Skinny Daughter

Skinny Daughter




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Skinny Daughter
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My 10-Year-Old Daughter Told Me She's "Working On" Being Skinny
By Casey Mullins — Written on Jan 23, 2022
If you were to ask me what I feared before becoming a parent , I would have told you girls between the ages of 10 and 12.
Now that I am a parent, I would say the same thing. My oldest daughter, Addie, is a month away from entering double digits and, as a mom, I am bearing down and breathing deeply. The changes have been subtle over the last several years, but recently they've become undeniable.
But the most noticeable difference in Addie is her posture.
If you've never spent much time around kids, then you probably wouldn't know that they're born with the most blissfully perfect posture and maintain that posture until something changes it.
Often times it's environmental, like too much time in front of a screen or as the case often is with girls, they physically shrink when their self-confidence takes its first real blow. My daughter is beautiful, and I'm not just talking about her long limbs, a dusting of freckles, curly hair, and perfect blue eyes; she has a beautiful heart.
After parent-teacher conferences two years ago I panicked because her teacher said she wasn't participating enough.
How can a child succeed if they don't participate? But then I remembered everything good about her that could never be taught in a classroom and I realized if I could somehow preserve all the best parts of her personality, she would easily grow up to become a woman people want to know, work with, and be close to.
Scarily, it's all those best parts that are under attack right now and I'm so scared of screwing it all up or not being able to put the pieces back together. Heavy stuff, motherhood .
Last week, Addie was spending time with my best friend when she confided in my friend that she really needed to "work on" being skinny.
I didn't bring up the conversation with Addie.
I want her to be able to see my friend as a safe person she can talk to about feelings and issues like this , but I took serious note about the conversation and decided to bring it up in my own time when appropriate.
I can only imagine that what Addie said was coming from that insecure place we all have inside of us; the place where we say things out loud that scare us to people we trust to see how they'll react. I've been practicing for this moment for a long time.
I grew up with a mother who cared very much about how she looked. I never felt her disappointment more heavily than when I gained weight in my early 20s. I grew up watching her look at (and critique) herself and other women around her.
I used to watch as she sat at her computer to photoshop my face to fit what she considered ideal. I never said anything, but it has always hurt me to this day to know someone changed something about me in a photograph because it didn't fit their idea of beauty. I am also not a large person, but compared to my mom and my sister, I'm a giant.
I try so hard not to speak ill of my physical appearance and I never let my daughter see or hear any dissatisfaction with my body.
When she tells me my butt jiggles, I do a little dance. When she says my stomach is soft I tell her it's because it happily housed her and her baby sister.
When I get dressed, I tell her what I like about myself and when she sees me put on makeup I remind her it's for fun, not because I need it — and then I remind myself of the same thing. When she gives me a compliment, I say "thank you" and when she puts in the effort I give her genuine compliments in return.
I don't know if I'm doing the right thing, but having grown up with a mom who I considered the most beautiful woman in the world, only to see her dissatisfied with herself really skewed my idea of beauty. I don't want to lay the same foundation for my own daughters.
When Addie says she wants a boyfriend, I tell her to be friends with all the boys and not limit her options. When she says kids make fun of her for being smart, we tell her that's the same as them making fun of her because she has ice cream. "You're the one with the ice cream, so who cares what anyone else thinks?"
It's so easy to see the changes she's going through physically, but what I'm trying to keep my eye on are the changes going on emotionally.
Just as she's never been a 10-year-old before, I've never been the mother to a 10-year-old, so we're both going to make some mistakes along the way. I know I can't completely protect her, but I love her so much and I will never stop trying.
Casey Mullins has been an author with YourTango since 2014. Follow her on Twitter .
The content produced by YourTango is for informational and educational purposes only. Our website services, content and products are not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Please consult your doctor before taking any action. See additional information
© 2022 by Tango Publishing Corporation All Rights Reserved.




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Back when her daughter Emily was 2, Laura Bennardo couldn’t help feeling self-conscious when the two of them hit their local pool in Cleveland. But it wasn’t her own body that had her pining for a cover-up. “Emily looked so gaunt in a swimsuit. You could count every rib,” says Bennardo, who worried that onlookers would think she didn’t feed her daughter. “I offered her plenty of foods. Emily just wasn’t interested. Even at 4 and 5 years old, she’d take one bite and be finished.” At 3 feet, 8 inches, the first-grader is now taller than most of her peers at school. Yet at 36 pounds, she weighs little more than a toddler.


Emily’s diminutive size places her in the first percentile on the body- mass-index chart that pediatricians use to determine healthy weight. Approximately 99 percent of girls her age outweigh her, which means that by medical standards she is officially underweight (as are all kids who fall below the fifth percentile). However, experts say it’s best not to fixate solely on numbers. “Steady, continual growth is what really matters,” says Neville Golden, M.D., a member of the American Academy of Pediatrics’ (AAP) committee on nutrition.


