She Hates Deep Penetration

She Hates Deep Penetration
It felt as if that night wouldn't pass. I had a throbbing headache and couldn't stop crying. I don't remember when I slept off. I woke up to find my husband standing in front of my bed with last night's question: "So, what have you decided? Is your answer yes or no?"
I didn't know what to say. I gathered some courage to speak up and mumbled: "Please go to the office, I'll call you by evening and let you know my answer, I promise."
He threatened: "I will call you myself at 4pm. I want the answer and it should be 'yes'. Otherwise be ready to get punished."
By punishment, he meant anal sex. He knew that it was extremely painful for me and he used it as a tool to torture me.
He and his elder sister left for the office. I was now alone and struggling with my thoughts.
After a few hours I gathered the courage to dial my father's number and told him that I couldn't live with my husband anymore.
#HerChoice is a series of true life-stories of 12 Indian women. These accounts challenge and broaden the idea of the "modern Indian woman" - her life choices, aspirations, priorities and desires.
I was afraid that my father would be angry but his response amazed me. "Pack your bags and get out of there," he said.
I took a book, gathered my educational certificates and rushed towards the bus station.
After boarding the bus, I sent a message to my husband. "My answer is 'no' and I am going back home," it said. After that I switched off my mobile phone.
After a few hours, I was home, surrounded by my family. I had left my husband's house after only two months of marriage.
I met my husband, Sahil, when I was in the final year of graduation. He was a jovial man. I liked being around him and with time we fell in love.
We used to go on dates, talk for countless hours on phone. It seemed as if life was almost too kind to me.
But this rosy romance did not continue for long. Gradually I started realising that our relationship lacked equality. It wasn't what I had been looking for.
Our relationship was becoming like my parents' relationship. The only difference; my mother kept silent while I could not stop myself from speaking up.
My father used to scream at my mother for petty things. He would even hit her and the only thing she responded with was tears.
When Sahil and I had an argument, it would often turn into a scuffle. He would use force to get intimate with me and scream at me if I refused.
I remember him once asking me: "Suppose I hit you someday, then what would you do?"
The question stunned me. I controlled my anger with great difficulty and replied, "I would break up with you that very day."
What he said next shocked me even more. He said, "It means you don't love me. Love should be unconditional."
After this, we didn't talk for almost a month.
Our fights became more frequent. Many times I'd try to end our relationship but he would apologise every time. I wanted to get rid of him forever and don't know why I wasn't able to do it.
Meanwhile, I was being pressured into marriage.
I was a teacher now. I'd be in class, teaching children and my parents would call me.
The same conversation would be repeated. "What have you thought about marriage? Why don't you marry Sahil? If not him then let us find a suitable match for you. At least think about your younger sisters…"
If anything went wrong at home, it would be blamed on my staying single.
Mother fell sick because I wasn't getting married. My father's business suffered losses because I wasn't getting married.
I was so frustrated that I finally said yes to marriage. I was still not ready for it and didn't believe Sahil's promise that he would change his attitude.
My fears came true after our wedding. Sahil made me a puppet, dancing to his tunes.
I was fond of poetry and used to my write my poems on Facebook. He forbade me from doing it. He even started dictating what I should wear.
One day he told me that I should finish all my reading and writing work by night. "If you leave me dissatisfied in bed, I will have to go to someone else."
He'd say that I wasn't making him happy and would advise me to watch pornography so I could learn some techniques.
And then he got this obsession with seeking work in Mumbai.
He said: "You stay here, do your job and send me money to support me there, and then you take out a loan so I can buy a house."
This is what he wanted me to say yes to. That night he had pushed me on the bed and forced me into anal sex just for that yes.
A line had been crossed. I left him the morning after.
I was a well-educated woman who could earn and live on her own. Yet, my heart was sinking when I left Sahil's home.
There was a fear of being judged by my own family and society. But even bigger than that was the pain in my heart.
When I reached home, my hair was dishevelled and eyes swollen as I had cried all night.
Newly married women look ravishing when they visit home for the first time after marriage. But my face was pale and the keen eyes of my neighbours guessed why.
