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I am a 28-year-old woman, happily married for three years to a man I love. He is handsome, romantic, loving and funny. He is sexually experienced and knows how to satisfy a woman. We have a good relationship, but there is just something missing and I yearn to have sex with other men.
Many a time when I meet other men I imagine what they look like naked and what it would be like to make love to them. I want to caress them and for them to caress me. My husband is aware of my attraction to other guys.
We have a very close relationship and have discussed it several times. At first he found it quite painful, naturally, but I have reassured him of my love for him and my commitment to our marriage, and he understands more where I’m coming from.
I don’t feel I can go on like this and have asked his permission to sleep with other men. He has consented to this and the next time I find myself attracted to another man I am going to proposition him.
You’re playing with fire and risk getting horribly burnt. You might find this fantasy of yours isn’t as good as you imagined it would be and you could lose your husband in the bargain. Yes, he’s saying you can do it, but it’s not because he wants you to, it’s because he loves you and is frightened he’ll lose you if he doesn’t agree to it. Think carefully about how you’d feel if he decided to do the same.
This isn’t my idea of a good relationship. Some people have open marriages and they work for them, but in my opinion it’s usually more open for one partner than the other and someone inevitably gets hurt.
Also, bear in mind that it’s easy to say you want to sleep with other men but, until you do it, you won’t know how it’s going to affect your marriage. Be aware that it could blow it apart, whatever your hubby feels now, and completely change how you feel about each other.
I do think it’s a shame you can’t find a way of creating that spark in your sex life with him. Or maybe you just want the best of both worlds. If you were telling me your hubby wanted to do this, I'd be saying he wants to have his cake and eat it!
You say such lovely things about him, but I think you’re being incredibly selfish. We all see other people and think they’re attractive, but most of us in relationships don’t act on it. You need to ask yourself, honestly, if you really want to stay in this marriage.
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The Standard Group Plc is a multi-media organization with investments in media platforms spanning newspaper print
operations, television, radio broadcasting, digital and online services. The Standard Group is recognized as a
leading multi-media house in Kenya with a key influence in matters of national and international interest.
Standard Group Plc HQ Office,
The Standard Group Center,Mombasa Road.
P.O Box 30080-00100,Nairobi, Kenya.
Telephone number: 0203222111, 0719012111
Email: corporate@standardmedia.co.ke
More stories to check out before you go
I am a 28-year-old woman, happily married for three years to a man I love. He is handsome, romantic, loving and funny. He is sexually experienced and knows how to satisfy a woman. We have a good relationship, but there is just something missing and I yearn to have sex with other men.
Many a time when I meet other men I imagine what they look like naked and what it would be like to make love to them. I want to caress them and for them to caress me. My husband is aware of my attraction to other guys.
We have a very close relationship and have discussed it several times. At first he found it quite painful, naturally, but I have reassured him of my love for him and my commitment to our marriage, and he understands more where I’m coming from.
I don’t feel I can go on like this and have asked his permission to sleep with other men. He has consented to this and the next time I find myself attracted to another man I am going to proposition him.
You’re playing with fire and risk getting horribly burnt. You might find this fantasy of yours isn’t as good as you imagined it would be and you could lose your husband in the bargain. Yes, he’s saying you can do it, but it’s not because he wants you to, it’s because he loves you and is frightened he’ll lose you if he doesn’t agree to it. Think carefully about how you’d feel if he decided to do the same.
This isn’t my idea of a good relationship. Some people have open marriages and they work for them, but in my opinion it’s usually more open for one partner than the other and someone inevitably gets hurt.
Also, bear in mind that it’s easy to say you want to sleep with other men but, until you do it, you won’t know how it’s going to affect your marriage. Be aware that it could blow it apart, whatever your hubby feels now, and completely change how you feel about each other.
I do think it’s a shame you can’t find a way of creating that spark in your sex life with him. Or maybe you just want the best of both worlds. If you were telling me your hubby wanted to do this, I'd be saying he wants to have his cake and eat it!
You say such lovely things about him, but I think you’re being incredibly selfish. We all see other people and think they’re attractive, but most of us in relationships don’t act on it. You need to ask yourself, honestly, if you really want to stay in this marriage.
Subscribe to our newsletter and stay updated on the latest developments and special offers!
Looks like you're using an ad blocker. We rely on advertising to help fund our site.
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“They’re making babies down there,” my brother told my mom after walking in on me and a friend fooling around. Little did I know that he was right. That was the day I conceived my first child. I was only 16 .
