Shared Girlfriend
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Shared Girlfriend
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I was (for a while) a shared wife and enjoyed it. AMA!
Comment removed by moderator · 4 yr. ago
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I (28F) and husband (29M) have been together for five years, married for two. My husband told me he liked it that guys checked me out, liked watching it happen. We talked about it and he said he also really liked the idea of me doing something with another guy. After a long time talking it over and really getting to the bottom of it, he basically said he'd like it if I had what amounted to a boyfriend. I agreed to give it a try. After some false starts, met a great guy and did begin a relationship with him. I did indeed actually start to think of him that way -- not love, but definitely grew to like him a lot, and we also had fun in bed. Eventually my husband decided that it wasn't really what he wanted. It was tough but I broke it off and we've been more traditional since. I miss my ex-FWB, though.
(I'd prefer if you kept questions to the thread and not chat messages or IMs please, thanks!)
Have to sign off now -- thanks for the great questions!
Did your husband ever meet your boyfriend?
Did he say what it was that changed his mind about what he thought he wanted?
Did you ever suspect this was because he wanted a girlfriend of his own?
He basically was upset that I was getting so involved with him outside the bedroom, as friends. We spent a lot of time just talking and hanging out. He had a point.
And no, I had asked him about his motivations, quite a few times. He has no interest in other women and I do believe that. We are very open and not much is off-limits and he could tell me if that was the case, and he knows that.
Eventually my husband decided that it wasn't really what he wanted.
Wow, I bet you guys never thought -that- would happen!
>Have to sign off now -- thanks for the great questions!
You mean the three questions asked by one person. Fake and gay.
Sorry if this is a bit too personal, but it kinda sounds that the main reason this didn't work out was because from your point of view you where going for a more "open relationship" or even polyamorous angle which involved a lot more intimacy (even giving the guy the tittle of "boyfriend") while for your husband this was all merely the acting out of a fetish he had/has.
There's nothing wrong with that, however where both of you aware of what the other was feeling? If you knew this was just acting out a fetish why did you start to get emotionally attached to your secondary partner? Was it accidental or did you think that this type of relationship was sustainable?
Again, sorry if I'm prying too much, I'm not judging, I don't think you guys did anything wrong. I'm just curious as to why you got a bit emotionally involved witg this other guy because that seems (at least in hindsight) like an easy way to set yourself up for a bit of heartbreak. Idk, maybe I'm overanalizing this, I just found it interesting how you considered him a boyfriend which sounds like there was more emotional involvement than just a hookup.
I wouldn't assume it's nonsense. I think women and men are a bit different in this. I really love my husband more than anything or anyone in the world and really had to be talked into this. I also think you need to respect her decision, in all honesty. If I had eventually just told husband "no" I would have expected him to accept that and be okay with that (and he did in fact tell me on many occasions that I could always say no and he wouldn't be upset).
Do you have no self respect? this is the definition of being a cuck
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My boyfriend Chris was a kind and honourable man.
We had been together for five years, and he always treated me as though I was someone really special. I felt so safe and secure with him, that I was sure we would be together forever.
Chris and his mate Richard had known each other since high school.
While Chris was confident, outgoing, and could talk to anyone with disarming ease, Richard was as quiet as a mouse — the shyest person I'd ever met.
Though he'd been around for as long as I'd known Chris, I never felt like I actually knew him.
His aloofness could be quite off-putting, so it wasn't any wonder he hadn't had a girlfriend in a while. He could barely even talk to me!
I felt so safe and secure with Chris that I was sure we would be together forever. (Image: Getty Images)
Chris constantly worried about his friend, and was forever trying to set him up on a series of dates, but most of the time Richard wouldn't even turn up.
One night, after a few drinks, Chris made the startling revelation that Richard had once been sweet on me. I nearly fell over! But his next words almost made me choke.
"I think you should seduce Richard," Chris said seriously. "Not because I want anything to happen, of course. But I think it would help him to know what it feels like when someone he's attracted to could possibly like him back."
I flat-out refused at first. I couldn't believe that Chris would even want another guy looking at me — even if nothing was going to happen.
But he seemed to be so genuinely concerned about his friend that gradually he and his plan won me over.
We decided to throw a dinner party, invite Richard, and have Chris be called away to a fake work emergency at the last moment. Then I could engage in some seductive small talk, batter my eyelids a few times, and make Richard feel special.
