Song Instead Of Husband Sex Porn

Song Instead Of Husband Sex Porn
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Sometimes when you're hungry, you just want a good steak. Maybe you even need a steak. You go to the market, you get a good cut of meat, you make your own marinade and tenderize the meat. You put it on the grill and make some potatoes in the oven. It's a process, but it's worth it for the end result. Other times, you say ,"Fuck it," and eat a couple fistfuls of dry cereal while you lie on the couch in sweatpants. They both satisfy your hunger and the result is the same: You ate. But they're very different journeys.
Masturbating is often the eating dry cereal on your couch of orgasming. You come, but just like no one is going to tell you dry cereal is better than steak, masturbation isn't really better than sex. I can assure you that no man thinks that.
But girlfriends and boyfriends and wives and husbands of men everywhere are still freaking out that their partners are masturbating all the time instead of having sex with them. Dozens of concerned posts populate message boards, writing, " What causes a man to masturbate instead of SEX?? " and, " Why does my boyfriend masturbate when he could have sex with me instead? " Why do we feel so competitive with our partner's right hands?
"It's interesting how many people don't feel comfortable talking about masturbation," says Megan Fleming, M.D. "When someone feels secure in the relationship, they're less concerned if their partner masturbates from time to time. If you're feeling anxiety about it, it could be because there's something going on with the quality or duration of your sex life." There's no magic sex or masturbation number; no quota you should be filling as a couple. If their masturbation habits are giving you anxiety, the first thing you should do is have an open, honest talk about it.
But let's get this out of the way: There's no right or wrong amount of masturbation a guy should be doing in a given week. Zero times is totally fine, but so is seven or 14. And masturbation has a lot of health benefits (although, if it makes you feel any better, not quite as many benefits as sex). It can help guys relieve stress and go to sleep , like jerk-off Nyquil. If it's not majorly negatively affecting his quality of life, he's probably masturbating a fine amount.
In fact, according to a study from UCLA , regular masturbation can actually increase a guy's sexual appetite. "It's much more of a concern when someone isn't masturbating and is sexually shut down," says Ian Kerner , Ph.D., sex therapist and author of She Comes First . "That said, there is such a thing as over-masturbation and masturbation can be problematic when it depletes a guy's libido."
So why do guys even feel the need to masturbate so often? Men and women have very different sex drives . According to Kerner, it's a lot easier for guys to get in the mood. "A guy is working at home on his computer goes to check out some sports scores, sees a pop-up ad for the Sports Illustrated swimsuit issue, and next thing you know he's perusing porn," he offers up as an example. Men are like the dog from Up, if the dog from Up wanted to jerk off all the time instead of just getting distracted. It's really easy for guys to get turned on and then take care of business, especially if you're not around or the timing is inappropriate.
That three minutes he's taking before he jumps in the shower when he's getting ready for work is probably not an instance in which you'd even want to have sex with him. There are plenty of ways to fulfill a quick orgasm need without getting as involved as having sex — mutual masturbation, for example — but usually the issue is just imbalanced sex drives. "A lot of women aren't necessarily interested in more sex," says Dr. Fleming, but, she says, if the partner with the lower sex drive tries masturbating more often, their libido may actually be able to catch up with their hornier partner.
"It's quite normal for a guy to masturbate regularly and be interested in having sex regularly. Couples with a healthy, happy sex life still have a place for self-pleasure that doesn't detract from the relationship," says Kerner.
So unless you're really into your guy running up to you in the middle of the night — or during the day or when you're trying to get ready for work — ejaculating with no regard for your needs in about three minutes, and then running away, no, he's not masturbating instead of having sex with you. He's masturbating to save you from having a terrible, inconvenient tryst when he just needs to hammer one out as fast as possible. He's taking an orgasm bullet for you. And then he can still have sex with you later. Hell, he might even last longer.

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Dear Sugars: Porn, Sex And Marriage: What's OK, And What Isn't? Dear Sugar Radio is a podcast offering "radical empathy" and advice for the lost, lonely and heartsick. Today the hosts think about how watching porn can affect a couple's marriage and sex life.

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Porn, Sex And Marriage: What's OK, And What Isn't?

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Warning: Today's post deals with sexual content and may not be appropriate for all audiences.
Dear Sugar Radio is a weekly podcast from member station WBUR. Hosts Steve Almond and Cheryl Strayed offer "radical empathy" and advice on everything from relationships and parenthood to dealing with drug problems or anxiety.

