not fine, frankly, given our history of war, genocide, torture, and violence) forever. But if literature is any evidence, it was only in the past few centuries that people began to ritualistically strike the buttocks. Before that, we didn’t euphemize childhood beatings by isolating them to one specific body part.
(“I would never beat a child,” says a chorus of defensive parents. “I spank . It’s different!” So in other words, they only hit their kids on one special, sexualized bull’s-eye? That is definitely “different.”)
My point is that when my husband spanks me—or Christian Grey spanks Anastasia Steele in Fifty Shades of Grey —it’s the exact same physical act that parents do to kids every day. The only difference is that when we do it, it’s consensual, sexual, and adult; when parents do it, it’s nonconsensual, punitive, and involves a sobbing
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