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operations, television, radio broadcasting, digital and online services. The Standard Group is recognized as a
leading multi-media house in Kenya with a key influence in matters of national and international interest.
Standard Group Plc HQ Office,
The Standard Group Center,Mombasa Road.
P.O Box 30080-00100,Nairobi, Kenya.
Telephone number: 0203222111, 0719012111
Email: corporate@standardmedia.co.ke
More stories to check out before you go
I am 32 and married with children but in serious trouble because I messed up with a young girl (18) from our estate and she is now pregnant. We became friends after I frequently gave her a lift to town then we had casual no-strings-attached sex on several occasions. She is now four months pregnant and she is asking me what she is going to tell her parents. I have tried to talk to her but she isn’t listening. I don’t love her and I can’t imagine losing my family because of this young and irresponsible girl. I think some neighbours are already suspecting something from the way they make funny statements at me and so it may just be a matter of time before this comes out. I don’t know what to do. Please advise.
Ochieng, are you calling her young and irresponsible now that she is pregnant for you? Accept that she is expectant and since she is not underage consider engaging all the concerned parties including her parents and your family. You knew you did not love her but still went ahead and slept with her. Choices have consequences. Face this problem head-on, tell your wife what you did and prepare to raise this chid.
This is a problem of your own making. I would not encourage you to ask anyone to terminate a pregnancy. People already know of the story so in case she procures abortion and she dies or something happens you shall be the first culprit. You better inform your wife and your parents of this pregnant lady and be ready to support her and her baby because it has happened after your prolonged relationship. But first wait for the birth of the child then you can do a DNA test to confirm paternity then if it turns out positive you can do what will be required of you.
How do you go terming her as irresponsible? It is interesting how you realise this only now after sleeping with her severally. A responsible man takes responsibility for his actions and that pregnancy is your responsibility. You should encourage and support her to keep that pregnancy and make sure the child is raised responsibly.
One of the best ways of dealing with adversity is to stay ahead of the information. Let your wife get the information from you before someone else gives her the 'abridged' version. Get her in her best moods, when it is the two of you, preferably, away from home. Be honest with her and together come up with how to deal with the scenario. Be very calm throughout the discussion. The girl is free to inform her parents. Finally, take the responsibility by law or laws of moral justice.
What really has woken you up from your secret doing? Is it because the girl is pregnant? Would you be feeling this repentant if she was not?
Well, this must be a time of deep regret for you and I guess you wish you could conceal all this drama. Keeping this a secret may not be possible, there is a child already involved, and it is not a solution. The best option now is for you to open up to your wife yourself before the rumour gets to her. Do not wait for her to seek an explanation from you.
When you volunteer to give the information, even your apology will sound real as opposed to waiting until she gets to know, then you appear as if you are seeking forgiveness because your private affair has been uncovered and not because you are remorseful.
We cannot tell how she will react but your conduct before now will determine the outcome. That is, if you have been good to her, she is likely to forgive you, but if your behaviour has been a pain to her, then things might be different. That is why you must be the one to disclose this matter to her.
In addition, the child’s welfare needs to be taken into consideration and this is something that the three of you need to agree on. All said and done, make an honest assessment of your relationship so that such incidents can be avoided in future. Sometimes couples slowly drift apart without their knowledge. It is only episodes like this that jerks them to reality. Therefore make every necessary changes that you may have to. Together you can turn and get this relationship back on course and thriving.
(Hilda Boke Mahare has a background in Counselling Psychology)
Ochieng, I more or less understand the situation you are in but I am not sure about what sort of ending you are anticipating through this. Picking from your words you say she is asking you about what to tell her parents but on the other hand you are talking to her and she is not listening? We shall get back to this later but it is somewhat a paradox.
Essentially, I have my fingers crossed that she is actually 18 as you say because anything lower than this can actually turn out to be disastrous for you. If he is indeed 18 the problems are still enormous but of a different nature. If my imagination serves me right, you are trying to get her to sort this matter once and for all through a termination. If this be the case then she is doing the right thing by not listening to you and it is actually very unfair of you to think of putting her life at risk all for your convenience. If she is pregnant with your child I encourage you to deal with the matter as is and not consider unreasonable shortcuts that only work well for you.
I am also surprised that you term her an irresponsible girl but do remember that you repeatedly had sexual relations with her so you are just as irresponsible if not more. This is something you will have to deal with for the rest of your life and with such matters the key is coming out clean on this. Yes, it will have repercussions on you and all the families that are involved in this. There is no other way to dealing with such matters. Come clean and take whatever responsibility that may come from this. You may not need to marry her but as far as the child is concerned, you ought to take your rightful share of responsibilities and support them. Yes, this will impact heavily on your family but since there is no other way to go about this you will have to bear the brunt. On their part, they will need to come to terms with this and learn to live with it. The alternative is to move from that neighbourhood and deal with this secretly for as long as it will be possible.