He adds that the true causes for concern are drops in weight and height percentile or a failure to gain weight during a period of height growth. Now 7, Emily has been in the same height and weight percentile since she was 1—but otherwise, she’s growing and developing just fine. Unfortunately, the same can’t be said for all skinny kids.


Babies grow a lot during their first 12 months, gaining as much as 15 pounds. Between ages 1 and 5, children put on about 5 pounds per year. After that, weight gain slows, with most kids steadily picking up a couple of pounds each year until puberty.


A kid’s appetite can taper off during weight-gain plateaus. “The appetite center in the brain controls how much a child chooses to eat,” says Nancy Krebs, M.D., a pediatric- nutrition specialist at Children’s Hospital Colorado, in Aurora.


And young kids are pretty good at regulating how much food they need—unless other factors interfere.


Some drugs, like those prescribed for ADHD, can squelch appetite. When children with ADHD take extended-release medications in the morning, their appetite-suppressing effects are in full swing at lunchtime. To help your child avoid this, talk


to his doctor about switching to an immediate-release medicine or scheduling medication vacations when school isn’t in session. Other health problems, such as a faulty thyroid, reflux, and eating disorders, can impede weight gain too. Then there’s the culprit parents know all too well: finicky eating.


While preschoolers are notoriously particular about their food , 4-year-old Brody Bork takes the habit to the extreme. “His diet is entirely chicken nuggets, fish sticks, and pureed fruits,” says his mom, Kasey, of Hinckley, Minnesota.”


Children with eating habits similar to Brody’s may be at risk of not getting the calories, vitamins, and minerals they need to fuel their developing brain and body. As a result, they may be more prone to colds, lack energy, have difficulty focusing in school, and be short-tempered. Certain nutritional deficiencies are worse than others, with iron topping the list: “Not getting enough can lead to anemia and fatigue, and has been linked to poor attention and difficult behavior in children,” says Dr. Krebs. Tied for second: zinc, calcium, and vitamin D, which are all essential for normal growth and bone health, as well as minimizing the risk of osteoporosis in adulthood, adds Dr. Golden. A blood test can determine whether your child has vitamin deficiencies and may need supplements.


Low body mass in children can also delay puberty. If your daughter is below the 15th percentile for body weight and hasn’t started showing signs of puberty or menstruating by age 15, consult your pediatrician.


There’s usually no need to “fatten up” a skinny kid who is otherwise growing at a steady pace and meeting developmental milestones. But if you’re worried about your child’s nutrient intake or simply want to foster better eating habits, these expert tips can help.


Forget the food fights. “It’s a parent’s job to regularly offer nutritious meals and snacks. It’s up to the child to decide whether to eat,” says Angela Lemond, R.D.N., a registered dietitian in Plano, Texas.


Limit junk. Considering increasing your kid’s calorie intake by offering milkshakes and fries? Don’t. Hooking her on sweets and salty snacks can up her risk for health problems like diabetes and high blood pressure. “The nutritional value of foods still matters for skinny kids—perhaps even more so because they eat so little,” says Lemond, who also is a spokesperson for the Academy of Nutrition and Dietetics. Don’t want to put your child to bed with an empty belly? Serve one food that you know she likes with every meal. If your picky child already eats unhealthy fare exclusively, try to wean her off it by serving wholesome versions (think: mac ’n’ cheese with whole-wheat noodles).


Seek out high-calorie, nutrient-dense foods. Choose full-fat dairy products over low-fat ones; put butter, cheese, or sauces on vegetables, pasta, and meat; offer foods rich in healthy fats like nuts and avocados; and serve creamy soups rather than broth-based ones.


Dine as a family. Even if your child pushes food around her plate the whole time, she should sit at the table. With any luck, she’ll eventually want to try eating what you are enjoying. Limit distractions at mealtimes too—no TV or devices.


Stick to a snack schedule. “Serve snacks at the same time each day,” suggests Lemond. While it may be tempting to give snacks any time your child asks, it’s best to let her appetite build up for meals.


Cut back on liquids. Offer whole milk or water at meals and monitor what your kid drinks in between. Skip juice, which can be filling.


Encourage exercise. In addition to helping your child work up a bigger appetite, movement can strengthen bones, build muscle, aid heart health, foster better sleep, and boost brainpower.


Talk to your doctor. If your child complains of headaches, fatigue, or light-headedness, or if you’re simply concerned about your child’s weight, speak with your doctor. He may refer you to a specialist to help rule out a health problem. You may also want to consult a nutritionist about how to introduce a greater variety of foods and increase the calories and nutrients in the dishes your kid already regularly eats.


