She's The Man Nude
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Viola Johnson is in a real jam. Complications threaten her scheme to pose as her twin brother, Sebastian, and take his place at a new boarding school. She falls in love with her handsome roommate, Duke, who loves beautiful Olivia, who has fallen for Sebastian! As if that were not enough, Viola's twin returns from London ahead of schedule but has no idea that his sister has already replaced him on campus.
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- What? That's right! Give it! - Nice kick.
- Very nice kick. - Give me the ball!
- Drop... Put me down! - OK. Down like...
- OK, you are really getting good. - You too.
I mean, when we first started going out, you couldn't kiss at all.
...probably already better than half the guys on my team.
What do you mean, I couldn't kiss at all?
you'd get more playing time at a school like Michigan?
Maybe, but it's always been about being a Tar Heel for me.
OK, what is the lacrosse team doing on our field?
- The school cut our team. - Wait, what?
- Not enough girls signed up. - So they just cut us?
Now college scouts won't even get to see us play.
I know. If there's anything I can do, just say the word.
Matter of fact, there is. We wanna try out for the boys team.
Coach, come on! You know that we're good enough.
I don't know that that's a thing that I know.
we have two weeks before school starts.
Then we open against Illyria. A rivalry game. We have to win.
The girls here want to try out for the team.
- You're not serious. - All right, all right!
- But girls aren't as fast as boys. - Right.
- What? - Or as strong. Or as athletic.
This is not me talking. It's a scientific fact.
Girls can't beat boys. It's as simple as that.
OK. Justin, you're the team captain. What do you think about it?
Yesterday you told me that I was better than half the guys on your team.
What are you talking about? Why are you lying?!
- Come on, let's go. - Baby, don't be like that. I...
I just don't want to see you get hurt.
God, you and your brother look scary alike from the back.
I think it's your total lack of curves.
Hi, Monique. It's so good to see you too.
I'm looking for Sebastian. Where is he?
Just remind your brother how lucky he is to be in my life.
And tell him to give me a call if he wants to stay in it. OK?
OK. Does he have your number? 1-800-BEYOTCH?
And this is why I don't bring friends over.
Mom, not now. I had a really bad day, so...
This is just the thing to just perk you up.
- Eyes closed, closed, closed, closed. - They're closed.
Beautiful gowns for my darling debutante.
Mom, have I not told you a thousand times?
I have no interest in being a debutante. It's totally archaic.
How could I wind up with a daughter
who only wants to kick a muddy ball around a field all day?
Well, the world has been set right, Mom. They cut my team.
- What? No soccer? - Yeah, that's right. No soccer.
- How sad. - Yeah, I can see you're all torn up.
Well, Justin's gonna love you in this.
Yet another reason not to wear it. I dumped him.
- What? Why? - I don't wanna talk about it.
Hey, you know, you could use the front door.
She thinks I'm staying at Dad's. Dad thinks I'm at Mom's.
In two days they both think I'm going away to school.
- That is the beauty of divorce. - Where are you going?
Yeah, my band got a slot in a music festival there.
OK, what are you gonna do about school?
Yeah, I was kind of hoping you could help me with that.
Could you just, like, pretend to be Mom, call Illyria, tell them I'm sick?
Something that sounds like it would last for two weeks, like mad cow.
Sebastian, you just got kicked out of Cornwall for skipping.
This is not exactly the way you want to start out.
Last time I heard, they don't need to know trigonometry.
Besides, if you want to chase your dreams,
sometimes you gotta break the rules, right?
You know the percentage of bands that make it to the big time?
Probably the same as female soccer players.
- Sebastian! - Were you talking with your brother?
On the phone. He's at Dad's. Bye, Dad.
they call your name, and you emerge in this.
No. Sorry, Mom. I have a strict no-ruffles policy.
Sometimes I just think you just might as well be your brother.
You want me to turn you into your brother?
That's right. I'm going to Illyria as Sebastian.
I'll make the boys soccer team, and in 12 days beat the Cornwall boys team.
You've taken too many soccer balls to the head.
Except for the voice, manneri the breasts, the mentality and...
It doesn't matter. Nobody at Illyria has even met Sebastian.
- They won't know the difference. - They'll know he's a girl.
- Oh, come on, Paul. - Yeah, come on, Paul.
Mom, I told you! I'm going to Dad's house for two weeks.
No, you didn't. And you're not going.
We've hardly spent any time together this summer.
OK, Mom, I thought about what you said.
