Sexual Penetration
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Sexual Penetration
Copyright 2022 © Intimacy in Marriage
I’m often touting the deep need for healthy communication between a husband and wife about sex. (Well, about all things, but let’s stay on point here with sex).
Without good communication— solid listening and feedback and verbal expression of feelings and thoughts —a married couple is left to rely on assumption to navigate their sexual way.
Assumption does not lay down a solid track to phenomenal sex. It just doesn’t. It’s not hard to see why a married couple would be left sexually disappointed if the only tool with which they are working is assumption.
All penetration and thrusting are not created equal. You don’t have to have sex more than about once to know this, but it still is something a husband and wife may not intentionally talk about. Like ever .
They fall into patterns of “this is just how we do it,” and either it doesn’t occur to them to speak up about what may make the experience more enjoyable for each of them OR they are hesitant to speak up out of concern of implying that their spouse doesn’t know what they are doing.
But maybe they don’t know what they are doing. That’s not a bad thing. It just a revelatory thing. It’s a clue that some coaching may be in order.
Just like all aspects of sexual arousal and pleasure, a fair amount of communication can go a long way. Through giving and receiving feedback and through trial and error, you can better use penetration and thrusting.
Yes, as a husband, your penis is what is penetrating and thrusting in your wife’s vagina. But both of you are participants in those actions.
Well, by right , I don’t mean 90 degrees. I mean there is more than one angle when it comes to intercourse, and the most phenomenal lovemaking incorporates at least a few, that’s for sure!
The angle at which the penis is going in and out of the vagina matters. Some angles are more enjoyable and some can be painful. Key here is try different angles to see what brings about more pleasurable sensations for both of you.
As a woman, your husband’s penis will likely stimulate your clitoris more pleasurably if the shaft of his erect penis is in more direct contact with your clitoris (as opposed to his penis sliding back and forth under it but not on it).
Angle also can determine how well the head of the penis is stimulating the wife’s G-Spot. Various angles also intensify stimulation of the penis in different ways, making sex more pleasurable for a husband.
So how do you try out different angles? Varying positions is one of the best ways, as well as making slight adjustments within each position.
For example, the wife on top gives her a lot of control in determining the angle at which the penis is coming in and out of her vagina. A wife can be on top facing her husband (often referred to as cowgirl) or facing away from him (often referred to as reverse cowgirl). Both allow various penetration angles.
During missionary position, you can adjust angles with a pillow under the wife’s hips or by the husband moving forward so his chest may be more aligned with his wife’s face, as opposed to them being face-to-face.
The husband entering his wife’s vagina from behind also gives them angles that are quite stimulating. Some women particularly find this position stimulates their G-Spot.
There are so many sexual positions that afford you various angles for penetration and thrusting. You won’t know until you experiment a bit and see what you each enjoy.
As a husband, how deep are you penetrating your wife? Have the two of you talked about what you each enjoy? Incredibly deep penetration can be quite arousing for both a husband and a wife. Or it may be painful (particularly for the wife).
Key here is to find the threshold between what is optimal depth without something becoming painful.
And let’s not assume there is no value to shallow penetration being included as well.
In fact, varying the depth throughout a lovemaking session can be quite tantalizing. Arousal and pleasure can build as a husband varies how deep he is penetrating his wife; sometimes shallow, sometimes a little deeper and sometimes very deep.
As I have mentioned a bazillion times, communication is key. Tell each other what feels good. Show each other what feels good.
It’s not unusual as a husband’s arousal is increasing that he wants to go deeper. And it’s not unusual that as a wife feels her husband’s penis within her and her pleasure increasing, she may want him to go deeper, possibly even expressing this by pulling him deeper into her or demanding he go deeper.
Great sex happens in the shallow and in the deep. Learn from each other how to adjust and appreciate various depths to the fullest.
Rate matters. The rhythm and speed at which a husband moves his penis in and out of his wife’s vagina— or how she moves him in and out of her, if she is on top —has a dramatic effect on the sexual pleasure and climax they each experience.
As with everything we have talked about thus far, this really comes down to preference and communication. I will say, though, that I think varying the rate, especially early in a lovemaking session, can enhance arousal and pleasure. It’s kind of like teasing, but in a good way—how a husband can oscillate between speeding up and slowing down.
Yes, of course, there likely will reach a point where the desire to go faster is what you both need to climax hard. But getting to that point affords you room and opportunity to vary your rate. Think of a lovemaking session loosely as both a marathon and a sprint.
Copyright 2020, Julie Sibert. Intimacy in Marriage Blog. Links may be monetized.
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I want to keep championing you Julie to encourage us readers to keep those vital communication lines open. Sadly, for my wife and I, we waited far too long before we really started to talk honestly about our sex life, our likes and dislikes and to even talk about the matter of sexual penetration and thrusting. Now, we talk freely and openly and it really had made a great difference to our sex life – even though there hasn’t been a lot of change in our positions or sexual activity. We encourage each other during sex and after sex, we discuss what just happened, what was nice, what was different and what didn’t quite work out. We no longer take sex so “seriously” but are learning to laugh at those things that didn’t work.
