Should I Send Nudes
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Should I Send Nudes
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Imagine this: You’re exchanging flirty texts with your S.O. before you join your family for dinner. Somewhere between the barrage of emoji hearts and “LOLs” things take a steamy turn when your S.O. playfully asks for sexy nudes. You reply:
A) Thanks, but no thanks 😊
B) 🤔…
C) 1 sec! 🔥
If you picked option C, you’re not alone. According to a survey by MTV-AP , 1 in 3 young people (14-24) have engaged in some form of sexting, either sending or receiving nude photos, with another person.
While it’s no secret that people have been exchanging risqué messages since the dawn of the internet, most people don’t anticipate how nudes can dramatically shift the power dynamics of a relationship, almost overnight.
“Phones feel more intimate than computers. And although a sext may seem private, it’s just as easy to forward a sext as it is to send,” relationship expert, Carol Allen told the Huffington Post . “It’s this false sense of security that gets people into trouble when they sext,” she continued.
Even if you’re sure your partner won’t share your nudes and confident they won’t end up on a weird internet chat room (which are all legitimate concerns), once a photo is shared it never really disappears. The internet is forever and there are real-life consequences for the things you share online. Even on Snapchat where photos disappear in 24 hours, there is no guarantee someone won’t screenshot your pic or take a picture using someone else’s phone. So before you press send, here are 6 things to consider.
“We aren’t having sex, so why can’t you send them?”
“You would send them if you loved me…”
Is your partner working overtime to convince you to send nudes? Uh oh, red flag.
Like it or not, sexting (sending or receiving nudes) is a form of sexual activity that should never involve pressure or guilting of any form. When someone is manipulative, they aren’t respecting your boundaries which is a common theme in unhealthy relationships. Experts say demanding explicit photos is a power play unhealthy partners use to see how much control they have over their partners. Spencer Coursen , security expert from the Coursen Security Group says, “It’s the abuser saying, ‘How much control do I have over you? If I say, ‘do this,’ are you going to do it?”.
When you think about your relationship overall, do you feel like your partner is trustworthy and dependable? Has your partner consistently shown you through their actions that no matter what happens they have your back? This may seem like a no-brainer for most people, but in an unhealthy relationship a person’s decision making may be clouded by gaslighting and emotional abuse. This, in turn, may cause them to doubt their instincts and overlook inconsistencies in their partner’s behaviors. If you’re not entirely sure that you can trust your partner, don’t send any photos. Another thing to consider is whether or not you want this person to have your nude photos after you’ve broken up. It’s easy to trust your partner in the moment you snap the pic but it’s when things go awry (i.e. controlling and manipulative behaviors crop up) that you need to be concerned with.
As Karen Fatti so eloquently put it in her article, 10 sexting tips that will protect your nudes and take dirty talk to the next level, “Sexting really all boils down to how much you really DGAF.” So if the idea of your nude photos mysteriously crossing paths with your boss keeps you up at night, abort mission, do not send.
Despite the humor in the paragraph above, revenge porn is no laughing matter. Revenge porn is a form of sexual abuse that involves the sharing of sexually explicit images of someone without their consent. Unfortunately, blackmail and threatening to “expose” their partner’s intimate photos is just another way abusive partners exert control. Since abusive partners never arrive at someone’s doorstep with a sign that reads: “Hi, I’m emotionally/mentally abusive,” people don’t realize they’re dealing with a wolf in sheep’s clothing until it’s too late. Remember partners that are controlling during a relationship can be just as aggressive and destructive after a breakup.
RELATED: Phrases like “I’m sorry” or “I love you” can take on an entirely different meaning in an abusive relationship. Check our Asterisk to learn more .
While laws may vary state-to-state, if you’re underage (that is, under the age 18) it’s actually illegal to take and send nude pics. In fact, two teens from North Carolina were arrested after a phone was found containing nude photos that they had taken and sent to each other.
Once you share explicit photos with an unhealthy partner you may notice their behavior takes a turn for the worst. They may become more insistent and demanding of your time. They may even behave as if they “own” you, using your photos as a threat during disagreements. This is because when you give nude photos to someone the power dynamics in the relationship instantly change. Suddenly they have something that can be used against you during fights or if you decide to leave the relationship.
Nude photos can even be used to systematic teardown someone’s self-esteem as Grace found out after she shared intimate photos with her S.O. Instead of bringing them closer, she told Seventeen magazine that he used them as an opportunity to “point out some of my flaws.”
Read this sentence aloud: 100% of people are guilty of doing unhealthy things. That doesn’t mean we’re bad people, it just means we’re human. And sometimes the people we care about the most make mistakes when it comes to sharing things you thought were just between you. Andi found this out the hard way. When he sent his girlfriend a snap of his chest he didn’t think it was a huge deal. The pic was pretty PG and they’d already hooked up but to his surprise the snap didn’t stay between them. He told Seventeen Magazine , “She ended up putting it in a group chat that had three of my friends in it. I wasn’t upset or embarrassed that my friends saw it, but it made me question her judgment and the safety of sending sexy pics to anyone.”
