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The Secret Lives of Tumblr Teens That feeling when you hit a million followers, make more money than your mom, push a diet pill scheme, lose your blog, and turn 16.
When Pizza reached 100,000 followers on Tumblr, she posted a
picture of a pizza box, takeout chicken wings, and an orange soda spread out on
her bed: “ pizza and chicken wings 2 celebrate .” One fan replied,
“CONGRATULATIONS GIRL! YOU DESERVE IT!” Another: “MOTHER OF GOD 100K?!?!” An
anonymous user was unimpressed: “you only have 100k because of ur url.” But Pizza
shot that down: “uh no i had 93k before i got this url so excuse u.”
It had taken Pizza more than two years to reach this milestone. In
late 2010 she had signed up for Tumblr, the then-three-year-old social network,
and secured the URL IWantMyFairyTaleEnding.tumblr.com. At first, she mostly
posted photos of party outfits—hipster photos, she thought. They were the kind
of images you might find under the “summery” Tumblr tag : poolside drinks,
sunsets, sundresses, palm trees, tiny succulents; a shopping list of the things
she wanted to buy, if only she had the money. Pizza also wrote some funny
one-liners, but otherwise she reblogged jokes, switching back and forth between
fashion and comedy. She tried out new names, new personas, changing her URL a
few times; after a couple of years, she went all-joke. By the end of 2012, she
had amassed 90,000 followers, a respectable number for a Tumblr, a sign she’d
earned a certain amount of fame in her circle—the teens who reblogged her
jokes. She then changed her domain to pizza.tumblr.com, her followers started
to call her Pizza, and her numbers began to climb. That same year, she turned
15.
Pizza’s strategy was brilliant: When a random Tumblr would write
about “pizza”—either the food or herself—she’d reblog the post to her huge
audience. Once, when a user wrote “ so is tumblr user pizza god or beyonce ,” she
dug up the post and reblogged it with the comment “I’d like to confirm that i
am both.” Users marveled at how quickly she responded, how you could “summon
Pizza.” It made her seem all-knowing, but not superior. After Ellen DeGeneres
ordered 20 large pies at the 2014 Academy Awards, Pizza dashed off the line
“did u guys see me at the Oscars.” The post received almost 500,000 notes and
was reblogged by John Green, author of The Fault in Our Stars , with the
comment “ You looked great, pizza . Congrats on everything. I love you.”
One of Pizza’s most successful posts was “ josh hutcherson’s
parents are probably called josh hutcherdad and josh hutchermom .” It received
over 419,000 notes. The joke was copied like crazy by humor accounts on
Facebook, Pinterest, and Twitter. @RelatableQuotes’s version gathered 2,958
retweets and 4,425 favorites. @SoDamnTrue tweeted it for 1,630 retweets and
2,879 favorites. In June 2014, Pizza had more than 1 million followers and was
the biggest star of the Tumblr teen comedy world. Two months later, her blog
was gone.
Type in pizza.tumblr.com today and you’ll get a simple, haunting
message: “There’s nothing here.” The 1 million left behind began to buzz: Where
was Pizza? Why did Pizza go? Who killed Pizza? Tumblr users began to piece
together the mystery of her disappearance. They wrote mournful posts: “ i miss
tumblr user pizza *insert titanic ‘come back’ gif*.” A fake conspiracy blog
joked she quit after leaving the illuminati because of a fight with Beyoncé
over “ how to wittily answer anonymous hate mail .” A rumor spread her blog was
terminated for being racist . A Reddit user called her blog’s death “ one of the
biggest scandals to have ever happened on Tumblr .” Last fall,
OfficialUnitedStates, another humor blog with a large following, wrote, “ i miss
pizza.tumblr.com … sometimes late at night i wonder what tumblr would be like
if she hadnt disappeared into the night one year ago today.”
Each social media network creates a particular kind of teenage
star: Those blessed with early-onset hotness are drawn to YouTube, the
fashionable and seemingly wealthy post to Instagram, the most charismatic
actors, dancers, and comedians thrive on Vine. On Facebook, every link you
share and photo you post is a statement of your identity. Tumblr is the social
network that, based on my reporting, is seen by teens as the most uncool. A
telling post from 2014: “ I picked joining Tumblr and staying active on here
because: 1. I’m not attractive enough to be a Youtuber 2. Not popular enough
for twitter 3. Facebook is dumb.” You don’t tell people your Tumblr URL, you
aren’t logging the banalities of your day—you aren’t even you . On
Tumblr, you can revel in anonymity, say whatever you want without fear of it
going on your permanent record. You can start as many Tumblrs as you like, one
for each slice of your personality, whether that’s gymnastics fandom (how I got
into Tumblr) or Barack Obama-Harry Styles slashfic (it exists) or akoisexual
identity (when your feelings of sexual attraction fade once they’re
reciprocated). A Tumblr staffer pointed me to a blog called Dolph Lundgren
& His Action Nips , which is just shirtless photos of the actor with his nipples
turned into blinking GIFs.
