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There is this fear of being transgender that goes along with the turf. As a transwoman, I know being transgender isn’t a fair or easy path. After all, we are judged for being who we are. This is something that simply isn’t our fault. When I came out to everyone as transgender those within my social circle called me courageous, brave, fearless, and strong. However I was terrified and the tiny voice in my head warned me of my doom as I told people. It was my belief that my Facebook friends list would drop like the stock exchange.
So what is the truth? The truth is, absolutely nothing that I imagined or dreaded came to pass. There was no sign of pitchfork and torches. In the end only one single person unfriended me and I don’t know who they were, nor do I care. Even so this may not be true for all of us.
There’s no question that transpeople have lost family and friends, residences and employment. These are very real problems. But at the end of the day you are still alive and will have to move on with your life. So today I would like to create an understanding of fear, and learn to manage it.
We as trans folks have numerous hurdles. Our biggest hurdle is ourselves. We get stuck in our own heads repeating scenarios over and over and the outcome is always against us. We get so concerned about things that may never come to pass. I am no stranger being in my own head and I’ve been told by plenty of people to get out of it.
I spent the better part of a year learning what fear is and how to determine what is false fear and what is genuine. In doing so, I live a much calmer and peaceful life.
Many of our fears are stuffed with many fallacy’s and untruths. Creating the dread we feel which prevents us from achieving our purpose or even starting them.
Don’t misunderstand me, there is genuine fear. If you find a tiger sitting in front of you, be afraid. That is a natural survival fear. However, we have swapped out our natural fears and replaced them with anxieties. Worrying about paying our bills, worrying about what other people think about us, and worrying whole bunch more limiting beliefs that continuously hold us back.
We have taken worries and turn them into fears. We have taken problems and treat them like our life is on the line. Yet in the end we survive. Not only do we survive, we don’t remember these petty issues a year down the road but we allowed them to take our peace when they were happening.
We worry about what people think of us. We worry about passing. Will doctor will throw me out of his office? Will people think I’m crazy? No matter what story you happen to be telling yourself. You just have no idea that it’s legitimate, since it hasn’t happened yet and in most cases it won’t.
These are typically forms of fears that we simply cannot validate, given that they haven’t happened. In all probability they will never come to pass. It’s just the endless never-ending cycle in the self-abuse we do to ourselves.
So let us go back hundreds to thousands of years ago. When living was dangerous. We feared dangerous animals, getting wounded in a war, perishing from a disease and naturally much more. These fears were real, they dealt with life and death and we should be afraid of them. After all they are situations which are life-altering.
For the most part the majority of us don’t live in these situations. They certainly take place in many places around the globe, but the vast majority of the world has been conquered and in general civilized. Having said that now we have transformed those authentic fears to day-to-day anxieties.
We intensify our problems about paying the bills, meeting deadlines, and dealing with people. We envision the worse circumstances, and tune in to the tiny voice in our heads that feeds those difficulties.
These are general difficulties, challenges or hurdles that become more than they actually are. If we just dealt with them, they would be no more of a concern than what to eat for dinner. It’s the determination that you put towards any given challenges which makes the situation good or bad. The way we deal with it is important.
In our mind there exists that little voice which enjoys toying with us. I’m not talking about our instinctive intuitive, which is the basis of our gut feelings. Rather the voice that likes to daydream about the world crashing around us.
It’s very important to question what that voice is telling us. Is what that voice saying true? What is the real probability of this actually occurring? Examine this imaginative scenario played out in your head.
This is actually the beginning of independence from your untrue anxieties.
So what do we do about this fear? We rationalize, we question and we examine.
First we have to center ourselves and become mindful and in the moment. We do this by breathing, and look around you. Becoming present and in the moment. We must escape thinking about the past and pondering the future.
Once you are here and now. This is where the work comes in. Ask yourself, what is it that you are feeling? Is what I am thinking real? It hasn’t come to pass. Rationalize with the false fears of your run away voice.
Then once you understand that fear and have gain control by seeing it as what it is. You then change the story. Imagine the best case scenarios that can happen to you. All the things that can go right about any particular situation. This story that we are telling ourselves is probably much closer to the truth anyway.
And that’s what these are, stories simply because they haven’t happened.
All of our lives are stories. Who we are, what we do, where we are going. Our hopes our dreams are all a story about us. We tend to think ourselves not worthy, which happens to be a story too. Who says you’re not worthy? People in the past, or the voices in your head? Exactly what did you do that you are not worthy of happiness? We all have done bad things to various degrees, and this remains in the past. There is nothing you can do about it, but move on.
