Sleep Love Sex
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Sleep Love Sex
by Kenny Thapoung Published: Feb 4, 2014
When I'm not stalking future-but-never-going-to-happen husbands on Facebook, you can catch me eating at one of NYC's B-rated or below dining establishments—A-rated restaurants are for basics. Fun fact: Bloody Marys got me into eating celery on the regular. And for your safety, please do not disturb before 10 a.m. or coffee, whichever comes first.
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If you’re tossing and turning late at the night, here’s a fun way to help you clock more Zzz’s: One in six women reports sleeping better after sex , reports the Daily Mail , which cited a survey from the body care brand Sanctuary Spa.
There’s science to back it up, too: It all has to do with hormone production during intercourse, says Saralyn Mark , M.D., associate professor of medicine and OB/GYN at the Yale School of Medicine. See, sex boosts the production of oxytocin (which helps you and your S.O. bond) and decreases the production of cortisol (which induces stress). These hormonal changes leave your body in a relaxed state, making it easier for you to fall asleep. Not only that, but estrogen levels also increase, which can enhance a woman’s REM cycle for a deeper sleep, according to a previous study review published in the Journal of Women’s Health .
But hey, if getting frisky under the sheets doesn’t help you drift off, these 15 tricks to sleep better are guaranteed to send you to Snoozeville.
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Medically Reviewed by Brunilda Nazario, MD on February 17, 2010
Lack of sleep can wreak havoc on sex, relationships, and your social life.
By the time people with sleep problems come to the Penn Sleep Centers at the University of Pennsylvania, many of them are no longer sleeping with their spouses.
“People who have trouble sleeping often develop elaborate routines over time,” says Phil Gehrman, PhD, CBSM, assistant professor of psychiatry and clinical director of the Behavioral Sleep Medicine program at the University of Pennsylvania in Philadelphia. “They become very sensitive to anything they think might threaten their sleep. And one of the things that can disturb sleep is a bed partner.”
Not surprisingly, sleeping in separate beds or bedrooms doesn’t usually bode well for a marriage. And that’s just one of the ways that chronic sleep loss can take a toll on people’s family, work, sex , and social lives.
Sleep disorders and chronic sleep loss can hit the sack hard in another area: sex. Both Gehrman and Allison T. Siebern, PhD, a fellow in the Insomnia and Behavioral Sleep Medicine Program at the Stanford University Sleep Medicine Center, say sleep-deprived men and women report problems with sex.
“Lack of sleep can lead to low energy, fatigue , and sleepiness,” says Siebern. “This may affect libido and/or decrease interest in sex.”
Robert Thayer, PhD, a professor of psychology at California State University in Long Beach and a mood researcher, believes that the combination of low energy and increased tension caused by lack of sleep -- a situation he calls “tense tiredness” -- can also lead to sexual dysfunction.
“People who experience tense tiredness are too anxious to relax,” Thayer says. “Tension and anxiety are very basic to sexual dysfunction most of the time. That increases as energy decreases.”
Men with obstructive sleep apnea (OSA), an inability to breathe properly during sleep, commonly report low libidos and sexual activity. This may be because OSA may be associated with lower testosterone levels in some men. A 2002 study of men at the Technion Sleep Laboratory in Israel found that nearly half of those who suffered from severe sleep apnea also secreted abnormally low levels of testosterone during the night.
Sleep loss can make you quarrelsome and less able to cope with life’s ups and downs. “Patients with sleep disorders often report mood changes such as increased irritability or frustration,” says Siebern. “This can impact their interactions with spouses, children, and friends.”
Parents who don’t get enough sleep commonly worry that they are not spending enough time with their children or engaging with them enough because of fatigue , Siebern adds.
Unfortunately, the time of day when mood problems tend to be worse may also be the time of day when your children return from school or you have alone time with your spouse. “As people are increasingly sleep starved, they suffer from lack of energy late in the afternoon or evening,” Thayer says. “They become more vulnerable to tension, anxiety , and stress at those times.”
According to the Sleep Disorders Institute, people with insomnia -- an inability to fall asleep or stay asleep long enough to be rested -- say they have a difficult time dealing with even minor stress. They also have more problems relating to other people in social and work settings than those without insomnia . Some research shows that people with insomnia generally have a lower quality of life than people who do not have sleep difficulties.
People with insomnia are also less likely to engage in social activities. According to the 2009 annual poll conducted by the National Sleep Foundation, people with insomnia and other sleep disorders are three times as likely as others to skip leisure activities because of sleepiness.
“People will say they avoid evening social engagements because they are concerned that it will disrupt their sleep schedule,” Siebern says. “They begin to accommodate their sleep loss by rearranging or avoiding activities.”
But Gehrman believes this social withdrawal may partly be because people who are sleep deprived get less enjoyment out of life in general. “Sleep deprivation actually decreases our experience of positive emotions,” he says. “It reduces their intensity.”
