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Curious about the consensual, erotic power play of BDSM, but don't feel ready to invest in a full-scale dungeon just yet? We have good news: You can add BDSM moves to your partnered sex life without spending a mint on new accessories or mastering dozens of different rope ties.
Even in a post- Fifty Shades world, there's no shame in being new to BDSM. And while investing in kink gear and sex toys can be fun, this kind of play is ultimately about you, your partner or partners, and consensual power exchange, not capitalism. "BDSM doesn’t require any money," kink-friendly sex therapist Michael Aaron tells Allure . "Much of it is psychological, and if you are looking for impact play, many people feel like no toy beats their hands anyway, and that’s free. Likewise, various household items such as rope and clothespins can be used in scenes, and they hardly cost anything at all." (A "scene" is how people commonly refer to a period in which the kinky play goes down.) From safely restraining your partner to experimenting with role-play, here are eight ways you can explore BDSM with your partner tonight.
When we talk about dominance and submission in BDSM, we're talking about consensual power exchange: That means that even if a submissive partner is tied up and allowing the dominant partner to dictate what happens in a scene, the terms have been discussed and agreed upon by all partners beforehand. In fact, the sub can even be thought of as the one in control, since it's the dominant partner's responsibility to always respect their limits. Before trying anything new, talk it over with your partner to make sure you're both into whatever's about to go down. You may be interested in choosing a safe word that stops play if needed. Learning your turn-ons and boundaries (and your partner's) is all part of the fun of BDSM, and discussing your encounter before it happens can be its own anticipation-building form of foreplay.
Are you a submissive who likes being reprimanded? Do you want to be told that you're a bad girl and that you're going to do what daddy wants? Ask your partner to talk dirty to you. Anyone can engage in dirty talk related to BDSM themes, whether you are dominant, submissive, or both (someone who plays both roles is referred to as a switch). Dirty talk allows you to express your desires. Verbal cues also help you visualize hot fantasies. Say you have a fantasy of being restrained but for now just want to hear your partner tell you about how they're going to tie you up and (consensually) use you, or you'd like to see how it feels to call them "sir." Dirty talk lets you explore fantasies before physically trying them.
Adding sensory deprivation to your sex life is an easy and tantalizing way to build tension. When you temporarily subtract stimuli from one sense, you can heighten others: For instance, when you can't see because you're wearing a blindfold, a whisper in your ear or the taste of your partner's mouth may seem all the more intense — and exciting.
If you want to buy a blindfold, start with a comfy silk one such as this $8 satin mask from Babeland . You can also use a sleeping mask or the silk tie of a bathrobe. Depending on what role you want to play, ask your partner to blindfold you or ask if you can blindfold them. Once the blindfold is on, the partner not wearing it can tease and tantalize the wearer, leaving them guessing what's coming next by kissing all over their body, whispering dirty talk into their ear, or tickling erogenous zones with a feather.
Orgasm control, especially when done to a person with a penis, is usually referred to as "edging." This involves bringing someone nearly to orgasm and then abruptly stopping the stimulation, then repeating as desired. If you're new to orgasm control, you probably already know that delayed gratification can make the end reward that much sweeter. You don't have to have any sort of rigid edging routine to explore orgasm control: If you're the submissive partner, simply relax and give your dominant partner permission to take your orgasm into their hands. Have them use their mouth or a sex toy to bring you close to climax, stopping right beforehand. When you can't wait any longer, let them help you cross the finish line and prepare for the most intense orgasm you've had in a while.
Candles are useful for more than just creating mood lighting. They can also be used for temperature play, or using hot and cold to provoke arousal during sexual play . (This technique can feature in both vanilla and BDSM encounters.)
In the case of candles, you can have a partner drizzle hot wax on your body, but don't just use candles you picked up from the grocery store: The wax from those can be a little too hot. Companies such as Jimmyjane make massage candles designed for sex, in erotic scents such as bourbon and ginger and date . These sex-specific candles burn at lower temperatures than most conventional ones and also melt into luxurious oil that you can use for erotic massage. Since role-play, especially anything that involves power dynamics, is great BDSM fun, try role-playing as a massage therapist and client — complete with a happy ending if you so choose.
