Sister Touched My Dick

Sister Touched My Dick
My neighbor’s son acted sexually inappropriately with his sister and my son.

I caught the 8 year old neighbor boy trying to get my 8 year old son to perform sexual acts on him. After catching the boys messing around in the garage, I questioned my son. I thought it was going to be a simple "show me yours - I'll show you mine" situation. My son shocked me by admitting that this boy keeps trying to put his hands in his pants. My son said that this boy tries to get my son to "kiss his wienie". He also shut my son in his bedroom and tried to make him get naked. My son also admitted to me that the boy got his little sister naked and tried getting him to do "things" with them. I do not know where to turn. I am so lost and sick.
I can well imagine how distressing this must be for you. I’m glad that you immediately followed up with your son, asked the right questions and was able to support your son when he told you about this neighbor’s behavior. Your son must feel very safe with you, and I imagine that he is very relieved to have you know.
Talking with another child's parents If your child had broken a rule or engaged in dangerous behavior while at a neighbor’s house, you would most likely want that neighbor to inform you as soon as possible about the behavior. Sexual behaviors are no different. When an adult has information about a child’s problematic sexual behaviors, informing that child’s parents is the first step in getting that child help and in protecting all children involved.
So, it is strongly recommended that you inform this neighbor child’s parents about what you witnessed and what your son has disclosed. Your conversation can focus on help in keeping all the children safe and responding to warning signs . There is also the additional question about where this boy’s behaviors originated and a possible question of abuse in his own life. You may want to read a page from our Online Help Center on preparing for complex conversations as you think about having this conversation.
There is the added concern that your son disclosed this 8 year olds boy’s attempt to abuse his younger sister, and possibly abuse has already occurred. This would be another strong reason to speak with this boy’s parents as soon as possible. Additionally, you may want to consider reporting your son’s report to your local child protection authorities.
Talking to child protection authorities I realize that this is a potentially scary step and can complicate the relationship with these neighbors. However, a child’s safety really is a concern and the local professionals who deal with reports of a child at risk to be harmed can best assess the situation and make recommendations to the family about how to help their children. And if there is abuse in this neighbor’s life, having child protective authorities look into it may help protect all the children involved even more.
It is important for you to consider whether you have any concerns regarding the parents of the child next door. If for any reason you feel that talking to them may not be the safest step to take, then please listen to your own internal instinct and in that case, you may want to refrain from talking with them and instead just consider the report to the local child protection authorities. But please, know that the only way to get this child the attention he needs and to protect other children is to speak up.
Please read our information on Filing reports to help further support you. To report suspected abuse, you can contact either ChildHelp (link is external) (1.800.422.4453) or your local child protection reporting agency. (link is external)
Safety Planning It is very important that a safety plan be implemented to help protect all the children. All adults involved should be aware of the safety plan and it should include strict supervision whenever the boys are together. They should never be left alone. Our prevention tool, Create a family safety plan will help you further design a safety plan for your family.
Again, I recognize how scary this might seem but I want to assure you that you have done the right thing but seeking out support and guidance. Your son is lucky to have a protective mom and again, I think it shows how safe he feels in that he was able to tell you what has been going on. If you are concerned that he needs help and support from this experience, please contact us again to talk about professional supports.
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Was my cousin's behavior inappropriate?