Phobic disorders are paralyzing I know as I had multiple phobias for a while which I no longer suffer from. I had seen a therapist, psychiatrist and was put on medication that never helped. I wasn’t able to leave my house, or pick up the telephone and I had been cut off from the world. In my case a particular food additive was to blame. After I discontinued its use my phobias disappeared within three days. Now I need to watch what I eat, and we all should.
For those who have unreasonable fears that you simply can’t control. You may need to go and seek help from a mental health professional. Trying to get help is perfectly acceptable. You can’t move ahead in virtually any part of your life incapacitated by fear.
If you believe you have a phobia is blocking your way forward then you need to deal with this first by seeing a professional.
We by nature love to punish ourselves. As transgender men and women we have enough to deal with. We shouldn’t start our day torturing ourselves. We should live the life we are capable of bravely and boldly. This starts by challenging our perceptions of us as well as the world around us.
Why would I say that? Mainly because, you cannot assume all feminization and transgender hypnosis programs are exactly the same. Most programs focus on just the concept of being feminine or masculine while my transgender hypnosis programs use that but concentrate on the main problem; the Gender Dysphoria. I am transgender and I know exactly where the issue is, given that I experience it.
Individuals who are cis-gender don’t have the foggiest comprehension of that which we as trans-people are dealing with, their transgender hypnosis programs are simply trying to convince you that you’re your perceive gender. It’s not necessary to convince you about something you already know.
You might need a transgender hypnosis program such as that to re-enforce that core perception as a result of many years of mistreatment from within and from external influences. But for most of us, we have other concerns.
You happen to be already feminine or masculine in your heart, which is why you’re taking this journey. It’s more important to get rid of your learned gender characteristics from your preceding life. Traits which should have never been a part of your being. Your authority figures in your life expected you to learn these gender characteristics and now you must get rid of them.
Gender Dysphoria – the condition of feeling one’s emotional and psychological identity as male or female to be opposite to one’s biological sex.
The definition is obvious, there is however so much more to it. It’s genuinely difficult to explain even though you may have it. I have a problem myself explaining it to cis-gender simply because it is dependent upon the degree of the dysphoria. For me personally it had been continuously thinking about my gender all day every day. Cis-gender men and women don’t think about this.
There was clearly this longing, and feeling of being an outcast. I didn’t fit in with the boys plus the girls wouldn’t have me. There is certainly much more to it.
Nowadays it’s actually more difficult for me to bear this in mind as I really don’t think about my gender as often. I often think wow, this is how cis-gender think about their gender, they don’t. As I am in transition and I have personally used my own products. I essentially eliminated the dysphoria from my day to day life, with the exception of external triggers. Such as Trump, or some form of attack upon our community. But for the most part I’m a happier person.
Transgender hypnosis isn’t about convincing yourself you’re the gender that you simply perceive. You are your perceived gender already. It is more about removing the indoctrination. Many years of existing as the wrong gender pressured by others peoples outdated cultural beliefs. I’ve experienced it all. I had been more manly than the manliest man, due to the fact I had been attempting to convince myself that I wasn’t having this sort of feeling. And then finally accept my feelings as valid.
For transwoman in denial, and transmen who have accepted themselves. There is a tendency for us to get involved with masculine roles. For instance the military is a classic example, which would explain why the military has a great number of trans-people enlisted. I personally attempted to join up. However, I was rejected in the recruiter’s office for injuries, so then I moved on into a very masculine sport for a 25+ year career. Only nowadays I wish I had not.
As we progress forward the truths we believed we understood weren’t true. Scientific research now confirms that there happens to be some sort of biological basis that causes us to be this way. This alone for me personally was news of great relief. Accompanied by the 2013 change in the DSM 5 (The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, Fifth Edition) of our classification from Gender Identity Disorder to Gender Dysphoria, which means were are no longer crazy, understanding that was a real relief.
This reclassification on its own opened up the doors to more opportunity. During that time I do believe there were just a few scientific studies on our condition and mainly in European countries. Researchers rarely analyzed psychological disorders as they quite simply mostly focused on medical concerns. Since the change in the psychological classifications science is currently investigating our condition. You will find at least 10 scientific studies concluding that our condition is biological.
You’ve now learned science is in your corner and you’re simply not breaking the cultural taboos. You happen to be struggling and attempting to deal with a biological condition that isn’t your fault the best way you can.