Restraint is the crux of many BDSM scene. After you and your partner discuss what activities are on the table when one of you is tied up (perhaps that's spanking, nipple biting, and oral sex are) and what's off-limits (maybe you're not too keen on spitting or face slapping), the tying can begin. There are many great books out there to teach you some basic knot-tying skills, such as The Seductive Art of Japanese Bondage by Midori, but you don't have to get fancy; just make sure the knot or tie is something you can undo when you're ready. You can buy some specialty bondage rope or even use a scarf or a bathrobe tie. Pro tip: Lay whatever material you're using flat against the skin so that it doesn't bunch up and threaten to cut off circulation. If you use rope, keep some safety shears around so that if one of your knots becomes stuck, you can simply cut through the rope.
Handcuffs are another common restraint tool, and they tend to be quite user-friendly. While ropes are highly versatile, you don't have worry about your tying skills with handcuffs, and since you can also use cuffs to ensure the submissive partner is unable to touch themselves, they're handy for experimenting with orgasm denial. Start with some comfy Velcro cuffs , or if you want a realistic-looking pair, try these metal handcuffs from the Fifty Shades of Grey line on for size.
Role-playing can help you get into a kinky mood as you take on the personas of people with power dynamics you want to explore, such as a boss and secretary or student and professor. Dressing up is a creative, liberating way to explore hidden desires, so if you're turned on by being dominant or submissive with your partner but feel a little nervous, the right outfit could help.
It can be as simple as something you already have at home, such as a tie or a plaid skirt, but sites like Lovehoney offer a dazzling range of affordable costume options . Do you want to be the patient who asks the hot doctor to examine them and test their orgasm? Have your partner throw on a stethoscope. Turned on by cheerleader role-play? Put your hair in pigtails and lean into the fantasy. Costumes help us step into the dominant or submissive roles we want to act out in bed. Even if you throw on a costume and end up having vanilla sex, who doesn't love an excuse to play dress-up as an adult?
Watch our wellness editor test this wild flavor of lube:
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While 50 Shades of Grey got many, many things wrong when it comes to BDSM relationships, the series did get one thing right: consensually restraining a partner (or being restrained) with handcuffs can create an intimate and powerful sexual experience. The person doing the restraining—referred to as the "top" in BDSM lingo —can do whatever they damn well please, while the bottom is in the vulnerable (and titillating) position of being at their mercy. There's an element of deep trust that comes with using handcuffs and other restraints during sex.
Being restrained doesn't have to take place in a 50 Shades -esque sex dungeon; it can also be a very light and playful experience. “Even if you're not someone who considers themselves particularly kinky or into BDSM, restraint can still be erotic to dabble in,” says Taylor Sparks, an erotic educator and founder of Organic Loven . “Especially nowadays, it's an incredible release and relief to pass off control for a little bit, and a simple restraint can turn your mind off like a switch."
Before breaking out the restraints in the bedroom, you and your partner should discuss your likes, dislikes, and hard limits, including setting a safe word that either person can use if they want the play to stop. You should also engage in sexual aftercare , where you check in with your partner emotionally and physically after the experience.
To help recommend the best cuffs and restraints on the market, we spoke to Sparks along with Kenneth Play , an international sex educator and "sex hacker." They provided a wide range of restraint options from leather restraints, metal cuffs, spreader bars, and more.
"The Rouge Padded Leather Cuffs are very popular," Sparks says. "The padding makes them comfortable while being restrained, which is good if you really care about the comfort of your submissive."
"These gold metal handcuffs do the job well, but are not as comfortable as leather cuffs," Sparks says. That's not necessarily a detractor, though. "Comfort is not always the concern of the Dominant. In fact, the Dom's goal may be to inflict pain and discomfort."
"I’m a fan of these Clear CTRL Wrist Cuffs for function and fashion," Play says. "Plus, you can wear them, and all their matching accessories, with every outfit."
"If you are a newbie to restraints and bondage, try the Quickie Cuffs," Sparks says. Not only are they on the cheaper side, but "they're easy to get off and on as they are made of a stretchable silicone."
"The Unbound Orion Cuffs can function as handcuffs or hook over the door so you can keep your lover tied up while giving her a spanking or while you have sex with her from behind," Play says.
"If you would like a little more luxury, I suggest these Silky tie-ups," Sparks says. "They are soft to the skin but long and strong enough to restrain your submissive."
These cuffs are great because they come with an expandable spreader bar, which can keep your partner's legs in one place. The bottom doesn't have to put their hands in the cuffs if they don't want to bend over—it can just be used to keep their legs open!
"If you want to totally restrain your partner, it can easily be done with a set that goes under your mattress," Sparks says. Mattress restraints are ideal if the bottom is a squirmer, and the top wants to keep them in one place.
