Spank My Body

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Spank My Body
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It’s not often that thanks to Victorian-era erotica, a 15-year-old girl experiences a sexual epiphany. But that’s exactly what happened to Katherine* during her sophomore year of high school.
When her debate team stopped at a bookstore on an out-of-town trip, a friend purchased a book of 19th century sex stories. You know what happens next: on the bus ride home, a wide-eyed Katherine pored over one tale about a man and his female servant.
This sexcapade, though, had a special twist: It involved lots of spanking .
“I thought, ‘Oh my God, this is an actual thing ! I’m not the only one who thinks this is interesting!’ ” Recalls now 40-something Katherine. She’s thought about spanking since she was young, but it wasn’t until she became aroused reading that story that she’d desired for a man to spank her in bed.
Women like Katherine aren’t alone: Lots of people are into love taps — over-the-knee or tangled up in intercourse, one item on the foreplay buffet or the main event. “For some people, a good hard smack is going to bring nerve endings to life,” says Dr. Yvonne Fulbright, sexologist and author of Touch Me There: A Hands-On Guide to Your Orgasmic Hot Spots .
It’s tricky to find out how many people are into it, but you don’t have to look further than pop culture to see we’ve got spanks on the brain. Paddling makes appearances everywhere from old episodes of I Love Lucy to the 2004 flick Along Came Polly and Broadway’s hit show Spring Awakening .
Back in 1996, essayist Daphne Merkin shocked New Yorker readers with a frank article about her desire to be spanked by a man; even Justin Timberlake promised in his 2006 single SexyBack , “I’ll let you whip me if I misbehave.” ( Woah , were you talking to Britney Spears, Cameron Diaz, or Jessica Biel when you said that, Justin?
The posterior is full of its own nerves, and the bum is also located near the body’s sensory hot spots — a man’s scrotum and a woman’s vulva. A kinky maneuver like spanking is a great way to send ripples through the skin and stimulate that entire area, Fulbright says.
Thomas Roche, a 39-year-old erotica writer in San Francisco, says spanking is “hot, emotionally charged and so intimate” all at once. But for him, the allure of spanking a woman is all the “bodily contact” — a submissive woman’s rear end and all the parts around it.
Spanking is appealing to everyone for different reasons. “Some people like the punishment, role-playing thing, some people just like the spanking part of it. For some people, it’s more innocent,” says Rachel Kramer Bussel, editor of Spanked: Red-Cheeked Erotica , who wrote passionately about her love of a good spanking on her former Village Voice sex column.
“You have to figure out what part of it you’re interested in exploring so you can explain it to the other person.”
Once you’ve figured out your fantasy, how do you ask for a spanking — or to give a spanking? Well, try renting Secretary , the 2002 movie starring Maggie Gyllenhaal and James Spader, and watching it with your sweetie, suggests Bussel. If indie films aren’t your bag, she suggests you find a YouTube video or a site that contains spanking, showing it to your partner and asking what they think about trying it.
Whether you’re the spanker or the spankee, Bussel says to approach the “hey, can we try this” discussion forthrightly but without pressure. Since the subject can sometimes be off-putting, approach the act as something you and your partner just trying, she says, not something you want to do every night (even if you do).
As for how to perform the spanking, there are lots of ways to do it! First, pick a position that feels comfortable for you. For beginners, Roche suggests lying across someone’s lap on a bed so that the spankee’s head is supported. The receiver can also bend over a chair or stand against a wall if that’s more enticing. You can use hands or spank with an implement like a wooden paddle. Sex shops have lots of fun instruments — if your paddle’s covered in fur it becomes a “joke-y, funny prop” and will inject humor into the bedroom, says Bussel.
“It’s not exactly painful, depending on how it’s done,” says Roche. “But if you go too hard, too fast, too far, you can cause a lot of pain. You just want to start soft and explore!” The fleshy part of the rear end, of course, is a great place to start — the backs of the thighs can be more painful and love-tapping the genital area is an “advanced” move beginners should steer clear of, Roche warns. Other areas that you should not hit under any circumstances include the backs of the knees, the tailbone and the spine. “Use common sense,” he says — or just stick to what Roche calls the “sweet spot,” the sensitive area where the butt and upper thigh meet.
In between blows, the spanker can caress the spanked area, fondle the genitals, or gently tug the spankee’s hair — if that’s what the spankee would like. “Afterward, you should talk about it to see if you read [your partner’s] body properly,” he says. Find out if those whimpers of pain were in ecstasy or regret.
