Sexual Enjoyment With Stripper

Sexual Enjoyment With Stripper
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Katherine Feeney is a journalist with the Nine Network Australia. She is also one of Australia’s leading commentators on sex, love, dating and relationships via her popular blog CityKat。 Connect via Twitter or email .
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When women behave like animals and the world says “Yes!”
Last week, I wrote a story about a new version of an old pub that had opened in the heart of Brisbane’s justice precinct as a boobie-bar , as well as blogs about sex , sex toys and double standards.
Women are not always lady-like in the presence of strippers.
One reader cleverly combined the two themes in an email that presents today’s discussion topic:
When it comes to strippers, why are women able to get away with the sort of behaviour that would see blokes castrated?
Enjoy having a read of your column, but the entry today did remind me of something I have always wondered about.
I have been to strip shows aimed predominantly at men where the punters are mostly well behaved and keep their hands to themselves.
I have also seen a strip show by men aimed at women where the performers literally come out with scratches and their clothes torn from their female audience.
That would simply not be allowed in the reverse situation
I have never been sure why there is this difference in behaviour and often wondered if this is why woman don't like their men going to strip clubs as they think men behave in that manner.
Well, Mr Man, I too have been to strip clubs where women behave abominably – howling, screaming, scratching, tearing and objectifying the hell out of the bloke paid to shake his body in their wild-eyed faces. In this crowd I felt embarrassed to be a woman, embarrassed to be watching a strip show and embarrassed for the stripper who smiled through it all.
The same red-faced awkwardness was totally absent on the few occasions that I have visited strip clubs featuring women.
I think it has a lot to do with conventional sexual power dynamics and the skewed view on consent they present. Consent should be thought of in equitable terms – a takes-two-to-tango decree. But female consent has accrued more import than male consent, due to a historical imbalance of power and the assumption that men will never not say yes to sexual activity.
But in this age where equality is socially and politically supported, we shouldn’t let ancient patriarchal norms govern our views on consent anymore than we should pretend all men think, feel, act and desire the same (guys, you’re individuals, aren’t you?).
And while some men, maybe even most men, may think it quaint I suggest a woman should ask nicely before doing sex to them, and only do it if the answer is ‘yes’, the fact remains, even horny-as-hell blokes should think about being asked nicely first. It’s only manners. And manners are the cornerstone of civilised society.
Herein lies another theory of mine: women behave in an uncivilised manner around male strippers because, unlike men, they lack years of civilising experience with sexually provocative performance.
The whole idea that women can ogle male bodies, and desire them, publicly, is a notion that’s only recently crawled out of the deep pool of lusty carnal history.
Thus, women don’t have a history of entertaining courtesans in private dining rooms with friends to fall back on, hence, crude behaviour. And there’s also the fact women are generally pretty darn excited that Carrie and the gals made it OK to do what we probably always wanted to do, even before the Bronte sisters wrote out the sex fantasies of the weaker sex in all their broody, animal glory.
So perhaps women need to develop the same sort of gentlemen’s agreement that prevails among well bred blokes which insists upon decorous treatment of all, including those who strip for a living.
Men strippers vs women strippers, men stripper audiences vs female stripper audiences - same/different/how?
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ALSO Attention Melbourne: If you want to talk taboo live, with wine, come check out the curated conversation I'm staging with some bright sparks for the Fringe Festival next weekend. Info here.
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Tips to help you become a better man
Let’s be real for a second. There are two things that basically all men know and understand in this world.
Yes, we have all known those men who say things like ‘Oh, I would never date a stripper,’ or ‘Why would I want to date a girl anyone can have?’ etc. But we also know that a healthy percentage of these types are just guys who have not really gotten the opportunity.
Those of us who are honest with ourselves know that if we had to chance to date a dancer, we would be all in—100%.
