Sexually Submissive 2022

Sexually Submissive 2022

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Kimberley Bond Wednesday 10 Aug 2022 10:01 am

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When it comes to sex in the 21st century, many of us have left the shame and stigma behind (thank goodness) to enjoy a healthy, safe sex life without judgement.
In fact, research has shown that a growing number of us are enjoying spicier sessions between the sheets, with even those not particularly into kink experimenting more with BDSM.
According to findings conducted last year, 84% of the 2,381 adults surveyed said they had tried BDSM – aka Bondage, Domination, Sadism, Masochism . The report also found that those who enjoy kinky play claimed to have significantly better sex lives than those who don’t.
For the true newbies among us, many relationships under the broad umbrella of BDSM are characterised by complementary and entirely consensual roles that people inhabit, such as the dominant partner, known as the ‘dom’ and the submissive, or ‘sub’.
But what is life (and sex) like for a woman who is firmly entrenched in the BDSM community as a submissive? Well, according to one sub called Monieau, it’s far from what misconceptions and stereotypes would lead outsiders to believe.
‘Many people believe female submissives are brain-washed and unintelligent or just following the social normative ideas around men and women,’ Monieau explains on Metro.co.uk’s no-holds-barred sex podcast, Smut Drop . ‘But that is such a broad generalisation. There are plenty of confident, competent submissives who work in numerous high-powered, demanding roles, who just want to be submissive in the bedroom.’
In its most basic form, being a submissive means yielding to the dominant’s whims.
‘Having a submissive kink as a part of a BDSM sexual encounter, is where the “submissive” participant is willingly obedient and gives the control and power to the “dominant” participant,’ explains Tracey Coates, sexual wellness expert for sex toy site Ricky.com. ‘Being the submissive partner means that you find pleasure from activities such as being disciplined, punished, or spanked.
‘BDSM can take place in and out of bed, as some fantasy role plays can involve no physical sex at all.’
However, there is no one ‘right’ way to be submissive, as Monieau explains that each sub will have their own preferred style of dominance they like to be on the receiving end of.
‘I like someone who is self-assured and can command a presence,’ she says. ‘I like someone with a dark side. Not a dark side as in, their personality shows red flags, but someone who can do some nasty, amazing things to me.’
Monieau’s path which lead to her foray into the world of BDSM is an unusual one, as she grew up in the Mormon community, whom stress their strict law of chastity – consisting of abstaining from sex outside of marriage, and shunning inter-marital affairs or homosexual relationships.
‘I grew up thinking sex was shameful,’ Monieau adds. ‘I didn’t even know what masturbation really was, but I knew it was bad.
‘As I grew older, I came to terms with conventional ideas of male and female roles. I became a full-on feminist. It’s like I did a 180, which ended up being a 360.
‘In a way, I kink-ified my past trauma about sex and leaned into it.’
‘I like to be submissive as it grounds me,’ Monieau continues. ‘Because of my past feelings of shame and guilt around sex, I find freedom in submission, as it’s someone doing those things to me. It allows me to feel sexual pleasure much more easily than if I was to do it myself.’
However, Monieau is used to people not quite understanding what it means to be a submissive, particularly on a superficial level, a lot of what it consists over seems to be at odds with feminist principles.
‘Both men and women can be a sub, it’s entirely dependent on their personal preference,’ Coates explains. ‘Yes of course, just because you choose to be a sub, doesn’t mean that it has to impact the rest of your life and views in and out of the bedroom, and it certainly doesn’t mean that you’re not a feminist.
‘You can also argue that being the submissive actually gives you more control as you are giving the dominant partner full permission and the submissive chooses to enact their femininity.’
In order to give a greater understanding to people curious about what being submissive really entails, Monieau is now choosing to share her experiences both on social media and dating apps.
‘When I was first on apps, I had to sift through a lot of manure,’ she explains.
‘I put that I was submissive in my dating profile, as I was just sick of the small talk – I don’t care about small talk, so I explicitly stated what I wanted in a whole list.
‘So around one third of my inbox just took the p**s, and another third of guys were just gross, saying things like: “Hey babycakes.”
‘Another third were genuinely curious so we talked through what being a sub meant to me. Some people found it really educating. It actually made me feel better about men, less afraid of engaging with them.’
Of course, if you’re new to the world of being a submissive, it’s not as easy as going on Tinder to find the right match, says Coates.
‘You want to be able to trust [your dom] and know that you want the same things,’ she advises. ‘Choosing to do this online is the easiest way, as there are hundreds of sites available to everyone. When doing this, you want to make sure that your online profile speaks for you and not against you. Ensuring that you don’t give out too much personal information is also key to finding the best dom, you want to be advertising what you are expecting out of the relationship and avoid those whose first message to you is about sex.
‘You want to be able to build a foundation of trust and understanding before committing to be their submissive.’
Barbara Santini, psychologist and sex advisor at adult toy site Peachesandscreams.co.uk, agrees that your safety must come first when searching for a dom.
‘BDSM is a vulnerable experience, you may learn a lot about yourself,’ she says. ‘Make sure you want it and you do everything to protect yourself. It is essential you express consent, you negotiate the play scenario, and you and your partner stick to it. When you decide to meet a new dom, discuss your safety first, choose a location wisely (public place and later a well-staffed hotel), never change the agreed plans, inform your friends where you are, with whom so they can check on you. Have a safe word and use condoms.’
In Monieau’s experience, many newer subs, and perhaps even a few more experienced submissives, fall into tropes and stereotypes that may be detrimental to their BDSM relationship.
‘Submissives have to work on themselves first,’ she explains. ‘A lot of subs fall into the trap of wanting a dominant to basically just fix all their problems.
‘Before you get into BDSM, you need to work out what you really want from submission. If you have a sign saying you’re here for the taking, people will take advantage of it.’
For Monieau, she stresses there’s a difference in terms of what she wants in physical sensations and her emotional, core desires.
‘Physically, I want orgasms. I want arousal,’ she says. ‘I want to reach subspace .’
For those not in the know, subspace is what Monieau describes as being a ‘nice bonus’ of being a submissive.
‘Subspace is a different state of consciousness that can happen, usually to the submissive partner during BDSM play,’ Santini says. ‘It results from a mix of hormones like endorphins, cortisol, dopamine, adrenaline, oxytocin which are released during the play, when different emotions experienced.’
Monieau compares it to a runner’s high. ‘I basically become a mushy puppet,’ she laughs. ‘I just start riding with the vibes.’
However, the subspace can often lead to a subdrop – essentially, the depletion of those chemicals.
‘Subdrop can occur straight after play, or even as a delayed reaction by the submissive showing signs of emotional imbalance and sometimes flu-like symptoms,’ Coates explains. ‘This bodily and emotional state can be known to last as long as a week, but everyone experiences it differently and can recover within hours or days. So, taking care of yourself after sub play is very important.’
Feeling emotional, weepy and in need of comfort after reaching subspace, are common for Monieau.
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‘I am a well of tears,’ she admits, with a laugh. ‘My dom puts me in a little blanket burrito, and it makes me feel like I’m in my safe little bubble.’
She adds that, for her, being a sub is a far cry from any sort of weak and vulnerable stereotype.
‘I’ve realised submissives have strength, even through their submission,’ explains Monieau. ‘Choosing to submit to someone shows you’re holding that space for them.
‘Sex is good and healthy. It’s good for you. It’s okay to feel sexual pleasure and be a sexual being.’
Smut Drop is a weekly podcast with host Miranda Kane from Metro.co.uk, touching on sex, dating and relationships.
With no holds barred, it’s the home of sex positive chat, where Miranda will be joined each week by sexperts and special guests to explore the world of the erotic.
And we want to hear from you, too! As part of our podcast we’ll be sharing listeners’ experiences, thoughts and questions on a different theme every week.
So if you want to be involved in something brilliant – either anonymously or using your bold and beautiful name – drop us an email to smutdrop@metro.co.uk or slide into our DMs on Twitter @smutdrop .
With new episodes dropping every Wednesday, you can download Smut Drop from all your usual places.
Do you have a story you’d like to share? Get in touch by emailing Kimberley.Bond@metro.co.uk
Share your views in the comments below.

