Spank Toddler Red Bare Bottom

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Spank Toddler Red Bare Bottom
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As a child who was raised by a single mother, I distinctly remember being spanked every once in a while. I never felt like I was being abused, or like my mother didn’t love me or my brother. She usually only did it as a last resort after having exhausted other types of punishment, such as setting an early bedtime or not letting us watch TV.
My grandparents, aunts, and uncles shared my mom's parenting philosophy that spanking your children was required to show the child who the boss was and who was in control. It was not only an acceptable way to parent, but also necessary.
When I had my first child, like many first-time moms I used my own childhood and the way my mother had raised me to learn how to raise him. And like many moms, I just knew that I would never resort to spanking my child when he got older, even though I didn’t have an alternative method for addressing bad or disobedient behavior.
Before I knew it, my baby had become a rambunctious toddler, and after months of doling out time -outs and rewards for good behavior, spanking seemed like the most effective form of punishment out there. So one day, when he was behaving particularly badly and absolutely nothing else had worked, I bent him over my knee and spanked his bare bottom with the palm of my hand.
Since he was just a toddler, I used very little force; I just popped his bottom one quick time. Yet I almost immediately regretted it. As I pulled my son's pants up, I looked him in the eye and told him that mommy didn’t enjoy spanking him, and that we needed to practice listening more. But that didn't stop me from spanking him over the course of the next year and a half.
Gradually, spanking became one of my primary methods of punishments, the first tactic I'd use in response to my toddler's bad behavior. Most of the time, I'd just threaten to spank him, and the threat alone would cause him to calm down. But when necessary, I did continue to slap him on his bottom and talk to him about why he was being spanked. This year, however, I realized that spanking as a form of discipline had backfired terribly.
One day, while we were at a local store, my son begged and cried for a toy that I refused to buy him. He doesn't typically have tantrums in public, but that day for some reason he decided to make an exception. As he threw himself on the floor and wept, I hurriedly paid for my items and ushered him outside.
As soon as we stepped outside, he kicked me. It wasn’t an "I’m flailing and accidentally kicked you" kind of swing. There was a look of intense purpose in his little eyes and even a glimmer of satisfaction.
Kneeling down to his level to look at him eye to eye, I asked him why he kicked me. With the same determined gaze, he responded, “Because you were being a bad mommy and not listening." Beyond my shock that he’d actually hit me, I realized how right he was.
Like most things in life, children learn from the examples we provide them. I learned from my mom that spanking was a useful tool when raising children. I then taught my son that hitting someone was an effective way to express himself.
That small instance had a large impact on the way I discipline my child now. While I still raise my voice a bit when reprimanding him, I no longer raise a hand to him. I've realized that spanking is just a form of punishment that has proved not to work for me or my family, and it was a hard lesson to learn.
Though parenting methods can be passed down from generation to generation, it is not a requirement to use the exact methods your mother did while raising you, even if you turned out OK. My mother spanked me as a child and I am sure my grandparents spanked her as a child. But that is not a legacy that I want to continue for my son.

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Psychologist out to study yelling finds sounds of spanks and crying.
June 30, 2011— -- Researcher George Holden set off to study how often parents yelled at their children, but after listening to 36 hours of real-time audiotapes he heard something else; the cracks of spanking and the screams that followed.
Most of the behavioral incidents were "petty" in nature, according Holden, a professor of psychology at Southern Methodist University in Texas, but the punishment was "virtually all highly inappropriate."
In one incident recorded on tape, a mother spanked her 3-year-old 11 times for fighting with his sister and the boy is reduced to tears and coughing. One child was punished for not cleaning his room. Another was slapped for being overzealous during a bedtime story by pointing and turning the page.
"They were pretty shocking," said Holden, who has written five books on child development.
"They highlight that so much of corporal punishment are misguided notions of parenting that are bad for the child," he said. "It's sad that a parent inadvertently ruins the quality of their relationship by jumping on the child for being a normal kid."
The study, "Real Life Mother-Child Interaction in the Home," was conducted over six nights, when parents and children were most tired. Holden found 36 mothers and one father at Dallas day care centers who agreed to leave a tape running between the time they got home and put the kids to bed.
The parents were evenly divided from all economic backgrounds. Most were white and a third were African-Americans.
So as not to skew the study, they were told that it was about parents' interaction with their children. "The vast majority -- 90 percent of parents -- admit yelling at their kids, but we didn't have a good data what is it like," he said.
But the tapes showed more than yelling.
"We have not totally coded all the tapes yet, so we actually expect to find a lot more examples of this inadvertent window into parents' use of corporal punishment," Holden said. "It presents a unique view that no one ever had before about what goes on in these families."
Holden presented his study this month in Dallas at the Global Summit on Ending Corporal Punishment and Promoting Positive Discipline and it was reported in Time magazine.
Spanking is universally condemned among most child development and parenting experts, although some fundamentalist Christian groups disagree, citing the Biblical passage, "Spare the rod and spoil the child."
Holden said spanking is likely pervasive because it is "such an entrenched practice," and it is difficult to convince parents otherwise.
"They are not a separate class of people who would be classified as child abusers," he said. "A lot of moms on the tapes would have defended their use of corporal punishment, at least in the abstract. Parents are under the impression that it's a good childrearing technique."