When Tumblr launched in 2007, the simple layout—text, photo,
quote, link, chat, audio, video—was its primary appeal: less bloggy than
Blogger, less puzzling than WordPress. Tumblr’s templates were more
customizable than Facebook, making it a good place to put your portfolio,
perhaps some journal entries. But the defining feature of Tumblr culture is
reblogging: Any user can repost content from any other Tumblr and add their own
comments. All of these likes, reblogs, and comments pile up in a log of “notes”
appended to the original post as it travels through the network’s feed.
Celebrating someone else’s brilliance is part of the content you offer, giving
exposure to both the creator and the reblogger.
To grow a following on Tumblr beyond people you know, you have to
post more than updates on your personal life—you need stuff that will resonate
with strangers. Viral fame on Tumblr in the early 2010s was an uncertain path
to fortune. The most common was the Tumblr-to-book phenomenon: The creator of
Hipster Puppies closed a five-figure book deal in 2010. While other social
networks like Facebook, Twitter, and LinkedIn generated billions upon billions
of dollars, Tumblr gradually evolved into a fast-moving conversation focused on
jokes, art, and sex. The culture of Tumblr began to be dominated by teens—weird
teens.
In a joke that explains the dynamic , a user posted a screenshot
showing he had 264 followers, writing: 
a darkened auditorium with 264 silent people in the seats. on the
stage, me, sitting on a stool, lit by a spotlight, the only light in the
theatre. i hold up a photo of my cat, 10 people applaud, two or three hold up
photocopies of the same photo, the rest do nothing, watching, waiting.
 When I began reporting on the world of Tumblr teens, I first
wanted to explain the absurdist comedy of Pizza and dozens of other Tumblrs
like hers. But I soon discovered a secret world hidden in plain sight, one in
which teenagers, through wit and luck, had stumbled into a new kind of viral
fame and fortune, by outsmarting internet ad networks and finding ways to earn
thousands and even hundreds of thousands of dollars from their intentionally
unambitious jokes.
Tumblr headquarters in New York is brightly lit and slightly too
warm, outfitted with huge screens displaying viral teen content and yellow T-shirts
commemorating the time Taylor Swift wore a Tumblr joke shirt . I was there to
meet Danielle Strle, Tumblr’s 34-year-old head of culture and trends, whose job
it is to figure out what the teens are up to. At one point she opened her
laptop to scan for some examples and got lost in the content. “These kids are
so advanced—so, so advanced,” she said softly to her screen. Not just in their
comedy, but in their business savvy. “They are the most brilliant digital
strategists,” she said. “These teens are better marketers than anyone in the
game right now.”
Tumblr teens have an advantage that makes them good at digital
strategy: an advanced emotional intelligence. Strle put me in touch with Jason
Wong, a college freshman who’s been on the site since he was 15. He became my
Tumblr oracle, giving me in-depth analysis of the Tumblr economy and its
emotional core. Wong started asian.tumblr.com to deal with being bullied at his
Florida high school. Wong explained that teens perform joy on Instagram but
confess sadness on Tumblr. The site, he said, is a “safe haven from their local
friends. … On Tumblr they tell their most personal stories. They share things
that they normally wouldn’t share with their local friends because of the fear
of judgment. That has held true for every person that I’ve met.”
In the dark ages—the 1980s, ’90s, or even the early 2000s—kids
had to wait for nerd camp to be among their own kind. Wong told me if he’s up
at 4 a.m. after a bad day, he can go online and talk to his Australian friends; Tumblr users know their audience is active in multiple time zones.
Powerful users send a joke ricocheting around the globe.
