She Takes It Up The Arse

She Takes It Up The Arse

By Philip Weiss

July 29, 2010

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I gravitate toward strong women. I grew up in a matriarchy and married into a matriarchy. In my bouts of therapy, I’ve always gone on and on about my mother’s power.
My wife’s older sister is the strongest in her clan and though we get along great, now and then I bridle. We were at a vacation house recently when she asseverated that golf is not a sport, it’s an activity. I asked her to go through the list of activities, not sports (cards, crosswords, billiards—anything you can smoke while doing) and generally agreed with her but I said firmly that golf is not an activity, it is a demanding sport and when she perseverated, I said, Why don’t we talk about string theory? She got a blank look. Huh? Says I, Well golf is not something you really know anything about, so we might as well discuss your opinion of string theory.
I used the same joke later when we were talking about the BP oil spill and she said she was for the nuclear option, to blow it up and bury the well, to which I nodded and said, Why not let’s talk about string theory? I trust you on that subject as much as this one.
It wasn’t till the next morning that I realized what deep shit I was in. I’m putting in a second bathroom and have been getting tons of architectural advice from my sister-in-law, and I realized I could forget about asking her about the construction of the open-stud book-shelf-wall, which was her idea in the first place. I said, I guess I better not ask you for any advice on the bathroom. She sat down across from me on the porch. She explained that it had been my tone, so condescending and arrogant–that she had seen my head rising and that I looked down my nose at her and flared my nostrils.
I promptly apologized, but later she had made it into shtik. Phil is nostrilling me again. On the drive home, I told my wife about the battle and she said, This is what I always tell you, it’s that Harvard prosecutorial tone you get, and it’s very upsetting to people. I said, But she was talking about something she knew nothing about! My wife gave me a look and said, Did I really hear you say that, talking about something you don’t know anything about? If I were you, I’d scoot that right back into your mouth.
Over the last three weeks, my sister-in-law’s victory has been solidified. When I phone her, she says, Hello, nostril! Then when I grovel and bring up the framing on the skylight, she says, I thought you were calling to talk about string theory!
I have various theories to explain what happened. I took on a powerful person and was crushed like a bug. If you are going to attack the king, you must kill the king. But that’s Machiavellian, or Chris Matthewsian, and not really my scene. The truth is, I’m from a matriarchy, and I married into a matriarchy. They always win, and I seem to like it that way.
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We’re building a powerful challenge to those mainstream norms, and proving that listening to Palestinians is essential for moving the needle.
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Philip Weiss is senior editor of Mondoweiss.net and founded the site in 2005-06.
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blow jobs and takin it up the bum tmi sorri but need advice
hi all im new to the site and needed advice badly lol ova a yr ago i became a single mum but now luckly enough i have found some1 wonderful and willin to take my lil boy on. And we tryin things out the other day and found something that i really enjoyed and gave me pleasure which was ice cubes lol and then he asked me to take it up the bum and i said no cos ive never done it. we did try but it hurt just him tryin to get in. We have spoke this before and he said he does enjoy blow jobs and givin it to women up the bum but as i said to him i've never done either of them but i would like to giv both of them ago for him and least ive gave it ago if i dont like it and i have no idea where to start for either of them please help me
I'm not really a huge fan of anal to be honest, I'm sure someone who enjoys it will be along with some advice though. I, like you, find it a bit sore. People do say if you relax and use loads of lube it is great, I find it hard to relax with something going up my bum though LOL As for the blow jobs I love giving them!!! When you start out the best thing is to listen to your other half! Get him to tell you what feels good as you begin also again listen to his moans of pleasure and you'll know if what your doing is good! Most of all dont be scared to say if yopu dont enjoy it there is plenty more to do Hope that helps, enjoy!
Where to start... hmmm... I'm not even sure how to describe it! Well as far as they both go, take it one bit at a time! If your trying oral for the first time, I know many women aren't a fan of the taste, so why not try something fun, like fooling around with some chocolate covered strawberries? Trace the strawberry down his chest, take a bite of it and then while the taste is still in your mouth try taking him into your mouth a little. It'll make you fell more sexy, less nervous, and help with the taste. Don't try and fit everything in at once, start with small licks and sucks. And don't be afraid to ask your OH what he likes, some men like a little bit of teeth, some very much don't, some like slow caresses with your tongue, some just want the sucking action, some men like you to play with their balls while you use your mouth, some men don't! Just as you'll like different things to be done to you, so will he. As far as the other, well on that, plenty of lube is your friend! Work up to it slowly. Make sure he uses fingers first rather than jumping straight in! Again, communicate alot with your OH, and just relax! Enjoy
