Slow Orgasm Female
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The “true” self may or may not exist, but our ideals and projections about it sure do.
The first time I heard the word tumescence was when I was watching a remake of Robin Hood with Russell Crowe when he uttered these words..."I woke up this morning with a tumescent glow." It sounded sexy, but I let it go. I heard it again recently when meeting with other sex educators while discussing the fabulous new book "Slow Sex" by Nicole Daedone.
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And it really got me thinking, - so I looked it up and the literal definition of tumescence is all about sexual engorgement. We are literally talking erectile tissues filling with blood - such as the penis and the clitoris.
But I think I am with the Robin Hood character in thinking that tumescence is something more than an anatomical occurrence. Even the academic journals hovers around the word tumescence. Take for instance this quote from Studies in the Psychology of Sex, Volume 3 Analysis of the Sexual Impulse; Love and Pain; The Sexual Impulse in Women:
"Courtship, properly understood, is the process whereby both the male and the female are brought into that state of sexual tumescence which is a more or less necessary condition for sexual intercourse."
The slang for tumescence may be to "feel horny" or to be in sexual desire. The opposite of the glow of tumescence is a low libido. But what if we could really get in touch with the feelings of tumescence as a real state of being that has importance in the life of a sexual being instead of dismissing it with slang terms or worse blocking it out - and it's release through orgasm? What happens when we are not in touch with the natural feelings of tumescence that occur in many people throughout their lives - and simply work to shut it down or shut it off?
"Women have found high levels of discrepancy between subjective and genital arousal in samples with and without sexual dysfunction (Geer,Morokoff, & Greenwood, 1974; Heiman, 1977, 1980; Morokoff & Heiman, 1980; Palace & Gorzalka, 1990;Wincze, Hoon, & Hoon, 1977). Laan and Everaerd (1995) as well as Korff and Geer (1983) suggested that compared to men, women in general may rely less on physiological cues to estimate their sexual arousal, and that this fact might explain why the discordance between subjective and physiological arousal is greater among women. Moreover, similar to men, women with sexual dysfunction tend to present lower levels of concordance between subjective and objective measures of sexual arousal compared to women without sexual problems (Morokoff & Heiman,1980; Palace & Gorzalka, 1992). Morokoff and Heiman (1980) showed that despite the lack of significant differences in physiological sexual arousal responses to erotic materials in women with and without sexual dysfunction, those with sexual dysfunction rated their subjective sexual arousal as significantly lower."
In other words, women often do not literally feel on a physical level - our own arousal or tumescence! Instead we tend to rely on our emotions, or social and religious clue to inform our minds of what our bodies are feeling. This disconnection from what our bodies are feelings from our consciousness throw many women into a place of sexual confusion, anger, low sexual desire and a general feeling of anxiety.
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Perhaps that is why I love the book "Slow Sex: The Art of Craft of Female Orgasm" so much. Inside it's pages, author Nicole Daedone asks women (and men) to participate in a technique that she calls OM (orgasmic meditation). Oming is in an odd way familiar to me - as it is a "one way touch" technique that I stumbled over in my own way in "Shameless: How I Ditched The Diet, Got Naked, Found True Pleasure and Somehow Got Home in Time to Cook Dinner" (Rodale).
In Shameless, I discovered embodiment practices (in my own out of the box way), and that is just what orgasmic meditation (Oming) is about.
In the OM practiced and introduced in Daedone's book, women are asked simply to tune into pleasure sensations supplied to their clitoris by a second person "stroking" them. They are asked simply to feel and connect to their genitals, pleasure and orgasm and most importantly, not to attach emotion to the sensations. A wild parlor trick for women use to approaching sexuality not from a place of sensation but from a place of consciousness. It is a "practice" for many women to be able to do this. This are also asked ot separate the concept of orgasm from climax, a concept that I believe deeply in and call "Organic Orgasm".
I love this book and what it has to say about approaching pleasure for women. I love the boundaries of OMing, the call to attention, and the letting go of emotional language for women when it comes to getting in touch with physical pleasure.
Women are walking around disconnected to their genitals. Most of us have no name we are comfortable with to name them, and according to way too many studies we can't even feel our own arousal. Instead we look to food, or shopping, experience anxiety and embrace high drama in our lives to feel something - when perhaps all we have to feel is our own tumescence!
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If you are in a woman, or in love with one - please read Slow Sex. It will bring a brand new perspective to your understanding of sexual pleasure and the "art and craft of female orgasm".
Pamela Madsen is the author of Shameless and founder of The American Fertility Association.
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The “true” self may or may not exist, but our ideals and projections about it sure do.
When it comes to the female orgasm, there’s so much contradicting information out there, that it’s no wonder most guys aren’t sure just what to do.
