She Wont Do Anal
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She Wont Do Anal
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Tabatha McGurr is a Brooklyn bred-writer currently residing in Bed-Stuy with her boo and dog Coco. She's been running to the Married To The Mob blog for the past six years. In her weekly column, she gives Complex readers insight into what today's young women really think about love, sex, and relationships.
Ah, anal sex! Once the excitement of oral and standard piping wears off, back-door entry becomes the last item an average dude hopes to check off his sexual to-do list. For most girls, the subject remains taboo, and chances are, you’ll have to coerce your girl into giving it a shot. If you've already awkwardly asked her about it, it may seem like she has no interest, but you're just not approaching it properly. Sometimes, women are put off because they never tried it in the right setting or with someone they felt comfortable enough with. Regardless of her reason for holding out, here are a few pointers that will help you infiltrate the elusive derriere. Be warned, they’re not for the faint of heart. Good luck fellas!
Before you go making anal demands on your woman, realize what you’re requesting. Some chicks already have a hard time handling dick the normal way, let alone taking it in the butt, and whether you’re packing tons or not much at all, it’s traumatic and unpleasant to get prodded in a new hole. If you feel that you’re at that point in your relationship where it’s time to up the sexual ante, then have a grown-up discussion about it and see if it’s something she might be into. Almost all girls will be reluctant at first, but if you’re in a happy relationship, then you should be open to trying new things together. If she’s 100% against it and gets bummed that you even asked, drop the conversation and don’t bring it up for at least another few months. When guys press the issue too much, we can’t help but wonder if there’s a little homosexuality hidden beneath the surface.
A few summers ago I had the pleasure of working alongside Hollywood’s favorite redhead porn star, Faye Reagan, for a Married to the Mob shoot she starred in. While we prepped her with hair and makeup, questions about her line of work came up, naturally. We were most curious about her “specialty,” anal fisting. Apparently, when she started out in porn, she had an equally hard time easing into anal. Then she explained that one night while having sex with her boyfriend, she was completely relaxed by the ecstasy of a vibrator on her clit when all of the sudden, she realized that dude’s hand was up her ass. Totally not kidding. I’m not recommending fist-play for novices, she is a professional after all, but it goes to show that you should never underestimate the power of clitoral stimulation.
After sharing Faye’s little story, it should be obvious that your biggest aid in solving the anal equation is putting emphasis on the clitoris. Well, when you’re busy in the backyard, you won’t want to handle that task alone. Invest in some toys that will help you in the process. Go for a sleek vibrator with a few speeds that’s big enough to get work done but small enough to do its job discreetly. Lubrication is a good idea for first timers, but just because you plan on using electronics, doesn’t mean your fingers and tongue should become obsolete. Fingers are an ideal way to gain initial entry without causing too much pain, and your tongue is your greatest ally. Like the great Lil’ Kim once said: “If you ain’t lickin’ no butts, we don’t want it.”
Now that you’ve got the idea in place and the gadgets needed to play, it’s time to set the mood. Don’t just whisper, “Hey girl, I wanna put it in your butt” or pull an Accidental Dolphin on her, since it’ll probably result in no sex at all. Instead, take her out somewhere sexy and loosen her up with a few drinks. Just be sure not to let her get too sauced or things may get messy later. I’ve heard absolute horror stories about anal amateurs who thought getting stupid off Jameson would help things along, when sadly, all it resulted in was a set of soiled sheets. Which bluntly brings me to my next point: make sure she hits the John before you get in bed. Once you’re back at the crib, all hot from the liquor, spark something up and continue the courtship. You’ve gotta play it like it’s the first time you ever fucked her. It’s only during moments of passion like those that a girl feels like giving herself to you completely.
After you make it to the bedroom, the fun of trial and error can finally begin! Anal doesn’t happen, and boom—she’s addicted. She might become a fiend eventually, but that’s after extensive efforts to see what’s most comfortable. The key is to go slow, both with entry and removal. Fast movements should only be made by experts, because though it may not seem so, the rectum is much more fragile than the vagina. That’s a little something I learned from Dr. Sue Johanson . What up girl! The vibrator will be a key factor in helping you gain entry as smoothly as possible. Without that jolt of electric relaxation, she’ll be way too tense and stiff to let you enter her easily. When you do, be attentive and listen to what your girl is telling you, because she’s ultimately gotta guide you through the motions. If it doesn’t feel good, go back to your normal routine and try again another time. That’s the beauty of happy, committed relationships—there’s always the next day.
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Sex is supposed to be a fun, no-pressure activity where the goal is for everyone to get off and have a good time. Not every girl you meet is going to be down for anal. I know total freaks that cringe at the thought of something poking around up there. The circumstances will always differ depending on who’s involved, but at least you’ll be prepared when the time comes. Now go out there and get some butt tonight!
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Discussion Starter
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#1
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Dec 15, 2012
Hi Chris here, I have been with my wife three years. She has known I love anal sex sense we have been dating. Now were married thow she doesn't want to do it anymore. She claims it hurts however during sex she will ask me to finger her anal witch is pretty rough. I love it but she seems to have cut me off. I have tried to discuss it with her but she says we we will do it eventually and we never do. Any help epically female would be appreciated.:scratchhead:
She is being honest with you. It hurts her, she doesn't want to do it. But as long as your having great sex other wise...enjoy.