The Fattest Skinny Girl: What It's Like Living With Body Dysmorphia
Photo: Tatyana Dzemileva / Shutterstock
By Kimberly Zapata — Written on Feb 23, 2022
Let me start by saying that I've never been fat, at least not in any conventional sense. I don't have stretch marks, a muffin top, or carry excess baby weight.
My highest weight was just 139 pounds and that was when I was nine months pregnant. I was the girl who carried "cute" — no swollen feet, pudgy cheeks, or puffed-up ass.
I was the girl with the little basketball belly; I was the girl you couldn't tell was pregnant from behind. But just because I was small then and am small now (full disclosure, I'm 5 feet tall and, on a good day, weigh 102 pounds), doesn't mean I'm not fat.
Correction: that doesn't mean I don't see myself as fat because I have body dysmorphia.
I'm not vain. I rarely wear makeup, my skincare regimen is nonexistent, and I frequently leave my house in oversized jeans and a saggy t-shirt. But when it comes to my body, I'm self-conscious to the core.
I was self-conscious and had low self-esteem before my pregnancy but packing on a fifth of my body weight in six short months only amplified this anxiety, during my pregnancy and after. Why? Because everyone feels entitled to comment about your weight.
At first, I wasn't gaining enough. My doctor said I was right on track for my small frame, but friends and family often disagreed.
Was I eating? Did I know I was eating for two now? Clearly, I should have another slice of pizza because I wasn't eating enough but once I hit the last trimester, complete strangers rarely missed the opportunity to point out how "big" I was.
One man, around the 28-week mark, joked that I should "lay off the fries." My daughter is two and I still remember that remark.
When the weight started to fall away after my daughter was born, people grumbled with envy. They saw a petite young woman with perky, swollen milk breasts, wide hips, and a cinched waist — a petite young woman with a three-month-old who was lucky, just lucky.
They wished they had the problem of being "too skinny."
When I'd point out my imperfections, or the fact I was still carrying around pregnancy weight , they told me I should just shut up and be grateful for what I had. Yet, again, they told me how lucky I was.
Here's the reality: in my case, there was no luck involved. I exercised before I was given the A-OK from my doctor (which I don't recommend), and often to the point of passing out (which is just stupid).
I ignored urges to eat, distracting myself with the day-to-day tasks of newfound mommyhood and knowing if I skipped a meal I'd be that much closer to cramming back into my size 4 skinny jeans.
I starved myself skinny. So ... luck? No. I wouldn't call it luck; I'd call it sick. I'd call it what it is: a problem. And the smaller I got, the bigger that problem became; the smaller I got, the more flaws I was able to see.
You see, my thigh gap doesn't make me happy, and the fact I can jam coins in my collar bone doesn't make me beautiful. What I see is a girl — a woman — with small, flat tits, a round and puffy stomach, an ass that's too big, and shoulders that are too bony.
I pull at the skin that hangs — more loosely every day — from my triceps, and I poke at my stomach after showering. I'm keenly aware of my post-pregnancy pouch, the sack that 99.9% of all mothers carry around and I make sure it's tucked carefully beneath my waistband or hidden behind a chunky belt and flowing top.
I see my breasts hang limply like unleavened pancakes when I remove my bra, and I see the way my once curvy ass has lengthened and flattened.
I could go on and on talking about my dimpled thighs or dull and damaged hair, but I won't. I won't for one reason: my daughter.
My daughter, my two-year-old daughter, deserves better. I don't want her to grow up in this world of body shaming, where skinny is "sexy," fat is "ugly," and women hate each other for being at one end of the spectrum, or the other.
I don't want her to grow up in a world where she should be ashamed when she eats a sandwich or embarrassed if she doesn't. I don't want her to know this self-conscious feeling.
Today, I vow to embrace my stomach. Today, I vow to wear shorts — ugh, shorts! — to the supermarket, and to show off the varicose veins on my unshaven legs, and call attention to the not-so-shapely nature of my ass.
I also vow to change the conversation, to call out the shamers, and to call out myself.
So to the crossing-guard who called my daughter chunky, to the stranger at Applebee's who snidely pointed out her glorious appetite, and to the young woman (ahem, me) who pokes and prods parts of herself while her daughter is in the room: whether it's your intention or not, you're part of the problem.
I urge you to think before you speak, to stop making assumptions, and to stop hating yourself.
I'm doing it one glorious, dimple, potmark, and skin flap at a time.
Kimberly Zapata is a professional writer who specializes in mental health and motherhood.
The content produced by YourTango is for informational and educational purposes only. Our website services, content and products are not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Please consult your doctor before taking any action. See additional information
© 2022 by Tango Publishing Corporation All Rights Reserved.

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