Spank Friend

Spank Friend
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It’s not often that thanks to Victorian-era erotica, a 15-year-old girl experiences a sexual epiphany. But that’s exactly what happened to Katherine* during her sophomore year of high school.
When her debate team stopped at a bookstore on an out-of-town trip, a friend purchased a book of 19th century sex stories. You know what happens next: on the bus ride home, a wide-eyed Katherine pored over one tale about a man and his female servant.
This sexcapade, though, had a special twist: It involved lots of spanking .
“I thought, ‘Oh my God, this is an actual thing ! I’m not the only one who thinks this is interesting!’ ” Recalls now 40-something Katherine. She’s thought about spanking since she was young, but it wasn’t until she became aroused reading that story that she’d desired for a man to spank her in bed.
Women like Katherine aren’t alone: Lots of people are into love taps — over-the-knee or tangled up in intercourse, one item on the foreplay buffet or the main event. “For some people, a good hard smack is going to bring nerve endings to life,” says Dr. Yvonne Fulbright, sexologist and author of Touch Me There: A Hands-On Guide to Your Orgasmic Hot Spots .
It’s tricky to find out how many people are into it, but you don’t have to look further than pop culture to see we’ve got spanks on the brain. Paddling makes appearances everywhere from old episodes of I Love Lucy to the 2004 flick Along Came Polly and Broadway’s hit show Spring Awakening .
Back in 1996, essayist Daphne Merkin shocked New Yorker readers with a frank article about her desire to be spanked by a man; even Justin Timberlake promised in his 2006 single SexyBack , “I’ll let you whip me if I misbehave.” ( Woah , were you talking to Britney Spears, Cameron Diaz, or Jessica Biel when you said that, Justin?
The posterior is full of its own nerves, and the bum is also located near the body’s sensory hot spots — a man’s scrotum and a woman’s vulva. A kinky maneuver like spanking is a great way to send ripples through the skin and stimulate that entire area, Fulbright says.
Thomas Roche, a 39-year-old erotica writer in San Francisco, says spanking is “hot, emotionally charged and so intimate” all at once. But for him, the allure of spanking a woman is all the “bodily contact” — a submissive woman’s rear end and all the parts around it.
Spanking is appealing to everyone for different reasons. “Some people like the punishment, role-playing thing, some people just like the spanking part of it. For some people, it’s more innocent,” says Rachel Kramer Bussel, editor of Spanked: Red-Cheeked Erotica , who wrote passionately about her love of a good spanking on her former Village Voice sex column.
“You have to figure out what part of it you’re interested in exploring so you can explain it to the other person.”
Once you’ve figured out your fantasy, how do you ask for a spanking — or to give a spanking? Well, try renting Secretary , the 2002 movie starring Maggie Gyllenhaal and James Spader, and watching it with your sweetie, suggests Bussel. If indie films aren’t your bag, she suggests you find a YouTube video or a site that contains spanking, showing it to your partner and asking what they think about trying it.
Whether you’re the spanker or the spankee, Bussel says to approach the “hey, can we try this” discussion forthrightly but without pressure. Since the subject can sometimes be off-putting, approach the act as something you and your partner just trying, she says, not something you want to do every night (even if you do).
As for how to perform the spanking, there are lots of ways to do it! First, pick a position that feels comfortable for you. For beginners, Roche suggests lying across someone’s lap on a bed so that the spankee’s head is supported. The receiver can also bend over a chair or stand against a wall if that’s more enticing. You can use hands or spank with an implement like a wooden paddle. Sex shops have lots of fun instruments — if your paddle’s covered in fur it becomes a “joke-y, funny prop” and will inject humor into the bedroom, says Bussel.
“It’s not exactly painful, depending on how it’s done,” says Roche. “But if you go too hard, too fast, too far, you can cause a lot of pain. You just want to start soft and explore!” The fleshy part of the rear end, of course, is a great place to start — the backs of the thighs can be more painful and love-tapping the genital area is an “advanced” move beginners should steer clear of, Roche warns. Other areas that you should not hit under any circumstances include the backs of the knees, the tailbone and the spine. “Use common sense,” he says — or just stick to what Roche calls the “sweet spot,” the sensitive area where the butt and upper thigh meet.
In between blows, the spanker can caress the spanked area, fondle the genitals, or gently tug the spankee’s hair — if that’s what the spankee would like. “Afterward, you should talk about it to see if you read [your partner’s] body properly,” he says. Find out if those whimpers of pain were in ecstasy or regret.
But like lots of choices on the kink sexual buffet, spanking is not embraced by everyone. You’ll find that the butt is off-limits for a lot of adults, Fulbright warns. While some people find it exciting to have that area touched, others grapple with the psychological element of letting someone access a “taboo” area, even if your partner isn’t touching anywhere near your anus.
Katherine knows this taboo all too well: Although her interest in sexual spanking dates back to her childhood, it wasn’t until age 37 that she incorporated spanking into her sex life in a way that felt healthy. Her biggest hurdle? Katherine had a physically abusive relationship as a young adult and the first time a sexual partner hit her butt was out of anger, she says. For years, Katherine wrestled with an internal conflict about asking a man to spank her in the context of sex.
Indeed, it’s not hard to see how people who were spanked as children (or physically abused in at any point in life) may cringe at spanking during sex. For lots of us, hitting is scary, angry, and unpredictable.
That’s why trusting your partner is crucial. Roche has been spanking women since he was 17 and he’s seen more than a few “emotional moments” over the years, from women for whom spanking exhumed powerful memories. Therefore, trust goes both ways. “You need to know she’s going to let you know if something is not right,” he says.
One idea? Establish a word or phrase, something other than “stop” or “no” (which people sometimes say when they mean just the opposite), that signifies all spanking must cease immediately. “Let’s do something else,” or, “I’m done with this,” are both good suggestions.
Toying with power dynamics can be as alluring as it is discomforting. When it comes to spanking and gender-roles, baggage about power can enter the bedroom on an express train. Although love taps are certainly not exclusively man-on-woman behavior, anecdotally, guys spanking gals is one of the more common manifestations. Some dudes relish lady-swatting, which makes them feel powerful or manly. Roche, for instance, says he loves the “power aspect.” But other dudes are justifiably freaked out by such a request. Men are, after all, taught never to hit women.
“Men are nervous about this, too!” Says Katherine. “Inflicting pain on a woman, even erotic pain, is a little daunting!” She thinks many a man is OK with the act of spanking his lady but he may not be OK with the part of himself that likes it — he might be wondering if there’s something angry, violent, or wrong with him.
If you sense your guy is worried, keep spanking lighthearted: play up the sexiest, most playful parts of a spanking, suggests Katherine, such as the butt being “an erogenous zone prominently displayed,” and the fact spanking entails “a lot of squirming and panting!” You or your partner can even role play or dress up in costumes (bad maid, bad student, bad what-have-you).
It’s possible that your guy may be the one who longs for a spanking. In fact, it’s a hat Bussel has worn many a time before, even with “cocky” guys who are the “opposite of what you might think” when you imagine a submissive man.
But, what’s so hot about spanking a guy? She probably isn’t physically overpowering him, says Bussel, so he is making himself vulnerable to her. Since some guys see wanting to be spanked as emasculating, she adds, this means a guy is being especially trusting.
Spanking can be great fun to introduce into the bedroom. Through lots of communication, individual couples need to figure out all the details of the delivery themselves. Safety is paramount, of course, but timing is everything. If done wrong, says Fulbright, spanking “is the kind of move that can totally kill the moment!” But once you’ve got your partner where you want them, have fun! There’s no one right way to spank someone and if it hurts too much — or too little — to be pleasurable, you’ve got to speak up!
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TheFrisky.com is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for sites to earn advertising fees by advertising and linking to Amazon.com. Amazon, the Amazon logo, AmazonSupply, and the AmazonSupply logo are trademarks of Amazon.com, Inc. or its affiliates.

