Sissy Coming

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A heart-wrenching, eye-opening, and giggle-inducing memoir about what it's like to grow up not sure if you're (a) a boy, (b) a girl, (c) something in between, or (d) all of the above. From the moment a doctor in Raleigh, North Carolina, put "male" on Jacob Tobia's birth certificate, everything went wrong. Alongside "male" came many other, far less neutral words: words that
A heart-wrenching, eye-opening, and giggle-inducing memoir about what it's like to grow up not sure if you're (a) a boy, (b) a girl, (c) something in between, or (d) all of the above. From the moment a doctor in Raleigh, North Carolina, put "male" on Jacob Tobia's birth certificate, everything went wrong. Alongside "male" came many other, far less neutral words: words that carried expectations about who Jacob was and who Jacob should be, words like "masculine" and "aggressive" and "cargo shorts" and "SPORTS!" Naturally sensitive, playful, creative, and glitter-obsessed, as a child Jacob was given the label "sissy." In the two decades that followed, "sissy" joined forces with "gay," "trans," "nonbinary," and "too-queer-to-function" to become a source of pride and, today, a rallying cry for a much-needed gender revolution. Through revisiting their childhood and calling out the stereotypes that each of us have faced, Jacob invites us to rethink what we know about gender and offers a bold blueprint for a healed world--one free from gender-based trauma and bursting with trans-inclusive feminism. From Jacob's Methodist childhood and the hallowed halls of Duke University to the portrait-laden parlors of the White House, Sissy takes you on a gender odyssey you won't soon forget. Writing with the fierce honesty, wildly irreverent humor, and wrenching vulnerability that have made them a media sensation, Jacob shatters the long-held notion that people are easily sortable into "men" and "women." Sissy guarantees that you'll never think about gender--both other people's people's and your own --the same way again.
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Published
March 5th 2019
by G.P. Putnam's Sons



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3.5 Stars. The first half of this memoir is amazing. Tobia articulates the painful experiences they had while growing up and I was left with a greater understanding for a different kind of non-binary experience. Their memories surrounding their childhood had the strongest writing. It was easy to understand the confusion of how they felt with how the adults in their life tried to steer them towards traditional masculinity. The second half of the book shows that, although the author is queer, ther
3.5 Stars. The first half of this memoir is amazing. Tobia articulates the painful experiences they had while growing up and I was left with a greater understanding for a different kind of non-binary experience. Their memories surrounding their childhood had the strongest writing. It was easy to understand the confusion of how they felt with how the adults in their life tried to steer them towards traditional masculinity. The second half of the book shows that, although the author is queer, there is still a blindness to class and racial privilege. My mouth hung agape when they had the privilege of looking down upon the university they got a full ride scholarship to when it wasn’t an ideal fit. Ideal or not, who looks down at a debt-free degree from a prestigious school that clearly led to their future career opportunities? Sheesh. Overall, this memoir is full of important information on gender non-conformity. It isn’t easy to write a memoir before age 30, mostly because perspective comes when more time has passed since any life event.
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Shelves:
own-electronic ,
nonfiction ,
lgbtq ,
biography-or-memoir ,
read-for-dmv-bookclub ,
read-on-nook




A very strong four stars for this bold and hilarious memoir. I loved Jacob Tobia’s voice in Sissy: A Coming-of-Gender Story . I appreciated their progressive political views, their honesty about their childhood, adolescence, and college years as a gender nonconforming person, and their humor. They take a critical perspective on social justice issues related to queerness and gender, like when they point out that “the closet” can be a problematic metaphor because it puts the onus on the queer perso
A very strong four stars for this bold and hilarious memoir. I loved Jacob Tobia’s voice in Sissy: A Coming-of-Gender Story . I appreciated their progressive political views, their honesty about their childhood, adolescence, and college years as a gender nonconforming person, and their humor. They take a critical perspective on social justice issues related to queerness and gender, like when they point out that “the closet” can be a problematic metaphor because it puts the onus on the queer person to come out as opposed to on the homophobic society that relegates queerness to a position of otherness in the first place. Their writing about their childhood, teen, and college years felt real and without pretense, like how they write about how they relied on external validation to compensate for their nonbinary gender not being affirmed, or an experience at Duke where they were forced into an awful gender binary exercise. Finally, their humor resonated with me a lot. Like, when they wrote about when they met Barack Obama and they tried to focus on the shortcomings of his policies (e.g., drone warfare, not slowing deportations) yet they instead focused on how hot he was – that felt so relatable and I laugh out loud every time I reread that passage. There were a couple of instances that I felt a little confused or uncertain about Tobia’s understanding of their racial identity. They touch on having family members who are Arab and being mistaken for white, yet I think they also benefit from white-passing privilege which they did not touch on a lot. At one point they talk about making a joke about reconstruction as a drag queen and exhibiting some self-awareness about the problematic nature of that joke, yet they then describe the joke as a dig at racism. I think I wanted a bit more ownership or exploration of their racial privilege or racial positionality overall, especially given their developed and thoughtful commentary on gender identity and sexual orientation. A fabulous memoir written from a funny, non-pretentious trans perspective. Tobia’s confidence is admirable especially given how society strives to marginalize trans people. Their voice glows in this memoir as I’m sure their iconic heels do too.
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Jul 03, 2020