Posted via Mobile Device
Stop complaining about what you don't have...start enjoying what you do have.
Hi Chris here, I have been with my wife three years. She has known I love anal sex sense we have been dating. Now were married thow she doesn't want to do it anymore. She claims it hurts however during sex she will ask me to finger her anal witch is pretty rough. I love it but she seems to have cut me off. I have tried to discuss it with her but she says we we will do it eventually and we never do. Any help epically female would be appreciated.:scratchhead:
Bait and switch, but what can you do? Nothing. Any pressure and you'll look like a jerk.
Discussion Starter
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#5
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Dec 15, 2012
OK if it really hurts her then why was she ok with it three years prior and now that were married she says no?
Discussion Starter
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#6
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Dec 15, 2012
that sounds actually like a reasonable answer, bait and switch!
She has told you she doesn't want to do it, and why. What more do you need? Bear in mind that anal is dangerous - damage the rectal lining and potentially fatal infection can set in. Even if you don't do that, stretching the anus can lead to a range of unpleasant smelling and deeply embaressing health issues.
Best you can do? Tell her you love her, and leave her anus alone. Give her backside the occasional affectionate pat by all means, but just get over it. Her butt isn't designed for sex anyway. In the long run, you'll both be happier and healthier.
OK if it really hurts her then why was she ok with it three years prior and now that were married she says no?
Woman's perspective.
If proper care and time is taken... it might have been enjoyable in the past. Since then, good possibility you didn't use enough lube, didn't spend enough time warming her up, she was too tense, and thus the "trust" is gone.
How often in the past? Once or twice, so she "tried" it, didn't like it?
Discussion Starter
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#10
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Dec 15, 2012
All replies are appreciated, but I dont feel the need to hurt my wife when we do do it she doesn't complain of pain. I think personally its a control device because she knows I love it.
Does it seem like she is less aroused during sex than she was before?
I think women are generally more receptive to anal when they are very aroused and not otherwise.
How is the sex life otherwise? Has sex declined in frequency or quality since you got married?
Now anal is not my thing, so maybe this advice comes easy....but I'd drop it. Yeah, it sounds like the old "bait and switch", which would pizz me off, but how important is this one aspect if everything else is fine?
It can be painful for some women, and likely even for most women if it's not done right. Personally if she's not getting a great deal of pleasure from it (either from satisfaction from doing for you, or her own physical pleasure), then I'd not want to do it. I liken it to blowjobs....there's not much physical pleasure in it for her, but she seems to genuinely enjoy doing it, so "I'm good". If she were to treat it like a chore and complain that she doesn't like it, well, I'm not going to be pursuing it from her. If she stops enjoying giving that to me though, that may point to bigger relationship issues.
Now if she starts the bait and switch with all things sexual, then I'd have a serious problem with it.
that sounds actually like a reasonable answer, bait and switch!
Book - Surviving An Affair by Dr. Harley
180 for Betrayed Spouses
Books to help create a passionate marriage - Five Steps to Romantic Love His Needs, Her Needs Love Busters
So...I like anal play a lot. And my wife used to love it and now as her sex drive has lessened (separate issue) she doesn't. Time, kids, just natural changes make us all different people than when we started our relationships. I don't think it is "bait and switch", but her feelings have clearly changed. You may need to get used to that. This is a tough one, versus something like oral. There can be pain involved and some women get more self-conscious over time.
It hurts her. Have you have something up your butt and then thrusted it in and out and been torn and sore for days after? Ya. Try it and then see how you feel.
And after kids, women sometimes get hemmoroids. Those and anal DO NOT MIX.
I just get irritated by men who think anal sex is a demand. They don't try it, but it's just something that should be done. It's a woman's butthole. If you like anal so much, go get some.
Real women don't want flowers and chocolate.
They want vodka and Taco Bell.
I agree TG. It just would have been nice if she told the truth before marrying him. Then he could have decided whether to propose to an incompatible woman or not. Instead she tricked him and cut it off as soon as she had a ring.
All replies are appreciated, but I dont feel the need to hurt my wife when we do do it she doesn't complain of pain. I think personally its a control device because she knows I love it.
Book - Surviving An Affair by Dr. Harley
180 for Betrayed Spouses
Books to help create a passionate marriage - Five Steps to Romantic Love His Needs, Her Needs Love Busters
I agree TG. It just would have been nice if she told the truth before marrying him. Then he could have decided whether to propose to an incompatible woman or not. Instead she tricked him and cut it off as soon as she had a ring.
Book - Surviving An Affair by Dr. Harley
180 for Betrayed Spouses
Books to help create a passionate marriage - Five Steps to Romantic Love His Needs, Her Needs Love Busters
Just once I'd like to see you sympathize with the male point of view. The leap is believing she liked it before and now it suddenly hurts after marrying.
I agree TG. It just would have been nice if she told the truth before marrying him. Then he could have decided whether to propose to an incompatible woman or not. Instead she tricked him and cut it off as soon as she had a ring.
Real women don't want flowers and chocolate.
They want vodka and Taco Bell.
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