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My boyfriend, my slave and I: Dominatrix's alternative lifestyle
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If you are a sub, you are safer being owned, because then you have guidance, and someone sticking up for you...

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Published: 10:47 BST, 27 March 2018 | Updated: 13:09 BST, 27 March 2018
A former schoolteacher turned dominatrix has opened up about how she shares her life with her boyfriend - and two live-in slaves.
Dahlia Rain, 35, from New Jersey, turned her back on marriage and a regular job in education in favour of working as a dominatrix, and now spends her time asking her submissive slaves to do anything from cooking to cleaning in return for 'rewards'.
Her boyfriend John, 41, also enjoys being waited on hand-and-foot when he comes to visit and says he respects the fact that his girlfriend is so strong.
Dominatrix Dahlia Rain, 35, pictured with her boyfriend John Fathom, has two live-in slaves at her home in New Jersey. The men, Chris and Fluffy, enjoy carrying out mundane household chores in exchange for submissive play sessions with their female boss
'It's safer for a sub to be owned' Dahlia, who doesn't sleep with her slaves including Fluffy, pictured above, rewards their hard work by whipping, gagging and binding them, something the men enjoy
Dahlia's boyfriend, John, left, says he loves the fact that she's a strong woman and doesn't mind sharing her life with slaves Chris and Fluffy
Dahlia explains how she found her current vocation several years ago: 'Everybody comes into fetish at different times of their life. I did the normal housewife thing but there were things that were missing.
'I wanted some more excitement and they were things [my ex husband] didn't want.'
After divorcing from her husband, Dahlia started to dip her toes into the fetish scene.
She says: 'I started meeting more kinky people and going to fetish parties and then it just became part of my life'
It was here that she met her 'slaves' - another name given to submissive partners in BDSM relationships - and her boyfriend John, who they also cater to when he visits.
While some might expect Dahlia to sleep with her subjects, the reality couldn't be further from the truth.
'I don't have sex with my subs, there's no sexual relationship at all. That's a fantasy.
'I get a lot of emails and messages from people wanting to be my sex slave, and be tied up in my bedroom 24-hours a day, but that's not the type of dominance I do.'
The 35-year-old says no money changes hands between herself and her subs Chris and Mike - AKA Fluffy.
'There are lifestyle dominatrixes, and there are professional dominatrixes - I am both,' Dahlia said.
'When people schedule a session, they are giving me money to be in my hands for an hour, whereas lifestyle slaves are just giving themselves into my care permanently.
'They might pay for things, like my shopping, but they are not paying me.
From a foot rub to breakfast: Mike aka Fluffy says Fluffy: 'I do pretty much anything Dahlia asks of me'
Fluffy enjoys being submissive and says his boss takes 'good care of him'
Dahlia met Fluffy at a fetish party and quickly formed a master/slave relationship
'Fluffy is not paying per hour for my time. That would be very expensive. He wouldn't be able to afford life at that point.'
As reward for serving Dahlia, the subs receive BDSM punishments, such as being bound, gagged and whipped.
Dahlia said: 'Play is always a reward for them, but they have to earn it - it's not easy.'
Fluffy, also 35, said: 'I do pretty much anything Dahlia asks of me. Even if it's just a matter of serving her breakfast or giving her a foot rub.
'I like making her happy. It feels good when I see a smile on her face, and she takes care of me.
'She rewards me in a lot of different ways. For example the other night, I wanted to sleep by the foot of her bed, and she said I could, and it was great. I was very happy.'
John Fathom, Dahlia's boyfriend, said when he first met Dahlia she seemed like a strong character who would allow him to be himself.
'I had run into a lot of girls who were attracted to me because at first I seemed very confident, or arrogant, but over time that would become and issue. They tried to diminish me and make me feel bad about it.
'When I met Dahlia, I was like 'this girl has been called Goddess all day for six years - that must build your ego up to be really strong and healthy. That person will not be someone trying to chop me down',' he told Barcroft TV.
The 41-year-old artist and business owner said he discovered Dahlia has slaves the first time he was out with her at a fetish party.
'A slave just walked up and started shouting. I was like 'how dare he just come over to us and start talking? Doesn't he know his place?' And then shortly after I saw her whip him.
'I thought 'wow, this girl can really whip, she has the wrist action'. It was fun to watch her work.
'In the summer time we spend a lot of time lounging on the roof and we think 'this would be so much better if we had Champagne or watermelon' and I can just call a slave and he'll bring us the Champagne and watermelon.'
Mike is consenting to being treated like a slave; seen above been taken for a walk by Dahlia while attached to a human leash
41-year-old artist and business owner John says he's more than happy with his girlfriend's vocation
Alongside requests for physical domination, Dahlia receives offers of payment for other types of treatment.
'I've had people say 'I will pay you $5,000 to ruin my life. Please contact my wife and tell her that I am a pervert - this is her phone number'.
'I don't want to ruin your life! I am not into ruining lives, but you can find someone who will do that.
'I want to make lives better. I want to make you more efficient, happier, fitter - let's improve your life rather than make you homeless in your car or on the street.'
Dahlia says she has no interest in ruining people's lives and has turned down money for requests that she doesn't feel comfortable with
While Chris lives full-time with Dahlia, Fluffy is a performer in the adult industry and splits his time between Las Vegas and her house in New Jersey.
The pair first met six years ago at a fetish party in New York City, and quickly became friends before entering into a dom/sub relationship.
Dahlia said: 'People were taking advantage of him. When you have a submissive personality, people will walk all over you. If you are a sub, you are safer being owned, because then you have guidance, and someone sticking up for you.
'It's something I plan on doing forever. I'm going to be an old lady with slaves pushing my wheelchair.'
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From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
Consensual authority-exchange structured sexual relationship
This article is about consensual power exchange. For non-consensual slavery for the purpose of sexual exploitation, see sexual slavery .
This article needs additional citations for verification . Please help improve this article by adding citations to reliable sources . Unsourced material may be challenged and removed. Find sources: "Master/slave" BDSM – news · newspapers · books · scholar · JSTOR ( March 2009 ) ( Learn how and when to remove this template message )
Left top: A submissive at 2011 Christopher Street Day , Germany. Right top and bottom: Three submissives at 2012 (top) and 2011 (bottom) Folsom Street Fair , USA. In all images, the women are standing in a typical slave posture with hands folded at the back. [5]