While it’s normal for couples to exchange these sorts of photos, sending nudes is not the end all be all of intimacy. There are tons of ways to get the heat rising in your relationship without nudity. Calling and talking on the phone may be more sensual as you get to hear your partners voice as well as use your imagination. If you are a better writer than a speaker, you can always text each other different scenarios to imagine.
Sharing nude photos always involves a bit of risk. While you might not think your partner would ever use them against you, you should always consider it as a possibility.
Ultimately, it’s your body and whether your relationship is short term or meant for the long haul the only person you need to answer to is yourself. That said, our instincts are usually right, if something feels off in your relationship, it most likely is. Healthy love should make you feel safe and comfortable. No matter what you decide to do with your photos, you should feel respected, feel trust in your partner, and come to a mutual understanding that keeps everyone’s boundaries in mind.
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I been talking to this guy for couple months and I could tell he has feelings for me and so do I. He had once send his nudes to me and that made us realize we were moving to fast so we decided to be friends but couple days ago we were talking about are neighbor and I brought up that my neighbor probably saw me naked since I have my windows open half the time, And his respond was lucky them. Does that mean he wants to see my Boobs? and can I send them to him?
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Don't send him nudes just because you feel pressured to do so. If you send one, it should be because you really want to and not because he just said lucky him or because he sent his. Don't force yourself if you don't want to. If he really likes you then he'd still be interested even without a nude photo. However, if you choose to do so and if you trust him enough to do so, take some caution. You might want to send him something without your face in it or a photo which wouldn't lead back to you easily or something. Check the background for identifying objects or landmarks or what. I know it is weird and probably paranoid but as some guy here said.. you dont wanna end up in a porn website.
i don’t think you should send him nudes since you guys aren’t even dating rn and you’ve both decided to slow down a bit... maybe after you’ve been dating for a while. but honestly it’s up to you. do what you’re comfortable with, but don’t just do it because you think he wants it.
Why are things going to be different if it's your nudes being shared instead of his. I'm confused as to why you have been saying that the catalyst for the change in the dynamic of your relationship was the sharing of nudes and now you have had the bright idea that you are going to have a different result while doing the same thing?
Yeah your right, thanks for the feedback.
You know your neighbor gets to see you nude occasionally, and that does not bother you. So why not your boyfriend? If you want him to see you nude, then send pictures, but be careful. Keep your face out of that and don’t let there be things in the picture that could identify you.
Thats cute and hot but let me say this when most girls send nudes they want to impress the guy right well girls that have sent me nudes its cool but they send the wrong or bad nudes first ,, so im thinking if you want to send them to me first i can be your tester outter lol. If you want me to be lol , I mean you FONT want to send the wrong kind or a bad nude lol right ,, well if you feel good with the guy why not I'm sure he would love them he's a lucky guy
No. The rule on nudes is never send them until the other party has begged for them nicely, three days in a row. You don't want to end up on a revenge porn site when you break up. Nor to you want to end up on his friend groups wank bank.
Man likes Tits) Woman likes dick) But you need to send it when there is a topic, to the place where you will talk about sex with each other. And then you are so cute chat about the weather and OPA " Tits!" Surprise!)))
If you’re questioning Dont do it ! Do it when you’re ready and if you do end up sending them don’t show your face.
Guys almost always want to see nudes. So unless your under 18, then feel free to do so, but keep your face out of any picture you send. Do your neighbors see you naked a lot, lol.
Almost every guy wants to see naked girls. So if you want to send him nudes he will like them. He may think you're moving too fast, but hw will like the nudes
He seems like he wants some pics and you have spoken for a while.. might be ok.
that comment shows that he wants but its all up to you if u are so sure then he won't leak it or won't just stop talking to you once he get those (used you)
Don't send him nudes. You'll keep his interest longer if he legitimately is into you. Perhaps consider hooking up if there is that tension between you two. Considering you feel ready, of course.
It’s entirely up to you. If you do send a nude photo don’t show your face.
Definitely send them! Be proud, confident, and show him everything.
Don’t ask such stupid questions. At your age make a decision. This questions are getting so stupid
DONT SEND HIM NUDES he can easily expose u
Being a good person have good moral values don’t sell yourself out like that
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Welcome to Down to Find Out, a column in which Nona Willis Aronowitz addresses your biggest questions about sex, dating, relationships, and all the gray areas in between. In our first installment, she answers a Teen Vogue editor's question about digital consent. Have a question for Nona? Send it to downtofindout@gmail.com
Q: I want to send my partner nudes, but I'm nervous they might get into the wrong hands. I don't want to be embarrassed by a private picture getting out, but I'm into the idea of sharing sexy pics. What should I do?