Sorry just to add, if your really nervous about trying anal, why not see about getting a small toy to help you get used to the sensation? Also, different positions will help, if your trying it for the first time, try lying flat on your front with him behind you, it'll be less.. *ahem* intrusive while you get used to it!
Personally not a fan of anal sex, just hurts me, but we fool about with fingers and tongues (on him and me;)). Oral sex is something I really enjoy giving as I've yet to meet a partner who doesn't like it! I'd choose trying to get the hang of oral first, no point trying to do everything at once! So try to relax,try things out and see what you enjoy and what you don't. Don't do it out of gratitude either, whilst it's fab you've met someone,don't feel you have to do things you don't enjoy to please him!
Hiya ! I love giving oral and the reason is simply beacause I know I am in total controle of my OH's pleaure. It's a powerful experaince having a guys most sensitive area in your mouth , lol !! But if you're unsure how your OH likes it then be very playful to start with. I personally (without seeming strange!) don't like the taste ( God bless flavoured Condoms lol) so I'm fully in agreement with the above idea of white choc! And as has already been said; pay good attention to his moans and groans. Read his body language... the more relaxed he is, the more he is loving it ;). As for anal; well toys and fingers are the best way to start and see if you like the sensation. Then if / when you are ready, use lots of lube, take it slow and make a code word that means stop - coz sumtimes we av a habbit of saying "No" when we really mean "yes" lol. Enjoy !
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i dont like ful anal. dont mind fingers and tonue as for bjs love to give them and please my man sometimes i take him in my mouth other times over my body My ex huddy would lick his own ff my boobs with some of my milk that was flowing due to oragams
You know, I have been with my partner 5 years this year and I still feel nervous sometimes giving oral!! I always feel like i am not doing it right!! lol Though clearly I am!!! Ha ha As for anal, I am tempted but it just feels like it's going to hurt so I instantly tense up!! There was once though when he had given me a massage and I was on my front with my bum in the air and he was teasing me from behind and grabbing my bum a lot. Then he started to play with my bum and I was soooooo turned on!! I wished we could do it but I subconsciously tense up straight away! I have played with his bum too, it really is a good place to turn a man on!!! Whether they like to admit it or not!!!
Well, we just started cause I gave him a massage and he seemed a bit shocked at first but really enjoyed it! I love it but never had it up the bum, he just seems faaar to big! It's big enough for the front to handle never mind the back! There is such a huge difference between fingers and a massive penis!!!
If your a bit nervous about the whole bj experience because of taste then try this; gargle with some mouthwash first then go down on him. You wont taste much of him and the tingling of the (strong) mouthwash drives them mad! Ive yet to hve a partner who doesnt like it...lol! Oh and by the way ladies, that works both ways, get your men to do the same for you.....:D
Hi Anon Just make sure he has a wash before the bj if you try anal first!:) I like it but have to be in the mood its not for everyone though xx
ive no advice but love the tips, especially the mouthwash one, ill be trying that tonight! ;);) thanks
Hi, with the BJ, if you dont like the taste of it then you can get him to change foods, get him to eat sweet foods like strawberry's etc, or use a tasty lubricant, lots of nice flavours about. With anal, all i can say is RELAX! Tensing up will only make it worse, again, use the lubricant, 9not tons & tons of it as it can become to slippery) or get him to give you oral while using his fingers in your bum, perhaps with 2 fingers. That should help you with anal. The more things you can experiment with, toys, fingers, tongues, etc will help you relax for anal or get you in the mood for giving a BJ x
hi all im new to the site and needed advice badly lol ova a yr ago i became a single mum but now luckly enough i have found some1 wonderful and willin to take my lil boy on. And we tryin things out the other day and found something that i really enjoyed and gave me pleasure which was ice cubes lol and then he asked me to take it up the bum and i said no cos ive never done it. we did try but it hurt just him tryin to get in. We have spoke this before and he said he does enjoy blow jobs and givin it to women up the bum but as i said to him i've never done either of them but i would like to giv both of them ago for him and least ive gave it ago if i dont like it and i have no idea where to start for either of them please help me