“Tumblr culture has developed over the past five years as the
smart weird kid in school connected with all the other smart weird kids from
all the other schools all over the world,” said Strle. This brand of Tumblr
humor often focuses on what I think of as micro-humiliations, tiny moments of
social awkwardness that can feel absolutely crushing for a teenager figuring
out how to be a person in the world. Anonymous kids with witty user names like
Larsvontired or Baracknobama post incisive one-liners confessing their most
vulnerable moments of social mortification. Sometimes those one-liners spread
across continents, tweaked by thousands of other teens who add their own jokes
as they reblog the original. The very best tweaks spread further, reblogged
again and again, reappearing periodically in the feed, disconnected from time.
Some posts get more than a million notes—imagine a joke whispered in biology
class getting a laugh from a city the size of San Francisco.
“Increasingly, the lingua franca is absurdist dada,” explained
Strle, usually rendered in the uncapitalized and unpunctuated casualness of
instant messages.
A decade of trend pieces has deemed millennials to be narcissists,
but Tumblr humor for this generation is self-deprecating and anti-aspirational:
“ how do fourteen year olds get pregnant , I can’t even get a high five from a
guy,” “ how many eye contact until date ,” “ i just said hi to someone and they
didn’t hear me i’m never trying that again.” There is more self-loathing than
self-love (“ *looks in a mirror* you again ”) as well as pleas for clemency from
social prison (“ you like attention? how dare you. how dare anyone like being
loved”). Being a social outcast can make you a better social observer of the
gap between our real selves and our public image:
group chat : lol look
at this meme you pieces of shit
private chat : i don’t
know anymore. im hoping that someday i’ll just know what to do. sorry for
complaining and thanks for always listening to me
When this post appeared in my feed, I sent it to several friends
who use a group chat at work: “How do they know?” A friend in media with a
Twitter following in the tens of thousands responded: “That teen observation is
PENETRATING.” We spent several minutes analyzing the joke. “People think other
people are impressed by voicey cynicism in the public square,” he added. “But
in private we’re all really nice and anxious”—the essential divide between
Twitter users and Tumblr users.
Heartbreak is a recurring theme on these Tumblrs, so is skewering
the chipper but futile commands of self-help. “ Fill your heart with bees. If
someone breaks your heart, then they have to deal with the bees.” Or: “before
blaming others, think: whats the 1 constant in all your failed relationships ?
its that cursed egyptian amulet why do u even have that.” The best social
commentary on American culture’s obsession with women’s pubic hair was written
by some kid on Tumblr: 
“Just so you know, the carpet matches the drapes,” Medusa said
with a wink so sexual that it made me feel like I had to pee. She leaned in
really close to my sweating face and continued, “I am completely covered in
little snakes down there.”
 Teens are free to express their low self-esteem on Tumblr, but
they have confidence in one thing: Everyone will steal their jokes. A study by
Priceonomics found that Tumblr is the top source for BuzzFeed’s viral content .
The site’s biggest story in 2015—a photo of a dress that looked blue-and-black
or white-and-gold—was found on Tumblr. The Washington Post has
written, “ Tumblr might just be the new ground zero of the viral internet .”
Recent commentary on this phenomenon from within Tumblr received 275,000 notes
in a week:
My friends (don’t have tumblr) : have
u seen this meme lol, it was on the ‘best of tumblr’ facebook page, tumblr is
so funny
Me, a tumblr gremlin : haha
yeah lol, think i’ve seen that one before lol
Me (what I really mean) : you
fools. I am plugged into the mainframe, wired to the primary source. Of course
have seen that meme, and all 5000 of it’s variants, 3 and a half months ago. I
have seen the rise and fall of that meme, the boom and bust, the drama, the
pain, the shitposting, oh god, the shitposting. I have seen this meme in it’s
rawest, freshest, unpasturised, most primal state. Do not insult me with these
rank, stale puddles, that sit at the very base of the meme trickle down
economy.
Tumblr teens call many of these jokes “relatable.” This is
partially due to the success of Zach Lilley and Jeremy Greenfield, middle
school friends who wanted to get into internet comedy when they were high
school juniors. In 2011, they bought ROFLnow.com and created social media
accounts, including a Tumblr, to promote the site. They soon realized their
Tumblr was performing better than the web site it was supposed to promote.
Lilley and Greenfield grew up with the internet as a toy,
competing with friends to make the most viral video, pranking adults at a strip
mall within walking distance of their homes in Reading, Pennsylvania, when they
weren’t old enough to drive. Lilley’s first YouTube hit was posting the audio
of President Obama calling Kanye West a jackass for interrupting Taylor Swift
at the 2009 Video Music Awards. Lilley read me the video’s YouTube description
out loud—“ Obama Calls Kanye West a Jackass [ACTUAL AUDIO] . Obama: Kanye West
Is a Jackass! A JACKASS! Obama: Kanye West is a JACKASS!”—and muttered, “Wow,
I was already so meta.” I thought he meant “meta” as in self-referential, but
he meant meta like metadata, as in search engine optimization. When he posted
the video he was 15, and it currently has more than 177,000 views.
