Sexually Dominant Girlfriend
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Key points
A dominatrix is a professional dominant who is paid to engage in BDSM (i.e., bondage, discipline, and sadomasochism) with a submissive.
Dominatrices usually do not offer oral sex or intercourse, as it is more about power and control than sex.
The average fee charged by a dominatrix is about $200 per session.
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United States
Austin, TX
Brooklyn, NY
Chicago, IL
Denver, CO
Houston, TX
Los Angeles, CA
New York, NY
Portland, OR
San Diego, CA
San Francisco, CA
Seattle, WA
Washington, DC
Mental Health
Addiction
Anxiety
ADHD
Asperger's
Autism
Bipolar Disorder
Chronic Pain
Depression
Eating Disorders
Personality
Passive Aggression
Personality
Shyness
Personal Growth
Goal Setting
Happiness
Positive Psychology
Stopping Smoking
Relationships
Low Sexual Desire
Relationships
Sex
Family Life
Child Development
Parenting
Talk to Someone
Find a Therapist
Find a Treatment Center
Find a Psychiatrist
Find a Support Group
Find Teletherapy
Trending Topics
Coronavirus Disease 2019
Narcissism
Dementia
Bias
Affective Forecasting
Neuroscience
We all harbor secrets. Some are big and bad; some are small and trivial. Researchers have parsed which truths to tell and which not to.
Posted October 20, 2014
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Reviewed by Lybi Ma
In this three-part series, I’m going to examine three dominant and powerful women: The Dominatrix, Cuckoldress, and the Hot Wife—and the men who seemingly need them. In Part I, I’ll discuss the Dominatrix. Part II will address the lesser-known Cuckoldress and Hot Wife. And in Part III, I’ll examine the sexually passive men who paradoxically and simultaneously experience the pain and pleasure of being dominated. The dominatrix, cuckoldress, and hot wife are not listed in the DSM-V (2013). But because they vary in frequency and intensity, they can qualify as a form of sexual humiliation or sadism depending on the level of impairment.
I became particularly interested in this subject matter after having noticed an increase in the number of couples entering my clinical practice to work out the kinks (no pun intended) of their female-dominant/male-submissive relationships. Much of this work centered on one or both partners breaking an agreed-upon contract. For example, a self-identified cuckoldress brought her husband to treatment because “he had the nerve” to cheat on her with another woman. A passive male cuckold insisted on marital counseling because his wife took a lover that he hated.
I’ll admit that while I’ve seen my share of cuckoldresses and hot wives over the years, I’ve only treated a handful of dominatrices. One dominatrix wanted out of the field, while the others had some difficulty separating their professional and personal personas. Nevertheless, I believe fewer dominatrices present for treatment in part because as professionals they have comparatively less of an emotional investment in their relations as do the cuckoldress and hot wife. Dominatrices may also have more control over their contractual agreements because they were formed with clients, not their intimate partners. It’s always harder to deal with family.
Kraft-Ebing (1886/1965) believed that it made evolutionary sense that a man be dominant and a woman be passive. Men were to fight off rival suitors and other dangers and to procreate. Women were to contribute to this process by voluntarily subordinating to men. Kraft-Ebing easily extrapolated from this that men tended towards the aggressive and sadistic and women towards the passive and masochistic. This stance is somewhat in tune with both Freud (1905/1953) and Deustch (1944) who believed that females were innately masochistic and passive.
According to Kahn (2009), times have changed as women are now somewhat freer to assert their dominance over men in all phases of life, but not without a struggle. The author claimed that many societies are having an extremely hard time allowing for this exchange of power and control to happen, particularly in a sexual context. In her article, “Putting a dominatrix in her place: The representation and regulation of female dom/male sub sexuality ,” Kahn demonstrated that “ social anxiety ” sets in when women act or are even perceived to be more dominant and powerful than men…and men passive and weak. To her point, she compared the dynamics of the famous Canadian legal ordeal of Terri-Jean Bedford, a dominatrix wrongly accused of prostitution to the way dominatrices are treated in film. Kahn reported that the police and judge became the dominant forces and abusively relegated Bedford to a submissive. In the films Kahn used for comparison, strong white males eventually conquered, tamed, and domesticated the dominatrices. The objective: to curb social anxiety by restoring men to their rightful position of power over women.
