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My husband secretly uses my dildo what should I do
: My husband of 15 yrs secretly uses my dildo. From time to time we would have condoms in the house. I would notice they would go missing. This disturbed me and as a women my first thought was my husband is cheating on me. When I would ask about them missing he would make excuses like I thought we used them all. I honestly didn't think he was sleeping with other women. I thought he probably likes the feeling of masterbating with condoms. Well I started noticing my toys was not quite like a left them. I'm really good at observation and recreating the scene. One day when I came home I checked to see if there was anything different about my toys. My dildo still had some baby oil on it. So needless to say I think the condoms was going on the dildo and he was fucking himself in the ass while jacking off. I do find it kinda hot and I mention all the time about milking his prostate etc. he acts like oh no no your not sticking nothing up my butt. At first I was disturbed and thought does this make him gay or bi. And I can't help but think every time I leave the house he fucks his self with my dildo. What should I do?
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Published: 20:36 BST, 2 June 2014 | Updated: 22:45 BST, 2 June 2014
These are the 'too-short' shorts that caused administrators at a Montreal high school to kick student Lindsey Stocker off campus.
Stocker donned the jean shorts To Beaconsfield high school on the first hot day of the season, and was temporarily suspended when she refused to change.
The grade 11 girl is seen wearing the controversial shorts for the first time, in pictures published by the Montreal Gazette .
'Too short': These are the denim shorts that got Montreal teen Lindsey Stocker suspended from school
Stocker unwittingly started a revolution by refusing to change out of a pair of shorts, when she was told they were not appropriate for school on May 21.
She refused, and instead printed a poster that she plastered over the school, questioning why girls' bodies were the focus of the rules instead of boys' behavior.
During third period on that day, two vice principals entered her classroom and told everyone to stand up so their outfits could be inspected .
'And when they came to me after about two rows of looking they stopped and told me my shorts were too short and I had to change,' Stocker told the National Post .
Get shorty: Lindsey Stocker says she was humiliated in front of her class for wearing a pair of shorts on a hot day
'They continued to tell me would be suspended if I didn't start following the rules. When I told them I didn't understand why I had to change they told me that it doesn't matter - I don't have to understand the rules, I just have to comply by them.'
Stocker felt singled out and humiliated in front of her class, but what concerned her more was a set of rules that focused on girls' bodies rather than boys' behavior.
So instead of complying with the rules, she went and printed up about 20 posters and stuck them up all over the school.
The posters read, 'Don't humiliate her because she's wearing shorts. It's hot outside. Instead of shaming girls for their bodies, teach boys that girls are not sexual objects.'
Statement: Although Stocker's poster only remained up for about 10 minutes before teachers took it down, it had the desired effect
Support: Stocker has had strong support on social media and other girls at her high school are wearing shorts to school in solidarity
The posters were taken down by teachers after about 10 minutes, but they live on in social media.
Stocker also has won the support and admiration of other girls at school.
'Most people are agreeing with her, women shouldn’t have to cover themselves up completely because we shouldn’t be viewed as sexual objects,' student Sierra Drolet told CJAD News .
Lauren Paquay, 15, showed up wearing shorts in support of Stocker. She said the dress code verification - making girls stand up with their arms by their sides to ensure their outfits are fingertip length - is 'humiliating.'
School rules: The school district spokesperson says there are dress rules for both girls and boys
'People are being judged for the way they dress, they have to change because boys look at them. The boys should be the ones who have to learn to treat women better and look at them in a different light,' she told CBC .
The chairperson of the Lester B Pearson School Board told CJAD News that Stocker has been suspended for not following the rules.
'The rules are there to help the children learn and prepare them for their future work places, high school is a job for them, they are there to learn to function in society, so it’s important that the rules be followed,' Susanne Stein Day says.
'Girls and boys have rules on dress codes; it is not a girl, boy thing, that’s not the point.'
'I was in violation for showing my legs,' she says. 'And that, point blank, is a problem for me.'
