Spank With A Hairbrush
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Spank With A Hairbrush
Memories of spankings may influence adult views
Memories of spankings may influence adult views
Kelli Grissom's memories of being spanked as a child are anything but morbid. Her description of a typical spanking at her house conjures an amusing domestic scene.
The announcement, "The dreaded spanking will occur at 6 p.m. in the living room; that's what the torture was," recalls Grissom, now a social worker and mother of an 18-month-old.
"It was more the dramatic buildup to the event of the spanking than the spanking itself" that was distressing. "It never was a thing done in anger. It was done calmly. It was very matter-of-fact."
She wasn't spanked after age 6. "My mom learned in a hurry that it was going to be more effective to take things away from me," she says.
And her parents were model spankers. Child care experts agree that if parents are going to use corporal punishment, they should be calm, not angry, and use an open hand on a clothed bottom.
But Grissom's work has introduced her to people whose "discipline" has gotten out of hand. As education and training coordinator at The Memphis (Tenn.) Child Advocacy Center, for children who are victims of abuse, she has counseled people whose punishment tactics have amounted to mistreatment.
When she's asked what she thinks about spanking, she says she doesn't believe it works. What did her peers in social and psychological services have to say about it? "I have found in this field, there are a lot of conflicting opinions about spanking," she says.
The most apparent difference of opinion in the spanking debate may be between parents and the experts. The American Psychological Association says the negative message a child gets from a spanking is: "If you love someone and need to correct or control them, then in certain situations it is OK to hurt them." But, the organization says, surveys show "the majority of people believe that sometimes a child needs to be disciplined with a spanking."
The American Academy of Pediatrics took a firm stand against spanking in April 1998, saying the practice teaches children that "aggressive behavior is a solution to conflict." But the academy noted that research shows 90 percent of American families report using spanking as a means of discipline and that most adults were spanked when they were children.
Six months after making its anti-spanking statement, the academy issued findings of a survey of its own members. Four out of 10 pediatricians who participated recommended spanking as a form of discipline "under limited circumstances and with specific conditions or rules." Half the members surveyed said they would categorically discourage spanking.
There are anti-spanking books, among the best-known "Beating the Devil Out of Them," by Murray A. Straus, founder of the Family Research Laboratory at the University of New Hampshire, and "The Case Against Spanking" by Irwin A. Hyman, director of the National Center for the Study of Corporal Punishment and Alternatives.
And there are books that defend the effectiveness of spanking, such as "The New Dare to Discipline" by James Dobson and "To Spank or Not to Spank" by John Rosemond.
T. Berry Brazelton, in his syndicated Families Today column, is a confirmed anti-spanker.
"Every time you strike a child, you are passing on the message that violence is the way to settle things," Brazelton told a reader in a column published in March. His readers responded.
"The idea that you should never resort to physical punishment is a preposterous overreaction to the problem of child abuse," wrote a parent from Cazenovia, N.Y.
"My brother and I were spanked as children. We show no signs of violent behavior as adults," wrote another from Eugene, Ore.
Brazelton gave himself the last word. "Discipline is about teaching, not punishment," he wrote back. "You, and the others who wrote, certainly have missed my point."
Sweden, Finland, Denmark, Norway, Austria and Cyprus have passed laws against spanking. Oakland, Calif., last year considered a resolution to post stop signs that said "No Spanking Zone" in its public buildings.
On the other side, Oklahoma and Nevada last year passed laws giving parents the right to spank their children.
Grissom says spanking is confusing at best, using as an example the child who hits a classmate then is paddled at school and spanked at home; in other words, he got hit for hitting.
Ultimately, "you want the child to do what is right because it is right, not because you're going to get hit if you don't," Grissom said.
But alternative methods of discipline, such as reward systems, time-outs and withholding privileges, require more work by parents. "Spanking is quicker, easier. It's over in a hurry," Grissom says.
Donna Pendergrass and her husband, Landon, a pediatrician, have children ages 12, 9 and 7.
"I usually tailor the punishment to the child," their mother says. "Whatever I think will cause that child the most grief. If losing Nintendo privileges on a Sunday afternoon will cause a lot of grief, I'll do that."
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Police are investigating a Florida principal who was recorded paddling a 6-year-old student in front of the child's mother.
CLEWISTON, Fla. -- Disturbing video shows a school principal in Florida hitting a 6-year-old student with a wooden paddle.
The student's mother recorded the incident on her cell phone last month. The child's mother said she did not give consent for the child to be hit and now the police are involved.
In the video, Central Elementary School Principal Melissa Carter uses a paddle to the student while Cecilia Self, a clerk at the school, holds the girl's hands down.
Afterward, Carter berated the child.
"If your mom wants to come up to the school and spank you, and we can watch, that's going to happen," she told the girl.
The mother said before the beating she was brought into Carter's office. She said she noticed there were no surveillance cameras so she secretly recorded what happened next with her phone.
The mother spoke to CBS Fort Myers affiliate WINK News but did not want to be identified.
"The hatred with which she hit my daughter, I mean, it was a hatred that, really, I've never hit my daughter like she hit her. I had never hit her. I sacrificed my daughter, so all the parents can realize what's happening in this school," she said.
The mother says she felt she couldn't intervene and stop the beating because she is undocumented.
