Sexual Kink Definition

Sexual Kink Definition

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Mental Health

Addiction

Anxiety

ADHD

Asperger's

Autism

Bipolar Disorder

Chronic Pain

Depression

Eating Disorders

Personality

Passive Aggression

Personality

Shyness

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Low Sexual Desire

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We all harbor secrets. Some are big and bad; some are small and trivial. Researchers have parsed which truths to tell and which not to.

Posted January 22, 2019

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Reviewed by Jessica Schrader

The writer Jillian Keenan reflected, “Kink can be such an orienting force that, for many of us, it even overpowers gender . The term BDSM might be more familiar than kink to readers, especially those older than millennials. BDSM refers to 'consensual practices that involve, but are not limited to, bondage and discipline (B&D), dominance and submission (D&S), and sadomasochism (S&M) … [and] comprised of a power dynamic between partners enacted through various activities.'” (Gemberling et al., 2015.)
Today’s youths and young adults generally call BDSM kink: “engaging in behaviors that generate a certain power dynamic, experiencing attraction towards acts with a certain power dynamic, and adopting an identity that conveys a certain power dynamic.” (Keenan, 2014.) Kink thus contrasts with vanilla, conventional, or normative sex. Kink groups have formed on many college campuses to provide support and social activities to kinksters, and to provide information to the larger audience, including college administrators. Many groups give educational presentations to college classes and groups (e.g., sororities, fraternities, athletic teams) and to the community.
According to a large-scale survey a decade ago by Susan Wright, the most frequent kink behaviors engaged in by 75% to 90% of practitioners were bondage, discipline, dominance, submission, spanking , leather, role-playing, exhibitionism, polyamory , clothing fetish, and voyeurism.
In the public mind, kink is often equated with “weird sex,” which they don’t understand and usually don’t approve of. However, it is critical from a kink perspective that what kinksters do is not just about sex but, more importantly, about enhancing intimacy between partners. Thus, kink is usually a partnered rather than a solo activity. The sex heightens not only pain/pleasure but also the intimacy between partners. And, it is essential to remember that kink sex is always consensual sex.
The general public sometimes views such power-oriented activities as a sign of mental illness, a history of sexual abuse , bad parenting , or adherence to cultural crazies. As a result, some respond with harassment, violence, and discrimination . Kinksters report considerable negative effects from exposure to others who share adverse views that range from shaking heads to physical violence. In the Wright study, nearly 40% of respondents indicated that “they had either been discriminated against, had experienced some form of harassment or violence, or had some form of harassment or discrimination aimed at their BDSM-leather-fetish-related business.”
Science has yet to reach a consensus on BDSM’s nature and development. As psychologist Tess Gemberling and colleagues summarized:
"Specifically, although theories describing its origin abound, it remains unclear whether BDSM is best conceptualized as a sexual behavior, sexual attraction, sexual identity, and/or sexual orientation for those who practice for sexual purposes … Consistent with a sex-positive framework, BDSM may be best conceptualized as another form of sexual orientation for a percentage of practitioners."
Representing the prevailing view that kink is an orientation, Keenan argued:
"Kink is often so fundamental to our sexual identities that it has to be, at least in some cases, an orientation … Our orientation is so deeply rooted that many of us feel we were born with it. For us, kink mixes language, ritual, trust, power, pleasure, pain, and identity in a way that can’t be captured by a stereotype … If you accept this definition, then my kink is my sexual orientation. It’s not my choice. It’s not my illness. And it's definitely not my hobby."
That is, kink is both an identity (if recognized and accepted as such) and an orientation, which means one can hide it, not practice it, and renounce it—but it’s not going away. The implication for non-practitioners is that they need not fear being lured into a kink lifestyle.
The fact that kink appears so developmentally early in the lives of individuals is one piece of evidence suggesting kink is an orientation. I interviewed the 19-year-old Tait about his earliest memories—it was a dream he had at age 5 that he now sees as early proof of his adult kink.
"So I’m in this weird hospital room … It wasn’t explicitly sexual. Nothing actually sexual was happening, but I would file it under that. It was kind of this clean sterile hospital room. There were these hydrant-like things with these nozzles. Call it phallic if you want. Whatever. All very kind of alien and clinical. And there were these people who were walking around with these surgical masks and running things. There was me, he was a little small thing, and a bunch of other people. And we were all somehow on these toilet seats or something. And there was this plastic webbing that was keeping us there and we were stuck … But it was this really weird feeling that came over me. Like I wouldn’t necessarily say it was arousal but it was some kind of a stress mixed with fear and apprehension. I was like, ‘What am I doing here?' … And even to this day, the image, I have no clue where it came from necessarily."
Gemberling, T. M., Cramer, R., & Miller, R. S. (2015). BDSM as sexual orientation: A comparison to lesbian, gay, and bisexual sexuality. Journal of Positive Sexuality, 1, 56-62. Quote p. 56.
Keenan, J. (2014, August 18). Is kink a sexual orientation? Outward: Expanding the LGBTQ Conversation. http://www.slate.com/blogs/outward/2014/08/18/is_kink_a_sexual_orientat…
Wright, S. (2008). Second national survey of violence & discrimination against sexual minorities. National Coalition for Sexual Freedom. Quote p. 19. https://ncsfreedom.org/images/stories/pdfs/BDSM_Survey/2008_bdsm_survey…
Ritch C. Savin-Williams, Ph.D. , is Director of the Sex and Gender Lab at Cornell University.

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We all harbor secrets. Some are big and bad; some are small and trivial. Researchers have parsed which truths to tell and which not to.

