Shane Gillis Roasts Scranton in Comedy

Title: Shane Gillis and the Unplanned Roast

Shane Gillis was having one of those weeks. His Netflix special had just dropped, his stand-up tour was selling out, and yet, here he was—stuck in a tiny, dimly lit comedy club in Scranton, Pennsylvania, on a Tuesday night.

'How the hell did I agree to this?' he muttered, sipping on a lukewarm beer backstage. His opener, a guy named Dave who exclusively did impressions of his own disappointed father, had just bombed so hard the bartender started loudly blending margaritas to drown out the silence.

Shane adjusted his mic, took a deep breath, and walked onstage to scattered applause—half of which came from his own roadie, who was just happy to be there.

'Alright, Scranton! Or as I like to call it—'Philly’s shadow… if Philly had a shadow that smelled like old coal and regret.''

The crowd chuckled nervously. A guy in the front row—wearing a 'Dundie Awards 2012' T-shirt—crossed his arms. Shane locked eyes with him.

'Oh, we got an Office fan! Nice. You know what’s crazy? I heard they based that show on real people who work here. Yeah, turns out Scranton’s biggest export isn’t paper—it’s crippling midlife crises.'

The guy’s face twisted. Shane grinned.

'Relax, man. I’m just kidding. Unless you do work at Dunder Mifflin—then I’m sorry, and also, how’s the 2007 recession treating ya?'

The room erupted. Even the bartender stopped blending to laugh.

By the end of the set, Shane had roasted the town’s mayor (who was apparently in the crowd), the local sports teams, and even himself for thinking this gig was a good idea. As he walked offstage, his phone buzzed—a text from his manager:

'Dude. That was supposed to be a low-key warm-up. It’s trending.'

Shane smirked. Another night, another unplanned victory.

The End.

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