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I found out my boyfriend had s** with my sister while I was away at a wedding. I was going to dump him but one of my best girlfriends told me to give him choice...either I leave or he submit to a spanking. He chose the spanking. I told my girlfriend and she told me she spanks her boyfriend a lot. She told me how to go about it. She loaned me the leather belt she uses and told me to make him wear a pair of my panties after I whip him. So that night he came over and I told him I knew he slept with my sister and that I was going to leave him. He started apologizing and begging me and I stopped him. I won't if you submit to a spanking. He agreed to the spanking and thought it was a joke . I ordered him to take off his jeans and bend over a chair in my living room. Then I ordered him to take off his shorts. Once he was bent over I took out the strap and told him to hold on tight and not move. I then stood behind him for a minute and then gave him a swat. You could hear the crack of the belt on his ass a block away. He yelped but I told him to shut up or he'd never get in my pants again. I then gave him 15 more really hard cracks. His ass was bright red. I told him to stand up. I then pulled a pair of my panties from my purse and ordered him to put them on. I told him they were nylon and that would cool him down. Surprisingly he didn't argue but took the panties and put them on. About a week later I came home one night and found him at my house. I told him since he had not called he was going to be spanked. I told him to take his jeans off. H didn't argue and simply said yes I will. Then he pulled his jeans down and to my surprise he had on a pair of my panties.....pink nylon bikinis. We are both the same size so they fit him well. I didn't comment on the panties but told him to bend over the chair and wait for me. I had given my girlfriend back her strap and when I did she confessed she spanks her boyfriend all the time and he likes it. So she gave me a wide leather belt to use. I went back into the living room and he was bent over the chair. I asked him if he was ready for the belt and he nodded. I then gave him five hard strokes and then told him to lower the panties. He wasn't facing me. He pulled the panties down. I then gave him ten more hard swats. I told him then to stand up and face me and when he did to my surprise he had a major b**** . I asked him if he needed to c** and he said yes in a very tight voice. OK I told him. Follow me. I led him into the bed room and told him to lie on the bed. I then ordered him to j*** off in front of me. I'd never seen a guy j*** off and it was really hot. He did it once more for me about 40 minutes later. The spanking changed everything. He now wears my panties most of the time and gets regular spankings. After each one I allow him to c** but only if I can watch.

