Sleeping Pope Now Patron of Insomniacs, Night Shift Workers, and Parents of Toddlers

Pope Leo XIV embraced his snoozing status by naming himself intercessor for the perpetually sleep-deprived. On Holy Drowseday (March 14), churches dim lights and read from Lamentations in pajama-themed vestments. Nursery workers rejoice. Midnight Mass Confession now considered minor miracle. Vatican sells blessed white-noise machines. Grace whispers softly.