But like lots of choices on the kink sexual buffet, spanking is not embraced by everyone. You’ll find that the butt is off-limits for a lot of adults, Fulbright warns. While some people find it exciting to have that area touched, others grapple with the psychological element of letting someone access a “taboo” area, even if your partner isn’t touching anywhere near your anus.
Katherine knows this taboo all too well: Although her interest in sexual spanking dates back to her childhood, it wasn’t until age 37 that she incorporated spanking into her sex life in a way that felt healthy. Her biggest hurdle? Katherine had a physically abusive relationship as a young adult and the first time a sexual partner hit her butt was out of anger, she says. For years, Katherine wrestled with an internal conflict about asking a man to spank her in the context of sex.
Indeed, it’s not hard to see how people who were spanked as children (or physically abused in at any point in life) may cringe at spanking during sex. For lots of us, hitting is scary, angry, and unpredictable.
That’s why trusting your partner is crucial. Roche has been spanking women since he was 17 and he’s seen more than a few “emotional moments” over the years, from women for whom spanking exhumed powerful memories. Therefore, trust goes both ways. “You need to know she’s going to let you know if something is not right,” he says.
One idea? Establish a word or phrase, something other than “stop” or “no” (which people sometimes say when they mean just the opposite), that signifies all spanking must cease immediately. “Let’s do something else,” or, “I’m done with this,” are both good suggestions.
Toying with power dynamics can be as alluring as it is discomforting. When it comes to spanking and gender-roles, baggage about power can enter the bedroom on an express train. Although love taps are certainly not exclusively man-on-woman behavior, anecdotally, guys spanking gals is one of the more common manifestations. Some dudes relish lady-swatting, which makes them feel powerful or manly. Roche, for instance, says he loves the “power aspect.” But other dudes are justifiably freaked out by such a request. Men are, after all, taught never to hit women.
“Men are nervous about this, too!” Says Katherine. “Inflicting pain on a woman, even erotic pain, is a little daunting!” She thinks many a man is OK with the act of spanking his lady but he may not be OK with the part of himself that likes it — he might be wondering if there’s something angry, violent, or wrong with him.
If you sense your guy is worried, keep spanking lighthearted: play up the sexiest, most playful parts of a spanking, suggests Katherine, such as the butt being “an erogenous zone prominently displayed,” and the fact spanking entails “a lot of squirming and panting!” You or your partner can even role play or dress up in costumes (bad maid, bad student, bad what-have-you).
It’s possible that your guy may be the one who longs for a spanking. In fact, it’s a hat Bussel has worn many a time before, even with “cocky” guys who are the “opposite of what you might think” when you imagine a submissive man.
But, what’s so hot about spanking a guy? She probably isn’t physically overpowering him, says Bussel, so he is making himself vulnerable to her. Since some guys see wanting to be spanked as emasculating, she adds, this means a guy is being especially trusting.
Spanking can be great fun to introduce into the bedroom. Through lots of communication, individual couples need to figure out all the details of the delivery themselves. Safety is paramount, of course, but timing is everything. If done wrong, says Fulbright, spanking “is the kind of move that can totally kill the moment!” But once you’ve got your partner where you want them, have fun! There’s no one right way to spank someone and if it hurts too much — or too little — to be pleasurable, you’ve got to speak up!
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Spanking can be used as a form of foreplay or it can be a stand-alone event. I have found that spanking during coitus can bring on the most powerful orgasms, I am talking seriousthat you will be talking about for weeks.
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Oct 7, 2015, 04:01 PM EDT | Updated Dec 6, 2017
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Actress. Author. Freelance Journalist. Sex-Columnist.
Warning: The following images contain explicit sexual imagery and may not be suitable for work.
Nothing soaks my panties more than a good spanking. Well that's half-true, except I don't wear panties. But if I did wear panties, I'm sure they would be soaked right through.
I've been a no-knickers girl for 20 years, but this blog post isn't about my underwear status; it's about spanking. So let's begin.
People love spanking for a variety of reasons. Some love it because they like to explore pleasure and pain. Others like the role-play aspect of spanker and spankee . I enjoy being spanked for a combination of reasons. I like to be dominated plus I enjoy the sting of a decent flogging.
Spanking can be used as a form of foreplay or it can be a stand-alone event. I have found that spanking during coitus can bring on the most powerful orgasms, I am talking serious full-body-holy-crap-orgasms that you will be talking about for weeks. The buzz-word is 'intense'.
So let's delve further into some spankety-spank. Below are some things that I've learnt on my journey through spanking.
Trust is incredibly important when exploring spanking with a partner. I always like to have a safe-word .
I have had the unfortunate experience of being spanked by someone that I wasn't attracted to. It was incredibly awkward. If there is no spark to begin with then don't add spanking.
