Sex With Best Friend

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It’s more common to think about having sex with your best friend than you might realize because it’s not one of those things that people commonly talk about. However, actually acting on those thoughts is a different thing altogether.
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For this post, we’ll assume that your best friend is a guy. Hey, it happens! If your BFF is a woman, you might have a whole other slew of issues to deal with.
Are you simply horny? Perhaps you’ve had a dry spell. You might not have time to look for new sex or dating partners. If you could simply have sex with a friend, even your best friend, it would make things a hell of a lot easier. And since all you want it sex, you think you’re safe from developing feelings. If it’s a one-and-done, the risk might really be pretty low.
Sometimes we fall into the trap of trying to, well, trap someone by having sex with them. If you can foster a sexual connection with someone, perhaps a romantic connection will follow. We won’t lie: sometimes that happens.
But if you secretly have feelings for someone, it’s usually unwise to have sex with them and hope that something comes with it. You’re better off having a discussion than having sex. Then, your bestie can let you know how he feels, and you can either act on your feelings or work on getting over them.
Perhaps you don’t have feelings for your best friend, but you crave intimacy, and sex certainly provides a certain form of intimacy. But if you want a relationship, you might be better off dedicating your time and effort looking for someone who wants to be in an equal relationship with you where you’ll share genuine caring and connection.
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Most people would never consider sleeping with their best friends. But occasionally we have what turns out to be a pretty unusual – or bad – idea because of where our head is. It might be that you’re drunk or high. Or you might be grieving, stressed out or otherwise not yourself.
Once you get back to your normal headspace, which might require you to sober up or even partake in a little therapy, you might be shocked that you even considered having sex with your best friend. Or you may realize that it’s really not that bad of an idea after all.
You might realize the risks you run when thinking about sleeping with your best friend, but what about the benefits?
The knowledge you have of each other outside the bedroom might translate into the bedroom. And anyone who has struggled because of the sexual learning curve can see why that would be a plus.
Your best friend is likely to understand the way you experience anxiety and stress you have at work. He also knows your friends and family, which might be a positive or a negative depending upon the way you look at it.
Furthermore, because you know your best friend, you don’t have to look for someone to have sex with. You can skip clubbing, bar hopping or swiping on Tinder because there’s a potential sexual partner right there – if he’s interested.
Some guys will tell you that if they have female friends, they’ve considered having sex with them. Very few guys would be offended by the suggestion (assuming they’re single and straight). This is one reason why people say that you can’t be just friends with a guy, but some people argue otherwise.
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Of course, he may not be attracted to you or see you so platonically that the thought hasn’t crossed his mind. That might mean you need to figure out how to escape the friend zone.
This might actually be an extension of knowing each other well, but comfort is an important factor when it comes to enjoying sex, especially for women. But you’re comfortable around your best friend, so you can skip that awkward stage where you’re getting to know one another and get right to gettin’ down.
Sometimes all we need is one good romp to stop our brains from obsessing over sex. Then, you can go back to that project at work or even dating without struggling to stop thinking about sex.
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Being sexually inexperienced can cause a lot of anxiety about sex ( more on sexual anxiety ). There might be a good looking fellow who you want to have sex with but are afraid to approach because you haven’t had sex with many people. Enter your best friend, who gives you a helping hand.. or two.
Of course, you might remember a certain plot line in the show FRIENDS. In an alternate universe, Chandler and Monica were just friends, and he steps in to be her first sexual partner. She feels a boost of confidence after finally giving a guy her virginity, which she calls her “flower,” but Chandler finds himself jealous of the man she was practicing for. This leads us to our next point.
Of course, there are! That’s why you’re reading this post about having sex with your best friend rather than already jumping his bones. The first risk is a given.
Even if you don’t have feelings for your best friend, having sex with him could cause them to arise. That’s one of the cons to any friends with benefits relationship ( learn more about being friends with benefits ). Despite having rules and setting boundaries, one of you is bound to develop feelings. If the other does, too, that can be good.
Of course, if you develop feelings even if you’re not compatible, it might lead to a messy breakup. And that’s never good.
But if it’s one-sided? You might feel resentful, feel used or want more from this relationship than your best friend is willing to give. And this is a problem because it is your best friend, after all.
