Small Oral Sex

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Small Oral Sex
By Corinne Sullivan and Maria Del Russo Updated: Feb 5, 2021
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Giving is just as fun as receiving.
Whether you participate in oral sex as foreplay before penetrative sex or as the main event in your sexual adventure, it can be an incredibly satisfying and pleasurable act to engage in with your partner(s). Of course, having a few oral sex tips at your disposal certainly won't hurt matters, either. Some have argued that oral sex is actually more intimate than penetrative sex, seeing as it requires you to get close to one of the most personal parts of a person's body. It’s not every day that you have your face in someone’s lap, after all.
But there’s something deeper than body placement that can make this specific sex act so enjoyable, too. Unless you’re participating in mutual oral sex, like in a 69 sex position , it’s typical that only one person is getting off at a time. That can be a seriously vulnerable position for anyone to be in, whether they’re giving or receiving. And since it’s such a vulnerable position, it can make it that much easier to feel closer, more connected, and more intimate with your partner(s). Then again, there's a chance it brings up a number insecurities, too. How do you tell your partner what you like? And how do you figure out if your partner is liking what you’re doing to them?
Successful oral sex isn't just about achieving orgasm — it's about growing intimacy, gaining sexual confidence, and giving both your partner and yourself a gratifying experience. It can seem like a daunting task, but it doesn't have to be. With a few simple tips, you can master the oral sex game. These helpful hints will turn any sack session into a fun and steamy experience, so grab your partner and some lubrication and get started.
Before you get down to anything, it’s important to remember the golden rule: No sex without consent. Yes, even oral sex. Some people are just flat-out uninterested in receiving or giving oral sex — and that’s completely fine. It’s important to respect your partner’s wishes above all else. So no pushing heads down and no begging. If the answer is no, respect it and move on.
The best time to have a chat about what you like and dislike about sex, oral or penetrative, is when your clothes are still on. This allows you and your partner to have a discussion that isn’t coercive or cloaked in any kind of pressure. Go over what you like, what you dislike, any fantasies you’re interested in, or anything that is an absolute no-go. That way, when you guys are in the heat of the moment, everyone knows the rules.
Just keep in mind that any discussions pre-sex does not negate any changes that may occur during sex. If someone revokes consent during sex, then everything should come to a complete and immediate stop. A pre-sex "yes" does not negate a during-sex "no."
Some people consider oral sex to be unhygienic or shameful, and that stigma can prevent others from enjoying the act. As Gigi Engle , a certified sexologist and the author of All the F*cking Mistakes: A Guide to Sex, Love, and Life points out, it doesn't help that there an entire industry devoted to selling products that "freshen up" vulvas and vaginas, as though they're inherently unsanitary. "Since these negative attitudes abound, be sure your partner knows how much you want to give them oral sex," she tells Woman's Day. "Be open about how hot they are and how good they taste. Making them feel comfortable (and sexy) in their body will help them relax." And of course, someone who's relaxed is more likely to experience orgasm.
If you go into oral sex treating it like a chore, then it's likely not going to be fun for anyone. "The first thing you need to do is reframe from, 'I have to give oral sex,' to, 'I get to give oral sex,'" Goody Howard , sexologist, educator, and intimacy consultant, tells Woman's Day. According to Howard, the best way to get yourself in the mood is to get a song in your head. "Pick a song that makes you feel powerful and beautiful and strong," she suggests. "It could be country, it could be trap, it could be gospel — whatever makes you feel confident." That song will also give you a rhythm with which to perform and can help you keep your breath under control. Pro tip: Humming the melody of the song into your partner's body will give them some really good vibrations.
It’s totally fine to not know what you like or to not know how to have oral sex. In fact, some of the most satisfying sexual experiences are exploratory ones. Be open to your partner(s) about your experience, so that everyone can be on the same page. And don’t feel like you have to dive in to the deep end right off the bat.
