Son Mind Control Mom

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Son Mind Control Mom
Originally Published: Feb. 22, 2017
1 Your Mom Wants You In Her Inner Circle
2 You Feel Obligated To Help Her Navigate Her Own Life
3 She Doesn’t Respect the Fact That You’re Now An Adult
4 She Interferes With Your Personal Relationships
5 She Guilt Trips You About Finances
6 She Has An Opinion About Everything You Do
9 She’s A Narcissist Who Competes With You
10 She Puts You Down By Comparing You To Others
11 You Feel Like She’s Being Too Controlling
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We all deserve a loving, healthy relationship with our parents. Unfortunately, it’s not always that simple — just because someone raised you doesn’t guarantee a smooth, drama-free rapport with them. If the dynamic with your mom is strained because she’s too controlling, constantly makes you feel guilty, or manipulates and gaslights you, you’re not alone. Underlying issues are likely behind your mom’s behavior, and getting to the root of them is a key first step toward improving the relationship .
According to clinical psychologist Sarah Schewitz , anxiety can be a common factor behind a controlling mother’s behavior . “People with anxiety tend to think of the worst-case scenario and fear that their life or their child’s life is in danger at any given moment,” Schewitz tells Bustle. “Being controlling is a way to protect her child from harm and a way to manage her anxiety.”
Yet another reason: Your mom may be simply modeling a pattern of behavior. If she grew up with controlling parents herself, she may think it’s the best way to parent, Schewitz says — she might have been raised in a home where she felt powerless and now exerts extra control to compensate. “Her feelings may not have been respected or she may not have had a voice in her home,” says Schewitz. “If she hasn’t done the work to get over this, she will continue fighting this power struggle throughout her whole life."
Moms are only human, and it’s completely natural for them to make mistakes. But if the above characteristics remind you of your mom, read on for 11 more signs that your mother might be too controlling — and what you can do about it.
Being BFF with your mom is a childhood dream, particularly for anyone who grew up watching Gilmore Girls . However, if she constantly pressures you to hang out with her or guilt trips you to do what she wants, it may be a red flag.
“If your mom goes beyond including you in social events and activities, and basically treats you like a friend — demands the friendship, ties love to that friendship, and requires you to act like her best friend — she is being too controlling,” explains clinical psychologist Joshua Klapow . Your mom should act like your mom, not your peer.
While there’s certainly nothing wrong with enjoying spending time with your mom and having fun together, she also needs to act as a guardian who can protect you, offer life advice and guidance, and keep you safe. Getting that dynamic to work usually requires a bit of healthy distance.
Some moms might not know it all: They’re human and need to grow and learn from their mistakes just like we do. It’s totally fine if your mom asks for your opinion about a particular negative situation she may be experiencing. But if she constantly demands your advice and attention, she may be too dependent on your relationship and put undue pressure on you to be the adult in the dynamic.
“Your mom may call on you for your input, but to the extent that you feel your mom has sucked you into her decisions on a regular basis, then the boundaries have faded,” says Klapow. “Your mom should be able to make decisions about friends, work, and life for the most part on her own.” If not, she’s being too overbearing.
Although it may be touching that your mom still thinks of you as her baby, watch out if she overly meddles or interferes with your independence. “If your mom doesn’t respect your ability to make major decisions about your own life, this kind of infantilization can become overbearing,” says Dr. Sadi Fox , clinical psychologist and founder of Flourish Psychology. “If this becomes a habit, you’ll have to set some boundaries and remind her that you are a fully grown adult capable of making your own decisions and mistakes.”
When you’re under the age of 18 and still living at home, it’s your mom’s job to make sure you're hanging with the right crowd. But once you leave the nest and make a living on your own, your mom shouldn’t stalk you on Instagram or Facebook and constantly question your whereabouts. If this is a common occurrence, it’s a sign she’s being an overbearing mother , and you should assert some distance.
“Who you hang out with, who you date, should only be your mom’s business if she’s invited,” says Klapow. “Your mom should not automatically be a part of these interactions. If this is happening ‘against your will,’ she may be too controlling.”
“If your mom makes snide remarks about your purchases or tries to make you feel guilty for spending your hard-earned money, this is a sure sign that she is too controlling,” says Fox. “In some instances, this is caused by her projecting her own values onto you with the expectation that you should spend your money in the same way that she spends hers.” But financial meddling can be a common sign of an unhealthy, at times abusive dynamic. If you’re independent from your mom, money-wise, then she doesn’t need to share her two cents about your spending.
