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10 Celebrity Men Who Are Known For Having Small Penises
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By YourTango — Written on Jan 16, 2016
Say what you want about the "motion of the ocean," but when it comes to the size of a celebrity penis, bigger is usually better. ( Just ask these famous fellas !)
However, having a small penis doesn't necessarily doom a man to a lame sex life. In fact, according to NY Post , one of the world's most swaggering lady-killers, Mick Jagger, was totally called out by his band-mate Keith Richards for having a "tiny dodger." (That would be slang for a "small penis," for those of us not fluent in Cockney.)
Surprisingly, Mick isn't the only guy in Hollywood walking around with a small penis (yep, plenty of small penises to go 'round).
Say, it ain't so!? Does Brad Pitt really have a small penis?
According to his ex-girlfriend, Juliette Lewis, sleeping with Brad in the 1990s was no "big" deal, she told fans at a concert, with extra emphasis on the "big" part.
Even Brad's BFF, George Clooney, once slapped a "Small Penis Onboard" sticker onto the side of Brad's car.
But that's most definitely some type of joke ( er, misunderstanding?), right? Right?!?!?
Thanks to the work of one sneaky paparazzo back in 2005, we didn't have to rely on hearsay to determine whether or not Jude Law's penis is small after catching a glimpse.
Thanks to those NSFW photos that surfaced, we were able to evaluate Jude's penis size for ourselves.
Even if Shia LaBeouf hadn't admitted to Playboy that he wasn't "extremely well-endowed," we probably would have figured it out on our own.
No man who wears a large size condom would have thrown a cup of coffee at a photographer on the street and then run away without explanation.
Beware of the scorned ex-girlfriend, ye men of small penises !
Jon Gosselin's ex, Hailey Glassman, got back at him by telling the whole world what Kate Gosselin already knew: that Jon's penis was "tiny, tiny, tiny!"
Although, Kate was slightly more generous when she referred to her ex's penis as "stubby. "
Ohh the things we women do to stroke a man's ego — no matter how small.
According to Daniel Craig himself, he used a penis "stunt double" for his nude scenes in "Casino Royale".
Did his real-life penis not measure up to the "James Bond" ideal?
Singer Enrique Iglesias has admitted to having a small penis many times. Even once telling a fan, "What does Spanish good looks have to do with the size of your penis? Maybe I have the Spanish looks but I have the smallest penis in the world. I'm serious."
He has also previously revealed that he wants to increase the size of his manhood .He said: "I'd change my penis if I could. It's way, way, way too small. I can never find extra-small condoms."
But he has also claimed he was joking — so, is he big or small?
We guess only his girlfriend Anna Kournikova knows the true size of Enrique's penis.
Although Em may rap as well as any other well-known rapper, evidently, he has a small penis.
"He's not very well-endowed. If you’re going to have sex with Marshall, make sure you have a little blue pill, because otherwise it does not work," ranted his ex-wife Kim Mathers .
Jessica Simpson's virginity pledge may not have been worth the wait, as Nick Lachey's small penis evidently did not impress the singer on their wedding night .
In 2006 (following their split) she revealed, "Nick Lachey didn’t pack too well if you know what I mean, but I got over it."
Back in 2008 on the Letterman show, the late Brittany Murphy joked about her relationship with Ashton Kutcher and his (now) ex-wife Demi Moore, saying , "I suppose the crux of their relationship basically means to him that age doesn't matter, and to her size doesn't matter."
Kutcher never denied (or rebutted) the accusations — gotta say — we admire his confidence. And ugh ... class.
Apparently, not even the likes of a Hogwart's wizard has enough talent to fix a major (or minor) problem like this — so it may come as a surprise that our favorite Hogwart's star was forced to, sadly, blame his small penis on "shrinkage" upon shooting full frontal for Equus .
He first compared himself to a hamster when his very unhorse-like manhood became the subject of chatter after he appeared naked onstage in the play, later he compared himself to Michelangelo's David.