Ease yourself in, especially if you’re new to oral sex. It can be difficult to respond to direct, intense stimuli right off the bat, so tickle and tease a little bit. "I think we should approach all types of sex more sensually," Howard says. "When you live sensually, you experience sex through all five of your senses. You're thinking about the firmness of the penis against the softness of the mouth or the feeling of the clitoris against the texture of the lips."
Maybe lick the head of your partner’s penis before you take them fully into your mouth. Or use your fingers on your partner’s clitoris before you start licking and sucking. Take a moment to appreciate the way your partner smells and the rhythm of their breath, and oral sex will feel like the sensual act it is, not just as sexual one.
Sometimes, in the heat of the moment, it can be hard for the person receiving the oral sex to speak up about what they’re feeling. That’s why it’s so important for the person giving the oral to listen and look for non-verbal cues. "If they're pushing into your face and moaning, you can be pretty sure what you’re doing is working," Engle says. "But if they're pulling away or dead silent, try something else." And if you can't figure out how they're feeling, then don't hesitate to ask! As Engle says, "Communication is lubrication."
If your partner has a penis, work their shaft in tandem with your mouth sucking on their head. It creates a longer surface of stimulation, which can be incredibly tantalizing to some. If your partner has a clit and a vulva, don’t be afraid to rub their clit with your thumb in between sucks. Or, insert a few fingers into their vagina while you’re sucking their clit, and massage their g-spot. It’s the spongy membrane on the inside of their vagina, directly under the mons. Use two fingers in a come-hither motion to slowly work this sensitive spot.
Whether it be spit or lubricant, use a lot of it. Nothing kills the mood like sandpaper friction during oral sex. And while Howard recommends the use of flavored lube, she advises people to "stay out the kitchen" when it comes to oral sex. "I know it's fun and people think they're getting creative, but if oral sex transitions to insertive sex, you're going to challenge every pH of every genital," she says.
FYI, when the pH level of your vagina is thrown off, it can lead to itching, burning, unpleasant odor, or unusual discharge, which doesn't really make that food play seem worth it — especially since yeast feeds on refined sugar.
Engle says there are three key factors to keep in mind while performing oral sex: rhythm, style, and movement. While giving can be a bit overwhelming, Engle suggests finding a consistent rhythm and motion as you get started. Once you settle into a comfortable rhythm, you might be feeling confident enough to switch things up a bit.
Once your partner is properly worked up, try adding in a little variety. If your partner has a penis, try taking it deeply into your throat (if you’re comfortable) and then quickly change to short, head-centric sucking. If your partner has a clitoris, alternate between tickling the sensitive spot with the tip of your tongue and sucking it. "You can try moving up and down over the clitoris, left to right, or in a figure eight motion," Engle suggests. "The clitoris is the center of everything — but don't be afraid to engage the entire vulva, such as the inner and outer labia and the mons pubis. A little tongue action can also be very hot for those who enjoy it, as the entrance to the vagina is packed with nerve-endings."
One of the best ways to spice up oral sex is by incorporating a toy, and Howard's recommendation is a bullet vibrator . "You can insert the bullet into the anus while performing fellatio or cunnilingus, you can insert it into the vaginal canal and then perform cunnilingus on the vulva, you can hold it under the balls while performing oral sex on the penis — the options are unlimited."
According to Engle, showing interest in what brings your partner(s) pleasure is a huge turn-on. After all, every person’s body is different and may enjoy being stimulated in a variety of ways. Engle says simply asking your partner what they like can help you figure out what makes them feel good (and it also makes for some titillating dirty talk). "You are not a mind-reader. Don’t pretend you can see into the oral sex crystal ball," Engle says. "Ask and then do exactly what they say. If they aren't sure what they likes… well, then there is plenty of room for experimentation."
Any partner who you have going down on you should be a partner you trust to take your directions as an adult, period. So don’t be afraid to tell your partner if something just isn’t working for you, and yes, you can do this in a sexy, encouraging way so as not to break the mood.