Holden agrees that an "occasional spank" might not have a long-term negative effect on a child, "unless it was so hard it resulted in child abuse or injury."
"The problem is when parents rely on physical punishment, they are more likely to escalate when the kids misbehave if they do not stop," he said. "They come back and they hit harder and are indeed more at risk to abuse them."
Research shows that parents who rely on spanking for discipline encourage negative behaviors, including aggression. Children can also show signs of depression and anti-social behavior as they grow older.
"There are also some links to bullying," Holden said.
But Robert Larzelere , a psychologist in the department of human development and family science at Oklahoma State University, argues that "conditional spanking" -- two swats with an open hand on the bottom -- is not detrimental to a child.
One of the most vocal opponents of spanking bans, Larzelere said non-abusive spanking is more effective on 2- to 6-year-olds than a dozen other tactics, including reasoning, verbal threats, privilege removal, ignoring, bribes, restraint and diversionary tactics.
"When you look at all the studies, conditional spanking led to less disobedience and less aggression," he said.
The only other method as effective as conditional spanking is putting a child in a "4 by 5-foot empty closet" for a minute, he said. "A boring, safe room."
He said spanking should be used to "back-up" time-out when a child is defiant. Milder methods should always be considered first.
"Of course, if parents use spanking too severely or as the primary method, the outcomes are more fighting and more problems," said Larzelere. "Parents need to learn all kinds of tactics that are most effective so they don't have to get to the point where they use spanking. But it does back up all other tactics."
Larzelere agrees with Holden that parents always try a positive method first, but "sometimes kids need negative consequences."
Murray Straus , professor of sociology and co-director of the Family Research Library at University of New Hampshire, agrees that spanking works. But the point, he said, is that so do non-violent methods, without the so-called side effects.
And spanking has a big "short-term failure rate," he said. Children, particularly toddlers, will repeat behaviors regardless of punishment and must do so to learn.
"With a 2-year-old nothing works," said Straus. "It takes hundreds of corrections over and over, and you have to be consistent and persistent. ... But it all works in the long run.
"The best established studies all show that without exception, [spanking] increases aggressiveness," he said. "They are more likely to hit other kids and also more likely to hit their parents."
When parents spank, they don't do it typically the first time, they do it when other things don't work and that sets a bad example.
"A normal kid -- not a bully or mean kid -- when someone is squirting water at him and they don't stop after repeatedly asking, will follow the same script," said Straus.
Surprisingly, said Straus, parents -- even college educated ones -- don't get that message because child development books devote so little space to the topic of spanking.
"I have surveyed books from the 1980s, 1990s and 2000s, and despite all the studies, they get a half a page in one of these giant books," he said. "Not a single one says, 'Don't spank.'
"The belief in American society is hard to shake. But parents believe in their heart of hearts that spanking works when others things don't."
He said he was impressed with Holden's research, which might help experts understand why spanking continues, "especially in this era."
As for Holden, he said his inadvertent study "shows what really goes on in homes."
"Every single mainstream parenting program teaches parents how to raise kids without physical punishment," he said. "There are plenty of places to turn to get help in the challenging task of childrearing. We have three and I survived."
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Police are investigating a Florida principal who was recorded paddling a 6-year-old student in front of the child's mother.
CLEWISTON, Fla. -- Disturbing video shows a school principal in Florida hitting a 6-year-old student with a wooden paddle.
The student's mother recorded the incident on her cell phone last month. The child's mother said she did not give consent for the child to be hit and now the police are involved.
In the video, Central Elementary School Principal Melissa Carter uses a paddle to the student while Cecilia Self, a clerk at the school, holds the girl's hands down.
Afterward, Carter berated the child.
"If your mom wants to come up to the school and spank you, and we can watch, that's going to happen," she told the girl.
The mother said before the beating she was brought into Carter's office. She said she noticed there were no surveillance cameras so she secretly recorded what happened next with her phone.
The mother spoke to CBS Fort Myers affiliate WINK News but did not want to be identified.
"The hatred with which she hit my daughter, I mean, it was a hatred that, really, I've never hit my daughter like she hit her. I had never hit her. I sacrificed my daughter, so all the parents can realize what's happening in this school," she said.
The mother says she felt she couldn't intervene and stop the beating because she is undocumented.
"At no time did the mom give permission for anyone, including the principal, to paddle their child," said attorney Brent Probinsky, who is representing the mother.
As to why the mother didn't step in and say "stop doing this to my daughter," Probinsky said she told him she was frozen in fear.
"I think the mom was intimidated. The mom didn't expect this to happen. It happened very quickly and the mom said, 'I was so astounded, I was so shocked, I was just frozen for a few moments when she was paddling my child,'" said Probinsky.
Corporal punishment in schools is legal in 19 states in the U.S. including Florida. According to Probinsky, 20 of the state's 67 counties allow corporal punishment, but it is not allowed in Hendry County where this happened.
"This is child abuse. She should be charged with a crime and suffer those consequences," said Probinsky.
He not only wants Carter to be arrested, but he also wants to make sure she never works at another school. He added that she is now on administrative leave from the school and the State Attorney is investigating.
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