Sissy I Want Be Woman Tumblr
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Girl Inside
"The hardest truth to face is to face your hardest truth. "
I am a guy who should have been born a girl. There hasn't been a day that has gone by without me staring longingly over the gender divide. I am now taking steps to becoming the woman that I am meant to be.
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May 31st, 2021
My truck has a trans mode too….. will it turn pink and run on flowers and hearts if I press it?
Well my therapy appointment came and went and I know what my next few steps are going to be.
1. Deal with the outstanding issues around my marriage especially those surrounding my gender.
2. Contact the local trans health clinic and talk to a gender therapist.
3. And reach out to the local community groups that support trans folks.
4. Build a network of support outside of my marriage.
5. Begin to test the waters on presenting and acting female.
These are just the main points that I need to address. Each of these things need to be further subdivided which I am going to point out in future posts. All these are a beginning to really find my path to happiness. And in these are some really difficult truths and decisions that must be made.
But the end result is to try and come to the point that I am living a happy, fulfilling, and honest life. A life filled with people that don’t require me to stifle who I am and accept me unconditionally. You know why? Because I am worth it. Because I deserve it. And to anyone else out there that’s like me; you deserve it too. Peace 💖
Today I have another counseling session, the first in many months. And I have some very clear goals in mind that I want to accomplish going forward. I want clarity on what my next steps should look like. And I need help to step into my fears and face down the things I am most scared to do. Whether it be transition or my marriage or anything else for that matter. But no matter what the case is, I am ready to move forward from this in between space I occupy. Whatever direction I go, I need help to jump in with both feet first and commit to it. The status quo is no longer viable. There are tough realities that I have to face and that I have put off dealing with, but now is the time. I’m done wasting time. As the immortal Sherlock Holmes once said “ The game is a'foot dear Watson. ” Only this isn’t a game, it’s my life. And I need to own it. Peace💖
I often wonder what it’s like for people that have never questioned the gender they were born to and if I wished to be like that to. Would I give up all the ambiguity I feel and just be ‘normal ’. And despite how much life would be easier, I still wouldn’t change anything. Being transgender is as fundamental to who I am, as much as is oxygen is for breathing. I am not sorry for the cards that I have been dealt except for the fact that I wasn’t born female in the first place.
Acceptance of oneself is the key to happiness regardless of what other people think. A question we all have to ask ourselves is “Am I living the life that is true to who I am?” If the answer is no, then you have to ask yourself why not and if changes to your life are necessary.
I think that conversations like this with oneself are not just part of the trans experience, but of all people at some point or another in their lives. In fact I think it’s a necessary part of the human experience to question and evaluate ourselves on an ongoing basis.
It’s never an easy thing to question who and what you are, but it is vital to living a truthful, authentic, and happy life. Peace 💖
Happy Pride(taken from my freshly planted garden)
Today I was overcome by so much jealousy. A sales rep that visits my warehouse regularly, stopped in again today. She was wearing a dress almost identical to this. And she looked amazing in it.
Her and I chat every time she comes and she is a beautiful woman inside and out. All I could think about the entire time I was talking to her is how jealous i am of her. Of her wearing the dress, and how effortless she makes it look to be a woman. And most of all, that she was born and raised a cis woman. With all the hopes, emotions, thoughts and feelings that go with that. She loves and is loved by men. She has become a wife and mother.
She is all these things and so much more. If only biology had gifted me the same. Peace💖
As of late, I find myself getting irritated and angry easily. Even over little things. And I think it’s because I have accepted the fact that I am transgender and I can’t express myself as such. I keep myself small in an attempt to keep the people in my life happy. And that has turned the depression that I felt over to anger.
I used to be the ‘good guy’. The kind of person that would absorb all the hurtful things that people do or say. And blame myself for all of it. I would drop everything to help anyone that asked, even at my own expense and then blame myself when there was little or no appreciation shown back to me. I am not that person anymore.
And I think that I am at that point now that most trans people get to when they are ready to make changes finally. I think that pent up frustration and anger become a driving force to change. When you finally don’t give a shit what people think and just do what is right for you.
That’s where I am at right now. Peace 💖
There is so much more to transition than just wearing different clothes or bodily changes. It’s about changing your status in the world. Am I prepared to embrace the cultural and social dynamics that a change in my gender would entail?
As I stand now, I am in the most privileged group in society. I am white, male, and"straight". I move about in this world freely and safely and with less restriction.
To transition to a woman, and a trans woman at that, would put me in one of the least privileged groups. Not to speak of the judgement and expectations that women are expected to adhere to as a bear minimum.
These and many more are factors in my decision on what I should do. The so called “If the bite is worth the chew” . Is the need to change bigger than the convenience of staying the same? I don’t know yet, but I guess time will tell. Peace💖
I have been wondering as of late, what life would actually look like for me if I transitioned. What kind of woman would I be? How would I move about in this world as a woman. I observe the women around me and while I envy them for being the one thing that I’ve always wanted to be; would I find a place in womanhood?
Even though I have found manhood ill fitting for me, I somehow still manage to stitch together some semblance of it. I move through the world and interact with it as the sex that I’m born to as best as I can. I’m able to function and even thrive in that role.
The real question is; does my need to find an inner peace come from embracing the need to change and through my whole life into chaos or finding happiness in the things that I enjoy and benefit from as a man?
I guess that is something I need to work on. Peace💖
I’ve been trying to pretend that I am alright. That being transgender is just personality defect that is my cross to bear and that if I pretend everything is OK, it will. And this Tumblr is just a reminder that that isn’t the case. So, like so many trans people, I cycle between being convinced that I need to transition and not. But the reality is that no matter what I try to do, being transgender is part of me. That will never change. What I have to decide at some point is whether I have to follow that path or not. I think that’s something that when I am ready, I will know. There are no deadlines, there is no pressure except the ones I put on myself. And when and/or if that time comes, it will be when I am ready.
I see you out there. You are just like me. You are nearing middle age, always felt like you didn’t fit in. You shoved those “feelings ” down. You built a life,got married, had some kids just thinking that if you could do one more ‘man’ thing that you would stop being transgender. But you can’t and that’s OK. You are ok. You are beautiful beyond words, and nobody can take that away from you. Peace💖
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i can't surpress this anymore .... i need this too!
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I am a sissy,and I have sucked cock
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It all starts with your first cock.
Opening your pert little mouth and feeling it get stretched open by a nice hard cock.
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be careful what you wish for
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I am a sissy fag but i wish my wife, K, would make me suck cock in front of her and lick her cunt after another man or men has barebacked her!!!
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Don't we all Sissy Mary, don't we all
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