As Engle points out, you're not in a movie theater — when you're downtown, go ahead and make some noise! "We often get into our heads and think, 'Am I taking too long? I wish I could hurry this up and orgasm,'" Engle says. "They want to know that you want to be down there." Let your partner know that you're a willing and excited participant with moans and compliments, because your enthusiasm will likely turn both you and your SO on.
In general, society tends to be a little orgasm-obsessed. Oral sex is a great way to pleasure your partner without worrying about getting them off, so focus on the journey, and not the destination. Use it as a way to learn about your partner’s pleasure and your own, because as Howard says, "Oral sex is performance art." And if you do orgasm? Well, that’s just a cherry on top.
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Corinne Sullivan is a digital writer and editor who covers a variety of beats, including lifestyle, entertainment, relationships, holidays and more. She is also the author of Indecent (Wednesday Books, 2018). You can follow her on Instagram . 
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By Gigi Engle and Ro White Published: Jul 18, 2022
Want More Tips for Pleasuring Your Partner? Our New Sex Book Is on Sale Now!
We asked real people for tips on oral sex.
Gigi Engle is a writer, certified sexologist, sex coach, and sex educator. Her work regularly appears in many publications including Brides, Marie Claire, Elle Magazine, Teen Vogue, Glamour and Women's Health.
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Try these moves in the bedroom tonight.
Eating out, cunnilingus, clit-licking: whatever you prefer to call it, oral sex on a vulva can be the perfect path to your partner’s big O. In fact, oral sex is widely known as the most reliable way to make a person with a vulva orgasm. A 2017 study published in the journal Sex and Marital Therapy found that only 18% of vulva-owners can orgasm from penetration alone. The rest require clitoral stimulation in order to climax, and oral sex puts the clitoris front and center. Plus, a 2019 study found that couples who give and receive oral sex maintain happier, more sexually active relationships long-term.
The issue? So many people don’t know what the heck they are doing down there. If you’re still doing the alphabet with your tongue and calling it a day, then it’s time to brush upon your oral sex skills.
Luckily, there are plenty of ways to improve your oral sex technique, and communicating with your partner can make a big difference. From incorporating toys, to trying different positions, to using your tongue in unique ways, we have all the expert-approved information you need to up your game. These are the best oral sex tips for the next time you're going down on your partner.
While oral sex is pleasurable for lots of people, not everyone with a vulva wants a partner’s face between their legs. They might not like the sensation of oral sex, or the idea of receiving oral sex might make them anxious. So many cultural messages tell vulva owners that their genitals are “dirty” and that their vulvas have to look a certain way, and those messages can get in your partner’s head.
“Some people are self-conscious about the smell, taste, and appearance of their vulva, and some people are uncomfortable with all the attention being on them,” explains sex educator Erica Smith .
If your partner says oral sex is off the table, then it’s off the table. There are plenty of other ways you can enjoy each other’s bodies. If, however, your partner wants to try receiving oral sex but they’re nervous about having you get up close and personal with their genitals, offer some encouraging words. “Be vocal about appreciation for your partner's body—including their taste,” Smith says.
Instead of diving head-first into someone’s vulva like an Olympic swimmer, opt for a seductive warm up. Start with neck kisses. Then move down to their belly, inner thighs, and all around the vulva. Run your tongue around their nipples. If your partner is on the kinkier side, try some dirty talk , spanking , or role play —whatever gets them in the mood.
The anticipation can really help bring you both into your bodies and feel grounded in this experience you’re sharing together. No matter how casual your cunnilingus encounter may be, the sex you’re having together deserves reverence and respect.