^ Jump up to: a b Rubel 2014 . sfn error: no target: CITEREFRubel2014 ( help )

^ Addington, Deborah (1993), Fantasy Made Flesh: The Essential Guide to Erotic Roleplay (1st ed.), Greenery Press, ISBN 978-1-890159-47-4

^ Snitow, Ann Barr ; Stansell, Christine ; Thompson, Sharon (1983), Powers of desire : the politics of sexuality , New feminist library, Monthly Review Press, ISBN 978-0-85345-610-0

^ Guy Baldwin (2002). SlaveCraft: Roadmaps for Erotic Servitude – Principles, Skills and Tools. Daedelus Publishing Co. pp. 57–62. ISBN 1-881943-14-3 .

^ Submissive Positions

^ "A Pup Bill of Rights" . Sirius Pup . Retrieved 20 October 2017 .

^ slave, Grateful; Baldwin, Guy; Bean, Joseph W (2002), SlaveCraft : roadmaps for consensual erotic servitude : principles, skills, and tools , Daedalus Pub. Co, ISBN 978-1-881943-14-3 , OCLC 50758803

^ Network, Collars (1995), Collars , Collars, OCLC 426261923

^ Rinella, Jack; Bean, Joseph W (2002), The compleat slave : creating and living an erotic dominant/submissive relationship , Daedalus Pub. Co, ISBN 978-1-881943-13-6 , OCLC 51740137

Rubel, Robert J. (2015). Master/slave Mastery: Updated handbook of concepts, approaches, and practices . Red Eight-Ball Press. ISBN 978-0986352119 .

In BDSM , Master/slave , M/s or sexual slavery is a relationship in which one individual serves another in a consensual authority-exchange structured relationship. Unlike Dominant / submissive structures found in BDSM in which love is often the core value, service and obedience are often the core values in Master/slave structures. [1] The participants may be of any gender or sexual orientation . The relationship uses the term "slave" because of the association of the term with ownership rights of a master to their slave's body, as property or chattel. While male "masters" will usually be referred to as "Master", whether or not female Masters are referred to as "Master" or "Mistress" may depend upon whether they identify as following the leather subculture or BDSM path, or simply preference. [1] : 27–30

Sexual slavery in a BDSM context is both a sexual fantasy and sexual roleplay . [2] The slave master or mistress might be any person or group, though the majority of such relationships are usually either one dominant, or a committed dominant couple, owning one or more slaves. A slave and the owner, and others involved in the relationship, can be of any gender, sexual identity, or orientation. [3]

The Master/slave (or Owner / property ) relationship is consensual , without the legal force of historical or modern non-consensual slavery , which is forbidden by the laws of most countries.

The term "slave" is used rather than "sex slave" because sex is not a necessary component of consensual slavery. In BDSM, a slave is a specific type of submissive. Not all submissives are slaves, though all slaves would normally be considered submissive in the relationship.
However, some calling themselves "slave" may only be submissive within a sexual context/activity whilst others are also submissive within other or all aspects of the relationship, "sex-slave" or "slave" respectively.