"At no time did the mom give permission for anyone, including the principal, to paddle their child," said attorney Brent Probinsky, who is representing the mother.
As to why the mother didn't step in and say "stop doing this to my daughter," Probinsky said she told him she was frozen in fear.
"I think the mom was intimidated. The mom didn't expect this to happen. It happened very quickly and the mom said, 'I was so astounded, I was so shocked, I was just frozen for a few moments when she was paddling my child,'" said Probinsky.
Corporal punishment in schools is legal in 19 states in the U.S. including Florida. According to Probinsky, 20 of the state's 67 counties allow corporal punishment, but it is not allowed in Hendry County where this happened.
"This is child abuse. She should be charged with a crime and suffer those consequences," said Probinsky.
He not only wants Carter to be arrested, but he also wants to make sure she never works at another school. He added that she is now on administrative leave from the school and the State Attorney is investigating.
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Tender skin. An open palm or leather flogger. The anticipation before the hand or instrument meets flesh. The thrill as the sound reaches your ears at precisely the same moment the sensation reaches every inch of your body. And you only get another if you ask very, very nicely.
Oh, the joys of spanking. It may have been a dreaded punishment as a kid. But as part of consensual adult play, it can be delicious fun. Much of the thrill comes from the expectation and build-up. When will it happen? How will it feel? Will it happen again? And no matter how many times you may indulge, those same questions always seem to arrive since each spanking encounter is different.
People enjoy spanking, because in a safe environment, it can be exhilarating to command and to relinquish all power. The spanker is in control of how many spanks and how hard (within the agreed upon scenario, of course.) The “spankee” is left to wait and wonder. Many people find themselves aroused before the paddle ever meets skin, in fact. Just the setup and the imagery in their mind is enough to drive them wild.
Spanking is also a thrill for the senses. The smell of the leather. The sight of the instruments of pleasure or your partner’s backside. The sound of the spank. The feel of open hand or flogger or paddle. The taste of your partner’s kiss as reward after you’ve been “punished.” In fact, each of those sensations alone can send some spanking aficionados over the edge.
The mere sight of the instruments of play can make some people salivate. Although you can use your bare hand, some prefer to use a leather flogger, spanker, slapper, or riding crop for spanking play . And sometimes just leaving it out for your partner to see will delight him or her as much as the action to follow. There is something naughty about these tools, especially when “innocently” left out on crisp white sheets, hinting to the evening’s activities to come.
If you want to get a taste of how it’s done and how it may feel, you might first want to try reading some erotica on the subject, like “Bottoms Up: Spanking Good Stories" by Rachel Kramer Bussel. Warning: These tales are not for the faint of heart, and they may likely make you long for the barest of bottoms. Sorry, couldn’t resist. And if you choose to indulge in spanking erotica, believe me, you won’t be able to resist either.
The how-to of spanking is simple because you can play however you like. The only real rule is that those who are in the game want to be. Talk beforehand about what you’d like to do, and what doesn’t interest you one bit. And have a safe word, something simple and easy to remember. If that word is ever uttered, it’s hands off. Literally. No questions asked.
You may want your partner to lower his or her pants just enough for you to get to the goods. That mid-state of undress might actually be more exciting for you both than going the full monty.
The “spankee” can lie across the spanker’s lap, legs spread (if clothing allows.) Or he or she can bend over or lie across a bed, chair, or table. It’s your scene, set it however you like.
You may want to take your hand or instrument of choice and rub the waiting target gently, teasing with the very thing that is about to bring a sting or slap or whisper of pain.
A little dirty talk can also be fun when you indulge in spanking play.
“That’s better. Now lift up that beautiful bum. I’m about to start a little fire.”
You get the idea. And it may sound cheesy now. But in the moment, you just might find your heart racing and your breath shortening without warning.
Take your time. Going too quickly will spoil half the fun. And be sure to check in with your partner. Reminding the spankee to breathe is also a good idea as you go. It makes the pleasure deeper and keeps the spankee in touch with how the sensations really feel.
Step Six: Basking in the Afterglow.
Yum. The aftermath. Almost the best part. The red marks left behind. The heat rising from the spanked skin. Caressing the skin with cool hands after the spanking can be stellar. Or, try a massage tool like ceramic stones that you can chill with ice-cold water and soothe your savage beast with by doing a bottoms-up massage. The smooth texture combined with the chill feels amazing on fiery skin.
The attraction to spanking play is manifold. And although it may take a little courage to ask your partner if he or she wants to play, I’m betting you won’t be disappointed by the reply. Then all you have to do is shut the door and utter the magic word.
Jenny Block is a freelance writer based in Dallas. She is the author of "Open: Love, Sex, and Life in an Open Marriage." Her work appears in "One Big Happy Family," edited by Rebecca Walker and "It’s a Girl: Women Writers on Raising Daughters," edited by Andrea Buchanan. Visit her Web site at www.jennyonthepage.com.
This material may not be published, broadcast, rewritten, or redistributed. ©2022 FOX News Network, LLC. All rights reserved. Quotes displayed in real-time or delayed by at least 15 minutes. Market data provided by Factset . Powered and implemented by FactSet Digital Solutions . Legal Statement . Mutual Fund and ETF data provided by Refinitiv Lipper .
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