You may have been told to touch her a certain way or try certain positions that basically guarantee she’ll orgasm.
Yet, if you’ve been with other women, you may notice these techniques fall short.
Well, if that's the case for you, then don’t worry:
We finally have the answers revealing exactly how to make her moan with pleasure.
A recent study found that, generally speaking, most men truly don't know how to give a woman an orgasm.
The study explored the idea that many sex therapists recommend certain techniques or pleasure zones to target, which lead men to think that there's one clear way to make a woman orgasm…
But it's unfortunately not that simple.
If it were, then there wouldn't be so many articles floating around about a promising technique to get a woman to orgasm.
And that means that no, there is not a “one-size-fits-all” technique to give every woman an orgasm. In fact, the study reported that only 18% of women say that vaginal stimulation alone can make them orgasm.
Another 37% say they need clitoral stimulation as well.
A lot of women are also very partial to only a specific way of being touched, with this method varying in pressure…
Well, clearly, different women experience the female orgasm in different ways. And of course, there's no surefire way to make a woman orgasm.
But don't worry–the good news is, we can use this information for your (and her) benefit.
Here are 5 actual ways to make her orgasm way more likely during sex:
Even if the girl you're with can climax during intercourse, foreplay is a great way to prime her for the main event.
Women generally require a bit more time than men to get turned on, and foreplay allows her the time she needs.
Psychology Today warns never to skip foreplay if you want to have amazing sex–and I have to say, as a woman I agree 100%.
Keep in mind, though, that foreplay doesn't always have to mean oral sex.
It can be as simple as making out with her for five minutes while you run your hands all over her body.
Ultimately, foreplay allows time for the two of you to connect before you really get down to business.
And for most women, this is a huge turn-on.
Because many women require clitoral stimulation to orgasm, it's important to figure out the best way to touch her.
While other women's bodies are much more sensitive to touch.
So trying out different touches is a great way to gauge what she likes and what she doesn't in bed.
It's generally best to start out slow and soft–and then you can build up from there.
If she grabs you hard, it's also OK to mirror the way she touches you.
Personally, if a guy touches me too softly, it can actually tickle. And that is not the sensation I'm looking for.
I may grab him harder to indicate he can apply more pressure, and this generally does the trick.
Also, keep in mind that just because she enjoyed being touched roughly one day… does not mean she won't enjoy other kinds of touching another day.
So keep her guessing as to what's coming next by mixing and matching different touches–just be sure you're always paying attention to how she's responding. 🙂
But asking a girl to tell you what she likes in bed is something most guys simply don't consider.
One easy way is to tell her that the way she touches you drives you crazy.
Then you can offer to return the favor by asking how she likes to be touched.
You can also make a game out of it in the bedroom by experimenting with different touches and asking her what feels good.
Or, you can put her in the driver's seat and tell her to tell you what to do in bed.
You could even incorporate roleplay!
This allows her to open up about her favorite positions, touches, and fantasies… without feeling awkward.
One recent article found that 80% of women find it easiest to orgasm through oral sex.
There’s also the thrill of driving your woman crazy using only your tongue.
So if you’re finding it difficult to bring her to orgasm during sex, try going down on her.
When she’s close to coming, you have a few choices. You can keep the sensation going during sex by using your fingers to stimulate her clit…
Or you can let her settle down and bring her back to orgasm again, for a much more powerful sensation…
At the end of the day, the key to keeping her satisfied in bed is to know her body as well as you can.
So if you still feel a little confused about how to navigate *down there*… then I highly recommend you check this out:
You can know every sexual technique in the book… but if you use the technique in the wrong place *down there*… then it’s not gonna feel as good.
Like you probably know where the clitoris is… but did you know that there are lots of pleasurable nerve-endings in a woman’s mons? And that stimulating it in a certain way can lead to a mega-powerful orgasm?
And of course, a woman’s vagina may seem like her most obvious “pleasure point”… but one recent study found that 1 out of every 2 guys couldn’t find it on this diagram!
That’s why we made this quiz… so you can test your current knowledge of a woman’s sexual anatomy, and give yourself a refresher if you need it. 🙂
It only takes about 60 seconds from start to finish… so once you’re done, you’ll have a detailed diagram of her “pleasure points”… not to mention a huge advantage over the average man…
…plus, most guys in our community have said this quiz has helped them give women orgasms a LOT faster… like in under 15 minutes, as opposed to 30-45…
As a woman, I honestly believe every guy needs to know this diagram if he wants to be good in bed… so you can check it out for yourself right here:
(Even If You Think She Totally Doesn’t)...
(Even If You Think She Totally Doesn’t)...
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Slow Orgasm Female