The one thing that prevents many people from having sex with their best friend is the risk that doing so will ruin the friendship. You’ll wind up without a sexual partner and without a best friend. If the support your best friend provides you is more significant, then adding sex to the mix might just be too risky. Can you deal with it if your best friend suddenly isn’t your best friend anymore?
You might not be jeopardizing your friendship entirely if you have sex with your best friend, but you might risk decreasing the quality. Think about the sort of things you would talk to your best friend about. Those subjects probably include sex and the sexual or romantic partners in your life. But if that person is your best friend, you’ll need to find someone else to talk to.
It can go further than that, however. You might feel fine messaging your bestie sixteen times in a row or at all times of the day. That’s what best friends are for, right? But when you’re having sex with each other, it’s easy to over-analyze your interactions and feel yourself being needy. On the hand, you might find that you need space from your friend because you’re now doing the dirty.
This might mean you are less close with your best friend and you’re both unsure when to communicate or even how to do it!
If you do let people in on the fact that you’re thinking about or actually having sex with your best friend, you might receive some ire. People are likely to condemn you for making such a “foolish” decision. Others might encourage you to begin a relationship even if that’s not what you want.
This doesn’t mean that you can’t tell anyone, but you should choose someone who can be supportive and balanced without issuing judgment on you and your bestie. And it might be necessary to find someone to whom you can speak about this big thing.
Bad sex is an unfortunate fact of life. Sometimes it’s the first time ( get tips for first time sex ) and things will improve as you get to know each others’ desires and bodies. But sometimes you’re just not sexually compatible. So what do you do if the sex with your best friend is bad? If you never want to have sex with them again?
This situation has the potential be be super awkward. You might not know how to tell him. One of you might wind up with hurt feelings. Looking someone in the eye after you’ve had sex can sometimes be awkward, but if the sex was bad and he’s your best friend, it could be mortifying.
Despite the risks, some people decide to go ahead and have sex with their best friends. Only you can make that decision. Once you’ve decided to go ahead and do it, how do you get to the point where you’re doing it?
You might be upfront with your best friend and say something like “Hey, I haven’t had sex for a while and I know you haven’t, either. How about we scratch that itch together?” Perhaps you simply go in for a kiss or grope when you’re physically close to your friend.
You might bring flirting into your relationship to see if he picks up on the cues. Be prepared that he might not pick up on those signals or, even worse, he does but isn’t interested.
For some people, alcohol or certain drugs might lower inhibitions and can lead to sex.. Beware that you might regret decisions that you make while under the influence – and may not be able to legally consent. However, if the two of you are okay with a little social lubricant, a glass of wine might be just what the doctor ordered. In fact, alcohol is how some best friends wind up having sex, to begin with.
If this isn’t going to be a spontaneous decision, you probably want to talk about your expectations and desires to ensure you’re on the same page. Is this a one-time thing? How will you deal with feelings? So on and so forth.
Don’t forget safer sex practices such as using birth control and condoms, especially if either of you has other problems.
Specify rules for contact after sex. For some people, this will be easier than for others.
Finally, figure out what you’ll tell future partners. Will they know that you once slept with your best friend? Partners can feel jealous of close friends by default, especially if those friends are of the opposite gender (or the same gender if you’re bi or gay). Adding to the fact that you have carnal knowledge of your bestie, and you could be opening up a big can of worms.. with a partner whom you might not even have met yet!
Sometimes, despite all the risk, you’ve just got to have sex with your best friend and see how – and where – it goes. You can minimize some of these risks by following our advice before sleeping with your best friend, but you cannot eliminate any of them completely.
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I just think it’d makes things awkard
I agree because afterwards, there’s always that “what have I done”
matter.
I had sex with my best friend. It was probably the best sex I’ve ever had. We were clear up front that this was a scratch and itch kind of thing and that it wasn’t a “relationship”. It was purely about the physical contact. I don’t regret it and I’d do it again in a second. It really is about where the two people are at though, it could be disastrous of expectations were different.
My best friend recently admitted his feelings for me and yes I have those same feelings for him. He tells me I am beautiful and has always been attracted to me. It takes so much for me not to think of him all the time. I can just pictures the two of us together. I want to act on this because I think there is more than just sex with this.
I have had sex with my best friend and I still do, it’s something we ‘ve tried to stop but it still happens. We both enjoy it so very much but I wouldn’t do it if he had someone with him or even have him in my house.The truth is we have developed something strong.