Elyse Walters


rated it
it was amazing









Audiobook...read by Jacob Tobia A National Best Seller: “Transformative...If Tobia aspires to the ranks of comic memoirists like David Sedaris and Mindy Kaling, ‘Sissy’ succeeds.” —From the New York Times Book Review. This audiobook/memoir was WONDERFUL... Jacob is so darn likable! It took him years to discover that being ‘a sissy’ wasn’t something he needed to be ashamed of. Rather it was a source of pride. His source of pride!!! Our source of pride with him. It occurred to me while enjoying Jacob’s
Audiobook...read by Jacob Tobia A National Best Seller: “Transformative...If Tobia aspires to the ranks of comic memoirists like David Sedaris and Mindy Kaling, ‘Sissy’ succeeds.” —From the New York Times Book Review. This audiobook/memoir was WONDERFUL... Jacob is so darn likable! It took him years to discover that being ‘a sissy’ wasn’t something he needed to be ashamed of. Rather it was a source of pride. His source of pride!!! Our source of pride with him. It occurred to me while enjoying Jacob’s memoir, [a coming of age gender story].. that with all this social distancing- (I’m mostly home every day by myself -if not on a trail hiking), choosing a fascinating memoir is intimate and fulfilling! Listening to an author share ‘their’ story with us - Be it... Michelle Obama, Gary Shteyngart, David Sedaris, Mary Louise Parker, Roxane Gay, Stormy Daniels, Bruce Springsteen, or Sherman Alexi to name a few..... and now Jacob Tobia .... I’m able to get a great dose of ‘relationship-connection’-fulfillment. A great memoir-audiobook satisfaction....... .....transfers intimacy effortlessly!!! The authors personal stories, are the next best thing, to having them over for lunch. I never thought I was a big ‘memoir’ book reader.... but I admit — many have been tremendously enjoyable recently. Memoirs ( people sharing), are a great fit with sheltering-in-place. Jacob is a natural storyteller... warm, funny, genderqueer.... ‘Sissy’ builds with humor and gusto.... He lightly - yet seriously- underlines freedom from societal gender-norm pressures. Jay Duplass said... “Dear men, please read this book. Whether you’re sensitive, bold, gay, straight, pen, by, creative, analytical, or don’t even know who the hell you are, this book is a blueprint for healing our gender based trauma from the inside out. It’s brilliant and important and I couldn’t put it down”. ...You’ll fall in love with Jacob! ...You’ll fall in love with Jacob’s grandmother. But.... haha...will you fall in stilettos? Not me... I have a bionic foot! Haha.... But I giggled and enjoyed visualizing two men going fancy shoe shopping for themselves. I wanted to tag along with Jacob and his friends - buying new colorful outrageous socks would have given me a buzz! I simple liked Jacob’s company!!! Sign me up for his next book!!!
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Mar 15, 2019


Ren


rated it
did not like it









Horribly written. Attempts at humor fail miserably and most of the book is spent patting themselves on the back for their very very dull college life/full transcriptions of emails they sent complaining about small instances of harassment/unwokeness at their Ivy League school (not to dismiss harassment but it's very white middle class college student etc). Want to read a book by a narcissist who thinks every dump they take is radical while wincing at the stilted writing style and jokes the entire
Horribly written. Attempts at humor fail miserably and most of the book is spent patting themselves on the back for their very very dull college life/full transcriptions of emails they sent complaining about small instances of harassment/unwokeness at their Ivy League school (not to dismiss harassment but it's very white middle class college student etc). Want to read a book by a narcissist who thinks every dump they take is radical while wincing at the stilted writing style and jokes the entire time? This is the book for you.
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non-fiction ,
audio-books




Everyone should read this. Everyone. Better yet, listen to the author's entertaining and thoughtful audiobook performance! I'm a devout feminist/humanist yet Tobia still had plenty to teach me about gender form all angles -- and they made it fun.
Everyone should read this. Everyone. Better yet, listen to the author's entertaining and thoughtful audiobook performance! I'm a devout feminist/humanist yet Tobia still had plenty to teach me about gender form all angles -- and they made it fun.
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Shelves:
queer-general ,
queer-nonbinary ,
nonfiction-queer




