Slut Daughters

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Slut Daughters


Posted on September 17, 2014
- By
Lauren R.D. Fox

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A couple of days ago I came across Jezebel’s article: “ What Former Sl*ts Tell Their Daughters About Sex .” Not only did the title intrigue me but it made me think about the type of language we use to describe women who are sexually liberated. It also made me reminisce on a conversation I had with my Caribbean mother, as I inquired about her sex life. Of course she shut that down promptly and told me women do not kiss and tell — words I live by in my own dating life.
In their article, Jezebel investigates a Reddit Thread titled: Mothers who were promiscuous in your younger days- Did your values change once you had a daughter? Because of the word choice, the Jezebel article’s author, Tracy Moore, questioned:
“Why daughters? Why mothers? And why would dads never be asked this question about themselves or their sons? But we know why — because men still aren’t called sluts, and are often not even called promiscuous, which is just a coded word for slut and is typically used only to refer to women.”
Moore’s point moved me because as inquisitive as I am, I usually find myself asking my mother or aunts about their sex lives back in the day rather than my father or uncles. Reason being, the latter party has biologically shown me they had what appears to be a great time based on the number of siblings or cousins I have. Also, my father and uncles are more open about their sexual exploits (minus inappropriately awkward details I don’t want or need to know) because they were raised among men who freely traded stories about their sexual relations. Using my own family as an example, I understand the importance of the Reddit thread, which doesn’t necessarily focus on the juicy details of parents’ sex lives, but offers communication about how a person uses and treats their own sexuality based on personal or cultural measuring sticks. Two Reddit users responded to the question of their values changing by stating:
Yes and no, while I cringe at the thought of her being a sexual being, I understand that it is inevitable. I try to teach her the anatomical names of her body parts and that they are normal. I try to teach her what real love is like and to be a good example of what a woman is….other than what I’ve mentioned, I plan on being honest and thorough in all aspects of her education including sex. – Azzkerraznack
Why does the gender of the child matter?
I want the same thing for my sons and my daughters. Healthy sexual relationships with people who treat them well and are treated well in return.
I’d rather my kid have a fun ONS with an interesting, respectful stranger than spend 15 years ‘in love’ with someone who uses her and makes her miserable.- Whatim
When I brought this topic to two friends of mine who are also MadameNoire readers they responded with this insight:
I don’t consider myself to be promiscuous however, I would explain to my children when they come of age that sex is a powerful thing. It can bring a lot of pleasure and also a lot of pain. If you don’t have intentions on pursuing this particular person don’t lay with them because people’s feelings get involved and crazy things can happen. Sex can be good if done properly (I.e. birth control condoms and regular check ups) I would also tell them to be safe and take care of themselves.- M.R.
My second(and last) partner last taught me a valuable lesson:You can’t use sex to erase the heartbreak of the previous relationship and that’s what I did which is why I’ve had such a tough experience but you live and you learn which is why I’ve chosen to remain celibate for a while at least until I get my sense of self back.- L.A.
Although we can trade lessons about our sexual experiences with our peers or children, it’s also important for us to understand promiscuity does not have a concrete definition. For some, three sexual partners may be extreme whereas, 10 (or more) may seem normal. With that in mind, what sex lessons would you share with your daughters?
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In September 2000 my daughter was nearly 13 and had just started secondary school. She had always got on well with other children and worked hard. But after a couple of months things began to change. She started wearing lots of make-up. The school was a stone's throw away, but friends began calling for her as early as 7.30am. Next my older daughter spotted her hanging about in the local park with some lads from school who introduced the girls they befriended to older boys and men. I was very alarmed. Then she started missing certain lessons, sometimes whole days.
When she started disappearing overnight, I trawled the streets looking for her. I had no control over her. Sometimes she would say she was going to have an early night, then she'd turn on the shower and climb out the bathroom window. Once when she disappeared, I went through the park looking for her and asked a teenage boy if he'd seen her. I was horrified when he said, "Yes, all the prostitutes hang out by the bowling green."