{Simon Anyona is a relationships counsellor}
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The Standard Group Plc is a multi-media organization with investments in media platforms spanning newspaper print
operations, television, radio broadcasting, digital and online services. The Standard Group is recognized as a
leading multi-media house in Kenya with a key influence in matters of national and international interest.
Standard Group Plc HQ Office,
The Standard Group Center,Mombasa Road.
P.O Box 30080-00100,Nairobi, Kenya.
Telephone number: 0203222111, 0719012111
Email: corporate@standardmedia.co.ke
More stories to check out before you go
I am 32 and married with children but in serious trouble because I messed up with a young girl (18) from our estate and she is now pregnant. We became friends after I frequently gave her a lift to town then we had casual no-strings-attached sex on several occasions. She is now four months pregnant and she is asking me what she is going to tell her parents. I have tried to talk to her but she isn’t listening. I don’t love her and I can’t imagine losing my family because of this young and irresponsible girl. I think some neighbours are already suspecting something from the way they make funny statements at me and so it may just be a matter of time before this comes out. I don’t know what to do. Please advise.
Ochieng, are you calling her young and irresponsible now that she is pregnant for you? Accept that she is expectant and since she is not underage consider engaging all the concerned parties including her parents and your family. You knew you did not love her but still went ahead and slept with her. Choices have consequences. Face this problem head-on, tell your wife what you did and prepare to raise this chid.
This is a problem of your own making. I would not encourage you to ask anyone to terminate a pregnancy. People already know of the story so in case she procures abortion and she dies or something happens you shall be the first culprit. You better inform your wife and your parents of this pregnant lady and be ready to support her and her baby because it has happened after your prolonged relationship. But first wait for the birth of the child then you can do a DNA test to confirm paternity then if it turns out positive you can do what will be required of you.
How do you go terming her as irresponsible? It is interesting how you realise this only now after sleeping with her severally. A responsible man takes responsibility for his actions and that pregnancy is your responsibility. You should encourage and support her to keep that pregnancy and make sure the child is raised responsibly.
One of the best ways of dealing with adversity is to stay ahead of the information. Let your wife get the information from you before someone else gives her the 'abridged' version. Get her in her best moods, when it is the two of you, preferably, away from home. Be honest with her and together come up with how to deal with the scenario. Be very calm throughout the discussion. The girl is free to inform her parents. Finally, take the responsibility by law or laws of moral justice.
What really has woken you up from your secret doing? Is it because the girl is pregnant? Would you be feeling this repentant if she was not?
Well, this must be a time of deep regret for you and I guess you wish you could conceal all this drama. Keeping this a secret may not be possible, there is a child already involved, and it is not a solution. The best option now is for you to open up to your wife yourself before the rumour gets to her. Do not wait for her to seek an explanation from you.
When you volunteer to give the information, even your apology will sound real as opposed to waiting until she gets to know, then you appear as if you are seeking forgiveness because your private affair has been uncovered and not because you are remorseful.
We cannot tell how she will react but your conduct before now will determine the outcome. That is, if you have been good to her, she is likely to forgive you, but if your behaviour has been a pain to her, then things might be different. That is why you must be the one to disclose this matter to her.
In addition, the child’s welfare needs to be taken into consideration and this is something that the three of you need to agree on. All said and done, make an honest assessment of your relationship so that such incidents can be avoided in future. Sometimes couples slowly drift apart without their knowledge. It is only episodes like this that jerks them to reality. Therefore make every necessary changes that you may have to. Together you can turn and get this relationship back on course and thriving.
(Hilda Boke Mahare has a background in Counselling Psychology)
Ochieng, I more or less understand the situation you are in but I am not sure about what sort of ending you are anticipating through this. Picking from your words you say she is asking you about what to tell her parents but on the other hand you are talking to her and she is not listening? We shall get back to this later but it is somewhat a paradox.
Essentially, I have my fingers crossed that she is actually 18 as you say because anything lower than this can actually turn out to be disastrous for you. If he is indeed 18 the problems are still enormous but of a different nature. If my imagination serves me right, you are trying to get her to sort this matter once and for all through a termination. If this be the case then she is doing the right thing by not listening to you and it is actually very unfair of you to think of putting her life at risk all for your convenience. If she is pregnant with your child I encourage you to deal with the matter as is and not consider unreasonable shortcuts that only work well for you.
I am also surprised that you term her an irresponsible girl but do remember that you repeatedly had sexual relations with her so you are just as irresponsible if not more. This is something you will have to deal with for the rest of your life and with such matters the key is coming out clean on this. Yes, it will have repercussions on you and all the families that are involved in this. There is no other way to dealing with such matters. Come clean and take whatever responsibility that may come from this. You may not need to marry her but as far as the child is concerned, you ought to take your rightful share of responsibilities and support them. Yes, this will impact heavily on your family but since there is no other way to go about this you will have to bear the brunt. On their part, they will need to come to terms with this and learn to live with it. The alternative is to move from that neighbourhood and deal with this secretly for as long as it will be possible.
