Solo Girls Masturbate

Solo Girls Masturbate
By Hannah Orenstein Published: Dec 4, 2017
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"I can't be the only one who does it, right?"
Masturbation — there , we said it. Touching yourself might feel taboo and you might be embarrassed to talk about it, but exploring your sexuality is totally normal. It's a healthy way to learn about yourself and your body, so you feel more comfortable when you're ready to have a sexual partner. (And hey, it's fun and feels good, too.) If you think you're the only one of your friends who has done it, you're probably not. Here, 18 girls open up about how they do it, how often they do it, and all the complicated feelings (pleasure, empowerment, happiness, embarrassment) that go along with it.
1. "I was 13 or 14 when I masturbated for the first time. I was watching TV with my grandma — I think it was Modern Family — and they brought up masturbation. I had no idea at that time what it even meant, but handy ol' Google quickly filled me in. I masturbated for the first time shortly after that. It was awkward at first. I tried the whole shower head thing to see what all the hype was about, but it didn't work for me. I probably masturbate twice a week now. I come from a very religious family, so I thought it was something to be ashamed of. Now, it's completely different. A girl's got needs." — Spencer, 17
2. "I was 15 years old when it first happened. Up until a few months ago, I was COMPLETELY embarrassed about masturbation. Each time I did it, I was ashamed that it happened and wished that it didn't. I knew this feeling would occur afterwards, but I always did it anyways. However, now that I'm entering college and defining who I am, I am realizing that it isn't something I should be ashamed of. I can't be the only one who does it, right? The feminist in me has given me the ability to feel empowered and in control of myself and what I want each time it happens." — Malia, 18
3. "I use my hand, read sexy stories, and fantasize about past experiences. I masturbate quite frequently actually — at least four times a week. I'm an open book when it comes to literally anything else, but when it comes to masturbation, I'd never admit to doing it. Honestly, typing, or even saying the words 'I masturbate,' feels so foreign and taboo. I'm not ashamed of doing it, I'm just super secretive about it." — Noelle, 17
4. "I started experimenting with masturbation last year. I was a little nervous about it, but when I attempted it, I felt a little pleasure and wasn't so turned off by the idea anymore. I usually do it before I go to bed so I fall asleep better. At first, I used a pillow to masturbate and just recently switched to doing it myself. There's so many good things that come from having an orgasm so why wouldn't you? You've got to learn what you like and figure yourself out before someone else can. " — Annaka, 17
5. "I started when I was 17. I had my first orgasm, and after that, it became something I had to do every night. I just tend to use clitoral stimulation because it's foolproof for me and it's what I am most comfortable with at the moment. " — Jackie, 19
6. "I was 19 years old and had just gotten out of a pretty bad relationship. One day when I was sad, my best friend/roommate said I need to lock myself in my room, explore my body and love myself. Ever since, I've been very open to masturbating and truthfully regret not pleasuring myself sooner. Since then, I would say I regularly masturbate maybe three times a week, whenever I have free time in my bed really. I use my hand and read stories from time to time. It's empowered me to take control of my body and dictate when and how I experience pleasure. In a society that prioritizes men's sexual pleasure over women's, I take pride in knowing that I love myself and deserve all the pleasure I want and enjoy." — Avery, 22
7. "My mom told me once that she saw me playing with myself when I was a toddler, but the first time I can remember masturbating was in my early teens, maybe 13 or 14. I think it was to a fan fiction. It was pretty clumsy, and I recall being more embarrassed and worried that someone would walk in on me than focused on pleasure. Now, it makes me feel happy and satisfied. It's nice to be able to take pleasure into your own hands... literally. " — Megan, 19
8. "I usually masturbate once a day. I have to have visuals, so I watch porn. It's hard for me to just imagine stuff. I'm not embarrassed that I masturbate; if we're close enough and you ask me, I won't deny it at all. Or sometimes when I'm texting my friends in the group chat I'll be like, "brb gonna go mb." It's completely normal. I used to be really ashamed about it, though." — Fran, 22
9. "I masturbate roughly one to three times a week. When I first started masturbating, I'd use either my fingers or my shower head. Now that I'm 18, I bought myself a vibrator. " — Jill, 18
10. "I was about 11 the first time I masturbated. It was kind of an accident. I had a pillow between my legs to keep them from sticking to each other, and next thing I knew, I was humping the pillow. I usually start off reading sexy stories on Tumblr or porn websites, hump my pillow, and then start to use my hand. I've never talked to anyone about masturbating because I feel like I'd get judged for doing it. But the older I get and the more I hear about women masturbating, the better I feel about it. I don't think of masturbating as a bad thing anymore." — Ada, 18
11. "I was probably like 15 my first time. It was a really awkward and clumsy experience, and I felt guilty for doing it. I just use my hand, and usually if I'm in the mood to do it, I really don't need to think about anything else to help. It makes me feel proud that I'm secure enough with myself and my body to do it. I'm not ashamed at all because theres nothing wrong with doing it. It's a great way to relieve stress." — Michaela, 17
12. "I was 18 when I first tried. It was a super uncomfortable feeling. I think because I felt like it was a 'dirty' thing to do — even though the reason I was trying it in the first place was to familiarize myself with my body while I'm alone so I'd be comfortable and know my body when I was with my boyfriend as our relationship got more serious. I just Googled how to do it. The website I read had a ton of different ways to do it. I used my shower head. I switched the water power setting to a soft little stream. I moved past feeling dirty or embarrassed about masturbating, because I realized how comfy I am with my body now. I'm proud that I'm so in tune with myself." — Jordyn, 19
13. "I was 17 the first time I did it. At first, I didn't know what to do, and then I kind of just learned to move my hips around to get different feelings. I like to fantasize about guys when I'm doing it and I let the faucet do all the work. I want to try it with a dildo or vibrator, but I just don't have the guts to go buy one and risk getting caught with it in my room." — Kelly, 19
14. " I've tried talking to my friends about masturbation. I think they felt uncomfortable and a little astonished that I was so open with my sexuality. I think masturbation is a completely normal and healthy expression of loving your body and who you are. Over the years, I've shifted from feeling guilty to feeling proud of my body." — Lacey, 17
15. "I usually use my hand, but sometimes when I'm really worked up I use a mini vibrator to amp things up. Typically I watch steamy videos, but sometimes I will read written stories as well. The very first time I masturbated, when I was 11 or 12, I was thrilled by it. I instinctively knew it was something I needed to keep to myself, but I apparently didn't do a very good job because about a week or so later, my mom came to talk to me about it (LOL). There was no shame involved, she just wanted me to make sure I only did it when I knew I had private time, as my little sister was in the house as well." — Tori, 23
16. "I stumbled across masturbating when I was 14. I used my fingers to rub my clit really quickly because that's how I thought you were 'supposed' to do it. I Googled tips. Eventually realized I liked slower motions and also lying under the bathtub faucet. I would've rather died than admit that I did it in high school, but once I got to college, my friends started talking about it more openly. That helped me feel comfortable talking about it, too." — Lauren, 22
17. "I was about nine or ten. I kind of stumbled upon it so it was pretty clumsily done. I remember being blown away with how good it felt. Since then, I just capitalized on what I felt and that's how I began masturbating. I masturbate anytime I really feel the need to. Sometimes I fantasize about different situations, read sexy stories, and I have a special playlist of pornos on my iPhone's Reading List that I watch. Growing up in a Christian community keeps me from talking so openly about it to my family, but my friends and I speak about it openly in our small circle." — Carla, 18
18. "I was 12 years old the first time I masturbated. It was an overwhelming experience; I didn't know what I was supposed to feel, and once I felt the rush, I didn't expect to feel it so strongly. I mostly just use my hand, but I've used my shower head a couple times before too. I actually read a lot of young adult books that have sex scenes in them and that would get me really aroused too." — Zaire, 21
Hannah Orenstein is the author of several novels, including Meant to Be Mine (out June 7, 2022), Head Over Heels, Love at First Like, and Playing with Matches. She's also the Deputy Editor of Dating at Elite Daily. She lives in Brooklyn.
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It goes without saying that many of us are spending more time at home than we ever have before. We're also trying our darndest to manage the multitude of stressors that are popping up a la whack-a-mole. If your current situation could stand to be infused with more relaxation — and more pleasure — there has never been a better time to master masturbation.