People started pouring in. Some would say: "Such a terrible thing has happened to you." Others consoled me that Sahil would come to apologise and take me back.
Then there were a few who thought that a woman should not make such a harsh choice over petty issues.
Everyone had something to say but their opinions could not change my decision.
It has been seven months since I left Sahil's home and now I am choosing my own path. I have received a fellowship; I am doing a job and studying as well.
We have been going to police stations and courts as the legal procedure of divorce is not over yet.
I still wake up with a start at night. I still have nightmares.
I haven't been able to forget what I had to face but I am trying to move on in earnest.
My trust in love and relationships is definitely shaken, but not broken yet. I have decided to take some time for myself. I am proud that I didn't stay silent and got out of this abusive relationship before it was too late.
That is why I believe that my future will be better than my past and present.
This is a true life-story of a woman who lives in western India as told to BBC reporter Sindhuvasini Tripathi, produced by Divya Arya. The woman's identity has been kept anonymous on request.
BBC 100 Women names 100 influential and inspirational women around the world every year and shares their stories. Find us on Facebook , Instagram and Twitter and use #100Women
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https://www.thebody.com/article/finger-penetration-vagina-anus
You should know: The answer above provides general health information that is not intended to replace medical advice or treatment recommendations from a qualified health care professional.
I was hoping to not have to ask my questions, but today I started to really worry. During the last week of December, I engaged in a "stupid" act with a married man. He been married now for 34 years. He performed oral sex on me and also licked my anus. He tried to insert his penis into my vagina, but I pulled away. I am sure there was precum as I saw and felt it when I stroked his penis. He did rub his penis against my vagina and anus. He also inserted his finger into my anus. I don't know if he had precum on his hand/finger. Before putting his finger inside my anus, he left the bed, went into the bathroom to put petroleum jelly on his finger. He then returned and we continued. I performed oral sex on him for less than 20 seconds. He did not ejaculate. In fact, his penis never actually became erect. When I asked him why he wasn't getting hard, he said it is because he is an old man (he's 58 years old; he is a big guy around 250-300 lbs and I believe he's on blood pressure meds, although I'm not 100% sure). Maybe I just didn't turn him on. Within the last week, I've started to get a persistent headache. Sometimes my head hurts and other times it hurts across the bridge of my nose and when I press my face. And now, today my ears hurt. I never had a fever and no muscle aches although my shoulders feel tired (I've felt that at other times long before December). I have had migraine's my since I was in my early teens and I'm now in my 50's). I've read the low risk for oral sex, but it's the finger penetration that is continually running through my mind. I'm afraid his precum got into my anus. Today I took a test for gonorrhea, chlamydia and syphilis and expect those results back by the end of the week. He said he does not have any sexually transmitted diseases, but I don't know for sure. I do know that he has had several partners over his life time. I know I need to take a HIV test, but I have to work myself up to that. How risky was this behavior? Thank you.
This was a no-risk situation. I would not be concerned.
© 2022 Remedy Health Media, LLC ALL RIGHTS RESERVED

Part of HuffPost Women. ©2022 BuzzFeed, Inc. All rights reserved.
Jul 22, 2013, 08:47 AM EDT | Updated Aug 28, 2013
7 (Totally Normal) Things That Happen During Sex See Gallery
A weekly exploration of women and power.
Part of HuffPost Women. ©2022 BuzzFeed, Inc. All rights reserved.
Senior Wellness & Parenting Reporter, HuffPost
Gone are the days when people thought women were inherently squeamish about sex. And good riddance. It's so obvious, it seems silly to even say it, but women are every bit as interested in having sex as men -- and just as comfortable with the nitty gritty. ( Many of them even want it more. )
But sometimes, things happen during sex that can take even the most sexually confident of us aback. There are sounds, and smells and feelings that make us stop and think ... "Uh, what just happened?" "Is that normal?"
So we asked a team of sex-health experts to spill: What are some typical things that happen to women during sex, but that you never really hear people cop to or wonder about? And what, if anything, do they mean? Here's what they said.
This story appears in special Labor Day issue of our weekly iPad magazine, Huffington , in the iTunes App store , available Friday, August 30.
Senior Wellness & Parenting Reporter, HuffPost

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