We’ve learnt what works and mix things up slightly to add variation. Sadly, because of our age, taking up “challenging” positions really are not on the menu for us and we’re okay with that. Add in my wife’s battle with cancer and the resultant lymphedema and different positions become even more limiting and challenging. But, we are both very determined (and stubborn!) people and so we are still working out what works best and enjoying the process. It really is a learning journey. We still keep experimenting (as long as our bodies allow us too!), trying new things just to see if it adds more fun and more pleasure to our sexual journey and life together. Reading blogs (like yours) help us explore more. We often discuss what we’ve read and if we haven’t tried what was written then we get to work to try it out. It’s all part of the fun!!
Julie, thank you so much for addressing this topic! I prefer this type of topic over any other, as it really gets to the heart of the matter when it comes to sex.
First of all, I just love the word. It’s both a noun and a verb, and such a descriptive word, too. Beyond that, I think thrusting is the essence of great sex, and while a seemingly simple act, it has many variants as you wisely noted.
Second of all, I echo each of the points you said. Rate and pace does matter. Communication is key here, as you said, and the pace can differ depending on position, too, or even the mood of the moment. In my case, I prefer an aggressive pace, especially when getting pounded doggy style.
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If she asks you to "go deeper," try these moves.
Has your partner ever asked you to "go deeper" during sex? Deep penetration can feel reeeally good for everyone involved. She gets the intense (and pleasurable) sensation of feeling "full"—and maybe even a little g-spot action —and you get stimulation along your entire shaft.
There’s also the psychological arousal that comes from deep penetration: There’s something undeniably hot about being deep inside of a person. It sort of feels like your two bodies are melding into one, which can create a deep (pun intended) sense of intimacy. And everybody wants more intimacy! Certain sex positions lend themselves far better to deep vaginal penetration. So if your partner asks you to “go deeper,” it's probably time to whip out one (or more!) of these 10 sex positions.
In this position, she sits on her heels and then leans forward. While remaining on her haunches, she extends her hands forward; all the while, her back remains straight. This variation of doggy style grants you full access to her vagina. (If she has a bigger butt, you may need to spread her cheeks to allow for deep penetration.)
Have her lie face down on the bed with her knees slightly bent and hips slightly raised. For comfort, and to increase the angle of her hips, you can place a pillow under her lower abs. From here, enter her from behind and keep your weight off of her by propping yourself up with your arms. (Or if she likes the feeling of your weight, grab her by the hips and thrust from there). This position, in my humble opinion, is the best position for deep penetration. For the man, it feels incredible—so incredible, in fact, that you’re likely to orgasm quickly.
While she’s lying on her back, have her raise her bent legs into the air. Her legs should be slightly past shoulder-length apart, and for this pose to really work, she needs to grip the soles of her feet with her hands. Happy Baby Pose not only allows for deeper penetration, it’s also an ideal position if you want to engage her clitoris too. With one hand you can stimulate her clitoris, and with your other free hand, you can hold onto her for support.
While she’s on her back, have her drape her legs on your shoulders. The angle of her body should be roughly 90 degrees. The legs on shoulders move should be considered a staple, as it allows for deep vaginal penetration. If standard “legs over shoulders” isn’t doing anything for her, try grabbing her butt and tilting her pelvis upward, slightly toward you. As always, ask her what feels best, but a small tweak can be the difference between her not orgasming and orgasming within minutes.
The Pearly Gates isn’t a popular sex position, even though it requires little strength and flexibility as far as sex positions go. While you’re lying flat on your back, have your partner lie on top of you; her back should be on your chest. Then you can thrust up and into her. This position can hit her G-spot because most penises, when erect, aren’t at a 90-degree angle to the body; most tilt upwards. The position works with your penis’ natural curvature, allowing you to penetrate deeper. From this position, it’s also easy for either you or your partner to stimulate her clitoris.
Kneel and straddle her left leg while she’s lying on her left side. From here, she should bend her right leg around the right side of your waist, allowing full access to her vulva. From here, you can really angle yourself deep inside of her. If you push her upright leg back, there really is no limit to how deep you can go.
You should be seated upright at the end of the bed. Then have your partner get into position with her hands firmly planted on the floor in front of her. Grab your partner by her hips, position her vagina over your penis, and then begin penetrating. This position could be slightly strenuous for your partner, but you can help her by holding most of her weight. She shouldn’t be fully supporting herself on her hands—her hands should only be used to steady herself.
While you’re both lying on your sides, effectively spooning, enter her from behind. To increase intensity, you can wrap your arms around her, holding her tightly. If for some reason you're noticing that you’re unable to penetrate her deeply, lean away from her. This allows you to reposition yourself to an angle where you can penetrate her more deeply.
Stand at the edge of a bed or desk while she lies back and raises her legs to her chest. Her knees are bent as if she's doing a "bicycling" exercise. Grab her ankles and enter her. Since this position allows for really deep penetration, make sure she’s warmed up, turned on, and well-lubricated before going all-in. You can also place her legs over your shoulders.
Last but certainly not least is classic missionary. In this staple, your partner lies on her back, and you crawl on top of her, facing her. From there, you can easily penetrate your partner. Not only does this position allow for deep penetration, it’s also a somewhat intimate position, since you can kiss and make sustained eye contact while having sex. You know what they say, “If ain’t broke, don’t fix it.” If this position is working for you and your partner, then keep at it.
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