"Self-pleasure has many physical, mental, and emotional benefits," says Shannon Chavez, Psy.D., a psychologist and sex therapist in Los Angeles . For instance, it relieves both physical and emotional stress, floods your body with feel-good, pain-killing endorphins, and orgasms release chemicals and hormones that boost immunity , Chavez points out.

One of the biggest benefits that comes along with masturbation is one we could all certainly use now after the past few stressful and uncertain years: "A release of oxytocin makes you feel safe and calm," Chavez says, adding that masturbation can also be helpful if you're dealing with sleep issues. Another perk: "It improves circulation and blood flow. The benefits to your skin are better than a day at the spa." (Seriously, have you ever seen how your skin can glow after an otherworldly orgasm?) But the long-term benefits of masturbation can also go far deeper. "It can also improve self-esteem and body image by reducing sexual and genital shame."

Talk about a persuasive case for elevating your masturbation game. Here, 16 tips for solo sex that's sure to be fire.

If you're so stressed that sex of any kind feels like the last thing on your mind, you'll do well to start with simple non-sexual activities that will get you out of your head and into your body. A few options:

Make a playlist. "Music helps manage stress and relax the mind and body," Chavez notes. "More upbeat music can help you feel more energized and alert and slower music can calm the mind and release tension in the body by relaxing your muscles."

Practice mindfulness. "Any preparative mindfulness breathing exercise can be a great beginning to a fuller sense of one's own embodiment," says Sari Cooper, an AASECT-certified sex therapist and director of the Center for Love and Sex who is offering virtual sex therapy during the pandemic. She recommends the Mindfulness Based Stress Reduction (MBSR) , which calls for zeroing in on one point of focus, usually the inhalation and exhalation of each breath. "As you practice this mindfulness breathing, you'll become better adept at observing your thoughts as separate things that can be set aside for the moment to bring the focus back to your breath and your body," says Cooper. "Start with five minutes and work up to 10, 15, and then 30 minutes a day."