And you know Monique is g be there 24l7 with Sebastian,
so, I don't know, I was just thinking
that maybe she'd show me the ropes on the whole debutante thing.
- This is so exciting! - Isn't it?!
There's the formal ball. And the luncheon.
And, oh, did I mention the fundraiser next week?
Your brother promised to be there, so remind him when you see him.
Oh, my little girl. You're finally gonna be a lady!
- I wanna go home! - Relax. He was being friendly!
We're not going home! Stop it! I did not spend all this time...
- It's your fault! Drive home! - My idea?! You asked me!
- I did your hair and makeup! - Reverse!
- I want to go! - You're being a girl!
- We're not going. - Come on! Drive!
- He was being friendly. - All right!
Let's run through it one more time.
That came out wrong. But you know what I mean.
I am a hunky dude! I'm a badass hunky dude!
- Sebastian Hastings. - Duke Orsino.
This is Andrew and Toby. They live next door.
Yeah. Freshman dorm's that-a-way, twiglet.
Anyway, do you know when soccer tryouts start?
Absolutely. Center forward. You know it, bro.
So you play the beautiful game... bro?
Yeah, I'm a striker. Andrew and Toby are halfbacks.
OK, why do you have tampons in your boot?
Oh, my... Beckham does it all the time.
Look. I'll just show you how to do it.
- Are you kidding me? - That's disgusting.
Oh, my God, your roommate's a freak.
Let's start the season how we finished the last.
What are you, the runt of the family?
Pardon me, sir. I have to be a shirt.
Very, very, very deathly, deathly allergic.
We like to accommodate here at Illyria.
So I'll follow you around with a parasol. All right, Nancy boy?
I've seen a lot of energy and commitment out there today.
Now, I want to split us up into first string and second string.
You second-stringers, don't take it too hard.
You're just as much part of this team as the first-stringers.
Apart from, of course, playing the game part.
The rest of you, congratulations. First-stringers.
- Hastings! No shower for you. - OK.
Principal Gold wants to see you in his office.
So very pleased to meet you. So very, very pleased.
Hello, sir. Heard you wanted to see me.
I just wanted to have you in to say welcome.
Yeah, I'm doing great, you know? Just... busy being a guy.
Let's take a look at your file, Sebastian. And...
You don't wanna talk to the headmaster. But I won't take no for an answer.
Now, have a sit in the headmaster's chair. Come on, have a sit.
- How do you like campus? - Beautiful.
You've been inspired by the charcoal black and candy apple red?
Don't touch it. Ever. Ever. Do not do that.
You know, Sebastian, I was a transfer student myself...
...once upon a time. Back when dinosaurs roamed the earth.
in the transfer students that come to this school.
Act as a... unofficial big brother.
Don't be surprised if I just pop in unannounced just to check up.
- Don't worry about it. - My fault.
Getting to know the opposite sex, are we?
Male-female dynamics. All that sexual tension.
It's all part of the high school experience. So continue. Please.
Abstinence is key. Abstinence is... The best way to not is to not.
Are you kidding? That's him being rude.
You think so? I got them at Anthropologie.
- No way! They have shoes there? - Oh, yeah. Right by the accessories.
- Thanks. - Well, I guess I'm gonna,
you know, go take care of some guy stuff.
There you go. Have a great apple and sandwich.
So those soccer tryouts were bogus, huh?
I mean, second string? Come on, that's ridiculous. Am I right? Am I right?
So the game against Cornwall, that should be interesting.
Well, my sister goes there, and she used to date that tool Justin Drayton.
- I made him cry once during a game. - Wait.
Oh, yeah! Check out the booty on that blondie.
She was dating this college guy, but he dumped her.
I hear she's a total mess now, really vulnerable.
Confidence, self-esteem is way down.
- In man words, it's time to pounce. - Exactly.
Did you know bologna is 38 percent hoof?
Looks like you got some competition.
She looks so sad. It's heartbreaking.
It... it's just... I can relate, you know?
I mean, I just got out of a bad relationship too.
I mean, you think you know someone.
And you realize it's all been a big lie.
Plus, you know, you can never get chicks to shut up.
All right, guys, catch up with you later.
I get to take a shower. I get to take a shower.
Shower shoes are to be worn in the bathroom at all times
Did you not read your Dorm Life pamphlet?
Gentlemen! Let me present this year's soccer newbies!
First, you must remove your clothes!
Remove their clothes! Remove their clothes!