Adult asking about cousin's sexual behaviors as a child
When my family moved closer to my cousin's family, my cousin (we were both 3) started taking me into closets and enticed me to play "doctor." This happened every time I saw him, which was fairly often and continued for several years. He would show me sexual material and teach me different sexual words and actions. He was always the one in control, touching me and asking me to touch him in specific ways. I've never talked about it because I feel like both of us were at fault and we were so young, but my sexuality is really messed up and so my therapist and I have been digging into what factors could have created this. I told one person (it's so shameful, I don't tell anyone) and that person blew it off "you were just kids playing." But the more I think about it and research it, I don't think it was so normal. I wasn't sexually curious (I didn't even understand anything sexual) when I wasn't with him and I never even thought about about doing this with another person. I am wondering if I am very guarded and uncomfortable when it came to my sexuality because my first sexual experiences had to be hidden (according to my cousin) and so I learned these acts were innately shameful and "bad." How can this happen when we were so young and the same age? That's what makes me write it off as purile and harmless. Besides, he was my cousin and I trusted him, so he never had to use force. Does that make it consensual?
I’m sorry to hear that you experienced this, and I can’t imagine how difficult it must be for you to have revealed this to someone else previously and have them just brush it off. That was very brave of you to talk about your experience, and I’m glad that you have the support of a counselor right now. You should know that you can heal and get answers; I’m glad you’ve reached out to us.
Understanding Children's Sexual Behaviors Understanding children’s behaviors is often difficult, and it may help to know that many other people reach out to us with similar questions. Typically, Age-Appropriate Sexual Behaviors occur between two children who are close in age and regular playmates and is mutual and very child-like. There is no knowledge of more mature sexual behavior, no use of force, threats, or coercion, and may even be done out in the open.
What you’re describing was both inappropriate and concerning. Although playing doctor can be developmentally expected at 3 years-old, what raises some red flags is your cousin’s use of coercion, showing you mature material, and that you say “he was always the one in control.” Although you both were the same age, this play doesn’t sound mutual and child-like. Also, this continued to happen for many years – and typically healthy sexual play is intermittent and spontaneous and doesn’t have that “obsessive” and ongoing element you describe.
Sometimes it can be helpful to debunk some myths associated with children’s sexual behaviors – including inappropriate, harmful, and even abusive ones – to help answer some of your other questions. First, it’s important to understand that children’s sexual behaviors are very different than those of adults. Similarly, the reasons why a child or teen may engage in inappropriate behavior can also be very different: sometimes a youth may act out harmful behaviors because they’ve been exposed to mature and adult-like sexual behaviors through pornography or because of their own sexual abuse, but there are yet many other factors in their life that can play a role (impulse control disorder, confusion about boundaries, misinformation, other trauma or stressor, disability, etc.). It sounds like your cousin may have been showing you mature material, so although I don’t want to point to a specific cause, this certainly could have influenced his behaviors. I’ve left some additional resources below on this very topic that you may be interested in.
I want to stress that this absolutely was not your fault, and you were not to blame. Children can never consent to any sexual activity, and though your cousin didn’t use force there were other elements that show that there was a difference in power, which made this play unable to be mutual.
You’re right that it’s likely since your cousin was very young himself he might not have understood his actions in the same way that you do now – from your adult perspective, and he might not have even intended to hurt you either. However, that doesn’t make the harm he caused any less real. Even if the intention wasn’t there and he didn’t understand what he was doing, that doesn’t make what happened okay, and it certainly doesn’t mean you are to blame. Children can and do engage in inappropriate and harmful behaviors with other kids, and you’re not alone in wondering all the complex ways this may have affected you.
Steps Towards Healing Again, I’m really glad to hear that you’re working with a counselor. This shame you describe, and the way that you feel like this has impacted your sexuality – these are both things that you can work on with your therapist. This may take time, but unraveling all of the intricate ways this has affected you can really help you start to reclaim your life and parts of yourself that you feel have been impacted by what happened in your childhood. I encourage you to continue to talk about this with your counselor, as you’re ready, as they can help you get any tools you need to recover.
Although you’re working with a therapist already, I’ve included some additional resources below just for survivors of abuse if you’re interested. I don’t want to label your experience – as it’s yours to define – but there are some online communities there that may be one more way for you to start to connect to other people who may have been through similar things. Again, please do what feels right for you.
Last edited on: November 13th, 2018
I really appreciate your response. I did not expect it to be that individualized and I know this organization is changing a lot of lives. Thank you for differentiating between “normal” and “abnormal” sexual activity in children, for the resources, for reminding me that it is not my fault even though I was little and didn’t say no, for encouraging me to define it myself and not putting me in a category, and for your encouragement. Thank you so much. Just being able to type that out was huge, so thank you for being there.
STOP IT NOW! IS A REGISTERED 501(C)(3) ORGANIZATION | EIN: 04-3150129
This organization is a gold-level GuideStar participant, demonstrating its commitment to transparency.
© 2021 STOP IT NOW!. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.

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Countering "going to do it anyway."