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Part of the Daily Mail, The Mail on Sunday & Metro Media Group
How should I deal with my husband's very mild fondling of my daughters?
My husband sometimes touches our 3 and 6 year old daughters in ways that I find mildly inappropriate - e.g. pulling down the 3 year-old's pants so we can see her bottom, or caressing her bottom when she just needs help pulling down her night-time diaper to use the toilet in the morning; or holding the 6 year-old across his lap in an armchair and stroking her leg from top to bottom (just on the outside).
So we're not talking about anything obviously sexual, but nevertheless it makes me feel uncomfortable, and I feel I shouldn't ignore my gut reaction, even when it seems like an overreaction. I'm not sure how (or whether) to talk about it to him, or what to say to my daughters to help protect them.
Whenever an adult has any concern – whether it’s a gut feeling, an observation or other experience – with another adult’s behaviors with children, it is always wise to talk about it. It’s never an overreaction to worry about a child’s safety – even when it concerns loved one’s behaviors. Yes, perhaps your husband is just a dad who loves his children a whole bunch and uses touch to demonstrate his affection, but if his behaviors raise questions for you, now is a good time to address safety in your home.
Young Children are Sexual Beings It is often hard for some adults and parents to realize that even at age 3 children are sexual beings and experience sexual feelings. Your husband may not be aware of this, and so not understand the effects of his behaviors on your children’s feelings.
Most parents are careful that their children are not overstimulated in many different ways and in many areas of their lives, such as too much loud music, too much TV, too much food, too much play and activity. This kind of overstimulation causes children to become cranky and overtired.
Avoid Overstimulation Parents also need to be aware that they must be careful not to overstimulate a child’s sexual feelings. Children are way too young and emotionally immature to be able to handle feeling overstimulated sexually. Caressing a child’s leg (even a child as young as 3) can make them feel uncomfortable and overstimulated, and they may feel much more comfortable with a hug, or kiss on the cheek.
Reducing Your Child’s Vulnerability Focusing on a child’s private parts, such as you described your husband doing in showing off his daughter’s bottom can send a message to her that any adult can touch or show off her body. To help protect children against abuse, children need to be taught that they can say no to touching, and that their "no" will be respected. This is a very important piece of prevention in regards to the possibility of sexual abuse. There are, of course, exceptions to this – such as when a very small child needs help with toileting or bathing, or when there is need for medical attention. From Diapers to Dating: A Parent's Guide to Raising Sexually Healthy Children (link is external) is a book that can be a helpful resource for parents.
Warning Signs Another tool of prevention is to become aware of the Behaviors to Watch for When Adults Are With Children and Signs That an Adult May Be At-Risk to Harm a Child . As you review these, note whether you see any of these behaviors in your husband. Look for patterns or repetitious behavior that you’ve requested him to limit or stop. If you do see additional behaviors that trouble you, please contact us back for further guidance.
Speaking Up After looking over some these resources, including some of those indicated below, sit down and have a conversation with your husband about how certain types of touching, even when the intention is loving, can be harmful to children. This would be the time to include any other observations you have that concern you.
It would be great if you and he could reach agreement on some rules about privacy boundaries with your kids. For instance, some families teach their children that they have “No Touch Zones” – usually where their bathing suits cover them, or between the waist and the knees – and that no one is allowed to touch them (except for the reasons I already mentioned) in these areas. This is a way to make things very clear to children and to adults.
Prevention with Children The best way to work with your young children now is to become as aware as you can of healthy sexual development, talk with your children regularly in age-appropriate ways about their bodies and boundaries and create a family safety plan that includes open communication and rules about touch and privacy in the home.
Worrying about children's safety is rarely an "overreaction". Adults who care about children should be able to talk about creating the safest environment possible for children. I hope this information is helpful and invite you to please contact us back with any concerns or questions.
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I did a quick skim of the directions: nothing complicated. Just put the little end thing on your clitoris and play with the settings. I lay down to give the Womanizer a try
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