Everybody thinks I'm a loser deviant.
I'll never see the field against Cornwall.
And I smell so bad I'm convulsing people.
Pick me up, take me home and make I never do anything like this again.
Look, Vi, I don't know what to tell you about the whole soccer team...
...but as for the social stuff, I got an idea.
We're gonna show everybody the man that you really are.
Don't look at him. Maybe he won't see us.
Spread out so it looks like we got no room.
- Not the same without you. - I know. I'm sorry.
I've been thinking about you a lot.
Did she just say that to Sebastian?
- What just happened? - Oh, Sebastian.
OK, big, mournful sigh. Bittersweet farewell.
It was really great to see you, Sebastian.
Thank you, Kia. You're gorgeous. And go, Yvonne.
- Yeah. - Yeah, you know what I'm saying?
I mean, our school lost its top gun, Sebastian Hastings.
Well, time comes for a man to move along, Yvonne.
In the end I wasn't woman enough for you.
That's something I'll always have to live with.
- It just hurts, that's all. - Love is pain.
Just know I'll never forget you, Sebastian.
OK. We might need to do a little reevaluating here.
OK, let me put a stop to that little brain fart right now.
Girls with asses like mine do not talk to boys with faces like yours.
I'm looking for my boyfriend Sebastian Hastings. Have you guys seen him?
Don't let her get too close, she'll recognize you.
- Keep away from me! - I beg your pardon?!
Pretty ladies. OK, don't come any closer, Monique.
- I don't want to talk to you! - Sebastian, come back here.
- But there are plenty of hot girls. - Come back here.
And the truth is, you have absolutely nothing else to offer.
And when my eyes are closed, I see you for what you truly are,
What's wrong with you guys? Make some room for the man.
You're officially my idol now, man.
- What's up? - What's up, brothers?
- Holler at your boy. - Yo! Yo! Sebastian!
Can you get out of my way right now?
I need your advice. I got lady troubles.
I'm here for you, bro. I got a lifetime of knowledge.
Too long. Ball and frickin' chain, man.
Justine. Chick won't stop dogging me, man.
Oh, my God. Oh, my God. She's in our class.
and read off the name of your lab partner.
- You know her? - I talked to her for a second.
- She did a good one. - She gives good nod.
I can't believe you got her as a lab par... Switch with me.
Some guys just walk in the light, you know?
I don't think we introduced ourselves before. I'm Sebastian.
I'm gonna be the best lab partner you ever had.
The whole dissecting thing kind of freaks me out.
So, think you may have to take the reins on this one.
Wow. Most guys would never admit that.
No, don't worry. I think it's refreshing.
- You do? - No paper near the Bunsen burner.
"Wake up, I've been waiting for you."
I know. I keep telling him... me... meself... my... myself...
- Really? Wonderful. - Check it out.
- Did you say anything about me? - No. Was I supposed to?
You get to spend an hour with her every other day.
You can convince her to go out with me.
She had that option for three and a half years.
I'll tell you what. You do this, I'll work with you on your soccer.
I'll make you good enough to make first string.
- By the Cornwall game? - Absolutely.
I wait three years for Olivia, and then some transfer student comes in
and suddenly she's acting like some...
I'm not gonna take that lying down, Malvolio!
I'll do some digging, I'll find out what it is,
and I'll nip his chances with Olivia right in the bud.
What's that? Oh, yeah, sure. A walk. Sorry. Come on.
I just have a little bit of a cold.
It's all taken care of. Just make sure you're back by the 12th.
We went on a couple days ea and the crowd flipped for us.
They wanted an encore, s did one of my songs acoustically.
- They went nuts for my lyrics. - Oh, that's so cool.
- She really is, isn't - I got to go. I'll talk to you later.
No, I actually... I have a scalp condition.
I really do. It's really acting up during the...
but recently I've started to thin out myself.
I've tried all the creams and the butters,
and I still can't seem to stop Mother Nature's vindictive fury,
There's gonna be a time when you'll have to come out
of the closet and just accept yourself for who you are.
Oh, and between you and me, chicks dig it.
Hi, Olivia. I don't want you to be worried, but Malvolio's missing.
If you see him, don't feed him. He has an irritable bowel.
Yeah. 'Cause that would be my very first instinct.
Have you ever thought about going out with Duke Orsino?
I mean, he's good-looking and everything,
Think there may be more to him than you think there is.
So you're telling me he's not just another dumb jock
who wants to hook up with me so he could tell his friends, but too?