Take a hot bath. Not only will slipping into a warm tub release tension in the body and create a soothing ambiance for relaxation and peacefulness after a long day, but you'll also prime your body through sensual touch and massage for self-pleasure by using your favorite soaps, oils, and bath sponge, Chavez says.

Stretch. Any movement is beneficial for physical health but stretching can urge tight, tense muscles to chill out, relaxing the body and amplifying blood flow, both of which can improve arousal and orgasm, according to Chavez.

Have an impromptu dance party. "This can loosen up your muscles and energize the body," says Chavez. "It can also be a playful or seductive and a way to explore your body through movement." Start by giving yourself a striptease or naturally release tension in the body by shaking your arms and legs, she suggests — "it's a primal instinct that we have socially unlearned in order to appear in control and it can bring you to a state of balance and prepare you for self-pleasuring."

Chavez recommends focusing on feeling yourself sensually before diving into sexual stimulation. You can start from your head and work your way down, running your hands through your hair, massaging your neck and shoulders, caressing your breasts and belly, and massing your inner thighs.

From there, you might begin to touch your genitals through your clothing or underwear or use your palm to massage the pubic mound, the fleshy tissue above the top of the vulva area, or give your clitoris a sensual massage. Don't hold back from making noises, if you're so inspired. "It can signal to the brain that you are aroused and increase sensations in the body," says Chavez.

And if this is new for you, this is also a good time to let go of any shame or guilt, says Jessica Baum, founder of the Relationship Institute of Palm Beach. "Give yourself permission to look at this as an exploration of your body," she notes. There's no one 'right' way to masturbate.

When you feel aroused enough to start massaging your clitoris, go slowly and gently to start, and pay attention to your breathing, recommends Alissa Vitti, women's hormone expert, author of WomanCode , and founder of FLO Living .

"Approach your clitoris with light strokes at first, and breathe deeply into your abdomen," she advises. "Many women stop breathing during stimulation, which then limits their sensation. You need oxygen to start a fire with your clitoris."

You might already recognize that you get extra horny just before your period or when you're mid-cycle and ovulating, but having a more acute awareness of what your hormones are up to can support your self-pleasuring efforts. "If you are in a phase like the ovulatory phase or the first half of the luteal phase, then you will have the added boost from an estrogen and testosterone surge driving both your interest in sex and your ease in achieving climax," explains Vitti.

"So, don't judge yourself if you are not interested in self-pleasuring during your bleeding week or your follicular phase," says Vitti. "If you want to self-pleasure, then add lube, as these are both 'dry' phases and it will take more support to achieve climax."

Chavez recommends checking out an app called Dipsea , which offers sexy audio stories and intimate guided sessions which are touted as relatable, celebratory, and featuring people who are "empowered in their sexual, social, and romantic experiences."

If you're more visual, think about movie scenes that have turned you on in the past and pull them up online, or recall fantasies that have previously gotten you hot and search for porn that has that theme attached to it, advises Cooper. Pro tip: If you're new to porn, dip your toe in by checking out XConfessions.com , run by indie, feminist adult filmmaker Erika Lust, who makes short erotic films that are smart and sex-positive.

Getting comfortable is key to getting off, so invest some time setting up a luxurious, relaxing space that lends itself to letting go. "Use pillows or blankets to create a 'masturbation nest' that is comfortable for different positions," advises Chavez. You might want to put one under your butt to elevate your hips and give you easier access. And you could also try sitting in a lotus position or Baddha konasana (Butterfly pose), which opens the hips and vulva area.

While exploring your body on your back or side in bed might be your go-to, you might find extra excitement from an unexpected position. "We need variety with sexual pleasure," says Chavez. "Novelty helps spark sexual desire so you need to experiment with your pleasure and orgasm. It can also be a rehearsal for partnered sex to figure out what feels good for you, so that it's easier to communicate with a partner."

For all of those reasons, try touching yourself while standing up. "You'll get better access to your genitals while also being able to watch yourself in a mirror," says Chavez.

Speaking of the mirror, watching yourself in any position can intensify your experience. "This can be helpful for those looking to let go of sexual shame during sex," notes Jess O'Reilly, Ph.D., resident sexologist at ASTROGLIDE . "The more comfortable you are with your own reactions, the more likely you'll be to ask for what you want with a partner."

If you're not feeling immediately amped to masturbate fully in front of a mirror, you can ease into it. "Perhaps, you begin in the dark or position the mirror so that you can only see your facial responses before adjusting to enjoy a view of your entire body," says O'Reilly.

You can boost the amount of friction — and, in turn, sensation — you're getting from your hand or vibrator by squeezing your legs around a pillow, explains Chavez. "Rub against the pillow or rock your hips back and forth while stimulating yourself with your hand or vibrator," she says.

While we tend to think of lube as an aid for penetrative, coupled sex, you'll also benefit from extra moisture, slip, and, depending on the product, blood flow during a solo sex session. Chavez recommends reaching for a clitoral stimulating gel like Sliqu
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