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Bushwick Daily
Bushwick Daily
“It’s little dicks, not micro-penis,” the reporter from Gothamist was told outside of Kings County Saloon just before the event started
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“It’s little dicks, not micro-penis,” the reporter from Gothamist was told outside of Kings County Saloon just before the event started. And it seems that the distinction between the two is what makes Brooklyn’s Smallest Penis Pageant what it is: a little joke with a lot of pride.
This was the third year for Brooklyn’s most idiosyncratic and irreverent pageant, and based on the crowd that was lining up to pay $10 to see some small dick (when a few probably could have just stayed home and looked in a mirror), it was an outstanding success.
Once again, Kings County Saloon was selling “Penis Coladas” with plastic dick straws to the 100+ crowd of mostly women, many of who seemed pretty eager to be close to the stage when the little fellers made their big debut. When resident drag Queen Chicken Bitches , dressed in her finest, most sparkly and cumbersome Jedi attire (this year was Star Wars themed), asked the audience if they were here to hate or celebrate, they exuberantly shouted, “celebrate!”
Seriously, why doesn’t every bar in Brooklyn have a resident drag Queen? There are certainly enough of them living here. The only answer that I can come up with is that every bar owner and manager in the borough are well aware that no Queen can MC like the witty, cheeky and downright hysterical Chicken Bitches.
After Chicken Bitches warmed up the crowd, out came the competitors in see-through tuxedo-speedos. Two of them were returning for a second shot at the crown, a Mr. Rip Van Dinkle and The Puzzlemaster. The former won the first pageant, whereas the latter was a close runner-up last year . The other contestants, a well-tatted and rotund Chino Loco, the shy and endearing Gentleman and the Tecate-wielding Cromwell all seemed to have a shot at the title when the show started, but after the introductions and pageant walks, it seemed like the bout could only favor one man: The Puzzlemaster.
From the start he brought a flair and confidence that the other contestants struggled to deliver. He had a handful of jokes (last year he lost only by the “smallest margin”), and went all out during the cocksplash segment, when one lucky young woman was invited onstage to spray the dancing contestants with a squirt gun. I knew better from last year than to get too close to the stage. The Puzzlemaster also killed it with a Shirley Bassey cover renamed, “Golddinger.”
So when the Puzzlemaster was crowned and handed the scepter (a toy light-saber tipped with a plastic dick) along with $500 in cash, few people could be surprised. True, The Gentleman delivered a heartfelt poem that made the ladies in the crowd swoon, Chino Loco presented a hilarious and deeply traumatizing striptease in a Stormtrooper outfit, Rip Van Dinkle dropped a poorly timed but amusing rap, and Cromwell killed it with a Braveheart-level rousing speech about orgies in America, but nobody delivered the sincerity and cocksured-ness of The Puzzlemaster.
Confidence, it seems, is truly the key to winning the hearts of Ameri- er- Brooklyn.
I’m much smaller than the winner! Soft 0cm, hard 2cm!
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For an exhibition we are holding as part of our Festival. In defiance of porn culture, the aim is to share normal pictures of men’s members, to dispel anxiety and promote conversation. But there are rules!
The Penis Gallery is an exhibition we are running as part of our Festival of New Masculinity and we need your penis to star in it. Or your local penis. Any and all penises you have close to hand.
Penises are the classic male anxiety – is it big enough? Is it too big? Too wide? Too weird? Too bent? Just hideous? – but one which we rarely talk about, and with sexual dysfunction among young men on the rise, it seems the pornification of the world isn’t helping ease our fears. Put simply, not all dicks are rock hard, smooth 12 inch bats. But when do you ever see any other type? It’s not exactly a Done Thing to start examining other johnsons in the locker room is it? OK, maybe in rugby.
But the point is we need to start getting comfortable with our bodies and understand there is no right way to be. Gain confidence in yourself by acknowledging everyone is different. Hence, the Penis Gallery, where every penis is beautiful.
Please do send us your penis to put on show. Here are the rules:
You can buy tickets to the exhibition event here, at which photographer and storyteller Laura Dodsworth will be presenting some of her work from her ‘Bare Reality: Manhood’ book:
Also joining us for a panel discussion will be Anouszka Tate from the Project Pleasure podcast and Ant Smith, author of The Small Penis Bible.
Thanks very much in advance. Stay tuned to our Instagram account for further updates.
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