Sexy Boner

Sexy Boner

By
Lorenzo Jensen III ,
August 6th 2014

Dedicated to your stories and ideas. Learn about us.
We welcome community contributions for Collective World.
Learn more about working with Thought Catalog.
I got a boner during my wedding ceremony. My wife was showing some serious cleavage, as were the bridesmaids. I’m talking diamond hard. Took almost the entire ceremony to go down. Thankfully, with the angle I was standing and my tux, it was mostly hidden.
I was on a trip one time which made me be in a car for 30 hours straight. I fell asleep, with my mom driving (I was in the passenger seat). When i woke up it was about 7 am, and as any other male, I had morning wood, which my mom happened to glance at. I covered it with a pillow, but it was rather awkward for a while.
Oh boy. I feel like this is one of those things that girls just can’t understand, like how a guy just won’t ever fully understand what it’s like having a period. Here’s my best analogy.
Imagine, if you will, that when an attractive guy talked to you, your boobs doubled in size. You can’t control it, they just do it all by themselves, like how you can’t control your heart beating.
Now imagine you’re sitting front-row, at your grandmother’s funeral. This is a sad day. You loved your grandma, and now Nana’s in a casket three feet in front of you, about to be buried. You’re wearing a black dress, very modest, when you feel a twinge in your chest. Oh fuck, not now! You look down at your chest, and there it is, they twitched, they’re expanding. Fuck me, why the fuck is this happening now!?!? You cross your arms, hoping to shield the fact that your boobs are steadily increasing, getting too big for your bra and dress, except you just know that people can notice it. I mean, you are doing the most obvious movements possible that every girl does when her boobs double in size, the arms crossed, the leaning forward in your chair, the narrowing of the shoulders. You’re feeling extremely uncomfortable and acutely aware of a thousand imagined eyes on you, since your top blatantly no longer fits you. In the front row, of Nana’s funeral.
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Ah, bulges. The gift that keeps on giving. Since we know you're Googling it anyway *side eyes* we compiled a list of some nice bulges to get you through the day. You're welcome in advance.
The "Kiwi" singer made quite the spectacle during his tour stop in Munich, Germany back in April 2018 when what seemed to be his, ahem , boner made a guest appearance onstage .
When Twitter user @LGMonsterFacts shared this GIF of Harry and his friend, user @atornius proved with their own pic that Harry did NOT, in fact, have a boner. Bummer.
We'd just like to personally thank the cameraman for this glorious shot of Archie Andrews from Season 2 of Riverdale . #bless
During an episode of Twisted , Avan's character plays a rousing game of soccer, and things, um, happened.
The YouTuber (on the left) showed off some very tight pants when he and brother Ethan attended the MTV Europe Music Award in 2017.
The Star Wars actor showed off more than just a lightsaber during a press conference in South Korea for Star Wars: The Force Awakens .
Back in 2013, the Drake & Josh star competed on the reality competition show Splash . God bless Speedos.
Wow, we don't remember this scene in The Amazing Spider-Man 2 . This pic was captured in NYC during filming in 2013.
Everything actually WAS what it seemed when David showed off his bulge on Disney Channel's Wizards of Waverly Place .
During the 2014 Young Hollywood Awards, Nick popped a "NARB," AKA a "non-apparent reason boner." He recounted the hilarious story to Jimmy Fallon two years later on The Tonight Show .
Back in 2015, the rapper 'grammed this pic with the caption, "Live on TNT I'm flexin ooooooh." You are indeed, sir.
The Pitch Perfect star shared this hilarious photo of his bulge. "Zip Lining is so fun and not uncomfortable in any way. #battleofthebulge," he joked on Instagram.
The Duke of Sussex received a surprise visit from his friend in 2015. Prince Harry was attending a service marking the 75th anniversary of Explosive Ordnance Disposal across the British Armed Forces.
Taylor's bulge was spotted in the wild while filming the rom-com Valentine's Day .

By
Lorenzo Jensen III ,
August 6th 2014

Dedicated to your stories and ideas. Learn about us.
We welcome community contributions for Collective World.
Learn more about working with Thought Catalog.
I got a boner during my wedding ceremony. My wife was showing some serious cleavage, as were the bridesmaids. I’m talking diamond hard. Took almost the entire ceremony to go down. Thankfully, with the angle I was standing and my tux, it was mostly hidden.
I was on a trip one time which made me be in a car for 30 hours straight. I fell asleep, with my mom driving (I was in the passenger seat). When i woke up it was about 7 am, and as any other male, I had morning wood, which my mom happened to glance at. I covered it with a pillow, but it was rather awkward for a while.
Oh boy. I feel like this is one of those things that girls just can’t understand, like how a guy just won’t ever fully understand what it’s like having a period. Here’s my best analogy.
Imagine, if you will, that when an attractive guy talked to you, your boobs doubled in size. You can’t control it, they just do it all by themselves, like how you can’t control your heart beating.
Now imagine you’re sitting front-row, at your grandmother’s funeral. This is a sad day. You loved your grandma, and now Nana’s in a casket three feet in front of you, about to be buried. You’re wearing a black dress, very modest, when you feel a twinge in your chest. Oh fuck, not now! You look down at your chest, and there it is, they twitched, they’re expanding. Fuck me, why the fuck is this happening now!?!? You cross your arms, hoping to shield the fact that your boobs are steadily increasing, getting too big for your bra and dress, except you just know that people can notice it. I mean, you are doing the most obvious movements possible that every girl does when her boobs double in size, the arms crossed, the leaning forward in your chair, the narrowing of the shoulders. You’re feeling extremely uncomfortable and acutely aware of a thousand imagined eyes on you, since your top blatantly no longer fits you. In the front row, of Nana’s funeral.
Sign up for the Thought Catalog Weekly and get the best stories from the week to your inbox every Friday.
You may unsubscribe at any time. By subscribing, you agree to the terms of our Privacy Statement .
Founded in 2010, Thought Catalog is owned and operated by The Thought & Expression Company, Inc. For over a decade, we've been at the bleeding edge of media, pioneering an infrastructure for creatives to flourish both artistically and financially.
© 2010 The Thought & Expression Company, LLC.

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