There are lots of sex positions for giving and receiving oral sex, but some are better than others. “Have the receiver lie back on a bed or couch and scoot to the edge a bit—then the giver can be on their knees on the floor,” Smith suggests. Putting a pillow or a rolled up yoga mat under your knees might make this position a little more comfortable. You also throw your partner’s legs over your shoulders for easier access to their clitoris. Some vulva-owners prefer to stand up and lean against a wall while their partner kneels in front of them. And, of course, there’s “queening,” or face-sitting .
“It can also be comfortable and really enjoyable for the receiver to sit on the face of the giver—especially if they can lean forward to support themself with the headboard,” Smith says. This is a great position for the giver, too, since you get to lie back and enjoy your partner’s pleasure with minimal neck-strain.
No matter what position you choose, make sure it’s something you can sustain for a long period of time—a shoulder cramp could bring your cunnilingus to a screeching halt.
Don’t go straight for the clit! Instead, opt for widespread, gentle pressure at first. Kenneth Play , an internationally-recognized sexpert, suggests using “the flat of your tongue first, and move your head instead of your tongue. This creates a larger surface space, which feels better initially to most people.”
Before you start lapping at your partner’s clitoris like it’s a Tootsie Pop, make sure you’re on the right spot .
“The clitoris is actually a much larger structure than what we can find on the outside,” Smith says. The majority of the clitoris is underneath the skin . It’s shaped like a wishbone, and its “legs” run along the sides of the vulva. You might notice that your partner’s vulva swells during sex—that’s because the clitoris is full of erectile tissue that swells in response to arousal.
Most of the time, when we’re talking about “finding the clitoris,” we’re actually referring to the clitoral glans, a tiny, sensitive nub at the top of the vulva where the inner labia meet. If you can’t find your partner’s glans with your eyes, you might be able to find it with your tongue. If you’re still feeling lost, ask your partner to guide you.
Lighter is better when you start giving oral. This area is sensitive—the clitoris has around 8,000 nerve endings !—so you don’t want to go too hard. You can even start off with indirect stimulation and lick around the clitoris in circles. Clitorises and vulvas usually require different degrees of firmness when it comes to touching and licking, so pay attention to your partner’s verbal and physical cues.
“Go in too hard and fast, and you may feel her flinch or yelp, so go easy! When you start lighter, you can build up the pressure as her arousal builds, but if in doubt, always go lighter first,” says Lucy Rowett, a certified sex coach and clinical sexologist.
If your partner likes more targeted, pinpointed pleasure, Play suggests using the tip of the tongue in your oral game. “The tip of the tongue can apply more targeted pressure and movement, especially once a vulva-owner gets more aroused,” he says. “Remember to pay attention to the tactile sensations of your tongue to make sure you’re actually licking the clit and not just all over the place. This is a more common problem than you’d realize.”
One of the main things that stops vulva-owners from having orgasms during oral sex is the fear that they’re “taking too long” or being “selfish.” This means they’re going to need a lot of encouragement from you.
“Let [them] know that you'll be there for as long as it takes, that this is just about [their] pleasure, and there is no pressure to come,” Rowett says.
Showing interest in what brings your partner pleasure is a huge turn-on. Every person's body is different, and people enjoy being stimulated in a variety of ways. Ask your partner what they want you to do to them. If they’re not sure, try touching them in different ways and encourage them to tell you what feels good.
It definitely makes for some sparkling dirty talk . The thing is, you’re not a mind-reader. Ask and then do exactly what they say. Following instructions shows you’re actively listening. If you’re not sure where to start, here are some examples of how to solicit oral sex feedback:
♥ "Do you want me to go harder or softer?”
♥ “Do you like when I do X with my tongue?”
♥ “Would it be OK to put my fingers inside you?”
While you lick your partner’s clitoris, use the palm of your hand to provide pressure on the rest of the vulva (this stimulates the full body of the clitoris) or gently press just above their pubic mound to give them a little G-spot pressure from outside of the body.
If your partner enjoys vaginal stimulation, penetrate their vagina with one or two fingers. Your partner might enjoy thrusting, a “come hither” motion, or consi
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