I recently completed a graduate course in character education in which we were required to carry out an "action project." For my project I chose to use character-based sex education to try to instill in my younger sister and her friend the self-respect, self-control, and courage needed to lead moral, fulfilling, and healthy lives.
I wanted to inform my 14-year-old sister Kathy about something that I unfortunately just began to take seriously: abstinence. Sure, I have always known what the word meant, but I had never considered it an option for me, until recently. I felt that it was my responsibility to pass the philosophy of abstinence on to my sister because I know that she will not get it in the "going to do it anyway" program that is used at her high school. Also, she is a virgin (her friend is, too), so I wanted to show her how important it is to hold onto that purity.
I started these discussions when I accidentally overheard my sister Kathy, and her friend, Michelle, talking about a "slut" that one of their friends was dating. I asked them why they considered her a slut, and Michelle responded: "She has slept with at least eight guys already, and she is easy." I asked them to think about why this girl is so promiscuous. Kathy said, "She's trying to keep a boyfriend." They assumed that having sex was a way of holding onto a boyfriend and showing love for one another. They also assumed that condoms would protect them from disease and pregnancy and that having sex had no implications for their future adult lives. My goal was to dispel all these myths.
We first tackled the issue of sex as "showing love" or "keeping a boyfriend." I used the girl they were talking about as an example of how boyfriends come and go whether girls have intercourse with them or not. We also talked about girls' feelings when they are rejected after giving part of themselves to another person. I then told them about my having pre-marital sex, and how I wished these relationships had never occurred and that the only true way to find out if a guy loves you is to make him wait until marriage.

We talked about the self-respect and courage involved in leading sexually abstinent lives until marriage. These two young girls developed a new awareness of how truly loving relationships and commitments develop and are sustained. Their awareness was evident in their response to my disclosing that I recently told my boyfriend that I wanted to abstain from sex from now on and he said he could not do this. I asked Kathy and Michelle if they thought the relationship was worth continuing, and they both said, "No, he does not love you if he won't wait for you." I was proud of their answer.
I gave real-life examples of teens who became pregnant or who contracted STDs even with the use of condoms; one of those persons was a close friend of mine.
I also wanted to make these girls aware of the physical dangers of pre-marital sex. I gave real-life examples of teens who became pregnant or who contracted STDs even with the use of condoms; one of those persons was a close friend of mine. They were shocked to find out that this friend contracted herpes from sexual intercourse while using a condom. We considered the possible implications of such diseases: the inability to conceive a baby, passing on a sexual disease to your spouse, and transmitting a disease to your baby in the womb or during delivery.
Besides being more confident in their virginity, Kathy and Michelle have now set the personal goal of saving sex for marriage. They also no longer pick apart boys or girls who are sexually active by calling them "sluts" or "pimps" but instead focus on the deeper consequences of such behaviors and on what promiscuous girls and boys must be lacking in their lives.
My sister and Michelle have recently asked two of their friends to join us in our discussions. I've also shared my project with the parents of these girls. These parents are beginning to realize that abstinence-based sex education is more beneficial than the model now used at their daughters' high school.
A pdf version of this article is available here .
Jessica Burberry. "Teaching my younger sister about sex and love." excellence & ethics (Summer, 1998).
Reprinted with permission. Excellence & Ethics , published by the Center for the 4th and 5th Rs , is the education letter of the Smart & Good Schools Project. It features essays, research, and K-12 best practices that help school leaders, teachers, students, parents, and community members do their best work (performance character) and do the right thing (moral character).
excellence & ethics is published twice a year and may be subscribed to, without cost, here .
Jessica Burberry (a pseudonym) is a first-year elementary school teacher and a graduate student in education at SUNY Cortland.
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An adorable video captures the moment a little brother rushed to the rescue of his older sister as she was in the midst of a wrestling competition after he appeared to believe she was in an actual fight.
The wrestling match between Ruby Lewis, 5, and her opponent took place in Columbia City, Indiana, earlier this week, but was interrupted when Ruby's 2-year-old brother, Jash, rushed onto the mat and attempted to step in and save his sister.
Crystal Lewis, the mother of the siblings, told the Indianapolis Star that Jash "just took off like lighting" when he saw his sister in trouble.
The mother added that she feels happy that the moment between her children is making others smile.
"It's nice to share a laugh, something that can just make you smile instead of be like, 'Oh my gosh, I can't believe this is the world that we're living in today,'" she told the Indianapolis Star.
The video was posted on Facebook by the mother of Ruby's opponent, who wrote, "When the girl you're wrestling has a tough little brother, don't mess with his sister."
The heartwarming footage quickly went viral on social media, garnering over 400,000 views in less than a week.

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