Slow Sex For Women

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July 19, 2011— -- Meditation slows the heart rate, stops the brain chatter and is good for the spiritual soul. And now, at least according to one new book, it can bring women to orgasm.
Nicole Daedone, an ardent San Francisco feminist and author of "Slow Sex: The Art and Craft of the Female Orgasm," said that "in just 15 minutes, a woman can become orgasmic."
Unlike tantric sex , which she says is "radically different," slow sex uses meditation techniques like mindfulness and focusing on sensitivity and pleasure. In the book, she offers detailed drawings and variations to accommodate same-sex partners.
The woman lies still as her partner -- fully clothed and with the lights on -- "puts all of his attention" on her, according to Daedone, stroking her erogenous zone "not any more more firmly than an eyelid."
The woman concentrates "mindfully" on what she feels without the "running narrative" of to-do lists and the man focuses on pleasuring her.
When practiced three to five times a week in a technique she calls "orgasmic meditation," women can experience her version of an orgasm -- not the male model that eludes 1 in 10 women, but a slower, subtler sensuality that can create intimacy between partners and allow a woman to carry desire inside throughout her life.
"Orgasm is the body's ability to receive and respond to pleasure - pure and simple," said Daedone, 43, who had led the call for slow sex for the last decade through her One Taste organization. "Climax is often a part of orgasm, but it is not the sum total."
That does seem like a a lot of work for the man, but Daedone, who coaches couples, insists, "I never had a guy resist. Only women ask me that question."
Though some women may reach a conventional climax for the first time using orgasmic meditation, many will not, she said. But all will experience the tell-tale signs: flushed cheeks, genital swelling and contractions.
"It's not a panacea, but what I see is increased reporting of high satisfaction of life overall," said Daedone. "When a woman is turned on and genuinely happy, it is incredibly attractive to other people in the room."
Some studies, those mostly funded by the pharmaceutical industry looking for the new female Viagra , show that 40 million American women have no interest in sex.
Daedone said the problem isn't that women don't want sex, they just want a different kind of sex.
For women who are under constant pressure, caring for their families and managing careers, taking time out for self-pleasure in itself is rewarding. "But it has to be bound in a practice and for a confined period of time," Daedone said.
"It's a radical move for women to take time out, but they are making a decision to begin the step into well-being," she said.
Her own journey started as a graduate student in gender studies at San Francisco State College when Daedone asked her female students what they wanted to know about sex. Their responses astounded her; "Every single one came back, 'What's wrong with me?'"
"That stayed with me," she said. "The questions kept churning inside me."
She learned about orgasmic meditation after meeting a man at a California Zen center who offered to demonstrate slow sex.
Though Daedone had experienced plenty of conventional climaxes, she discovered that orgasmic meditation "had literally touched a hunger inside me," she said. "I had had a surface climax, but never deep into my soul."
Since then thousands have attended her workshops on the technique to experience a deeper spiritual and physical connection during sex.
Kelly Notaras, the book's editor and a slow sex practitioner herself, said the technique had been "life-changing."
"It changed the way I viewed myself," said Notaras, 35. "I thought I was not a sexual person and now I realize every woman has capacity for pleasure and sex."
Orgasmic meditation "takes the goal out of sex," she said. "There is no requirement to have a climax. The man and the woman connect in a way that is very relaxing and easy and simple for her...All she has to do is lie back and receive."
The climax is, "neither here nor there," said Notaras.
Applying the practice can keep women in a continuous state of orgasm, for months, according to the book.
"We are taking the idea of orgasm and expanding it," she said. 'Orgasm is what drives our lives. When we actually put our desire at the forefront, life becomes orgasmic."
Using "mindfulness" to elicit pleasure, is grounded in science.
Barry R. Komisaruk , a neuroscientist and associate dean of the graduate school at Rutgers University, has studied the mechanism of orgasm and said it is a powerful pain blocker.
"Using lab animals, we found that a number of different chemicals in the spinal chord and the brain all work together to block pain," he said.
He also discovered that sensation during orgasm affects multiple parts of both hemispheres of the brain, including the pleasure center.
Historically, researchers have speculated that the contractions of the uterus during orgasm help draw semen into the fallopian tubes to facilitate fertilization or that it is important for release of tension. In fact, the body releases powerful endorphins during orgasm.
In his 2006 book, "The Science of Orgasm," Komisaruk suggests "the most important one is extreme pleasure and I think it probably has an important role in mate selection."
Orgasm is "reinforcing and rewarding, he said. "Orgasm is not necessary for pregnancy. Like many biological systems, it' not essential.
His studies show that many women can achieve orgasm without any stimulation, purely by thinking. "They see erotic imagery or energy curing through their body," he said.
As for theories that orgasmic meditation that can last for months, Komisaruk said, "What Daedone calls orgasm is what most people would call pleasure and bliss; what most people call orgasm is what Daedone calls climax."