And for those of you out there living to keep this dream alive, you may be happy to find out that it can be done. To some men, strippers may seem like mythological creatures that you never actually get to be with. You get to see them dance and tease, but that’s about it. But the truth is that this is not necessarily the case. Exotic dancers are people just like the rest of us, and many of them want to date and have relationships too.
So yes… if you actually apply yourself, go to clubs, meet new people, and put yourself out there enough, you may even get the chance to date one of these gorgeous, pole-dancing ladies. And if you do, here are 11 tips for dating a stripper that will help you to keep it cool and casual.
Some guys, when given the chance to see a stripper outside of work, just get shell-shocked. Because they have actually managed to score a date with a dancer, they end up not being sure how to proceed.
But be assured, the ladies who work the club at night are also humans during the day, and many of them live basically normal lives. Their work may be a party at times, but inside of almost every girl, stripper or not, is just a girl who wants a healthy relationship that she can feel fulfilled in.
She’s not just a stripper . She is a real human, just like you (except probably just a lot hotter) .
A lot of strippers have other gigs as well, with stripping being just another way to pull in some cash while the girl is either going to school, moving up the corporate ladder, or waiting for her big break at the day job she wants. Then again, some girls choose to make dancing a full-time gig.
Either way, she is probably not going to appreciate it if you get dramatic about what she does. If you can’t handle her dancing with other guys, giving lap dances, taking off her clothes, and making tips from other men—then you probably need to mature-up a bit before you are ready to date a girl in that line of work.
This actually goes for any relationship—but it is especially true if you are dating a beautiful exotic dancer . Yes, if she is dating you it is because she likes you , and you should not be insecure about that. But at the same time, this is a lady who is getting the attention of dozens, if not hundreds, of different men every night.
If you think a teacher or a bank-teller gets hit-on at work, just do the math. Your dancer girlfriend is not only hot, but she is also taking off her clothes and dancing for a room full of eager customers, ladies and gentleman alike.
So take care of yourself. Work out. Stay attractive. Work on yourself. Have your own identity. Work on your passions and stay successful at work. She is dating you for a reason, but that is no reason to suddenly let yourself go. If you think of this relationship as something permanent and let yourself go (eat too much fast food, gain weight, get lazy, etc.) , then you may very well find yourself shown up by a lot of men at the club who would love to spoil your lady outside of the workplace!
Some strippers want their boyfriend to come to the club and hang out. Sometimes, they will want to dance for you and show off. Some girls, on the other hand, would be very agitated if their boyfriend showed up to the place of employment—especially if he showed up unannounced. Some girls don’t mind if you come watch, but don’t want to dance for you while ‘on the clock’ if the two of you are dating.
And some clubs actually have rules against husbands or boyfriends visiting and hanging out while the girl is supposed to be working.
Every girl is a little bit different about this, so it is important to listen and to try to understand what she wants when it comes to boundaries with her job. If she tells you she doesn’t want you at her workplace while she’s working, take her seriously and don’t push her… unless you want to make her mad and risk ending the relationship.
If you tend to get jealous, but intellectually don’t mind the idea of her being a stripper, then it might be a better idea if you didn’t visit her at her workplace at all.
If she asks you not to come to her workplace, but you do anyway, you may have an argument on your hands—and you will likely not win it.
Yeah. In other words, respect her workplace boundaries and stay cool about it . This is part of her livelihood, and she might have specific wishes… and to be honest, that should not be so difficult to understand.
Some girls love to talk about their job as a dancer. But others would prefer to avoid it. Some dancers describe their job as a ‘waitressing’ gig because they want to keep it private… and as her dating partner, you should follow her lead where this is concerned.
You should definitely ask her if she wants to keep her job private . And if so, then you should respect that. Also, avoid bragging about ‘dating a stripper’ to your friends. Yes, she is a dancer and you may be proud of her—but if you are not careful, she might get the feeling that you view her more as an object than a person, and that is not a good way to feel.
Dating a dancer can sometimes seem like this ‘big thing’ that is difficult to wrap your head around at first. But over time, it will come to be like anything else that a girl would do for money. She will have her shifts, she will work them, and she will get paid for her work. Outside of that, her life is likely very normal.