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Today they're delving into the adult topics of pornography and masturbation. A man says he masturbates regularly while watching pornography but still maintains a healthy sexual relationship with his wife. But he is still "troubled" by the notion that the porn industry is exploitative of performers, and questions whether it is morally acceptable to fantasize about women other than his wife.
To help in their discussion of these topics, the Sugars are joined by Wendy Maltz , sex therapist and co-author of The Porn Trap .
Is it bad to masturbate to online porn? I am a happily married man in my mid-50s, and have been married for 15 years to a wonderful woman. We have a satisfying sex life, having sex approximately once every week.
However, I go online to masturbate to porn about three times a week. I work from home and find that I become sexually turned on during the working day. I look at masturbation as a healthy release. Viewing online porn allows me to accomplish the "task" more quickly and get back to work.
That other purveyor of personal wisdom, Dr. Phil, advises that watching porn is an immoral betrayal of a marital partner and says the women in porn videos are likely to have been abused as children and are being exploited. I have a teenage daughter and avoid videos of young girls, preferring age-appropriate subjects in the so-called "mature" category. I also avoid watching porn up to 24 hours before I am likely to have a date with my wife in order to be able to enjoy and contribute to our sex together.
My wife knows that I look at porn. While we don't discuss it, she doesn't feel that it is a betrayal of her. I look at viewing porn as an extension of masturbation, which I believe is healthy and a necessary release, one that is as private as going to the bathroom. If not for porn, I would still masturbate. I doubt Dr. Phil believes that masturbation is immoral. Is masturbating while fantasizing about someone besides my wife immoral? Assuming that online porn is the problem, is it possible that you can make distinctions?
I know that many of the women on porn sites are probably psychologically damaged in some way, and that the pornography industry may be contributing to that damage. On the other hand, is it possible that accepting money for video sex is not always exploitative? Is it possible that some of the women who perform in online sex videos do it out of a healthy appreciation of sex?
Steve Almond: I could have written this letter, and I felt a great sense of sympathy for this guy who's trying to figure out the same questions I struggle with when I bother to even struggle with them: Am I complicit in something that is very clearly against my moral code? In what ways? And what are my other alternatives?
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Follow the Sugars on Twitter @dearsugarradio .
I think he is in a productive state of bewilderment, and I think most of the men of conscience who consume porn in one way or another are either suppressing this set of questions or are struggling with them. The porn industry is like football or like meat or like fossil fuels — it's essentially exploitative. But because I have a libido that operates differently than my wife's, I get horny and I want relief. I lament that I no longer sit there and do the imaginative work of masturbating without porn. There are a lot of people who aren't even grappling with the ways in which pornography is an ethical concern because, frankly, people don't want porn served with a side dish of ethics.
Wendy Maltz: I have a lot of respect for the man who wrote this letter. He's really thinking about his relationship to porn and trying to figure it out. He doesn't have the secrecy and shame element going on that a lot of people have with porn. But there's something happening — he's starting to question it. I can't say if his porn use in particular is a good thing or a bad thing. It's so personal. People have ask themselves, "What does porn mean to me? What is it doing to me? Where's it taking me?"
Cheryl Strayed: What do you mean when you say "Where's it taking me?" Do you mean to suggest that, in some ways, his porn use could be robbing his marriage of a sort of intimacy that it might have if he didn't use it?
Wendy: Porn is a very powerful product. It's like nothing we've ever seen before. There's a conditioning process associated with porn. It can become a stronger habit. Our sexual arousal response gets patterned to particular cues, and those cues can be the images in porn or they can be the smell of a lover's neck. Images are very powerful, so porn could be affecting the intimacy he has with his wife in ways he's not even aware of. He says porn is not an issue in his marriage, but he and his wife aren't really talking about its place in their relationship either.
Steve: There's a kind of "don't-ask-don't-tell" policy when it comes to porn in relationships. Pornography, predominantly for men, is a little secret cavern — it's a place we go, even if we're in happy, deeply communicative relationships, as it seems this guy is.
Cheryl: Part of my response to this letter is that there's nothing wrong. This guy wants to have an orgasm about four times a week. Presumably, if his wife wanted to have sex more, she would be making advances towards him. And he has a different sex drive than she does, and so he just takes care of himself. He doesn't need to tell his wife. There is such thing as privacy, even when you're married to somebody. Wendy, is this inherently a bad setup, or are you thinking, well clearly, because he's asking these questions, he's not entirely comfortable with it?
Wendy: From a clinical perspective, we're not talking about someone who is disassociated or who uses porn in lieu of sex, but there's something going on for him — he signed his letter " Troubled by Porn." One of the things that I wonder about is, why does he use porn a lot while he's working? Is sexual release a way of dealing with stress for him? Maybe he's not feeling as productive or as recognized in his field as he'd like to be? Has porn become a way that he self-soothes? And if so, is that at the expense of learning other ways to take care of himself — reaching out to a real person or going for a run?
The other thing is his age. Being a man in his mid-50s, it can take a little longer to get sexually aroused. The erections aren't as firm. Sex can become a little bit more laborious in terms of functioning, but under usual circumstances, that's offset by really good communication with a partner you've been with for years.
Cheryl: Or by a sense of humor — that sex doesn't have to be a performance. It doesn't always have to equal orgasm. It's a sensual exchange of pleasure and communication.
Wendy: And there's this wonderful growth that a couple can have. I've been married for nearly 40 years now, but I had a rough beginning as a sexual person. I've now experienced what it's like to be in a long-term relationship where you don't have a heavy influence of porn and where you can really work with your partner and learn with your partner and grow with your partner sexually. I think a lot of couples are missing out on that growth.
Steve: Troubled by Porn, you've reached a moment where you have to ask yourself, "What is the meaning of porn for me? And if I'm unsettled, do I need to start having the difficult, but necessary, discussion with my wife to say, 'I feel greater desire and I want it to be toward you . I want to find a better balance between my porn use and our sex life together.' "
You can get more advice from the Sugars each week on Dear Sugar Radio from WBUR . Listen to the full episode to hear more about how porn can affect relationships.
Have a question for the Sugars? Email dearsugarradio@gmail.com and it may be answered on a future episode.
You can also listen to Dear Sugar Radio on iTunes , Stitcher or your favorite podcast app.
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