I confronted my daughter. "That's not true," she said. "Those boys are my boyfriends."
As far as she was concerned, she was doing what she wanted to do and I was hindering her. Money didn't seem to be changing hands, but the girls were getting drink and drugs and mobile phones. The men flattered them into believing they loved them as part of a process of grooming them to have sex with lots of different men, some in their 30s and 40s. People ask me why I use the word "grooming" rather than referring to them as paedophiles, but most of these men haven't been convicted.
I felt as if my daughter was sliding away from me and I'd never be able to get her back. Every minute of every day became a nightmare. I couldn't eat, sleep or function properly, and I could see no way back. Every time she disappeared, I thought I'd never see her alive again. If a girl is over 13, she has to be the complainant in a case of sexual assault. Because this was happening outside the house, there was nothing I could do. The worst thing, as a mother, was not being able to prevent my daughter from being abused.
At the end of 2001, a year after her first disappearance, I put her into care. She didn't want to go, but I could no longer cope. My lowest point was the first time I visited her. Seeing her and having to walk away was unbearable. Everything exploded while she was in care, and I had a breakdown.
My nephew killed himself unexpectedly during this time. My daughter and I attended the funeral, and were both extremely upset. Afterwards, I took my daughter firmly by the shoulders and said to her, "You'll never know how many times I thought I'd be going to your funeral."
Then I walked away. She seemed to turn some sort of corner that day, and so did I. She started to realise what she was doing to herself and I could see for the first time that she needed me. I think I had to feel as low as it was possible to feel before I found the strength to fight what was happening to her and other girls.
I started campaigning with Ann Cryer, the MP for Keighley, for a change in the law to make hearsay evidence admissible in grooming cases, a change we secured last year. I'm proud of what I achieved and my daughter is proud of me, too.
After two years in care, she came back to live with me, went back to college, got qualifications. At times she feels down about what happened to her, which she now recognises as abuse. Last year Channel 4 made a programme about the grooming issue in this area and, although some white men were involved, the BNP hijacked it as a race issue: Asians exploiting white girls. I was furious because this is not a race issue.
The men live locally and we see them from time to time. They call my daughter names, and me, too, if I'm with her. I say to them, "I'm not frightened of any of you." My daughter calls out, "I've moved on with my life and it's a shame you can't move on with yours." Our relationship is better than it has ever been. We talk to each other and if she goes out with friends, she leaves a note on the fridge telling me where she's gone and when she'll be back. It's fantastic to get those notes.
· Do you have a story to tell? Email: experience@theguardian.com

My Daughters And I Love Being Naked Together — And It's No Big Deal
By Lorraine Ladish — Written on Oct 23, 2020
I have no qualms walking around being naked around my kids.
We even take showers together if we're pressed for time.
My girls are now 14 and 11, but we've taken baths together since they were born. 
I was raised in Spain, a country where nudity in beaches and pools is normal.
But this doesn't mean we'd do it just anywhere.
Now that we're a blended family and because we live in the U.S., I tell my girls to cover up when walking around the house and, of course, I do the same.
(There is such a thing as common sense.)
If I were with my father-in-law or with my husband's employer, of course I'd wear a top.
Otherwise, I'm happy to report my girls and I are comfortable enough with our bodies that, given the chance, we'll quickly undress and enjoy a wonderful sense of freedom.
If we had the chance to lounge around in a beach in Europe, we'd be quite comfortable going topless.
In Spain you can see toddlers running around the beach naked and nobody bats an eye.
Girls don't wear bikini tops until they really need to for support, and maybe not even then. 
Are there oglers and rapists behind a bush ready to pounce?
Well no, not really. I'm sure men look but when there are so many breasts to gaze at, it's just not that big of a deal.
The human body is a beautiful thing , and yes, there's a time and place for everything.
But breastfeeding in public or baring your breasts at the beach doesn't need to be sexualized.
In Scandinavia, families hang out together naked in the sauna or the jacuzzi.