Some kids found out about the YouTube channel at school and not
everyone was nice about it, so they kept their Tumblr project secret. But the
first time it made more than $50 in a day with a banner ad from Google AdSense,
they realized Tumblr could be a thing. ROFLnow.com never made more than $20 in
a day; Lilley made about $80 a week working at a diner.
Lilley and Greenfield launched So-Relatable on Tumblr in late
February 2012. “Relatable” has a slightly different meaning on the teen
internet than in the adult world, and even its purveyors struggle to describe
it. Lilley called it “a thought, feeling or idea that resonates with others.”
Based on my years of immersion, I’d say it’s more about revealing
vulnerabilities. “Tumblr is a really safe space to make these observations out
in the public where everyone can see but no one knows it’s you,” Strle told me
when I visited Tumblr. I saw this in the quiet rage at how your social status
can be determined by patently stupid actions, like the grave consequences for
the tiniest infractions in high school :
my parents disown me and sell me to a shady, moustached man for
three goats
 Lilley and Greenfield didn’t coin the term “relatable,” but they
made it popular, helping to solidify its internet meaning. A Google Images
search of “relatable” turns up hundreds of their posts, plus many by imitators,
even though the blog So-Relatable has disappeared, like Pizza, from the
internet. After launching, they landed 20,000 followers in their first month
with a simple formula: a relatable one-liner—“ When the internet stops working
for 5 seconds , so does my heart”—framed by a pastel or white rectangle.
Convert into an image and post.
After a few weeks, Greenfield suggested adding GIFs (“ That moment
every Sunday when you realize there’s school tomorrow ” above Kanye West’s face
changing from a broad smile to melancholy) and the posts started blowing up,
“20,000 or 30,000 notes, and back then that was a lot.” Lilley and Greenfield
graduated high school in the summer of 2012; by the fall So-Relatable had more
than 200,000 followers and was making a couple thousand dollars a month. In
October, they filed as an S-corporation, So Relatable Inc., and split the
shares 50-50.
Soon, Lilley and Greenfield told me, they were getting 15 million
page views a month. They had more than 450,000 followers on So-Relatable and
were growing several other blogs. It was an enormous reach for two teenagers
from a Rust Belt town of 88,000 people, and they did it by tapping into the
essence of what makes content shareable: Here Is A Feeling You Thought Only You
Felt But Is Actually Universal.
I spent the day with them in Greenfield’s parents’ basement this
fall. The walls were bright red, and we lounged on an overstuffed wraparound
couch. I’d expected to watch them work, but they had enough posts queued up to
last the day, so instead we just hung out, which, just like so many hangouts
when I was their age, eventually devolved into watching videos online. Except
these videos were ones they made as kids. I set up my phone to record our
conversation, resting it on top of a can of dog food belonging to Greenfield’s
fluffy Pomeranian, Pebbles. “Give me all the gossip,” I commanded. Instead,
they gave me the secrets to virality.
Lilley is tall and lanky, with dark brown curly hair. Greenfield
is shorter, with glasses and honey-brown hair. They both wore plain polo
shirts. Summer had just ended, and there was a pool in the backyard, but they
were quite pale. After studying their mannerisms and hearing Lilley’s repeated
allusions to Greenfield’s math skills and superior memory—he was briefly a
mechatronics engineering major—I determined they were nerds. They were witty
and warm and very smart, and I liked them immediately, but they were total
nerds. It surprised me, because nerds are often defined by an inability to read
social interactions and respond in a way that makes them cool, confident— relatable .
So I gently asked Greenfield how he was able to make these minute social
observations that hinge on complex emotions being expressed in subtle facial
expressions when, perhaps, this was not his strong suit in real life. His
answer: internet research.
“I didn’t relate to a lot of the things I was posting about, but
like, you read online that a lot of people were going through that, so I was
like ‘Oh I guess that’s a relatable thing,’ ” Greenfield said. He didn’t
understand why someone might be nervous in front of the police for no reason.
He didn’t understand complaints about substitute teachers—those were “jokes
that I blatantly wouldn’t
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