I liked Sissy okay. I've enjoyed it more in hindsight than when I was reading it. It's not that I'm not glad I read it, because I am. PROBABLY what bothers me is mostly that, personally, Jacob Tobia doesn't seem like someone I'd jive with, and that personality clash bleeds into whether or not I can enjoy their writing. That's not to say they wouldn't be fun to chat with, not to say they're not an important public figure, not to say they haven't done amazing work. Nothing like that. It's that some
I liked Sissy okay. I've enjoyed it more in hindsight than when I was reading it. It's not that I'm not glad I read it, because I am. PROBABLY what bothers me is mostly that, personally, Jacob Tobia doesn't seem like someone I'd jive with, and that personality clash bleeds into whether or not I can enjoy their writing. That's not to say they wouldn't be fun to chat with, not to say they're not an important public figure, not to say they haven't done amazing work. Nothing like that. It's that something deeply rooted in their writing doesn't work for me. Maybe it's just simpler to say that Jacob Tobia seems like they're full of themself, and that bothers me. I don't think Tobia would even deny this. In the book, they literally compare themself with Jesus Christ more than once. Self-love is great, by the way! It's important, especially for queer people. But the self-love turns too quickly to self-indulgence in this case. Like, the stories in this book happened, I'm sure. But some impulse seems to compel Tobia to inject every story with these clearly-dramatized Shonda Rhimes speeches and dramatic turns. The set-ups and pay-offs come off as far too constructed. Memoir is tricky because I understand that everyone has their own perspective on their own lives, and that one's recounting of events is drastically different from another's, that memory is generally a construction anyway. There are a lot of very understandable reasons why one, for their own mental health, might remember things in a certain manner. But in Sissy, it comes off to me like Tobia is purposely trying to invent a narrative for themself. Like Tobia isn't actually dealing with what they've gone through. Rather, they're presenting a positive front for public consumption. Tobia mentions how their father remembers things with more emotion than memory. They reflect on this semi-critically. To their credit Tobia acknowledges that this applies to them as well. But they don't do anything to reckon with the observation either. It's just... there. It's this weird thing that Tobia does. They're aware of their tendency to buy their own bullshit, but don't seem to process it. At least not to the extent that I'd expect someone who has written so much about themself. You'd think at some point there would be a sobering, confessional passage, one that brings out Tobia's vulnerability, shows that they're trying to figure themself out. But there isn't any of that energy in Sissy. It's more like they're carefully constructing how they want others see them, rather than laying it out for their own benefit. I've come across this honest, open self-reckoning in other memoirs, really difficult passages where the authors come to grips with their demons, or at least put them out there in a constructive way. Thomas Page McBee's Man Apart, or Laura Jane Grace's Tranny, or Kiese Laymon's How to Slowly Kill Yourself and Others in America, or Darnell Moore's No Ashes in the Fire. These authors of course present their writing in a readable, accessible way, but there's also an underlying sense of writing for their own fulfillment, writing to figure out their own shit and get through it. There's little of that in Tobia's book. It's much more about the presentation here. Feels very theatrical. There's some weird racial politics going on here too. Not racism, I would never accuse them of that, but more like a getting-my-liberal-bona-fides kinda way. Tobia says all the right things about colonialism and white supremacy, only in a sort of peppered-on, posturing sort of way, that doesn't go much beyond a hashtag understanding of race. Tobia also frequently but slyly alludes to starting to familarize themself with their Middle-Eastern heritage in a way they never elaborate upon enough. Just enough to make it SEEM like they don't want to be accused of benefiting from white privilege anymore. Maybe I'm reading into that too much, but it does seem suggestive of a distancing from whiteness that no white or white passing person can give themself. There are good parts too, don't get me wrong. In the end it's a worthwhile read. I love the part where they're talking about wanting to dress up as Pocahontas for Halloween as a child. It was a great blend of comedy, snarky comments about cultural appropriation, and commentary on their budding gender identity. But the parts where it feels like Tobia is actually comfortable with their audience, telling you things straight-up, reckoning with their identity and their history, are too few and far between.
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lgbt-queer




I wanted to like this book; Tobia came to a bookstore in my hometown (Wichita, KS) in April, and I got to finally experience being in a room with 100+ locals who believe my gender is real, which was an incredible, affirming, unforgettable experience. But this book is...the nicest thing I can say is Not For Me. First, it's in dire need of better editing: Tobia tends to rattle off three or four one-liners when one would do (and be funnier), and there's a lot of other material that should've been co
I wanted to like this book; Tobia came to a bookstore in my hometown (Wichita, KS) in April, and I got to finally experience being in a room with 100+ locals who believe my gender is real, which was an incredible, affirming, unforgettable experience. But this book is...the nicest thing I can say is Not For Me. First, it's in dire need of better editing: Tobia tends to rattle off three or
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