Outside the BDSM community, the relationship of Master/slave is sometimes regarded as a form of consensual sexual slavery. In BDSM, a slave is a specific type of submissive . The Master/slave relationship refers to the relationship between the individuals involved, and does not necessarily require any specific acts, sexual or otherwise, though sexual activity is usually an aspect of the relationship. The sexual aspect could be conventional , and not necessarily BDSM. A slave could also be a masochist or bottom , but this is not always the case. [4]

Some participants regard the relationship as sexual roleplay , while others enter into the relationship on the basis of a highly committed, long-term, submissive lifestyle .

Various forms of symbolism are sometimes used to affirm the owner/slave relationship. These include wearing the owner's collar , being registered in a slave register, adopting (sometimes legally changing to) a name chosen by the owner, or engaging in a public declaration or ritualized ceremony of some type.

Some people draw up a slave contract that defines the relationship in explicit detail. These contracts may also deal with domestic arrangements (such as cleanliness, home duties) and interpersonal relationship matters (such as issues of deference, language, etc.), besides the sexual arrangements. Typically, they would provide that the Master or Mistress has the exclusive authority in all matters relating to the body and behavior of the slave, including underwear and other clothing, social relations outside of the arrangement, etc. Although such contracts are not enforceable in the ways legal contracts are, they can be useful for defining in written form the limits of the arrangement between the signatories, and for documenting the consensual nature of the relationships they define between them. [6]

In some traditional rituals, after signing a slave contract, the commitment to the relationship is celebrated by a collaring ceremony, which can be simple or elaborate, often witnessed by invited friends. The slave then wears a collar to publicly declare the slave's subjugation and the Master's ownership. Such a collar may be a piece of neckwear , or may be a bracelet or other piece of jewelry that symbolizes slave status. Such a collar is generally not removed except for practical reasons such as medical or security requirements, unless or until the relationship is dissolved; however, a slave is sometimes permitted to wear a more subdued (or less obtrusive) one outside of the home — for example, during work or in social situations with people who may otherwise feel uncomfortable. Such a collar may also be locked onto the submissive by various means, such as a padlock, combination lock, etc., to further emphasize the ownership and control of the slave/submissive by their Master or Mistress.

Slave training is a BDSM activity usually involving a consensual power exchange between two people taking on the roles of a Master or Mistress and a slave. The objective is to change the slave's behavior in a manner that is pleasing to the Master or Mistress, for example to train the slave to follow a set of rules or commands that the Master or Mistress has provided.

Some Masters/Mistresses adopt a holistic approach to the maintenance and long-term development of their slave by using such models as Maslow's hierarchy of needs .

Sexual slavery is a consensual exchange of power by the submissive to the dominant, though the scope of the surrender of discretion may be limited and may be withdrawn at any time.

The types of activities that the slave may be expected to perform are usually defined in advance and sometimes spelled out in a slave contract , a document with social indications and value but without any real legal value that outlines the desires, limits, and expectations of the parties. The slave is often expected to perform sexually, though typically many relationship-oriented dynamics are also clearly negotiated, including clothing, diet, speech restrictions, household affairs and schedules, though the details may be left to the master or mistress. Typically outlined are clear expectations of whether the couple will be monogamous or polyamorous , and if there would be permission or expectation of sexual interaction with other people. Otherwise, a sex slave may be expected to perform many of the same functions that are expected of a slave/submissive, including wearing very revealing clothes, being shared, wearing a slave collar or leash, S&M activities , or bondage . [7]

A Master/slave "relationship" is often a long-term relationship, comparable in duration to vanilla relationships, whereas a Dominant/submissive "relationship" could also be of the same duration or shorter - even lasting only the duration of a scene, for example, which may range from a number of minutes to hours. Depending on their contract and if the slave is willing to not be monogamous, a slave may be traded by their Master/Mistress, facilitated by sex club events, personals in BDSM interest magazines, or internet based social networks. [8] Commonly, a slave is also said to be "collared" if the relationship has become serious enough to the point where the slave has earned a collar in the eyes of their Master or Mistress. Though not every slave wears a physical slave collar, other jewelry may be worn as a token of their dedication and servitude to their Master/Mistress.

A slave who has satisfied the duration of the negotiated time of service is expected to be released, unless a new duration of service is negotiated. In a consensual Master/slave or Dominant/submissive relationship, a slave may withdraw their consent at any time, effectively nullifying the slave relationship. [9]

This article incorporates text from the article on Master/slave in the Ownership Wiki , the free-content guide to the Ownership Subculture.

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