When a woman spanks a naughty boy, it’s intimate, personal & a special way to bond! I was resided by women & spanked regularly as a “good boy “, to become a better male as I aged! It worked!!! Good luck finding a man who will admit to behaving naughty! Best regards,💥💫, Robert

I'm faithful to my wife,she spanks me weekly because it is a huge turn on for both of us.

Some (most) are fantasy but I've seen it happen 3 times. And they're the ones together

At 16 a family friend started domminng me just for fun at first. I knew better and she knew EXACTLY what to do-"I know how you need it you're too pretty to not be dressed up!" I resisted which meant being spanked. By 17 I had a 32 year old Mommy,and was a cute and passing Trap,subservient except for actual gay s** -I brought it up thinking it would please her. Instead I got THE worst punishment from not only Mommy,but a Professional. An Ebony Woman though closer to my age helped (what I know now) mind break me and was proud to tell me. Then it ended for the most part. I would have Vanilla s** with cute girls and Mommy who was married (for the money) would see me 2 or 3 times a year. I made some bad decisions and did cam s*** work until Mommy both mad,frightened,and into it got me a place to live in the same town as Desiree,the Ebony Queen who kept an eye on me. I had been seeing a gorgeous girl,White and Latina (I'm WHITE) who wasn't shy but I didn't think she'd want to see me walk into the bathroom and have Lita come out no matter how cute. So I ended things. So when I got a package containing a magazine (I like them) I got monthly,a belt and an angry letter saying "Nu uh-I know more than you think-expect me Saturday!" I was-I wasn't sure. I asked R,my Minder-actually friend-who called her. When asked "You DO know what's involved besides the..."YES. He needs me to be her Mommy."

I have not cheated on my girlfriend but she says i need to be spanked to keep me focussed and because ku t gives her relief and pleasure. I don't get severe spankings except for each new season. But those are very severe. She used to make me enema first and then once i was sore she would f.... My ass...... I did not get any pleasure from being penetrated but she feels the main thing is to grant her pleasure. I am on a high if she canes me, but i cannot fully explain why.

Agreed. Someone’s getting off on writing this.

I get spanked by my girlfriend. She doesn't make me wear girls underwear though. I hope she doesn't see your post. I get spanked about every 2 weeks. It keeps me humble. She makes me get undressed, and I have to sit in a chair in her walk in closed for about 20 minutes and think about it. Then she comes in, leads me by the ear out to the bedroom, takes me over her knee and paddles me. It's a long, painful, stinging spanking.

What about your sister? I think she needs a good spanking as well. I recommend spanking her bare bottom until it's bright red. Then make her stand in the corner for half an hour with her pants around her ankles and her panties around her knees.

Your boyfriend is a lucky guy to have you spank him like that. Have you considered other positions? A paddle is pretty effective with him lying over your lap, even if you use it as a warmup before the belt. I've c** on my girlfriend's lap when she spanks me that way. If she wanted to use a belt afterwards as punishment for my 'accident' I'd be okay with that too. It does suck that he cheated on you. I hope he's done with that.

I don't understand why men who have decent partners or soulmates have to cheat on them? Aren't they happy with whom they are with? You have a good heart to give him a chance to be together with you. By your boyfriend to wear your panties is so out of this world and for him cheating behind your back is certainly not a nice thing he has done to you. Then he deserves a good spanking but, no paddles or any thing that can harm him. The key to happiness is to teach and guide him as to what he has done was incorrect. But, if in the event, he does it again , is for you and him as to go your separate ways. But , for me who's experience in a solid relationship can tell you it's so hard to find the righ
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