Hi Anon, Plenty of good advice re BJs. I was really nervous about anal after a really bad experience my first time. I now really enjoy it. You need to take it really slowly and use a good lube. You can't just go at it, you need to 'warm up' - use fingers or a small toy. I find it helps if I push against him and have a bit of control over him going in, stop if it hurts. The sensation takes a bit of getting used to but after a bit it feels really good. Orgasms feel different but good. Good luck.
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A student teacher has spoken about how she got a vibrator stuck up her backside during sex.
Emma Phillips, a mother of one from Wallasey, Merseyside, first thought boyfriend Lee had hidden the vibrator under a pillow as a prank.
But then when she pressed down on her stomach she felt a buzzing inside her. They tried to remove it using a fork handle and barbecue prongs but all efforts failed.
She was rushed to hospital to have the sex toy taken out and now Emma wants to warn people not to be afraid of getting help in embarrassing situations.
Emma, 24, said: ‘We were looking around the bed in case it had fallen out. ‘When I leaned on my stomach I could feel it vibrating – it was stuck low down and at one point was even wedged behind my hip.’
She added: ‘For a while Lee was suggesting all kinds of wonderful options.
‘He tried a kitchen fork handle, which we won’t be using again, and said he could feel it at one point but that it was too far up – it was a goner.
‘He tried barbecue prongs too but after a certain point – after an hour of trying – we knew were going to have to go to hospital. We were both a bit shocked.’
After initially seeing the funny side Emma said that they quickly realised that she’d need medical help.
Emma said: ‘We’d both been drinking the night before so we couldn’t drive. I had to make the most embarrassing call to the ambulance at 7am.
‘The call handler said ‘tell me exactly what the problem is’ so I had to tell him.’
During the 45-minute journey to Wrexham Maelor Hospital in Wrexham, North Wales, Emma was perched on one of the seats and was hurried into a room for observations.
Emma said: ‘At that point it was just more surreal than anything. I didn’t feel much pain at that point – I was in too much shock.’
Doctors carried out an x-ray to work out where the still-buzzing vibrator was and realised it was too high up and would be too painful for them to manually extract it while she was awake.
Emma said: ‘I think at that point it started getting quite serious. The doctors were really good – they all moved quite quickly and were so reassuring telling me they saw it quite often which was quite a relief.
‘At first we were jokey about it but then realised it wasn’t much of a joke especially when there was talk of going through my stomach if they couldn’t get it.’
As she was being wheeled to theatre doctors told Emma if they couldn’t extract it rectally they would have to go through the bowel and take some out which could mean at least six months with a colostomy bag.
Emma said: ‘I think before that I thought of it as just a little operation to get it out, I still wasn’t taking it that seriously.
‘When he said that – that only when I woke up would I know whether they would have to cut me open – it was really scary.’
At 12pm Emma underwent the minute-and-a-half surgery which involved placing a camera down her throat and the surgeon pressing on her stomach before manually extracting it.
Doctors offered her the toy as a keepsake but she declined.
She was discharged at around 6.30pm before tentatively making her way home to see her two-year-old daughter.
Emma said: ‘My daughter was staying with my mum and dad as I stayed at Lee’s the night before.
‘I wasn’t going to tell them but then I was going into surgery I knew we were going to have to say something so I told my mum the real reason.
‘I just took some painkillers and was told not to use stuff like that again until I was ready. I’ve learnt that I’ll need to be a bit more careful in the future.
‘Lee’s not been scarred by it – he just thinks it’s funny. I think he should have one up his bum and take one for the team.’
Emma now wants to raise awareness and urge anyone in a similar predicament to seek medical attention.
Emma said: ‘We weren’t going to do anything about it because of the embarrassment – there’s a big taboo about it – but we knew we needed help.
‘I want to say a massive thankyou to the ambulance crew and Wrexham Hospital staff who were really good, really reassuring and non-judgmental.
‘There is a big taboo about this, but it really isn’t a big deal.
‘You hear about people becoming really ill or even dying because they’re too embarrassed to get help – I would hate that to happen to someone.’
A Betsi Cadwaladr University Health Board spokesman said: ‘While we cannot comment on individual cases, we’re very pleased to hear that the lady in question was happy with the treatment she received while in our care.
‘We would always urge people to exercise the utmost care and caution to prevent any unfortunate or potentially dangerous repercussions, and to seek the right care if any accidents occur.’

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