"The Unbound Cleo is a beautiful set of gold handcuffs that could be worn as jewelry; they’re so delicate," Play says. "They make a great gift. You can give your lover instructions to wear them all day and to think about what you’re going to do to [your partner] that night."
These high-quality, heavy-duty leather wrists cuffs have a great weight to them, which adds to the experience of feeling restrained.
"These Eherea Silk Cuffs from LELO are the luxury, upscale version of handcuffs," Play says. "Made of silk for the more sensual among you."
This is a very specific type of cuff used for hogtying the bottom. As you can see from the picture, one way to use them is when the bottom is on their knees, but these cuffs can also be used when the bottom is on their stomach with their hands and legs restrained behind them.
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Ropes or scarves? Both have their charms don't you think?
Last night’s sub took 90 minutes of the most intense beating. It was amazing! Often you get guys who are all cocky in emails but then complain about the ropes being too tight, whips hurting too much... A true masochist with high pain tolerance is every domme’s dream sub.
#CorporalPunishment #whipping #flogging #paddling #caning #ropebondage #electroplay #pittsburghdominatrix #m2fantasy #sissyslutmakeovers #sissytraining #crossdresser #transvestite #transdomme #tvdomme #CBT #SnM #s&m #bdsm #pittsburghmakeupartist #pittsburghmodel #tattedmodel #inkedgirls #inkedbeauty #fetishmodel #ridingcrop #tattooedchick #pinupmodel #fetishmodel
Helplessly tied spread eagle with a tightly secured in a ballgag harness. Waiting for the next person to come into the room to have their way with me. * Photo and rigging by M4BD from Fetlife.
I invited Immy (imoentm) over to kinda celebrate an awesome party we threw about 10 years ago. She wasn't quite sure what party I had in mind, but accepted the offer to join me to hang out. What she didn't know was that I meant "hang out" quite literally.. :)
Taken on the 7th of November 2021 at Dark Quintessa Estate, SL
I only have myself to blame for my situation. I was out bar hopping with some gurl friends. I met a fun couple that asked us if we wanted to continue partying back at their place. I was the only to take their offer. I waved goodbye to my sisters as I left to have more fun. I followed the couple back to their hotel. I got more than I bargained for.
A box tie is so comfortable to stay in for a long time but is extremely difficult to escape from if done correctly. Rigging and photography by M4BD from Fetlife.
Morina straitjacketed full set (60 photos) is only available at www.borntobebound.com
Full set (64 photos) only available at www.borntobebound.com
Photographer - Alberto Santos Bellido - www.modelmayhem.com/albertosantosbellido
I saw this guys getting tied up and scuttled over to take his picture. Before I did I looked at him lifted up my camera and gave a look that gave “may I?” to which the guy getting tied up responded with a quick nod, so I happily snapped away. Folsom East Street Fair 2022 hosted by Rockbar.
To check out my other pictures from gay/fetish/leather events, click here .
I wonder what these guys’ home-life is like. Folsom Street East 2022 hosted by Rockbar.
To check out my other pictures from gay/fetish/leather events, click here .
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If you think the Fifty Shades franchise deserves all the credit for making BDSM mainstream, think again. Some of Hollywood's biggest stars have been tackling roles with onscreen BDSM for years. Here are 14 movies and TV shows that invited A-list actors to explore their own shades of grey/gray.
Of course we have to include it. Johnson and Dornan star in the film adaptation of the Fifty Shades trilogy, meaning they've engaged in lots of BDSM on screen.
Often heralded as one of the best BDSM films of all time, 2002's Secretary follows the relationship of a dominant boss and his submissive secretary. Coincidentally, the boss, played by Spader, is named Grey.
The movie focuses on the affair between psychologist Carl Jung and Sabina Spielrein, who was initially a patient of Jung's and later became a physician herself (not to mention one of the first female psychoanalysts). The pair explore their sexual impulses, including bondage and spanking.
The infamous leg-crossing scene gets all of the attention, but Stone's character Catherine Tramell is also very into bondage.
This steamy '80s movie follows the dominant/submissive relationship between Mickey Rourke's John Gray (yes, another Mr. Gray) and Kim Basinger's Elizabeth McGraw.
Behold: Charlize Theron wielding a riding crop in a flapper dress for Head in the Clouds.
On Showtime's Billions , Paul Giamatti stars as Chuck Rhoades Jr., the U.S. Attorney for the Southern District of New York, who enjoys a private BDSM relationship as his wife's (played by Maggie Siff) submissive.
In the second season of Amazon's hit Transparent ,
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