In the same situation. Just recently started to have sex with my best friend and it amazing. Tried to stop numerous times but it extremely hard when it feels so good. Also, going thru a pandemic doesn’t make it better.
YES the freaking pandemic!! I recently did this and we did drink, but talked about it before having sex. That it cannot ruin our friendship. But there is absolutely that added component of covid! You don’t want to go around exchanging fluids with people, especially ones that aren’t in your “bubble” during the pandemic.
I started to feel extreme sexaul wanting of my best friend. I’m unsure wether I should ask her to have sex or not. Or even if it’s good idea to do it
I want to have sex with my bestfriend i just dont know how to ask her shes also a virgin. I think she has also a desire on me I noticed it whenever we talked about sexy things.
My best friend and I were high school sweethearts when I was 15 and he was 17. We dated for a year and then dated again when I was 18, for 6 months. We never had sex, I was a virgin during that time. We broke up and I didn’t see him again for 32 years. We started talking again in January and finally met up 8 months ago. We have become best friends and spend a lot of time together, although now we have sex quite often, and it’s amazing! Makes me wonder why we waited so long, lol.
How to tell my friend that I need to have sex with him
I my best friend ask me questions like. Would I settle down if I met the right women some day …… but question all time like that. And we talk 24/7 I never get tired of hanging out with her and son ….. we been friends since 2 grade and I’m 29 now. I attached to her. Both her personality and she’s beautiful but she says she don’t wanna mess our friendship up. Being together but I really wanna have sex with her. But I would be with her tho. . But. Should I just lose thought of having sex with with her and not mess up our friendship or should I just tell her i wanna fuck her so bad. … I don’t want nobody to know. And i know she thinks I’m attractive too. I just don’t know please. Comment
I think maybe you shoudn’t coz it has been more than 20 years since when you both became friends, and what if this bonded friendship is ruined just for this. I know the urge to tell her but what can we do now brother…I also have feelings for my best friend tho but I am in the same situation. We have been friends since the last 2 years and we are very close to each other and share everything. I don’t think I should tell her, I am not sure if I ever find someone else like after loosing such a sweetheart. I want us to remain friends forever but I won’t mind either if she wants to have sex with me tho.
My friend wants to hookup and if it goes good then keep doing it. He’s just out of a relationship and we’ve been talking A LOT. Everyday at least some. Well we’ve been talking about hooking up for a couple months now but it hasn’t happened. Well now it seems like it’s about to actually happen and just an FYI I’m also a guy. I came out to him and he’s been great, but like I’m worried this will affect our friendship since we have gotten closer since I came out to him. But I already have him on my mind 24/7 and I really like him. But I don’t know how he feels and I’m too worried or not sure how to ask him what he thinks of me? So I want to do this but I’m also concerned about the consequences and I do have feelings for him. Any advice?
Hi Guy, are you sure he’s also into guys? My advice is to make very small moves and judge his reaction. If he’s into those small moves keep moving forward. If not, then it sounds like it’s not to be.
If you decide to have sex with your best friend. Make sure you do it right and make sure you take your time. I’ve recently had sex with my HS. we broke when I was 16 due to military reason. 13 years later we finally met again and had sex. It didn’t go as well as we both taught. Also she also was bisexual so it was iffy. Yet our friendship is not the same. The conversation aren’t the same and now we barley even talk unless I call Her. It’s risk I wouldn’t take but yet if it’s amazing. It’ll lead to a long lasting relationship I belive
I had a really close friend that I had sex with. We both got really slammed one night and it just happened. That basically killed our friendship, I wish we hadn’t done it.
Kinda of how I’m feeling now. Only difference is, I actually have had feelings for him for a while just never acted on them. Treated him like a best guy friend. Now, I want to spend some time with him, but we haven’t even really communicated since that night. I said it would mess up our friendship but I don’t know. We always have fun when we did even small things and I don’t know what to even do now.
Rock and a hard place, my best friend is the younger sister of something like my high school sweetheart. I lost touch of the older sister ,long time ago. Never lost touch with younger one. Its been a very long time. We both express our feelings and for the most part I think it’s mutual. But I don’t think the attraction goes both ways. Only because I think that she is very beautiful. WHAT TO DO.
This is the big question! Do you value your friendship more than a potential relationship? Are you willing to risk losing your friendship?
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