Situation: Cancer, depression, Stream.

I wanted to explain why I’ve been distant and mostly off for the past few months. The truth is I’ve been going through a very difficult period mentally and emotionally.

Over this time I’ve struggled with depression, isolation, anxiety, and a constant mental pressure that has been very hard to manage. There have been moments where I felt emotionally completely drained, and while I don’t want to go into details, it has been a genuinely overwhelming period for me.

Day to day life has been difficult both mentally and physically. For a long time now, I’ve felt like I’m just trying to get through the days rather than actually feeling present in them, and things that used to bring me joy don’t really feel the same anymore.

For those who have watched me for a while, you know I’m usually a positive, welcoming person on stream. I try to make people laugh, keep things light, and be there for others. That’s also why this change has been noticeable, and I wanted to be transparent about it.

Streaming while dealing with this has also been very hard. I can be live for hours, trying to entertain and be energetic, but once the stream ends and everything becomes quiet again, I’m left alone with everything I’ve been carrying. That contrast has been mentally exhausting.

I also want to apologize if my streams have felt inconsistent lately. My mind has been constantly occupied with everything I’m going through, and I’ve been struggling with sleep and with breaking out of a constant loop of stress and overthinking. It’s made it difficult to fully separate how I feel internally from how I appear on stream.

I’m also someone who normally keeps things to myself and doesn’t express much in real life, so putting all of this into words honestly hasn’t been easy. These situations have affected not just me, but also my family, and I’ve spent a long time trying to deal with everything privately.

A big part of what I’m dealing with also involves my mom’s cancer and health situation, along with ongoing legal and financial stress that has taken a lot of time and energy over the past months. I have lawyers handling what needs to be handled, and I’m hopeful things will eventually be resolved, but the process itself has been very draining.

On top of that, I’m currently under significant financial pressure. Right now my income is sitting around $200 a month with roughly 100 subs, which has made it very difficult to stabilize things and move forward in a healthy way while also handling family and legal responsibilities.

At the same time, my stream is currently in a very unstable phase compared to how it has been over the years, which adds to the overall pressure I’m dealing with. I was off for nearly three months because I needed time to try to hold myself together and get through everything mentally. I’m slowly trying to rebuild stability now, and I just wanted to be honest about where I’ve been and why I’ve been away.

I’m genuinely thankful to the people who reached out during my absence, checked in on me, or simply stayed around. It means more than I can properly explain.

Now some people may wonder how they can help. Honestly, the most meaningful thing right now is simply kindness and understanding in day-to-day interactions. It genuinely helps more than it may seem.

If anyone still wishes to support me and my family more directly, it would go toward helping with ongoing family medical needs and easing financial pressure so I can focus on stabilizing my situation and gradually returning to consistency.

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If you want to support for free, even just a like or a retweet helps a lot by giving visibility, and it already means more than people think.