She HATE ass to mouth - Deutsche teen a2m dislike
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She HATE ass to mouth - Deutsche teen a2m dislike
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My kid has ADHD with comorbid anxiety, sensory processing disorder, and auditory processing disorder. Every minute of her life is a chain reaction. Her brain doesn’t feel or hear like a neurotypical brain. Not understanding instructions makes her anxious. Anxiety leads to white noise in her head and tingling in her body. A cold breeze feels like daggers. Voices, sound like static. The louder the voices get the more her body tingles and stings. Ultimately she panics and retreats in defeat. Her need to escape and reset is consistently misinterpreted by you as a sign of weakness, laziness, and entitlement.
When the instructions are routine she excels. At a swim meet, where the rules never change, she’ll win. She knows what’s expected. At practice, when you drill swimmers with orders that change by the minute, she panics. You assume that she is not listening when really it’s that she’s not able to hear . When she loses focus you assume that she is not “a team player”. You don’t want her to challenge you. You don’t want her to talk to you. Ever. When you say jump you don’t want her to ask how high. You just want her to shut up and fucking jump. No questions.
Physically my kid is a natural athlete. She’s tall and muscular. She is strong as hell. In competition she will deliver points for the team. If she doesn’t place 1st, she places 2nd or 3rd. Her statistics are not my opinion. They are hard numbers. Actual facts. She adds substantial value and you know it.
Yet you don’t want her on your team.
She’s not a natural follower. She thinks too much. She feels too much. She tries to figure out how to be more like the typical kids but her brain works differently. She can’t play red rover without panicking. She can’t drill with multi step instructions because she loses track. She’s not a quiet solider. She’s a tornado…a tornado who wants to be on your team. A tornado who wants to harness her energy but she doesn’t know how. A tornado who yearns for you to say “good work!” when she scores. But no matter how much she scores, you chalk her success up to luck or riding on the coattails of others. No matter what she delivers it’s never good enough. You’d rather that she fail. Because when she succeeds you think it’s a shame that someone more palatable was robbed of the opportunity to win.
Why would a coach not want to encourage an asset? Why would you make it painfully obvious to a talented athlete that she is not welcomed? Because you prize obedience and discipline above all else. And neither of those attributes are fully available to young children who have ADHD.
While some people who have ADHD develop the gift of hyperfocus, this skill may manifest in very individualized way. A person with ADHD may develop extraordinary ability through hyperfocus but the path may not be linear or typical. He/she may need to work independently to hone their craft. The roadmap dictated by you, her coach, may simply not compute in her ADHD brain. And you have no time for such independence.
People with ADHD are likely to be developmentally delayed in social and emotional regulation. While many people who are initially delayed catch up during adolescence, the road to social maturation is long and painful. Children who have ADHD are frequently misunderstood. They are written off as assholes or lazy brats. Children with ADHD are frequently picked last for the team (or not picked at all) regardless of ability because they do not make copacetic teammates. Indeed my 8 year old who has the social skills of a 6 year old finds herself on the receiving end of your contempt rather than your compassion time and time again.
My kid has no filter. She hugs everyone. She overshares. She sings constantly. She never stops moving or talking. While her intent 150% of the time is to do good, to help others, and to pull more than her weight, her methods are almost always misinterpreted. I can sense your disappointment when she shows up at practice.
“Here comes the spoiled brat who never follows directions. Fuck, why won’t she just quit?”
This past summer, we worked on motivation tactics to keep her swimming though practice was emotionally challenging. Giving her a specific schedule with measurable objectives has been very effective. Just as swim meets are black and white (swim the designated stroke for the designated distance) we tried to give daily practice a clear structure with measurable goals. She earned points for going to practice, staying in the pool, and doing her best to follow your instructions. This finite focus (eye on the prize) helped her enormously. She willed herself to suppress the fight-or-flight panic that she experienced on cold mornings when she couldn’t hear the instructions. She set her watch and managed her time to meet her goal. Instead of panicking she learned to stay in the game and do her best. And quite frankly, before long her best was better than most everyone else’s.
However, Ms. No Filter shared with you that her work at practice would result in a precious reward. She didn’t have the sophistication to recognize that you would see this scheme as her parents bribing her rather than a skill building exercise designed to help her overcome the obstacles of her ADHD and anxiety. Instead of applauding her efforts you rolled your eyes and wrote her off completely.
“Goddamn spoiled rotten kid needs a reward to practice ?!”
I know that it caused you enormous pain to take my kid to Champs. Though she made the A tier cut you think that she didn’t earn it because she didn’t work hard enough. She wasn’t in it for the team. She didn’t care about anyone but herself. You could have made the decision to drop her, but you knew that would have harmed the team score as a result. Statistically, you needed her participation to win in certain events. So you used her when you needed to. And froze her out when you were finished.
When it came time to recognize achievement at the end of the season, you left her behind. She earned trophies for her scores. Those awards are not subjective. You could not take those wins away. For three years she’s watched her peers earn subjective awards one by one. This year she was at the top of her age group. It was the last chance to be recognized before she ages up into the bottom of the next age group where she starts over. She went home empty handed. She worked hard all winter to get ready to win for you in the summer. You gave no fucks about that.
You hate my kid for behaviors that are not volitional. She’s not a brat. She is not spoiled. Indeed she works hard every single day to wake up, show up, and survive life. For kids with severe ADHD just existing within society can be a massive challenge. What neurotypical people take for granted as “normal behavior” can require super human self control for kids with ADHD to achieve. And sometimes, many times, ADHD kids miss the mark.
Marginalizing people who have ADHD is cruel. We tend to recognize that it’s wrong to marginalize those who are visibly different. As a society we thrive on marginalizing people who appear typical but fail to meet our expectations of typical. ADHD, anxiety, OCD, and many other brain function disorders are virtually invisible. However, even when these conditions are recognized they are dismissed as illegitimate. Maybe you believe that a diagnosis of ADHD is just an excuse for bad parenting. Too many kids who have ADHD are shunned because they are misunderstood.
To be expressive, emotive, and sensitive should not be considered a crime against polite society. People who have ADHD should not be devalued because they don’t operate at the average. Their talent and achievements should not be nullified because they are unable to follow the accepted rules of engagement. If only you would take a moment to put your bias aside and see my kid for who she really is.
My kid is still very young. Indeed her emotional self is less mature than her mighty body. Today she doesn’t fully process your rejection. She admires you. She wants to believe that you care about her. But she’s confused by your coldness and indifference.
Like most people who have ADHD when she’s rejected she gets distracted by the next challenge before she realizes that she’s been kicked to the curb. As she matures, rejection won’t roll off her back. She may soon feel the sting of humiliation when she is exiled to the novice lane during practice while her peers get to work with the head coach. The more she is marginalized the less opportunity she will have to stay competitive with peers who are offered your full attention and support. When she fully recognizes your contempt she will give up swimming. She’ll lose her drive and her spirit. She’ll retreat in shame.
Please stop hating my kid. She deserves to respected for what she delivers and valued as a fellow human being. Give her a chance to rise to the challenge before you destroy her hope and pride.
She’s not an asshole. She’s a little kid with ADHD. You should be ashamed of yourself for turning your back on a child who’s intention, despite unorthodox methods, is simply to make her team successful. To make YOU successful. If you can’t accept that truth and extend your hand to her, then you are the true asshole. You don’t deserve to reap the spoils of her victories unless you are willing to stand with her in defeat.
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“Against my mouth she groaned. "I hate being quiet." A breathless chuckled escaped me. "Me too. Once we're home..." "Lots of noise.”
―
Lisa Kessler,
Harvest Moon
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fighting ,
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