If you end up dating for long enough, you will probably find a pattern of normalcy and almost forget that stripping is not a normal part of life for every couple!
Remember that she probably plays a character at work that is not really her, and remember that while she may enjoy what she does, she probably does not want to be that person when she gets home. So support her in this and give her the room and freedom to be who and what she wants to be… regardless of where she is or what she is doing. If you really end up caring about each other, you will both respect each other and treat each other with kindness… and it will work out just fine.
One of the number-one things that strippers say about men in the club is that they can always tell which ones have a true emotional attachment, and which ones are just out for sex.
So if you are truly interested in dating a stripper, remember to keep the focus on her as a person … not on her as a dancer. Sure, dancing is sexy. But at the same time, you will leave a much greater impact and make a much better first impression if you actually listen to what she says, take it to heart, and take it seriously.
At the end of the day, dancers are just like most other women. They want to be appreciated, cared for, understood, and respected.
If you have gotten to the point where you have met, gotten to know, and started dating a girl who dances at a club, then congrats! But remember that this is not how the story ends. You need to keep working on yourself. You need to have your own life, your own goals, and your own projects that you are pursuing.
This will help you to be a happier, healthier human—but it will also help to keep her interested and keep the relationship more equal. As a dancer, she is likely going to have a very exciting work life filled with drama, gossip, crazy stories, and all kinds of fun and weird nonsense going on almost all the time.
It’s a club! She literally works at a full-time party as a dancer!
So try to balance this by making sure that you have your own life together. If you start to get insecure about the fact that her life seems ‘more fulfilling’ or ‘more exciting’ than yours, then you are likely headed for problems.
If you met her at the club, then she was probably wearing a sexy little outfit, complete with tall heels and enough makeup to make her eyelashes look otherworldly. But remember that this is all part of the job. Her life is not going to be glamorous all the time, and she is not going to be dressed up ‘all sexy’ all the time.
So be ready to appreciate her in flip flops, Uggs, big t-shirts, messy hair, and jean shorts when she is not at work—because the reality is that most of her life is spent wearing ‘normal’ clothes like every other girl.
If you end up dating a stripper, then remember that you are dating a real, living, breathing woman —not scoring a deal for free lap dances and ‘sexual favors’ whenever you want them.
In fact, your girlfriend might not even want to give you lap dances. She might give so many every night at work that she no longer associates them with intimacy, sexiness, or even ‘fun.’
So be thoughtful about this, and try to care about her the way she wants and needs to be cared for. If she doesn’t feel like acting like a stripper away from the club, be understanding of that.
At the end of the day, a girl who dances is just another girl who wants to be treated with kindness. Yes, she might be sexy, and she might be a knockout in heels and a little dress—and she might know how to be tough with her clients if they break the rules.
But that does not mean that she is not still sensitive on the inside. Some dancers have to learn to be tough because they deal with jerks every night. So when you get right down to it, they might appreciate genuine, heartfelt kindness even more than most girls would .
So remember to be kind and treat her well. If you stick with that plan, there isn’t much that can go too wrong!
Joshua Sigafus is an experienced writer trying to make the world a better place. You can reach out to him on Facebook .
Before we begin this discussion, it is important to get one really important question out…
Dating isn’t always easy—especially for guys (or girls) who haven’t done a lot of it!…
Whether you’re dating to find ‘Mrs. Right,’ looking to have a successful casual dating experience,…
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Ba da boom . . . ba da boom! Carrying the badge of former stripper is always a great conversation starter.
And as a writer, I've written extensively about my experiences working in the adult entertainment business. Overall, my reflections tend to focus on the negative aspects of the career because there certainly are a lot of reasons for a woman to not go into this line of work.
But what both men and women really want to know when my past comes up is — what did I enjoy about stripping? For men, it seems like they want to hear how hot and sexy my days were, so they
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