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Zachary Zane
Zachary Zane is a Brooklyn-based writer, speaker, and activist whose work focuses on lifestyle, sexuality, and culture. He was formerly the digital associate editor at OUT Magazine and currently has a queer cannabis column, Puff Puff YASS, at Civilized.

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Slow Down




Want to last longer, have mind-blowing orgasms, and be better in bed? Lay back and relax.
There are days when you only have enough time for a quickie . Perhaps you’re swamped with work, or the kids will be back home at any moment—not to mention that cutting right down to it can be incredibly arousing. But quickie sex shouldn’t be the only type of sex you’re having, especially when you do have the time for longer sessions (and even if you don’t have the time, you should make the time).
Enter slow sex, where you take your time with your partner and get the opportunity to experience every single bit of pleasure. “Sure, you can feel things during fast sex, but during slower sex, there is more time for your brain to process the experience of each sensation,” says Kate Balestrieri, Psy.D., founder of Modern Intimacy . “So, it’s as if you feel more. Sex is a multi-sensory experience, and when you slow it down, you can savor more of the sights, sounds, smells, tastes, and touches.”
This is just one of the many reasons slowing down sex can enhance your pleasure. Balestrieri provided us with eight other ways slow sex can bring your lovemaking sessions to new, never-before-seen heights.
Slow sex opens up the possibility for sustained eye contact, which adds a whole new level of hotness to the equation. “Whether a soft gaze or an intense stare, eye contact turns up the intensity of emotions and sensations,” Balestrieri says. “Mirror neurons, activated through eye contact, promote limbic resonance, which essentially means your limbic systems become more in sync.” In other words, the emotions you feel (like excitement or affection) can become amplified.
Sometimes jackhammering is nice, but don’t underestimate the power of a gentle touch. “Slow, erotic touching can ignite a passion and hunger in the body like no other,” she says. “During faster sex, there may not be enough time to let fingers caress or feel lips grace your skin.”
The art of the tease is an arousal transforming act. Slower sex allows you to build arousal and keep your partner on the edge of their seat, sometimes literally. Edging , the practice of orgasm control is about bringing yourself or your partner to the edge of orgasm and then stopping just before climax. “Doing this over and over can extend sexual intimacy and send never imagined waves of pleasure throughout the body,” Balestrieri says. Not to mention there’s a little bit of a power play that happens with edging since you’re in control of your partner’s orgasm(s). That said, it’s good to have a talk with your partner before you practice edging. Otherwise, they may get, um, frustrated…
Slower sex is just that—slower— so it is likely to last longer . You’re not rushing or trying to fit it into your day. Slow sex unfolds. “It becomes an adventure, in lieu of a performance, and curates space for more exploration of each other’s bodies, likes, and expressions,” Balestrieri says. “Too often, the focus of sex is penetration. Slower sex allows you to focus on so many other avenues of pleasure to get out of your head and drop into your body.”
The average penis owner takes between 5 and 7 seven minutes to orgasm through sex. According to 2019 research published in the Journal of Sexual Medicine, it takes the average vulva owner around double that time—13.41 minutes—to orgasm during P-in-V intercourse. If your partner has a vulva, taking your time during sex increases the likelihood that both of you will have time to reach orgasm. ( Don't forget the clitoral stimulation! ) “[Still,] good sex is not defined by whether or not you or your partner have an orgasm, but they’re certainly extra perks,” Balestrieri says. “Slowing down gives your bodies the chance to fully relax, which is key in opening up pleasure spots and increasing both the frequency and intensity of an orgasm.”
“Slow sex can be especially helpful if you’re concerned about early ejaculation or erectile dysfunction because there is no race to the finish line,” Balestrieri says. “While it may seem counterintuitive to elongate the process of being sexual, when you’re anxious about sexual function, slowing down gives you more opportunity to remain embodied and aware of your own arousal.” So because slower sex lasts longer, there are more opportunities for the arc of arousal to start and stop and more time to augment with non-penetrative sexual activities.
Slowing down allows for more authenticity and creativity together. “With slower sex, you can introduce different sexual accessories or toys — vibrators , restraints or blindfolds , whip cream , or anything else,” Balestrieri says. The options to play together are infinite and slowing down ensures you will have more time to think outside the box.
You can practice Tantra with slow sex. (In fact, that’s really the only to be able to have tantric sex.) “Tantra is a holistic practice that weaves together breath, spirituality, and connection,” Balestrieri says. “Slow sex and tantra were made for each other, because with slower sex, you can focus on ensuring your breath is in rhythm with your partner and set up your sexual space with intention.”

https://abcnews.go.com/Health/slow-sex-practice-promises-female-orgasm-15-minutes/story?id=14100270
https://www.menshealth.com/sex-women/a19536639/slow-sex/
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