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Plus tips on how to have safe, kinky sex.
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The term "fetish" may evoke images of black bodysuits and complicated sexual contraptions , but you may already be acting out some of the most common examples. ( Spanking , anyone?) What defines a fetish isn't what the activity or object of desire is so much as the role it plays in someone's life. "A fetish is typically referred to as behavior that someone cannot get sexually aroused without. Fetishes can also be a term people use to describe sexual arousal that is coupled with a typically non-sexual object," says sexologist and psychologist Denise Renye .
While people often use the terms "fetish" and "kink" interchangeably, a kink means an activity or behavior that someone enjoys that exists outside the "norm" of "traditional" sex, such as incorporating handcuffs or even balloons . Think of the differences this way: If someone's kink is bondage, they probably get incredibly excited when they're tied up. If someone has a bondage fetish , their entire sexuality may revolve around restraint. (There's also the category of turn-ons: things that simply arouse a person.)
When we think of kink, we often think of BDSM, which involves an erotic power exchange through dominance and submission. BDSM is kinky, but not all kinks fall under the BDSM umbrella. Renye adds that people often have more than one kink or one fetish, and there is often overlap: For instance, someone may engage in spanking as part of a role-playing scenario in which one partner is dressed up as a schoolgirl and the other like a professor. In such an instance, the scenario would involve role-play, impact play, and even age play.
Research suggests that perhaps half of us are interested in sexual activities outside the "norm," so if you're interested in trying any of the following, rest assured you're not alone. And of course, with any type of sex, acting on fetishes or kinks should always involve enthusiastic consent from all parties and safer sex practices, such as the use of condoms , to prevent unwanted pregnancies and STIs. You never have to try anything that's not attractive to you, but please refrain from kink shaming others. Remember, we're trying to dismantle sexual shame .
Ready to dive in? Here's a list of some of the most common fetishes and what they entail.
Impact play means spanking, flogging, paddling, and other forms of consensual striking. Spanking is often an easy and safe BDSM entry point that leads to exploring more, such as purchasing a crop to use with a partner. Impact play can range from a light slap on the bum to a crack of the whip.
As with any kink or fetish, it's important to negotiate boundaries beforehand. "Safety and comfort are the most important aspects of kink," says Renye. Do your homework before practicing impact play. Discuss the level of intensity you enjoy (or your partner enjoys), choose a safe word to shut down the action on a dime if need be, and learn what parts of the body are safe to impact. Stick with the meatier areas, like the ass and thighs, and avoid less protected areas where organs live, like the lower back.
You don't have to stop playing make-believe when you grow up. Role-playing means acting out a sexual fantasy with your partner(s), either once or as part of an ongoing fantasy. While it can be a fetish or kink within itself, it's also a healthy way to act out other fantasies. For instance, if you have a medical fantasy and are aroused by doctors, you probably don't actually want your doctor to get sexy with you, because that would be creepy and abusive. The beauty of role-playing is that you can have your partner dress up as a doctor and indulge your fantasy consensually in your own home.
A foot fetish involves a desire to worship feet through acts such as massage, kissing, and smelling. As professional dominatrix Goddess Aviva previously told Allure , it's an extremely common fetish. If your partner shares that they have a foot fetish, it may be initially jarring, but it's an opportunity for you to discuss a potentially exciting new part of your sex life together. (And, if you're into it, just think of all the foot massages headed your way!)
You don't need to have an anal fetish to engage in anal sex, but plenty of people do specifically get off on butt stuff. Anal play can range from adding a finger in the ass during penetrative vaginal sex to using butt plugs to having anal sex with a penis or a dildo.
While anal sex can be safe and wonderful, there is some prep work involved. Since the butthole is not self-lubricating and harbors bacteria that can lead to infection if transferred to the vagina, it’s important to stock up on lube and read up on ass etiquette before engaging in anal play. That includes safer sex precautions such as condom use . Start small and go slow, using fingers, anal toys, and plenty of lube before moving up to larger objects such as dildos or a penis.
Renye says that one of the most common fetishes centers on something that may be sitting inside your dresser right now: lingerie . "[This] may show up in sexual play between and among individuals who may not even consider themselves kinky or to have a fetish (or two or three)," she says. Again, while many people get aroused by sexy underwear, lingerie becomes a fetish when someone needs it to be present in a sexual scenario in order to fully engage or get off.
Group sex is getting it on with more than one person. If you've ever swiped on Tinder, you're likely aware that many couples are searching for a third, although group sex can mean more than just a threesome. An orgy is when a group of people of all genders have sex, while a " gang bang " typically refers to one person having sex with more than two members of another gender (while the term can have violent connotations, it's also used in the kink community to refer to consensual scenarios).
Sensation play can refer to a huge range of activities based on the receiving or withholding of different stimuli. For instance, one partner may blindfold the other to deprive them of their sense of sight, a form of sensory deprivation, or they may drag an ice cube along their skin, a form of sensation play known as temperature play.
Edging, in which the submissive partner is brought to the brink of climax and then forced to stop — often done repeatedly — is an example of orgasm control. The idea here is that for as long as you like, you let your partner take the reins and determine when and how you come. As with all of the activities here, anyone can engage in orgasm control regardless of their genitalia.
Bondage is when one partner restrains the other. You can bind your partner using objects you already have around, such as a belt, or purchase specialty kink items like handcuffs or hair accessories-turned-wrist ties. To engage in restraint play safely, establish boundaries and a safe word, emphasize consent and communication at every step, and start slow.
Some of the most intense sexual play takes place in the mind. Renye refers to psychological power play — a type of BDSM — as "mind control." Psychological play involves implementing a sexual power exch
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