My eldest was very aware of this difference between Spain and the United States even as a little girl.
So up until she started puberty, she wore her hair in a bob and went to the beach or the pool wearing boy's swimming trunks.
Most of the time she'd be mistaken for a boy, but sometimes people asked. I would say, "Yeah, she's a girl." 
She was, of course, as flat-chested as a boy.
This whole deal of wearing swimming trunks came about after she was told at 4 years old to wear a top at a public pool — at four years old! 
I remember asking the pool manager why my daughter had to cover up because she didn't even have breasts. He said it was a rule.
Well, unless you find a way around it, when in Rome ...
I'm glad my daughter did find a way around it: boy's swimming trunks. And for that, I'm proud of her.
Lorraine C. Ladish is the bilingual author of 17 books, writer, editor, speaker & social media maven. Founder and CEO of Viva Fifty ! a bilingual community that celebrates being 50+. Before this she was Editor-in-Chief of Mamiverse.com, the award-winning online hub for Latina moms. She's contributed to People en Español, La Palma of The Palm Beach Post, NBC Latino, Babycenter, Redbook & Huffington Post. 
This article was originally published at espanol.babycenter.com . Reprinted with permission from the author.
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Mum wakes up daughter, 21, every day by licking her all over and pretending she's a dog
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Mum wakes up her 21-year-old daughter every day by licking her all over
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Theese mother and daughter duos have an unusually close bond - from licking each other all over every morning to taking showers together
Mothers and daughters often have an unbreakable bond - but for some it's MUCH closer than others.
From dressing in identical clothes every day to getting matching plastic surgery, these mum and daughter duos are certainly extreme.
The new series of sMothered examines these super close relationships and all the quirks that come with them.
Marcia, 68, and her 21-year-old daughter, Alena, who says her mum is "definitely my best friend", have a very bizarre routine each morning.
The pair already make sure they do absolutely everything together and that starts the moment they wake up.
"She kept pestering me for a puppy and I couldn’t get her a puppy, so I turned into the doggy. Alena tastes pretty good and all sweet, I just want to eat her all up."
And Alena, who was adopted by Marcia when she was just a toddler, says her mum's puppy antics make her feel closer to her.
The 21-year-old explained: "I love it when my Mamma licks me, it kind of makes me feel closer to her because we’re doing something funny and out of the ordinary. It’s a thing we do every single day."
Licking isn't the only unusual part of the pair's morning routine - when she's finally out of bed Alena playfully chases her mother around the house.
Marcia said: "When Alena was very little she didn’t have much stamina, so I would say ‘you can’t get me, you can’t get me'."
Alena suffers from an enzyme deficiency and the chasing started as a way of increasing her stamina and encouraging growth when she was a child.
But the routine has stuck and the pair continue to chase each other regularly.
Marcia explained: "It was really a good thing to help her grow and it just continued."
Once Alena eventually catches her mum, it’s her turn to play puppy.
She said: "When I catch my Mamma I do all my kissy-poos and I kiss her all up. She’s very kissable."
Marcia recognises that her relationship with her daughter may seem odd to some people - but nothing will stop her being so close to her daughter.
She said: "Some people don’t agree or they wonder what is wrong with her. I love the idea as she’s growing up of being able to do all those silly things.
"It’s getting a little tricky as she’s getting older, but still do all the same antics and we still play the same games and we have fun."
Another new mother and daughter who have a particularly unusual way of starting the day, are 55-year-old Mary and 19-year-old Brittani.
They start each day by by taking a shower together.
Stripped fully naked, the pair share their walk-in shower together and mum Mary even helps wash her daughter, lathering her up and getting her ready for the day.
She said: "The best way to start our day is in the shower. I love her and I don’t see anything wrong with it. I have been helping Brittani takes showers since she was five - I’m just a doting mum.”
For Brittani, it’s the perfect way of spending time with her mum.
She said: "When my mum does simple things like washing my hair or washing my body, it makes me feel comforted."
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