A grown adult shouldn’t feel constantly bombarded by questions and accusations whenever they see their mom. Although most moms express concern out of love or because they only want the best for their children, controlling moms might continue to push issues because they want to be heard. “You should have the freedom to work, go to school, and socialize without being tethered back to [your] mom,” says Klapow. Basic decisions like where to go to eat, what to do on a given day, or how to think or react should not be dictated by her.
If you’ve ever been briefly away from your phone only to come back to dozens of texts from your mom wondering why you weren’t responding and if you’re still alive, this could be behavior from an overbearing mother. “Controlling moms often are very fearful of what might happen to their children,” says Schewitz. “Being controlling is a way to protect her child from harm and a way to manage her anxiety.” Although she isn’t acting out of ill will, you still deserve your personal space , and compassionately expressing that need will improve your relationship dynamic.
Another common characteristic of a controlling mother? Lack of empathy . “Some controlling mothers lack empathy for their children,” says Schewitz. “This could be the result of being so caught up in their own life stress that they don’t have the capacity or energy to think about their children’s feelings. Other moms just never fully develop the ability to be empathetic toward anyone, let alone their children.” If this is the case, it could be helpful to seek the advice of a therapist on how to best navigate this difficult relationship.
“Controlling, narcissistic mothers want you all to themselves and want to believe they’re the most desired and admired,” Lancer explains. “Out of both jealousy and envy they may compete with you for attention from your girlfriend or boyfriend, or shame you for preferring or being close with your [other] parent.” They also might meddle in your relationships with friends or lovers — tactics like flirting, criticizing you, or telling a date not to call any more behind your back — or, worse, dating a boyfriend or girlfriend, she explains. ( Hello, Julie Cooper !)
Another version of competing with you is to unfairly compare you to others as a way to put you down , according to Lancer. “Your mom might compare you to a sibling, a friend of yours, a cousin, or even herself — how spoiled, inferior, or lucky you are compared to when she was young,” she says. This behavior stems from the same jealousy and envy that motivates the competition and also can end up with you feeling shame and low self-worth.
Trust your gut . “If you look at your interactions with your mom and more times than not they ‘feel controlling,’ there is a decent chance she is being too controlling,” says Kaplow. If you get the sense that your mom is constantly creeping on you, questioning your whereabouts, or telling you what to do, then you might want to sit down and have a chat. While you want to make sure that your mom understands you love her, you want her to have her own life, too
Sadi Fox , clinical psychologist and founder of Flourish Psychology
Sarah Schewitz , clinical psychologist
Joshua Klapow , clinical psychologist
This article was originally published on Feb. 22, 2017

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A man given up for adoption has left the internet in shock after detailing his “incredible” sex life after falling in love with his biological mother.
A jaw-dropping story about a man describing the “mind-blowing sex” he has with his biological mother has left the internet in shock.
Ben Ford, 32, was originally adopted at birth after his mum Kim West, 51, gave him up – but 30 years later the pair were reunited when Ben sent his mother a letter.
But after meeting up at a hotel and after sharing a bottle of champagne, the pair shared their first illicit kiss.
Before long the couple’s fondness for each other developed into incestual lust and the mother and son began having sex.
Eventually Ben was forced to confess his affair to wife, Victoria, revealing in excruciating detail the “incredible and mind-blowing” sex he was having with his own mother.
Their story made headlines around the world when the pair went public with their romance in 2016, revealing they’d been “forced into hiding” as their sexual relationship was illegal in the US state of Michigan where they lived.
Local laws meant they could both face up to 15 years in prison and be placed on a Sex Register for life, though Ben and Kim argued their bizarre relationship was the result of Genetic Sexual Attraction (GSA).
While the story first emerged six years ago after Ben and Kim appeared on the font cover of a British newspaper, interest in the story has piqued again after it was republished by The Sun recently.
Shocked social media users have weighed in on the “disgusting” relationship and are asking what happened to the pair.
“This is disgusting makes me feel sick,” one wrote on Facebook.
“Just absolutely so disgusting!! 7.9 billion people in this world and you chose your own son? It’s not OK, it will never be OK. Incest is not OK,” another said.
“She’s the mother, she should know better. He just wants a mum,” one woman argued.
Kim, who worked as an interior designer, addressed claims their romance was “disgusting” back in their 2016 interview with The New Day.
“This is not incest, it is GSA. We are like peas in a pod and are meant to be together,” she said.
“I know people will say we’re disgusting, that we should be able to control our feelings, but when you’re hit by a love so consuming you are willing to give up everything for it, you have to fight for it.
“It’s a once in a lifetime chance and something Ben and I are not willing to walk away from.”