The night of the dinner party arrived. Wearing a low cut red dress and killer heels, I at least looked the part.
Richard arrived, and Chris took his false phone call, leaving quickly to go to the "hospital" — he was really going down to the pub to watch a game of football for a few hours!
And then, as I smiled warmly at Richard over the candlelit table, a funny thing happened. Richard relaxed. In fact, he didn't just relax, he completely opened up.
I realised that this was the first time Richard and I had ever been alone. He told me that he'd always loved me, but that seeing me and Chris together made him so anxious he could barely stand it. And that's why he'd never had a serious relationship in all the time that I'd known him.
Remember when Chandler and Joey's girlfriend Cathy fooled around on Friends ? (Image: Supplied)
As we talked, I realised that Richard wasn't everything that he seemed.
He wasn't, apparently, so shy when I wasn't around, and he did lots of great things within the community, like tutoring refugees in English.
For someone who I had thought had absolutely no personality, it suddenly became clear that Richard was a really sweet and special guy, with a lot of great qualities. And I'd had a lot to drink.
So when Richard leaned over to kiss me, I couldn't help but kiss him back. Richard had liked me, idolised me, for five years! That can make a girl feel pretty amazing, and it was like Chris didn't even exist.
Before I knew it, things had moved into the bedroom, and Richard and I made love on the bed I shared with my wonderful boyfriend Chris . That thought didn't even cross my mind, though, until it was far too late to undo.
Richard's first thought after our moment of passion was Chris. He couldn't believe he had betrayed his best friend.
If it's possible, I think he was even more devastated than I was, and he quickly left, after making me promise that I wouldn't tell Chris.
WATCH BELOW: Five signs you're likely to cheat on your partner. Post continues after video...
My boyfriend arrived home an hour later, excited to see how it was going.
Knowing that Richard would never want to repeat our betrayal, I knew that I could lose everything.
With a heavy heart, I told Chris that Richard had freaked out over my seduction and left. Disappointed, Chris agreed that we should probably never mention the night to Richard again.
I felt sick for a long time, and deliberately avoided Richard for months, not feeling safe until he moved interstate later that year.
Chris and I recently got engaged. Richard will be coming to our engagement party later this year, although I'm constantly hoping that something will come up so he won't make it.
I'm constantly in a swinging state of guilt over what I did, and anger that Chris put me in the position.
But, above all, I'm terrified that the man I love will find out that I slept with his best mate because I was asked to seduce him.
All names in this story have been changed.
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''I felt sick for a long time, and deliberately avoided Richard for months, not feeling safe until he moved interstate later that year.''
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Dinot , September 3, 2012 in Marriage/Long Term Relationships
My wife and I are in our early 40's and have been married for 19 years with two teenage boys. We have a good relationship including the sexual aspects. My wife has a very good friend whom she knows since childhood. They are more like sisters than friends. Her friend lives not too far from us with her two kids (girl/boy 12 & 8 years old). She divorced her husband six years ago and since then she has devoted herself to work (she's an attorney) and raising her kids. She's an attractive woman and men hit on her but she doesn't want a superficial relationship and she feels it would not be right to pursue a serious relationship because she worries that it would make her kids feel bad if she presented them with a boyfriend. Our families meet at least once or twice a week and my wife and her friend share a lot of interests and it's common for them to spend hours talking. I usually participate in the beginning of the conversations but soon make myself scarce because it's girl talk.
A couple of weeks ago I was in bed with my wife cuddling after we made love and she started telling me about her friend and how she hasn't had sex since her divorce six years ago! I mumbled something that she needs to find a boyfriend because she's young and a good person and deserves someone special in her life. That's when my wife asked me if I would sleep with her friend. My wife and I are kind of vocal in bed and we're not shy about sharing sexual fantasies which involve adding a third person. Of course I had told her that these fantasies were just a turnon and in all honesty I was perfectly content with her and had no desire whatsoever making these fantasies reality. She said that I would be doing a favor helping her friend have a nice experience that she hadn't enjoyed for so long. As an idea it was a turnon and got my motor running but I told my wife I couldn't actually do it. This whole scenario got me thinking and I asked my wife if she was trying to make up for a past indiscretion of hers or if she wanted to be with another guy. She swore up and down that she loved me and has no such intentions and all she wanted was to do something to wake up her friend and get her moving romantically again. Since then my wife has mention it again a few times, and finally I told her I w
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