When I am exploring spanking with a new partner. I lie on my stomach on a bed and prop a pillow under my pelvis, this naturally postures your buttocks for a good spank. Get your partner to start with soft spontaneous smacks, slowly working up to a smack that stings.
ADD SOME FUN TO YOUR SPANKING SESSIONS
Once you get the hang of spanking, you can start to push your boundaries. Ask your partner to spank you whilst you are having sex and experiment with different positions. Buy a wooden paddle from a sex shop or get your partner to spank you with a brush or a whip.
Spanking has added so much joy to my sex-life and I hope it can add some sauciness to yours too.
Vanessa de Largie is a multi-award-winning actress & author. Learn more about her work on her website . LIKE Vanessa's Facebook Page
Actress. Author. Freelance Journalist. Sex-Columnist.
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Best Ways to Give Your Partner “Spank Me” Message
In this article, we will be discussing how to make your partner want to give you a good spank. By the time you are done reading this write-up, you will have known some cute ways to get him to take care of you.
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If he doesn’t give it to you, then it’s time to make sure he knows why you need it. Explain to him why you want to be spanked. You could narrate to him your past experiences with a spanking if he is adamant. This way, he will definitely oblige.
You can spice things up by writing a “spank me” message on the back end of that undergarment. This should send out a clearer signal that you want to be spanked.
You could agree upon certain things that you don’t want to happen when you’re in the act. For instance, you could set a rule that once your partner starts spanking you, he will do so until you are satisfied.
9 Spanking Therapy FAQs: What It Means, How It’s Done, and More
Erotic, painful, and punitive are just a few ways you might describe a good ol’ bum whooping. But therapeutic? Well, that’s the idea behind spanking therapy.
Spanking cures everything | Metro News
Iy may sound a bit kinky but everything from depression to alcoholism can be cured with a beating on the bare bottom, scientists claim. Spanking is more effective than exercise at keeping the blues at bay, say Russian researchers who carried out tests on caning.
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Back in childhood, being spanked was something that your parents did to you when you got into trouble. Those were the times when spanking was not fun at all. But as an adult, this is actually more of a reward and not a punishment. When he is doing it, you won’t help but scream to him, “Spank me.”
When you get spanked, your body releases a cocktail of
happy chemicals
Trusted Source
9 Spanking Therapy FAQs: What It Means, How It’s Done, and More
Erotic, painful, and punitive are just a few ways you might describe a good ol’ bum whooping. But therapeutic? Well, that’s the idea behind spanking therapy.
www.healthline.com
to your brain. These chemicals are released to reverse the feeling of pain, transmuting it into a pleasurable experience. The benefits of spanking don’t end there. The enzymes released boost your immunity, reduce your appetite and trigger the
release of sexual hormones
Trusted Source
Spanking cures everything | Metro News
Iy may sound a bit kinky but everything from depression to alcoholism can be cured with a beating on the bare bottom, scientists claim. Spanking is more effective than exercise at keeping the blues at bay, say Russian researchers who carried out tests on caning.
metro.co.uk
. What’s more, that sound produced in the process can arouse some people.
The first thing you should try as a BDSM beginner is spanking. When you two are eventually used to spanking and other softcore activities like role play, you can move on to harder stuff such as BDSM choking . Read on for tips on getting your man to spank you.
So you want your boyfriend to spank you? Well, that sounds great. But how do you make him do exactly that? Well, here are the best tricks to get your boyfriend to satisfy your spanking desire.
When you are out for dinner, talk with your man, you could bring up this topic. For example, you might say, “Hey honey, can you please spank my bottom?” The odds are that he will agree. Who doesn’t like giving her girl what she wants?
You can also ask for a spank playfully. For example, you could slap your boyfriend’s butt and then tell him to spank you back as a punishment. Also, you can ask for it directly when you are making love. A simple “Spank me, babe” would work magic in such a scenario.
Don’t hasten things up; you will spoil the moment. If you turn to your man with a squeaky voice and quickly whisper, “I want a spank so bad,” then it will sound so weird. So, go slowly to where he is seated, put your arm on his chest and then look into his eyes seductively. At this point, use a sexy voice to whisper into his ears, “I want a spank soo bad right now.” This will be irresistible to him.
It goes without saying that you shouldn’t dress provocatively. However, if you know that you want to be spanked, you should consider spicing up your outfit with special underwear. That way, you’ll look sexier than ever before, and it will work wonders.
Wearing special underwear sends out the clearest “spank me” message to your boyfriend. With sexy lingerie that is only transparent at your butt, he won’t help but want to spank his little girl.
If you don’t have see-through undergarments, then you can always use any other special underwear you have. You only have to make sure that i
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