My mother was blasting Al Green like she did every Sunday when she cleaned the house. “No, we weren’t,” I tried to assure her, but I doubt she believed me. I was usually pretty open about my sex life with her. She had known for quite some time that I was sexually active. I probably could’ve just told her the truth, like I had many times before, but this time was different from the rest. This time I did it in her house, and my heart was still racing from the excitement.
You’d think the experience of being a teen mom would make me want to keep all boys at least 10 feet away from my daughter, or at least ban boys from her room. Certainly, I don’t want her to go through what I did as a teen mom. I want her to wait until she’s ready to experience motherhood on her own terms, until she’s lived life for herself at least a little bit.
But I know that trying to keep teens from having sex is impossible. If they want to have sex, they’ll find a way. I know this because I remember being a teen. I remember a dark moonlit bedroom not being a requirement for fooling around. I remember taking advantage of my boyfriend’s parents being at work. I remember the sex in parked cars, the park and garages. And I remember not being the exception — almost all of my friends were having sex.
Banning boys from spending the night wouldn’t have prevented my teen pregnancy. It won’t protect my daughter either. Not from pregnancy, or the other potential consequences of unsafe sex. If my daughter were to engage in unsafe sex with a person of any gender, she could contract an STD or STI. It would be completely irresponsible of me to ignore the possibility that my daughter isn’t heterosexual. If I am worried about boys, I should be equally worried about girls. It’s either no one can spend the night, or everyone can.
That’s the logic I used when I asked my mother at 15 to have a good friend who happened to be male sleep over.
“You realize I could be sleeping with my girlfriends when they spend the night, right?” I remember asking her. I identified as bisexual at the time, and she knew it. But I could tell she had never even considered the possibility that my girlfriends were anything more than friends.
“Well, if he’s just a friend and you trust him, I’ll trust you.”
My mom trusted me. After that day, she often let me have boys spend the night. Every male friend I had knew what my bedroom looked like. And although it may seem counterintuitive, this is what she did right. She understood and listened. She never judged or punished me for being sexual. She believed me when I told her that a boy was just a friend and nothing sexual would happen if he spent the night. She created an environment where talking about sex was natural.
But despite her trust in me, she also failed me. She never talked to me about safe sex . I don’t know why. Perhaps she intended to but didn’t know how, or maybe she trusted I was getting accurate information somewhere else. She never once mentioned birth control or condoms; she just vaguely mentioned staying safe a few times.
And it’s not that I didn’t know birth control existed; I did. I just didn’t know how to ask for it. Every time I confessed my sexual activity to her, I hoped she would offer to get me the pill, buy me condoms, and teach me about safe sex with both girls and boys. I wanted her to teach me how to be assertive and insist protection be used. But she never did.
I won’t fail my daughter the same way. She’ll have my trust and guidance. She already knows about my own experiences and that I could never be mad at her for being sexual. I’ll give her support and information. She can have boys and girls spend the night just like I did as a teen, but unlike me, she’ll have access to condoms, birth control and information about STIs and STDs. The conversation about sex will be ongoing and comprehensive.
I know I can’t stop her from having sex, but at least I can help her stay safe.
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“They’re making babies down there,” my brother told my mom after walking in on me and a friend fooling around. Little did I know that he was right. That was the day I conceived my first child. I was only 16 .
My mother was blasting Al Green like she did every Sunday when she cleaned the house. “No, we weren’t,” I tried to assure her, but I doubt she believed me. I was usually pretty open about my sex life with her. She had known for quite some time that I was sexually active. I probably could’ve just told her the truth, like I had many times before, but this time was different from the rest. This time I did it in her house, and my heart was still racing from the excitement.
You’d think the experience of being a teen mom would make me want to keep all boys at least 10 feet away from my daughter, or at least ban boys from her room. Certainly, I don’t want her to go through what I did as a teen mom. I want her to wait until she’s ready to experience motherhood on her own terms, until she’s lived life for herself at least a little bit.
But I know that trying to keep teens from having sex is impossible. If they want to have sex, they’ll find a way. I know this because I remember being a teen. I remember a dark moonlit bedroom not being a requirement for fooling around. I remember taking advantage of my boyfriend’s parents being at work. I remember the sex in parked cars, the park and garages. And I remember not being the exception — almost all of my friends were having sex.
Banning boys from spending the night wouldn’t have prevented my teen pregnancy. It won’t protect my daughter either. Not from pregnancy, or the other potential consequences of unsafe sex. If my daughter were to engage in unsafe sex with a person of any gender, she could contract an STD or STI. It would be completely irresponsible of me to ignore the possibility that my daughter isn’t heterosexual. If I am worried about boys, I should be equally worried about girls.
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