Some of the effects of sleep loss -- anxiety, loss of libido , loss of interest in once pleasurable activities – if persistent are also signs of depression . Over time, lack of sleep from sleep disorders can contribute to depression, and depression can cause or aggravate sleep disorders. Depression can also put a strain on family life and other personal relationships .
Sleep loss impairs attention, alertness, concentration, memory, reasoning, problem solving, and response time. In other words, it can wreak havoc on work performance. Add these symptoms to mood problems, and work relationships can take a dive.
“People are often concerned about their lowered productivity and about their boss or co-workers taking notice of it,” Siebern says. “And the effects of loss of sleep on mood -- increased irritability, frustration, and so on -- can impact work relationships.”
Over time, the sleep-loss issues that come between spouses or partners can snowball into some pretty formidable relationship problems. Gehrman says that’s why he often encourages patients who come in for treatment at the Penn Sleep Centers to bring their spouse or partner.
“When they do, they can really see how insomnia has become a dividing factor in their relationship,” Gehrman says. “First, because of ongoing irritability and mood issues. Second, because their partner, who often sleeps like a rock, just doesn’t understand why sleep is having such a significant impact on that person’s life. And when it gets to the point where the person who is sleeping poorly wants to turn down social activities at night, it just adds fuel to the fire.”
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Phil Gehrman, PhD, CBSM, assistant professor of psychiatry and clinical
director, Behavioral Sleep Medicine program, University of Pennsylvania,
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Allison T. Siebern, PhD, fellow, Insomnia and Behavioral Sleep Medicine
Program, Stanford University School of Medicine, Sleep Medicine Center, Redwood
City, Calif.
Robert Thayer, PhD, professor of psychology, California State University,
Long Beach.
Sleep Disorders Institute: “Insomnia.”
JStor: “Abstracts: 5th Annual Conference of the International Society for
Quality of Life Research.”
National Sleep Foundation: “2009 Sleep in America Poll Highlights and Key
Findings,” “Depression and Sleep.”
12 reasons why you're tired -- and how to fight them.
11 ways to make the morning easier.
© 2005 - 2022 WebMD LLC. All rights reserved.
WebMD does not provide medical advice, diagnosis or treatment.
by Anastasia Belyh
Last updated on June 18, 2020
by Anastasia Belyh
Last updated on June 18, 2020
Sleeping with the Boss Affairs, Love & Sex in Numbers
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The times are changing. In the past, the workplace was a place where a great number of people worked together towards a common goal, where everybody knew their positions and their assignments, and together worked to improve and upgrade each others’ knowledge and skills, in addition to contributing to upstanding reputation of the firm and its upper management and employees.
Even though nowadays the same premise still exists and is strived towards, there is an interesting occurrence that is becoming more and more prominent. That occurrence is affairs between a boss and an employee.
There are many things that are linked with an affair in the workplace, some good, but most are not so good.
In further writing of the text, you will find more about the occurrence and prevalence of workplace affairs, what are the possible advantages and disadvantages of an affair between a boss or a member of an upper management team and an employee, and what to do if you are somehow linked in such workplace affair in any way, either being involved as a direct participant of an affair or a mere observer of one.
In the past, affairs or relationships between colleagues or employees who work in the same company were not popular or encouraged, due to the simple fact of the possible impact on the work and successes of the projects that it might have.
Nowadays, with the rise of more modern and forward-thinking companies, it is simply something that is not frowned upon, as long as both participants are aware that it should not have an impact on their work.
In a nutshell, the majority of employees who are approached at work, in an affair sense, are of the female gender, mostly approached by their male colleagues.
According to a research conducted by a site Zety.com , who has extensively researched the same topic, they came to a conclusion that the majority of the women employees have been hit on by their male counterparts, the number being around 35 percent, while only 9 percent of the female employees have been wooed by a member of the upper management of the company that they both work for, while 28 percent of the female workers have never been approached in such a suggestive way by neither a male colleague nor a male boss or an upper management member.
Interesting is the fact that, when comparing female statistics to male colleagues, the male employees are also being approached by female employees in a suggestive manner, although it is less than a quarter of cases when compared to the women’s higher number of 35 percent.
Another interesting fact is that the number of male workers who have never bit hit on by neither a manager nor an employee is 25 percent, which is almost as the number of female employees who have never been in that situation.
Additionally, it is said that the industries where the number of affairs or the percentage of acceptance of an office affair is the highest are the construction industries, and hospitality industries, such as hotels.
To clarify, these industries were mostly open to an affair with their bosses or employees, not that it actually happened or is encouraged to happen, with the construction industries being a tiny bit over the 50 percent mark, while the hospitality industries being a tad bit under the 50 percent mark.
Another interesting piece of information is the number of employees who have at one time done the deed of sleeping with their boss or a superior position colleague. Have in mind though that the number is not as big as you expected.