A: When I was 19, I took a picture of my breasts in the privacy of my college dorm room. I was into the idea of sexy pics, too, but I didn’t have anyone to send them to. So I just posed for myself. I turned on my computer, parted my lips, and snapped some topless pics. It felt silly, yet also kind of arousing and fun. Even though I wasn’t conscious of it at the time, I needed to get comfortable with the image of my own body before I relinquished it to anyone else. A year later, sending those explicit images to an actual human felt like an act of generous vulnerability, like I was divulging a few sentences from my diary.
My masturbatory photo shoot was before iPhones and Snapchat, before it was quite so common for interested admirers to ask for, much less expect, nude photos. But a lot has changed in 15 years: Now, if you are texting with someone you like, sending nudes is unbelievably commonplace. In 2014, Cosmopolitan found that that 89% of their survey respondents, whose average age was 21, had taken one at some point.
So, you’re curious about taking and sharing nude pics? Here’s what I would recommend:
Get very familiar with yourself. Pose in the mirror, caress your silhouette, know your naked angles. Sex philosopher adrienne maree brown, in her new book Pleasure Activism , writes that she took private photos and videos of her body as an act of radical self-acceptance. They “were not for anyone else’s eyes, opinions or desires,” she writes. “The energy of them was purely self-adoration...how much could I love myself, literally?” There’s virtually no risk involved in taking photos like these (though if you’re worried, there are always ways to double-password protect, or hide them in a remote folder on your phone). For now, these photos can be just for you.
Ready to dip a toe in the sexting waters?
First, you should know that whatever sexy pics you share should be on your own terms. Share them in the spirit of mutual trust and arousal, not because you feel you have to. And, of course, any naked picture should be solicited (penis-havers, no surprise dick pics). So if you're doing this because you want to, and if you've determined the person you want to show them to is trustworthy, you can share your best photos with your partner IRL at first. That is, don’t send them digitally, but literally show your partner the pictures on your phone. This way, you get to show off the images, but you’re still in control. Regardless of how serious or intimate y’all are, any worthwhile boo will appreciate the titillation of a beautiful nude, even if they don’t get to bring the image home with them.
If your partner wants to be aroused by you from afar, you can start by sexting with words rather than photos. As much as I love a well-executed nude, I’ve found that taking photos of myself in the moment, or on command, can be stressful or mood-killing. There’s also something kind of….literal about them. Instead, verbalizing my fantasies can allow some privacy and ambiguity while still experimenting with nascent desires. The risk of public humiliation is much lower, especially if your dirty words are in response to someone else’s. It can even improve in-person canoodling, since you’ve given some thought to and shared what, exactly, turns you on.
Finally ready to send that selfie? If you’ve done your due diligence, the feelings are mutual, you feel comfortable with the person, and trust them to guard your nudes with their life, press “send” on your favorite sexy pic.
I’m not going to sugarcoat it: This last step is a risk. As I’m sure you’ve been warned by parents and sex ed teachers, once you send a nude pic, you have no control over who sees it or where it goes afterward, so the public embarrassment you worry about could become a reality. Not to mention that, if you’re under a certain age, sending sexy selfies can count as distributing child pornography, and can even be considered a felony in some states .
So why am I not taking a hard line and insisting you never send nudes? Because there’s something supremely messed up about a naked pic having the potential to shame, humiliate, and destroy someone’s life, especially because nearly everyone does it. Pretty soon, the upper echelons of society will be filled with people who have sent explicit photos, if they aren’t already. Don’t get me wrong: Publicizing an explicit photo that’s meant to be private is an extreme violation, and it should be considered a crime to distribute, hack, or profit off of other people’s explicit images without their permission. But I also believe we should neutralize the power of those who hurt people simply because they participated in a completely usual sexual activity.
Happily, that destructive power has already weakened. Just a decade or two ago, a naked photo (especially of a woman) could unilaterally ruin a career. Nowadays, people are contesting the idea that nudes should be grounds for a scandal at all. When a fake naked selfie popped up online of Rep. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, sex writer Lux Alptraum advised, in the New York Times , that the best response is to “forcefully affirm the idea that these photos — be they real or fake, consensually distributed or stolen and posted online without consent — don’t matter.”
Yes, having a photo leaked without your consent is violating, but many victims of revenge porn or hacked photos have asserted that they’re not ashamed that the image(s) exist. “I started to write an apology, but I don't have anything to say I'm sorry for,” Jennifer Lawrence told Vanity Fair in 2014 about the nude pics of her that were splashed on the Internet during the Fappening . Her relationship was “long distance, and either your boyfriend is going to look at porn or he's going to look at you.”
Every time we exchange a nude with care and respect, if that's what we want to do, the stigma diminishes just a little more, so that one glorious day it’ll no long
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