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Signs you’re in love with a sexually submissive man – That guy you just can’t figure out could be a sub hiding in plain sight. When you think of a sexually submissive man who’s aroused by dominant women, chances are you picture a meek, awkward, beta male who will go to embarrassing lengths to please his date. In reality, a sub is more likely to be a fit, confident and successful professional (think: corporate executive, doctor, or attorney).
Since many submissive men have high-powered jobs that require them to always be in control, they want nothing more than to relinquish that responsibility in their off-hours. They seek strong, authoritative, and even sadistic women (called dommes) who can dish out what they crave. Although pro-dommes are well-paid, women called lifestyle dommes choose to dominate men without compensation as a way of life.
While researching, I learned all about female domination of submissive men (or femdom): a large, thriving subculture that’s often misrepresented. Here are 13 signs he might want her to call all the shots once his power suit is off.
That guy you just can’t figure out could be a sub hiding in plain sight.
When you think of a sexually submissive man who’s aroused by dominant women, chances are you picture a meek, awkward, beta male who will go to embarrassing lengths to please his date. In reality, a sub is more likely to be a fit, confident and successful professional (think: corporate executive, doctor, or attorney).
Since many submissive men have high-powered jobs that require them to always be in control, they want nothing more than to relinquish that responsibility in their off-hours. They seek strong, authoritative, and even sadistic women (called dommes) who can dish out what they crave. Although pro-dommes are well-paid, women called lifestyle dommes choose to dominate men without compensation as a way of life.
While researching, I learned all about female domination of submissive men (or femdom): a large, thriving subculture that’s often misrepresented. Here are 13 signs he might want her to call all the shots once his power suit is off.
Does he talk a lot about “high-powered women” and get excited simply speaking about female politicians or business leaders? When asking what a woman does at work, does he follow up by asking whether she “runs the show”? Submissive men have a fetishistic reverence for super-successful females.
TheInfoNg is a news and entertainment blog, updated frequently with articles and noteworthy happenings in Nigeria, Africa and trending headlines around the world.