{Simon Anyona is a relationships counsellor}
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Best Of Phoenix ®
People & Places
2006
BEST PLACE TO GET IN ON AN ENTERTAINING BITCHFEST
AZPunk.com
The Valley's premier punk rock community and networking site serves many purposes promoting local punk shows, offering merchandise from local bands, and highlighting different local bands each week but the site component that probably sees the most action is the Message Board, where P-town punks love to get their panties in a bunch at each other, or more often than not at any outsiders who disagree with them or criticize any aspect of their scene. Let's just say we've seen that firsthand, more than once. There are also fervent discussions on topics including everything from "What's the best show you've seen so far this year?" to whether Phoenix sucks, with people posting icons of fists with protruding middle fingers and prosaic phrases like "Fuck you!" But it ain't all about the cyber throwdowns the message board also serves as a virtual corkboard, peppered with postings about benefit shows for people like North Side Kings singer Danny Marianino who was reportedly jumped by a group of guys in August and needed to raise funds for reconstructive surgery on his face and the late owner of Jugheads, Sid Copeland. So in the end, it really is all about community, even if the arguments are more heated and amusing than anything Jerry Springer could conjure.
We're feeling a little un-hip lately, mostly because we've been blowing through our 30s faster than you can say "midlife crisis." Since we don't have the dime to drop on either a new roadster or a new wardrobe, we'll get our hepcat groove back by attending the next SMoCA Nights shindig. The bold and the beautiful of the Valley turn out three times a year en masse for this ultra-cool concoction of fashion, music and art that's a collision of couture and culture. Although the focus is on fashion, with design divas like Camille Messina, Karelle Levy, and Kristin Dinnis staging runway shows, an assortment of other creative types including such pace-setting painters as Baron Gordon and Adam "Dumperfoo" Dumper, DJs like Maji and Brazilia, and musicians like jazz trio Sonorous lend their efforts to the proceedings. Dancing demonstrations, debauched drinking, and other artistic activities abound. Simply put, SMoCA Nights are smokin' hot.
Best Of Phoenix ®
People & Places
2006
BEST WAY TO MEET LIKE-MINDED NEIGHBORS WITHOUT LEAVING THE HOUSE
ModernPhoenix.net
They call themselves MoPhos, which is short for "Modern Phoenicians," and they're all about preserving the recent past by elevating our consciousness about the importance of local architecture and landmarks. They come together via the occasional home tour, but mostly through a Web site called ModernPhoenix.net, where folks who love mid-century homes and slump-block banks can share their knowledge and help promote preservation via the Internet. The brainchild of Alison and Matthew King, ModernPhoenix calls itself a "neighborhood network," but it operates more like a super-professional online shelter pub that's busting at the cyber-seams with useful information and entertaining articles about everything from how to rehab a Haver home to what to do to get historical designation for your neighborhood. Even for those of us who aren't architecturally inclined, there's plenty of gorgeous photography of what Phoenix used to look like (and may look like again, if the Kings have anything to do with it) to keep us returning to this virtual community time and again.
Shameless self-promoters love this kick-ass rack, because Modified's smack in the middle of Roosevelt Row, and the Row is the hub of Phoenix's arts scene. What better place to get the word out about your band's next gig or that new experimental-art performance? And the grassroots advertising technique seems to work, as you always see First Friday/Third Friday street crawlers pawing through the fliers in search of artistic adventure. In fact, the rack at Modified is the only one we've ever seen that has a queue of impatient, toe-tapping Phoenicians waiting for their chance to find cultural enlightenment or at least a good party.
Visibility is at a premium at this basement-level bar, which is usually shrouded in a state of near darkness, punctuated only by the eerie crimson glow of red ceiling lamps. Serving not only as shady shelter from which to escape the blazing Arizona sun, Monroe's also provides downtown Phoenix denizens with the perfect hiding place to slip away for a noontime drink or even spend the afternoon playing hooky from work. After dark, however, the underground imbibery plays host to an assortment of alcohol-fueled urbanites who swap stories amidst the dusky gloom or enjoy live music from the best in local jazz, blues and rock acts on weekends. The shadowy establishment almost feels like it could be some iniquitous underworld headquarters for rogues planning their next heist, or even more dog-faced types who'd like to make time with hotties of the opposite sex without having to reveal their ugly mugs. Be careful not to trip heading down the stairs.
Best Of Phoenix ®
People & Places
2006
BEST HOME AWAY FROM HOME
Homme
Confession: We love cheap booze as much as anyone, but to be honest, we're a little sick of slump-block dives and cans of PBR. Yet while we yearn to class things up a bit, we can't quite get into a night on the town with the plastics on the east side. Luckily, we've stumbled upon this midtown house turned bar where somehow worlds collide: slummy and swanky, gay and straight it all seems to work here. Technically, Homme is a gay bar (oh, come on . . . you know "homme" means "man" in French,
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