In fact, the number of female employees who have had sex with their superior officers is 27 percent, while the percentage of the male employees who have had sex with their bosses or members of upper management is 28 percent.
One of the main reasons that might explain the occurrence of female employees being a percent short than their male counterparts in having had intercourse with their bosses is the existence of the sexual harassment laws where the most perpetrators are of the male gender.
The possible reason that fewer male employees have had sexual intercourse with their female bosses is that they are afraid of the possible repercussions of having a sexual harassment suit slapped across their faces.
There have been a number of cases of lawsuits against various male perpetrators who were at a high position in history, some of them were resolved out of court, while some cases were resolved against both the perpetrator and the victim.
Sexual harassment is a whole another monster that will not be tackled in this text, however, if you would like to learn more about the sexual harassment at the workplace, its plethora of negative aspects, and the ways of combating sexual harassment at a workplace, give this article a thorough read, as it is filled with valuable information that is sure to be of use.
Now, one of the most conflicting things is the difference between flirting and friendly compliments. Even though there is a thin line that divides these two items, it certainly happens in the workplace.
According to the research, the most widespread is the notion of joking and flirting. Most of the time, bosses would use this kind of talk to show their affection towards and employee.
Even though it might only be in a joking manner, sometimes it is a clear indication of affection, especially if the comments are not based or linked to the performance of the employee.
If it is not a comment about their performance on a particular project or a similar endeavor, then it is most likely a sign of affection.
As seen in the picture, close to 55 percent of the employees who have had sexual intercourse with their employer or a member of upper management have reported that they had been approached with a flirtation or consistently joking remarks.
Jokes are often seen and used as a mechanism that enhances flirtation attempts. There is a lot to learn about which jokes one can use in order to successfully flirt with someone and how to approach to flirting with jokes, which is why it is often used in the workplace, as well.
The fact that it can be put aside or shrugged off just as a silly joke if the advancement fails, is the ultimate safety net used in the workplace.
Another way actions that are commonly seen as advances are social invitations after work hours. These are the second most common ways that happen, especially to female employees.
The reason behind this approach is that the brain is constructed to link the work persona to work, and perceives that it should be alright for a boss to invite their employee to a drink after work, as it is seen as an event not linked to work, which can be only seen as an advancement.
Other interesting actions that appear on the list are mostly physical ones, such as the body language of the boss, and the physical contact between the boss and the employee, even though the risk of it being classified as a sexual harassment is particularly high nowadays, it is still at the near top of the list.
At this point, you might be wondering what are the repercussions of the affairs in a workplace, with an employee and a boss as the main actors.
What happens after the affair? If the numbers tell the truth, the majority of situations are mostly either positive or remain a status quo, in a way.
The top outcome after an affair with their boss is that the relationship is, in a way, held together by the both of them, clocking at the 40 percent mark.
The negative aspects are mostly held at below 10 percent of the whole sum of surveyed people who have had an experience in affairs in a workplace, the aspects being the Human Resources department getting involved, blackmailing of one party by the other, or receiving a demotion.
The top position being, as previously mentioned, the maintenance of the affair, the second spot is similar to the first, it is a start of an intimate relationship, being an answer to 25 percent of all surveyed people, and 16 percent of the people answered that nothing changed or neither negative nor positive happened to the both of them.
All in all, affairs do happen and, according to this research, are a bit widespread more than one can expect. However, there are a lot of negatives that can happen to one or both the employee and the boss, as a result of being involved in a workplace affair.
We have covered in this text the experiences of some people who have had affairs with their bosses or upper management members in the past, and the various outcomes they have experienced as a result of being involved in such a delicate matter. In this part of the text, the negative experiences will be covered in depth.
One of the most obvious disadvantages that might surface is the deteriorating of the working atmosphere in the workplace, due to the affair.
Some colleagues might see that move as an attempt to move up the corporate ladder, and try to undermine your future work ethics and attempts to cooperatively work through joint projects. A handful of colleagues might report the conduct to the Human Resources department and get you in unnecessary trouble.
Additionally, they might see your every assignment as preferential treatment from your boss, angering them and fueling their hate towards you. You could also lose the trust of a good number of your colleagues, even maybe lose some of them as friends.
It can basically become a hugely intense atmosphere for you to work in, in the future. You might disrupt them in an additional way, as in you not finishing your predetermined assignments in time, so it might fall on them to finish up after you, making them dislike you for picking up your slack.
Some of your colleagues might even use this piece of information against you or your boss to gain something. It is a huge slippery slope that you should carefully tread on.
According to Jennifer Freed, a family and marriage counselor, and a few examples , these kinds of relationships between bosses and employees would mostly work in one and only case, and that case is that the relationship should be treated as a public one by both the employee and their boss.
According to the examples from the article, sometimes these kinds of relationships can work, however, in other cases, they do not.
One example shows that the employer has been flirting with his employee over the
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