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Many women are viewed as submissive, especially when compared to men who can often be more dominant.
Some women readily appear to have submissive traits because of the way they defer to others.
But like most things involving people, there is a lot of room for variation, and few traits belong solely to women, submissive or otherwise.
No, many women are not naturally submissive.
Still, many societies expect women to be submissive and teach them not to ask questions, decline requests, or otherwise assert themselves.
Because it’s difficult to go against the grain if the dominant culture has certain expectations, many women may try to adhere to the submissiveness expected of them, even if it’s at odds with their personality.
If a woman is especially good at downplaying her actual self, it may not be apparent that she’s doing this.
Although it’s impossible to describe a woman’s personality with complete accuracy, some women commonly display the submissive traits listed below.
You’ll notice that these traits aren’t specific to women. Some submissive men share them, too.
However, a submissive woman may be more likely to care for her home and children while her partner financially supports her family than a woman who isn’t as submissive.
Thus, many stay-at-home mothers are submissive.
Society views motherhood as an important component of femininity and expects mothers to sacrifice for their children’s wellbeing, so a woman who does so isn’t necessarily submissive.
Human beings, women included, are complicated. Most of us have personalities that are mosaics of various “dominant” and “submissive” traits.
Plus, our personalities can change over our lifetimes and even adjust when we find ourselves in new situations.
So, it’s completely possible that a woman will only appear to have a submissive personality sometimes or only display a few traits that we normally associate with being submissive.
It’s absolutely okay for a woman to be submissive if she is being true to herself. Unfortunately, many women may not feel like they truly have the choice to do that.
Most people live in a society that values submissiveness in women, even if they are a relatively “modern” society where women have “achieved equality.”
The expectation that women should be submissive or display certain characteristics can play out in subtle ways.
When those expectations are incorporated into work culture, institutions, and even laws, it can discourage women from being true to themselves or even living the lives they would choose to live.
Plus, women who refuse to be submissive may become targets for judgment and poor treatment because they threaten the status quo.
For example, a woman may be viewed as bossy or unpleasant when she is simply taking a leadership role or asserting herself because she isn’t submissive.
People may question her womanhood, femininity, or ability to be a good partner or mother.
People may assume things about women with submissive personalities or who display certain submissive traits.
For example, they may assume these women are weak, have no confidence, will not stand up for themselves, or are easy to control. This isn’t always the case.
Instead, submissive women may value keeping peace and making those around them happy. They may have a heightened awareness of others’ needs.
But many submissive women can stand firm and protect themselves and those they love when the situation calls for it.
Plus, a woman may only choose to display submissive behavior to those people whom she trusts and deems worthy of her submissiveness.
Although it’s not necessarily unhealthy for a woman to display some or even many submissive traits, it can become unhealthy.
This is especially true if the woman’s partner is controlling or abusive.
Unfortunately, such people often look for partners who are submissive or otherwise vulnerable because it makes them easy to manipulate.
Submissive behaviors can become negative when they involve extreme meekness and keep the woman from standing up for herself.
A woman’s submissive personality traits may be unhealthy when she doesn’t seek out what she needs to be healthy and happy, especially when it comes to asking for those things from other people.
Of course, if her children emulate those qualities, it only furthers the cycle.
A woman who identifies as sexually submissive, sometimes just known as a submissive or sub in the BDSM scene, is one who lets her partner direct the relationship.
Typically, a submissive woman will be on the receiving end of activities and obey her dominant partner’s commands.
Together, this couple has a D/s (dominance and submission) relationship.
D/s is one aspect of BDSM, which stands for bondage and discipline, dominance and submission, and sadism and masochism.
Often, D/s relationships will incorporate elements of bondage, discipline, sadism, and machoism into their interactions.
But this isn’t a requirement, as people can still be submissive – or dominant – without including those other activities.
Some couples rely on these roles for their entire relationships, and this is often known as total power exchange (TPE) or 24/7 D/s.
Some people use the descriptors “Master” and “slave” instead of “Dominant” and “submissive,” respectively, in these arrangements.
Sometimes, people with dominant personalities mistakenly believe that a woman who is a submissive will submit to them just because they identify with complementary roles. Yet, that’s often not the case.
Submission, whether it comes from a man or a woman, is a gift. Before a submissive presents as such to someone else, trust must
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