Dominatrix is the feminine form of the Latin dominator , a ruler or lord, and was originally used in a non-sexual sense dating back to around 1561. The term dominatrix is sometimes used to describe a professional dominant (or "pro-domme") who is paid to engage in BDSM (i.e., bondage, discipline, and sadomasochism ) with a submissive. An appointment or roleplay is referred to as a "session" and is often conducted in a professional space that has been set up with specialist equipment, referred to as a "dungeon." In our advanced technological world, sessions may now be conducted remotely by phone, email, or online chat.
While it is most common to think of the dominatrix as a woman wielding power over men, many do have female submissives. Also contrary to popular belief, the dominatrix doesn’t always inflict physical pain on the submissive. The domination may be verbal, involving humiliating tasks and servitude.
The dominatrix profession originated as a specialization within brothels, before evolving into its own unique craft. To differentiate women who identify as a dominatrix but do not offer paid services, non-professional dominants are occasionally referred to as a "lifestyle" dominatrix or mistress. It should be noted that the term "lifestyle" to signify BDSM is a contentious topic in the BDSM community and that many true dominatrices view it as unprofessional. Some professional dominatrices are, however, also "lifestyle" dominatrices. That is, in addition to paid sessions with submissive clients they engage in unpaid recreational sessions or may incorporate power exchange within their own private lives and relationships.
The Dominatrix is a female archetype associated with a particular dress that depicts her role as a strong, dominant, sexualized woman. Black leather corsets, thigh-high boots with high stiletto heels, fishnet stockings, and a whip are familiar to most people.
There are many facts and fallacies about dominatrices that I will attempt to clear up with the help of a few scholars (Brame, Brame, & Jacobs, 2009; Febos, 2010; Winemaker, 2008). The facts are as follows:
The origin of a dominatrix may vary, but the most common factors associated with becoming one are:
Most of the dominatrices I have treated do not present as overtly anxious but their histories confirm a significant loss of power or control in their families of origin. This loss may have come in the form of abuse, sexual or nonsexual, or in the context of feeling powerless or “without a voice” in the family. In some cases, an abusive parent may have inspired a budding dominatrix to fear relinquishing control. Paradoxically, a passive parent who failed to intervene on a child’s behalf may have inadvertently provided the same level of inspiration for that child to grow up and demand the power position in an attempt to avoid further vulnerability.
Like it or not, the dominatrix is a part of us. The black leather catsuit entered mainstream culture in the 1960s and remains. Strong, independent women capable of kicking a man’s butt like Catwoman, or the more contemporary Lara Croft, are viewed as role models by many young girls worldwide. The Women’s Liberation Movement continues to wield influence as more and more women attend college, attain professional status, and pursue careers and economic independence. Every movement has its price, but fetishism notwithstanding, perhaps the dominatrix has had more of an impact than most care to believe.
Stephen J. Betchen, D.S.W. , is the author of the book Magnetic Partners .
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We all harbor secrets. Some are big and bad; some are small and trivial. Researchers have parsed which truths to tell and which not to.
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15 Fun and Sexy Ways on How to Be Dominant in Bed
https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/29106794/ http://v https://digitalcollections.sit.edu/cgi/viewcontent.cgi?article=4099&context=isp_collection https://www.guttmacher.org/sites/default/files/pdfs/pubs/journals/4005908.pdf
Rachael Pace is a noted relationship writer associated with Marriage.com. She provides inspiration, support, and empowerment in the form of motivational articles and essays. Rachael enjoys studying the evolution of loving partnerships and is passionate about writing on them. She believes that everyone should make room for love in their lives and encourages couples to work on overcoming their challenges together.
Do you ever get that feeling that you want to know how to be dominant in bed?
Do you want to show your partner that your sex life could be better?
Let’s face it, with all the shows and movies that show off BDSM , and it just makes you want to try it out.
So what’s stopping you from fulfilling this fantasy ?
We have heard about how to be dominant in a relationship, but what about in bed?
Dominant sex or sexual domination is all about a set of behaviors and rules that involve controlling your partner (submissive) for pleasure.
One plays the dominant partner and the other the submissive partner. Each one has roles to play and rules to follow.
The dom-sub roles are under BDSM. The term BDSM stands for bondage, dominance/submission, sadism, and masochism.
Now, we’re focusing on how to be dominant in bed for your partner.