And you never could be. Gender norms a re constantly forced upon transgender men and women. Only these days, have things started to change for the new generation of transgender people. Those of us which have grown up forced to conform have many years otherwise decades of behavior and habits we were expected to have. You aren’t the man or woman which you have been required to represent, you’ve never been, but you’ve had numerous years of indoctrination which you find very difficult to clear away from your life. It’s simpler to come to be who you rather than do away with who you are not. It’s often the bad habits that everyone has a difficult time changing; cis-gender included.
My advice is if you don’t require some re-enforcement with your perceived gender role, you don’t need a transgender hypnosis program to convince you. Rather you should be looking for transgender programs that eliminate or add traits you are having a hard time with. This is the new direction my work will be taking me into.
Being transgender and transitioning is an act of self-creation to become who we are. We spend so much time hiding in becoming someone else, that when we transition we have to recreate the person we were. I barely remember who I was before I create a masculine construct in order to survive the day. Pretending to be something I wasn’t until I no long could remember who I was before that. Finding myself again is an act of self-creation. A rebirth of who I was and the rising of the Phoenix from the ashes of my false persona.
I have lately pondered this often. In the course of my life, I have been many different people a child, a teen, a tough guy, a manager, a writer, a film producer, a director, a professional wrestler and a webmistress. All of us have several faces which we show to the world. However, as being trans people we have a tendency to build false identities to avoid being our true selves.
“We all change, when you think about it, we’re all different people; all through our lives, and that’s okay, that’s good” – Doctor Who
A lot of us neglect ourselves and overlook who we are to be able to fit into the world by creating these false faces. I came to be a tough guy to defend myself and a professional wrestler to demonstrate my masculinity. I created a false persona which I portrayed in order be safe. The simple truth is we really do create ourselves and we’re supposed to create ourselves. We as trans people definitely understand how to do this, all in an attempt to avoid developing into the person who we actually are.
We are permitted to create our feminine identity. It truly is our right. Cis-women commonly create the person they state they are, and it would seem when we as trans people so the same it’s as if we are making a choice. Our choice to be who we are is the same as a cis-gender person’s choice of being who they claim to be.
I have created myself. My feminine mannerism, the way I dress, how I wear my makeup. It’s all how I choose to be and what I like. I choose the colors I wear, and the style I exhibit. This really is who I am. I didn’t choose to be transgender still I can create the person I am to become. No person has a right to tell you who you really are or the way you ought to conduct yourselves so long as you cause harm to no one, which includes yourself.
When you’re born you haven’t yet formulated the individuality of the person you will eventually be. You are given birth and you grow, you develop, you ultimately choose your favorite colors, animals, and all the stuff you like. Cis-people and Transpeople both self-create the person they grow to become, and reinvent themselves throughout their lives.
You are in a perpetual process of creating, developing, and reinventing again and again. There is absolutely no rule that you must choose to be one kind of human being and remain this way your whole life.
Yes, we are transwomen and we are transmen, and our journey, our transition is a process of self-creation. We have no fewer rights to be who we are than any other person on this planet.
It is your choice to be who you are, and nobody else.
So often I find my feminine identity wilt just like a flower, when challenged in common situations. I’ve spent decades suppressing who I am to ensure that everybody else around me feels comfortable. My stealth/false identity the male character which I developed growing up to shield myself from everybody eventually became my dominating personality. I came to be him.
I am aware many of us grow up and get to the point that we must prove our masculinity. I know I did. I attempted to sign up for the armed services, however I couldn’t past the physical, so I entered into Professional Wrestling and I proved I had been manlier compared to the actual men I beat down every week. I developed yet another masculine persona that I had to cope with through the years, while suppressing who I actually was.
So I created all this false masculinity. It had been my shield of defense for all of the prejudice all around me. While I am home, when I felt safe, I allowed myself to be who I used to be, but I abused myself by forcing a masculine stereotype upon my genuine identity and I got really good at being this artificial person. I have practically forgotten how to be myself. I became a foreigner in my own body after brainwashing myself for decades.
Make no mistake; my gender dysphoria is through the roof. I have just abused myself for so long; I have broken what femininity I had and created my very own crisis. My female side, and I hate that cliché was no longer dominant. I no longer hid who I was however when I try to be myself in a situation I usually manage to fall back upon my trained masculinity. My femininity immediately becomes submissive. I happen to be a dominate woman and this does not sit right with me.
Many years of punishment I placed upon myself had to be repaired. I should not be face to face with a male and compel myself to depend on a identity I made up. My female aspect should be dominant. I need to confront the world as me.
And so I returned to what I know. I developed a hypnotherapy program to strength
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