Sleeping With Mommy

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M.T.

asks from
Long Beach, CA

on April 20, 2008

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Sometimes my son likes to sleep with me. It is fun because he always did growing up. It started because I was a single mother and I nursed him until he was 2 1/2. He still seems like my baby. Is that totally weird? I don't know what it's like from a man's point of view. I just don't know if it's bad because of the horomones.
13.....He should have been out of your bed long time ago!! Your only promoting him to remain a baby and it's time for him to start being he own indivual, not Mom's baby!! Get him in his own bed, his almost in High School!! You are hurting you son if you don't realize it, by not being realistic and allowing this odd behavior!! Think about this, is this his habit to break or yours!! Good luck!!
I personally think it is time for your little boy to sleep in his bed or on the floor in your room. I would have serious issues if a single father was sharing a bed with a 13 yearold girl, and I feel that this is equal. BOTH are inosent, but to outsiders, it can APPEAR wrong. Also- do you want your son believing it is okay to share a bed with a a young lady 3 years from now? At 16- he won't be going to sleep with the girl! Also- how much MORE ackward will it be if he has a wet dream while in your bed? If he hasn't had one yet, it is surely coming.
Just so you don't think I have a problem with a family bed- My DS (3 years) was just told 6 months ago that he couldn't sleep in our bed anymore. He is allowed to come to our room if he wakes, but he has to sleep on a comforter on the floor. We are pg now, due in Nov, and this baby will likely share our bed the first 2- 2 1/2 years as well. We loved that early bonding, but after a while, he got a bit big (and squirmy) to share our bed. (That, and "keeping our marriage satisfied" in the bedroom was not working well. ;o) So we HAD to kick him out! lol)
I don't think that, in and of itself, there is anything wrong with sharing a bed with a teenaged son or daughter. In many countries, whole families sleep in bed together. I'm not sure how most men would feel about a woman sharing a bed with her teenaged son.
I totally understand your situation. My son went away to college in another state and everytime my mom or my grandma and I would visit we'd stay in a hotel and he would sleep in my bed under the blanket, but on top of the sheets. I love him so much and missed him terribly. After my divorce my children would take turns sleeping in mommy's bed, two girls and one boy. Out of all my children he has had a soft spot in my heart and always treated well. But I do think that a 13 year old living at home wanting to sleep in his mothers bed is crossing the line. His someday wife will probably want to marry a man and not a son. I would suggest that you encourage to grow into his manhood. I hope he understands that all you want is the best for him.
We get so isolated in our family lives these days. Usually he would have a bunch of other kids, cousins and all to be hanging around with in the house. But he just has you. I think getting a dog would be good. Dogs can be such great company and comfort and it is more socially acceptable for a boy (esp. if he is already 13 and big for his age) to have a dog sleep with him than to sleep with his mom. Sooner or later he would be hearing something and feel guilty. We like to protect them and be there for them, but sometimes the outside world reaction to our innocent indulgences and attitudes can be very damaging.
I wouldn't shame him of course, just ease out of this habit. Soon he'll be sleeping on a girlfriend's couch and voila!
Well, I must say... even though your mom to him your still a women, with a womens body, even a hug can make a 13 yr old react with his body, Mom as cute as it was when he was 2 1/2 he is growing into a young mans body with a young mans sexual needs. I Know I Know ... ewwwwwww I am mom OMG !! yea I said the same thing, although I caught my son asking to see who is taller me or him, back to back, he was getting a butt thrill... gross, being we had a talk with him, he never did that to me again although I have caught him doing it with others, the doctor told me it was natural, ( yea sure doc )
as long as it was mutual.. he has his own bed thats where he should sleep, unless he is sick and you need to stay next to him, I am sure there are other reasons, but to snuggle in moms bed. Not a good idea.
You and he should now stop. You are still his security blanket (and visa versa) and needs to begin to be treated as a young man. These next teen years are going to be highly hormonal and somewhat emotional (especially for you) which includes a lot of "male" growing up. I know because I have a 21 yr old son and soon to be 18 yr old son. Please make sure he has a good solid male role model he can go to for any discussions that you could not possibly answer or handle. He needs to hear a male perspective on things that matter to him over the next few years. Not just yours, because he will know that you will not understand or perhaps wil be too embarrased to ask. Lots of luck.
Hi M.,
I read about your situation on Monday but am just now taking the time to respond. Being a single mom myself, my 11 year old son often falls asleep with me while watching movies and stays in my bed. Sometimes he purposely comes to bed with me. Since I work full time, we are able to make up much of the time we miss out on during the day at bedtime. We cuddle and talk and laugh and pray together. We both have always been comfortable with it especially because I read that it contributes to building a solid foundation in the relationship and provides a sense of security for the child. I haven't read anything on the question of hormones but am now concerned. Please let me know if you come across anything worth sharing. Thanks and take care.
He is not your baby. This is not good for either of you. You need an adult male to share your bed, not some teen. Not your son. He will never learn how to develop a normal relationship with a girl his own age. You need to cut the cord. He is way beyond the age of sharing a bed with mom. Maybe some family counseling?

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