Before we proceed with the fun stuff of how to be dominant in bed and the ways you can pleasure your partner , we first need to understand the roles of the dominant partner.
Do you think it’s time for you to dominate your husband or wife? Are you tired because your partner is always the one controlling your sex play? Then, start by familiarizing yourself with these responsibilities.
Now, do you think you’re ready to belong to all those sexy dominant women and men?
Believe it or not, most people secretly fantasize about becoming the one being controlled – to be the submissive partner in a sexual play .
So, it’s time to be the dom and start practicing these domination ideas that will surely satisfy you and your partner. Here are 15 fun and sexy ways on how to be dominant in bed.
Before you can dominate your boyfriend or girlfriend, you first need to talk about it, makes sense, right?
Since we’re not in a series or a movie, you can’t immediately become a BDSM dominant woman or man. You will first need to talk about it as a couple .
This is important because you will need to know if your partner is open to this type of thing. You’re lucky if your partner agrees to try the dom and sub relationship . This is when you can come up with your terms, and you can even talk about which one you can try out first.
The first thing you have to remember if you want to know how to be dominant in bed is to learn how to be bossy.
Being the dominant partner means you have to take control , and it would only work if you know how to be bossy. From how you act, your stand, the tone of your voice to all your commands – you need to be convincing and firm.
Now that you’re into character, the next thing that you need to focus on is what you’ll be wearing. If you want to look like those very sexy women dominating sex play, you have to dress for the role.
If you have time, get yourself some sexy costumes or those sultry latex costumes. Your partner will surely appreciate the effort, plus, you’ll feel the boost of confidence when you’re wearing proper clothing.
Start to dominate them by giving your partner a chance to worship every inch of you. You can give your partner a massage oil or allow them to enjoy the ‘chance’ to kiss your body .
Let your partner use their hands to slowly and passionately touch your body, give them the chance to shower every part of you with sensual kisses.
Do you want to know one of the sexiest ways to dominate your man in bed? Invest in those sexy bed restraints and blindfolds and use them to tie your partner in bed .
By doing so, you will have full command of your partner . Stroke him, tease him and kiss him until he can’t take it any longer. Of course, with consent, you can also grab his hair and spank him. Add naughty words, and you’ll feel that intense fire burning inside.
While it’s not common to dominate a man in a relationship , you can dominate a man in bed. Boss your partner around and ask him to do things for you. After all, you are the boss, and he’s the Sub.
Take this chance to let him know who the boss is and don’t forget to make him call you whatever you want. Of course, don’t forget to punish your Sub if he becomes naughty.
Make sure your partner calls you Mistress, Queen, or Boos, your choice, your rules.
You can also choose what sex position to try . Make sure that this position is something you can take complete control of.
Tie your partner in a chair or bed, proceed with penetration and start pleasuring your partner . Seeing your partner without control is such a lustful moment for the Dom, and the Sub also feels helpless and turned on by this sexual act.
These types of sexual play can intensify the orgasm that both of you will experience.
It doesn’t matter if you do it during intercourse or foreplay – if you talk dirty, it creates this naughty but sexy atmosphere. Make it hotter by whispering it in your partner’s ears.
Tell your partner what you want and what you will do – and all those naughty words will intensify that fire you are feeling inside. When you are near the climax , you can make your dirty words louder.
With the help of this video learn how to talk dirty with your partner:
Dominate them by simply changing your overall attitude in bed .
We all have a naughty side, and this is the right time to unleash that sexy beast inside. Be annoyed, boss around, prioritize your pleasure , tie your partner, and be that dominant yet sexy partner .
If your partner sees how you can change from being quiet to being dominant, that’s already enough to ignite arousal.
Here’s another way to spice up your sexy time with dominance. Try roleplaying with your partner, and of course, choose roles that make you the boss.
You can be the disciplinarian teacher to a student, a sexy boss to your secretary, the CEO to your innocent employee, and so much more.
Don’t be afraid to invest in costumes, toys, and of course, be in character.
While you are shopping for restraints, why not add some sex toys to your shopping cart?
Male and female domination requires toys as well. It makes it more fun , and it’s arousing. Try blindfolds, hoods, collars, gags, and even floggers.
Restrains will be your top favorite when you play the dom partner. You can start by teasing your partner. Slow kisses whisper d
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