- Insecure to treat you as an equal? - Exactly.
You're the first guy at school who hasn't tried anything with me.
...I don't think of you in that way.
You're actually one of the few people here
I got her to agree to consider you. You're halfway in.
All right, OK. So should I ask her out?
No. You don't want to freak her out.
You got to have a casual conversation first. Hello.
Why do I get the feeling you don't do this very often?
Man, I just... I'm not really good at talking to girls.
You know, you're an appealing guy...
Look, I don't know. I just always say the wrong...
OK. All right. Come on. Let's get up.
I want to try something. I'll act like a girl, and you're going to talk to me.
- Duke? Nice to meet you. - That was creepy.
You really just sounded like a girl just then.
I used to imitate my sister all the time.
I got really good at it. Come on. And get up!
and if the chemistry's right, things'll just start flowing.
- Questions about what? - Anything. Ask me if...
Why, yes I do. My favorite's Gouda.
What is that?! It touched me! It touched me!
You don't ever, ever do that girl voice again!
Sebastian, honey, this is your mother.
I'm calling to remind about the carnival tomorrow.
You and your sister prom you'd both be there. Bye-bye.
- Wait, your mom's in Junior League? - Yeah. How'd you know?
I can't deal with this right now. I have soccer to worry about.
Not gonna be that bad. Olivia's gonna be there.
It's a perfect opportunity for me to lay some groundwork.
I'll tell you the truth. I never really liked carnivals.
Hey. I'm working the kissing booth. Come see me.
- Hey, Duke, where you going? - Where do you think I'm going?
Just my psycho ex. I don't really wanna deal with her.
So if you guys don't mind, I'm gonna lay low for a little while.
You look like such a lady. It's a miracle.
- It really is. - So Monique's getting you
all excited about being a debutante?
Super-duper excited. Have a good carnival.
My little petunia. Where do you think you're going?
You have the next shift at the kissing booth.
And your brother's late for the cotton candy cart.
Where you been? I've been calling and calling.
We've talked, Justin. All the talking is done.
Look, no one breaks up over a stupid soccer issue, OK?
Can you just be a girl for five seconds?
OK, first of all, it's not a stupid soccer issue,
and you're a jerk. Oh, look at that! Time's up!
- Monique's behind me. - Where are you going?
Excuse me. No one over 8 years old is allowed inside the Moon Bounce.
- I just saw my boyfriend go in there. - The correct term is "ex-boyfriend."
No relationship is over until I say it is. Understand?
You're still not getting on that Moon Bounce.
- So are we having fun? - Oh, yeah, definitely.
I know it's gonna be really, really special.
I mean, she's only kissed like 350 guys at this point.
I just think we need to acknowledge the moment.
After four years, Duke is finally gonna fulfill his destiny.
Life is good. Life is fair. Life is just.
Beware of the old guy chewing gum. It's not gum.
No. No, no, no. I mean, I didn't mean it like that.
It's just, you k she's, you know... No. OK.
I mean, on the other hand, you're, you know, also...
You don't have to flirt with her first, genius. You're paying for it.
I gave that girl my ticket, and I waited in line.
OK, I think that was one ticket's worth.
Excuse me. The motel's across the street.
- Viola, what the hell is this?! - Back of the line, buttball.
Excuse me, doofus. You're making out with my girlfriend.
Are you gonna drown me in your tears?
I did not cry. I had something in my eye.
You know what, guys? Can we just dial it down?
She's right. I'll see you on the soccer field,
Or we can straighten it out right here.
There is no room for violence here!
This is a lovely children's carnival, goddamn it!
Where were you at today? You just disappeared.
Ran into my psycho ex. Had to bolt.
I hope you don't mind. I kind of borrowed one of your...
Yeah. And you're right, by the way. These things actually work.
Oh, my God, you're bleeding. Are you OK?
I mean, suck it up! Be a man! Rub some dirt in it!
I got into it with your sister's ex.
He saw me and her kind of making out at the kissing booth.
Yeah, man, I'm... I hope that's OK.
if you want to kiss her, you go right ahead and you kiss her!
I mean, you just... you take her and then kiss her
I don't know. Can we not talk about this?
She's your sister. It's kind of weird.
Just... You know, I was just thinking that,
And just, I don't know, forget about Olivia?
Well, I mean, speaking as a completely objective
third-party outsider with absolutely no personal interest in the matter,
really mesh well together. You know? I
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