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Sizzling Hot Sex
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Dr. Ava Cadell is America’s #1 Sexpert as a Clinical Sexologist, Sex Counselor, Founder of Loveology University & President of the American College of Sexologists International. Author of 9 books including the upcoming Sexycises by Sexperts: Intimacy Through Yoga, Dr. Ava is also a sought after media therapist & global speaker; her mission is to empower people to overcome sexual guilt & shame so they can enjoy the benefits of healthy, sexual relationships. Find her at https://www.avacadell.com.
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The purpose and meaning of sex has intrigued and mystified us through the ages. Various societies have wrestled with or “coped” with the power of sex in myriad ways. Far Eastern cultures regarded sex as a mystical ritual to achieve union with God. On the other hand, the decline of the Roman Empire was preceded by sexual debasement and demoralization a complete dissociation from spirituality. Some Middle Eastern and Victorian British and American traditions have hidden sex in the closet and underneath untold yards of unnecessary clothing. Many ancient African mores perceived sex as a rite-of-passage into adulthood, a mating ritual. Some societies go around it, some view it as a “problem” and pass it on down to the next generation to deal with, and a few revel in its glory and ecstasy.
Sex is a precious gift to someone who is worthy to receive it. Our sexual gifts are as valuable as any other part of ourselves that we prize. Selecting the right sexual partner to give to, and receiving from the right partner, is as important a decision as choosing anything you place a high value upon. Sex has many beautiful qualities that we are coming to appreciate.
In this era of “natural ingredients”, sex is a natural “high”, perhaps even the best of nature’s uplifts. It can energize us and make us feel more creative afterward. Sex is a wonderful form of self-expression, infinitely artistic. We don’t often think
about this, but sex is an affirmation of self-confidence and self-love.
And sex can heal. Sex can renew stamina, not deplete it. It can free us from emotional wounds that have been buried deep in our body tissues, much like the experience of “Rolfing”, only sex is unforced. (Rolfing became popular about 20 years ago as a deep-tissue massage therapy. It releases painful emotions that have become lodged in the muscles and caused stiffness from tension.)
Sex has so many forms of expression. It is both beautiful and erotic. It is gentle and assertive. It is relaxing and energizing. But most of all, it is a unique connection to all of life it is spiritual, mental, emotional, physical. Sex is truly a divine pleasure.
It is equally important in defining sex to weed out what doesn’t belong in its repertoire of images. Because “sex sells” in the marketplace and in the advertisements that bombard us daily, we are prone to confuse sex with many things which it is not. And we are equally apt to confuse sex with its ignorant definitions of the past which kept us from its hidden pleasures.
Flirting is an art which instills sexual confidence. It can be a subtle glance or a purposeful squeeze, but the goal of flirting is to set the stage for romance and create sexual anticipation.
Make kissing a ritual at least twice a day for 12 seconds in the morning and at night and kiss your lover passionately.
When communication is great, the sex is great too. Don’t neglect to tell your partner all
the things you love most about him/her. Express your appreciation for each other physically, intellectually and emotionally. Exchange a wish list of three things that you think may heighten a sexual experience for you.
If you don’t use just one of your five senses during lovemaking, you are missing out on 20% of pleasure. Take the time to prepare something to enhance each one of your senses prior to lovemaking. Surprise your taste buds with honey; turn a simple room into a romantic one with candlelight; play music that will get you and your lover in the mood for love; use a variety of lotions and oils to massage your lover slowly and sensuously; and finally, the sense of smell has been proven to be the basis for sexual attraction. You can wear your lover’s favorite fragrance or adorn your room with scented candles, incense or flowers.
The best way to find your lover’s erogenous zones is to caress and kiss your lucky lover from head to toe, moving only half an inch at a time. Don’t leave any area unmapped. Ask for your lover to rate his or her erogenous zones on a pleasure scale from 1 to 10. Now, it’s time to trade places.
When you are sexually excited, your breathing increases. Breathe in the essence of
life and synchronized breathing is truly a sense of unity. As one person breathes in, the other person breathes out. This “meditation” can prepare a couple for the sexual journey ahead.
Any form of erotica including videos, literature or magazines can provide a therapeutic
value to couples wanting to learn more about sex. So whether you enjoy the bawdy tales of Lady Chatterly’s Lover or the erotica of Playboy, sharing fantasies can embolden your love life or reenergize a stale relationship by adding sizzle and spice.
First, we’ll talk about fellatio, the sucking of the man’s penis and most men will agree that,
as a means to getting or restarting an erection, it is unparalleled. Cunnilingus, the art of kissing a woman’s clitoris and vulva (visible external part of the vagina) is one of the most effective ways to bring a woman to climax.
You don’t have to go outside your home to have a wide choice of love toys. Regular
household items can be a great substitute. If you blindfold your partner with a scarf and comb a pasta spoon through his/her hair, it may feel like long, sensual fingernails. A gentle tap with a spatula or wooden spoon might be just what your partner desires. Don’t forget to experiment with food!
It is a fact that 78% of women do not explore the inside of their own bodies, yet the G-spot (I like to call it the Goddess Spot), located approximately 2 inches inside the opening to the vagina can bring about a longer, deeper, more powerful orgasm than a clitoral orgasm.
Men also have a Hot-Spot, although I prefer to refer to it as the Hero-Spot which is the prostate gland. Some men say that their “H” spot is just a knuckle inside the anus and it can be effectively stimulated by the partner’s insertion of her finger in a “come hither” motion.
Don’t always make love in the same position, in the same place, at the same time because that’s predictable. Make love standing up, side-by-side, woman-on-top, missionary or doggie-style. Do it in the bathroom, on the dining room table, over the kitchen sink, on the tumble dryer or on the staircase.
Thank you, Ava, this is a wonderful statement. Thank you for reminding us about the beauty and sacredness of sex.
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