Ben also stood firm about his relationship with his biological mother, telling his wife at the time: “Every time I have had sex with you since I met her, I imagine it’s her I am kissing, otherwise I can’t perform.”
Victoria had reportedly “already grown suspicious” of the pair’s close bond and launched into a “hysterical rant” at discovering the truth.
Kim, who grew up in Islington London, fell pregnant while studying in California at the age of 19, The Sun reported.
She decided to give up the baby for adoption before heading back to the UK, eventually losing contact with the family.
But 30 years later the mother and son would be reunited when Ben sent her a letter – hoping to meet his biological mum.
Neither of them knew that their first meeting a year later would spark a disturbing affair that would tear his own family apart.
Kim says it was as if they had “known each other for years” and she began having sexual dreams about her own son.
Just three days after their first sexual encounter, Ben revealed the life-changing news to his wife.
Both Kim and Ben believe that GSA is the reason for their bizarre feelings.
GSA is a term used to describe an attraction between relatives who were not raised together but met as adults.
However, the phenomenon has been considered a pseudoscience by some experts who have tried to debunk it .
Ben, a computer coder, said: “When I met Kim, I couldn’t think of her as my mum but instead as a sexual being.
“I had seen a therapist at an adoption support group and had learnt about the GSA phenomenon.”
Back in 2016, the pair revealed they were planning to get married and were event considering having children, though recognised this may not be possible due to possible inbreeding issues.
Their location is currently unknown and it is unclear if the couple are still in a relationship.
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Watching your adult child fall in love with someone you don’t get on with can be hard for any parent, but while it’s often no more than a clash of personalities, one mum has now revealed her deep-rooted rift with her daughter-in-law has destroyed her relationship with her own child.
As more and more families are suffering from estrangement heartbreak across Australia, this mother has bravely spoken to Starts at 60 about how she lost contact with her adult child – blaming the devastating sequence of events on his “controlling” partner.
The 70-year-old woman, who did not wish to be named, has compared her own experience to elder abuse, admitting: “I am estranged from our two grandchildren who live nearby. We have been in the situation for almost seven years. It is absolutely heartbreaking. The grief never leaves you… It is like a death without a funeral.”
While she was once very close to her adult son, she admitted she has barely seen him for years, along with her two grandchildren who he welcomed amid the rift.
She explained her son met and married a woman, (who both parents felt concerned about), very quickly. Sure enough, they soon came to believe that their daughter-in-law was controlling their son to such an extent that he began to distance himself from both of his parents, his sister, and his wider family and friends.
Asked what she believes first caused tension between them, she said: “It’s probably that we voiced our opinions about her. I think she was bound to find fault with us, or with any family come to that.”
The woman admitted there was eventually a big argument that cut ties between them. However, she believes it was bound to happen anyway.
“It’s basically a controlling partner, who decides to cut you off. I personally believe it wouldn’t have mattered what family she married in to, the same thing would have happened. We believe she is controlling [him],” she explained.
While her son welcomed a daughter with his wife before they lost all contact with him, they have since had another child who this grandmother has never met.
Incredibly, she said she often still sees her son and daughter-in-law as they live in a similar area to her, but every time she’s attempted to approach them she’s been rejected.
“The first time I was in the café with a big group of people,” she recalled. “I looked up and saw our daughter-in-law. I jumped up immediately and I went to her and put my arms around her, which shows I’m willing to forgive. She was as stiff as a statue.
“Then I noticed she was looking at a little girl on the other side of the room who was getting water out of a fountain. I asked her if that was our granddaughter and she said yes it was, and ‘do not approach her’.
“As they left, I said goodbye to her [my granddaughter] and used her name, but she probably didn’t pick up on that.”
It wasn’t the only occasion the heartbroken grandmother was cut off in public, and recalled another occasion when she spotted her daughter-in-law and granddaughter once again in a cafe together.
“She [my daughter-in-law] was in the process of getting up and leaving. I called out and said goodbye to her [my granddaughter], again using her name, and I didn’t hear but the person beside me heard her say, ‘Don’t speak to random children’,” she said.
At a loss as to how to fix things, the woman has since written to various government agencies, but said she’s had no help offered. The couple have also contacted Relationships Australia for advice on trying to get visitation rights, but decided to wait it out after being told they may need to go to court – sparking a fight they don’t want to have with their son.
She’s not alone, and several Starts at 60 readers are sadly going through similar heartbreak, with one previously commenting: “I am estranged from my youngest son, am not permitted to see his children, he says he doesn’t know me! He draws me in now and again to hurt
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